by Ricarda Huch
Lyu also said that, in his opinion, Papa’s life was not currently in danger; the situation will perhaps only become critical when sentence is actually passed on the students. Our servants are utterly loyal, he added, and that’s why we shouldn’t be too worried about Papa. I had asked him about this because he was so unusually serious and pensive. He said he’d realized he would have to leave us as soon as possible and this made him sad. He would have left anyway, but now he was bringing the date forward. The discrepancy between his ideas and Papa’s was too great, he said, and thus he could not regard their cooperation as seemly. I’ve tried to dissuade him.
At any rate I’m staying here to provide a little distraction for Mama and Papa; I feel sorry for them. Jessika is just in love. Thank goodness I am not; it’s a ghastly way to be. Behave decently, darling, to spare Papa any inconveniences at this time.
Velya
YEGOR VON RASIMKARA TO MRS DEMODOV
Kremskoye, 23rd June
Dear Madam,
If your son had insulted or attacked me personally, it would not have required your intercession for me to forgive unconditionally the offence on account of his youth and impetuosity. Regrettably, it is not a private individual you have appealed to, but a representative of the government, and as such I cannot be magnanimous, for when it comes to the state what counts are not feelings, but utility and necessity. For his benefit as well as that of his parents, I gave the young man, whose views were known to me, sufficient warning. By ignoring my warning, he declared his intention to accept the consequences of his actions. I trust that he himself will neither beg for mercy nor reproach the government for its severity.
Only if I were able to grant your plea, Madam, would I perhaps have the right to tell you how much I sympathize with your situation. Please allow me nevertheless to tell you that I would be very grateful for the opportunity to prove my genuine and painful compassion in deed.
Yours faithfully, Yegor von Rasimkara
LYU TO KONSTANTIN
Kremskoye, 24th June
Dear Konstantin,
The letter I placed beneath Mrs von Rasimkara’s pillow affected her greatly. She did not find it until the morning, having slept on it all night. This is what unsettles her most, as well as the question of how the letter got there in the first place. And yet she is composed; she is convinced that her husband is doomed, that nobody can alter his fate, and now she is waiting for the inevitable to occur. But this is a disposition that can be banished by other dispositions, or it is a fundamental awareness over which the day surges time and again. The governor is almost impervious to the shocking, and moreover inexplicable, incident. Without delay he gave a negative response to Mrs Demodov’s plea. I cannot detect a change in him, but he has been suffering for some time on account of his daughter Katya’s behaviour. He does not seem to think it possible that he might be in serious danger; at any rate he does not wish to think it possible.
I predicted that it would come to this. I would have gladly saved this unflinching, imperturbable man; for too long, perhaps, I entertained the possibility that I could do so. If I have suffered from hubris, I may be cured of this by the experiences I have amassed in this house. I realize that only God can change a man, or not even God! This could console my pride. We have as little power over people as we do over the stars; we see them rise and set according to their engrained laws. It will not be much longer now; there is no way out. I myself would prefer it to be over soon.
KATYA TO VELYA
Petersburg, 25th June
Velya, I don’t believe you’ve ever been fully awake since you were born. Please finally wake up! I am being criticized from all sides. I can accept this from others, but from you? Outrageous! What am I doing wrong? Papa has his ideas and I have mine. Why does he have a greater right to live by his than I do? His are more damaging than mine, I believe. After all, I’m not killing anybody. Because he is older than me, perhaps? A fine reason: at most his age counts against him. But I certainly love him as much as you do, probably more than you. You don’t even understand that Lyu cannot remain in the house if he holds the sorts of views he expressed to you. We may believe that Papa is wrong, and that ultimately we cannot blame the opposing party if they kill him, but this is very different from a stranger articulating the same thoughts. What do we actually know about Lyu? I know that he is completely unscrupulous. This naturally impresses you; it impressed me to begin with too. It may even be estimable – perhaps you lack scruples as well, perhaps I may have as few as he – but it’s all the same to me: he must not stay in our house any longer. Can you not see that he would be quite happy to have father killed? At least keep your eyes open and watch out! I felt greatly unnerved when I read your letter. He fixes his icy eyes on Papa and thinks: they would actually be in the right if they were to kill you. Why is he there at all? Surely you realize that he’s not the right man for Jessika. Besides, he doesn’t even want to marry her; he’s only making her unhappy. Mama must understand the story with Jessika too, and of course she mustn’t know about the other thing so she doesn’t start worrying. Now listen to me: you mustn’t hold him back; on the contrary, you have to say, ‘Yes, go at once. You ought to have done it long ago!’ If you were a man you’d have already told him that he needs to leave the house for Jessika’s sake. Be a man for once! Unfortunately Papa sees and hears nothing; it would actually be better if in his professional life he played the role he plays at home, and vice versa, for then both the family and the people would be content. Poor man, he sacrifices himself to his inflated sense of duty – and yet there’s something beautiful about such ridiculousness. I don’t know which I like better, this or Lyu’s unscrupulousness. Oh well, Papa is Papa and that is why he acts as he does. We must watch over him and you must vouch for him, do you hear?
Katya
LUSINYA TO TATYANA
Kremskoye, 26th June
Dear Tatyana,
It is as if you took the sun away with you; we’ve only had horrible rainy days since. That day you arrived was such a surprise, and how carefree and bright it was! We won’t have another one like that for a long time. When we moved out here in May, I thought only of the time before me, which I imagined would be indescribably happy, having Yegor all to myself, far away from business and worries. I felt as if there would be nothing to follow this. I expect one always feels like this when anticipating such a happy time; happiness seems eternal although, on the contrary, it can only be fleeing. Now I realize that the summer will pass and that, even before it’s over, the time will come when we must return to the city and the trial will start, with all its attendant horrors for us and others.
Yegor will not escape the mass and energy of the hatred that has accumulated towards him. If only they knew the man! But they know only his deeds. And is the man not measured by his deeds? O God, I promised myself that I wouldn’t judge. There is so much to weigh up on both sides that I could easily be wrong. Only – and this I know for certain – Yegor would never act out of innate cruelty or a thirst for revenge; he has always believed he is doing the right thing, and it has often been difficult for him. Maybe he’s wrong, but the fact that he can be mistaken makes him no less dear to me. He places the highest value on the prevailing order and legitimate power. My inclinations would have taken me in a different direction, but that makes me no better than him. It’s in the blood: he inherited different blood from his ancestors than I did from mine.
O Tatyana, I have a heavy heart! Wherever I look, all is dark, so uniformly dark that it has already occurred to me that it may be my eyes which can no longer see the light. But tell me, where can I find something good, some comfort? How will the conflict with the children end? They are merely following their inclinations, proud that they are barely paying attention to us. Do all people have to experience this? Well, perhaps we made our parents experience something similar, but that doesn’t make this any less bitter.
Fear is the worst. I think that fear has unnerved me so much that
I can no longer take pleasure in anything, nor can I even summon any from myself. I am permanently afraid, day and night, even when I’m asleep. That is the worst. I bet you cannot imagine how it is to sleep and dream, all the while being tortured by fear. Ever since I found that letter beneath my pillow I feel like someone condemned to death who doesn’t know when the sentence will be carried out. The murderer must have come through the open window, you see, having crept up the outside of the house like a snake. He must have stood beside my bed, very close, and slipped the letter under the pillow. He must have arrived silently, really like a snake; you remember, don’t you, that when Lyu came into our room that time I woke immediately. I expect the man was holding a knife or a rope and could have murdered Yegor on the spot, but he wanted to give him a deadline, or at that moment he didn’t have the heart to do it, or he just wanted to keep us on tenterhooks. Every successive night could be the one when he returns to carry out the deed.
And why didn’t Lyu hear anything? Well, why should he have heard any more than we did, given that it all happened right next to us? In the face of this catastrophe even his vigilance is ineffective. He seems to be quite a changed man since that night, serious and withdrawn, but these words fail to describe adequately his character. I am certain he is suffering from not being able to achieve what he had promised and what I believed him capable of. It must disturb him deeply. He can see that we are a lost cause. He does not want to be present. Or what if he cannot protect us because he mustn’t? Because of the views he holds. Has he perhaps seen and recognized those who are hunting Yegor? Has he recognized friends amongst them? Or some people he deems to be more important than us? This suspicion – no, not a suspicion, a train of thought – will seem like madness to you. It would never have occurred to me if I didn’t have his strange presence before my eyes. There is something mysterious about him. Occasionally, when his gaze alights on Yegor and myself, I feel a shudder. I have nothing to reproach him for; the sympathy I feel for the man speaks volumes for him. If it is true that he could protect us and yet doesn’t think he should, then he believes himself to be right. O God, everybody is right, all those who hate and kill and malign others – O God, what a world we live in! What convolution! In the end the victor will be the one for whom it is disentangled.
I admit that my nerves are overwrought. In these circumstances it is excusable, don’t you think, Tatyana? Yegor is completely without fear. I love him so much; I believe I have never loved him as I do now. That is happiness too. I know that I am happy compared to many, many other women; but a black curtain hangs before this knowledge. Will a good wind come along and tear it away? Think of me, darling.
Yours, Lusinya
VELYA TO KATYA
Kremskoye, 27th June
Katinka, my little dove, what nonsense are you writing about my sleeping and waking? And about Lyu’s unscrupulousness and Papa’s sense of duty, which impress you in turns? Father, Thy will be done! If you had a keen psychological eye, you would have noticed that Lyu is a theoretician; it is not his inclination to act. He thinks that certain people would be in the right if they killed Papa. Is this new? Of course they would be in the right. When they planned to blow up the Tsar last year we were also agreed that they were in the right, and yet they didn’t carry it out. Which means you could also think me possible of killing Father. One doesn’t do something like that even though one may think it an excellent idea in theory or endorse it; as a civilized being one is prevented from doing it. The simple fact of the matter is that you’re still jealous. I’d have thought better of you. Love makes all women stupid and petty. I grant it would be better for Jessika’s sake if Lyu were to leave. I like only to be in love myself; in others I cannot stand it as it makes them ridiculous. For Jessika it has become an affliction. That means I can imagine that other people find it delightful; even I sometimes feel it is like a blossoming cherry tree in flames. A beautiful thing in itself, but when I think that she is a human being and my sister, I find it silly. I also told Lyu that the matter has run its course and it would be good if it now came to an end. He was in complete agreement and said he’d long been toying with the idea of leaving our house; he just wanted to be sure that Mama was happy for him to go. You can see how wrong you are. Perhaps he will accompany us abroad; that will only work of course if you behave sensibly. He cannot marry every woman who falls in love with him, you silly thing! Would I have done that? As far as you’re concerned there’s absolutely no need for you to marry. You’re a frightfully sweet darling, but you’d be ridiculous as a wife and mother.
Velya
LYU TO KONSTANTIN
Kremskoye, 29th June
Dear Konstantin,
I have asked Mrs von Rasimkara to release me. I told her that the episode with the letter had convinced me that my presence here was useless. I had been racking my brains day and night, trying to establish how it could have happened, but had arrived at no conclusion. Nobody could have come through the window, I said, for I would have heard it. In my opinion the servants were above suspicion; I regarded them as unswervingly loyal. She interrupted me, saying animatedly that on this point she had no doubts. I said the only possibility was that a servant could have done it under hypnosis. Even so, this was improbable. She was greatly interested in this idea and we discussed it for a while. In any case, she said, she wanted to let the matter with the letter rest; nothing would come of it. Her husband had no intention of starting an actual investigation; he tended to ignore threatening letters, attaching little importance to them. Till now, she added, events had proved him right. I neither disputed this nor agreed with her. At any rate, I said, the situation had reached the point where she no longer needed me, whether this was because there was no danger or because I could not guarantee that I would be capable of averting it.
She asked me where I was thinking of going and what I was planning to do. I said I wished to complete my work; this was the most important thing as far as I was concerned. If I made peace with my father I would stay at home for the time being; he had recently written me a conciliatory letter. Otherwise I would find refuge with a friend. She said that she and her husband owed me their gratitude and that I must permit them to assist me if I needed help. This would not be a good deed, but the repayment of a debt. She was earnest, gracious, so incredibly refined. If it suited me, she said, I was free to go immediately, but if I were unsure about my next move, I should stay as long as I liked. I said I wanted to try to come to an understanding with my father and I would be grateful to her if I could take advantage of her hospitality for another fortnight; the matter would be resolved by then. I wanted to kiss her hand, which is very beautiful, but then remembered what I am intending to do to her, so left it.
My impression was that she was pleased by my announcement, for Jessika’s sake, I expect. I even believe she thinks that it is on account of Jessika that I consider it my duty to leave, and this is why she feels such gratitude towards me. Farewell!