Daring in the Dark

by Jennifer Labrecque

  She winced. She’d known Elliott to be thoughtless often but never cruel. “If I thought he loved me, you know I’d fight.”

  Elliott smirked like the cat who’d just swallowed the canary. “I found out this morning Simon’s kept a big secret from me.”

  “Yes?”

  “I knew Simon was in love with someone, I just didn’t know who. And he’s not the kind of guy you press for details like that. And, well, I can be a little caught up in my own life, so I really hadn’t pursued it very hard.”

  Was that a glimmer of self-awareness on his part? “You know, there is hope that you’re not a total narcissist.”

  Richard sniggered but Elliott ignored her comment.

  “I found out this morning just who Simon’s mystery woman is.”

  Her heart shattered. Knowing Simon loved someone else was one thing. But really knowing…

  “I thought you hadn’t talked to him,” she said.

  “I haven’t, darling. But a picture’s worth a thousand words. Remember our engagement party at the gallery?”

  “Of course I remember it. It was only two months ago and I planned it.” Why did Elliott have to spin everything out? “Does everything have to be a drama with you? Can’t you just get on with it? Who is she?”

  “All in good time, Tawny. Indulge me for a moment. Richard took photos that night at our engagement party. We were looking back through them this morning.”

  Richard pulled a photo out of a padded envelope she hadn’t noticed before and handed it to Elliott. Elliott passed it on to her. “What do you think?”

  Simon, obviously unaware he was being captured on film, stared at someone off-camera. The stark longing etched on his face, the tenderness and pain in his eyes, felt like a knife to her heart. The expression on his face, in his eyes, was so private, so personal, she felt intrusive even looking. Richard had captured both the beauty and the sorrow of love. She looked away.

  “I’d say that’s the face of a man passionately in love,” she said past the lump in her throat.

  She felt sick. If that was at her engagement party, chances were she knew the woman he so deeply loved. Or perhaps not. Most of the guests had been Elliott’s business acquaintances. It’d been a good opportunity for him to garner exposure for the gallery.

  How could Elliott look so pleased when she felt like barfing?

  “I agree,” he said. “That was taken with a zoom lens. Richard took this one with the regular lens.” He passed her another photo. “Take a look at the love of his life.”

  Tawny steeled herself to look down. The picture fluttered to the table, out of her nerveless fingers. Stunned, she stared at the photo of herself sitting alone at a table. Everyone had gotten up to dance and she’d needed a few minutes at the table alone. Simon sat one table over.

  That yearning, that passion, was directed at her.

  “But that’s me,” she whispered.

  “Yeah. As I said, a picture’s worth a thousand words. He loves you,” Elliott said with a triumphant smirk.

  Shock numbed her. “But it doesn’t make any sense. This morning I told him how I felt, I told him I loved him, and he just walked away.”

  Elliott nodded. “He would.”

  “But why? I told him I loved him. He let me think he was in love with someone else and essentially told me to have a nice life.”

  “Ever since I’ve known him he’s been emotionally neglected. Letitia and Charles aren’t bad people and they’re not cruel. And I think they’ve finally figured out what they did and want to make amends for it. They always had one another and Simon was left on his own. Thank God for his grandparents. If it hadn’t been for them… But Simon’s totally convinced he’s unlovable.”

  She’d drawn similar conclusions from the little he’d told her about his childhood. But how could he possibly think himself unlovable? “Has he ever told you he’s unlovable?”

  “He doesn’t have to. I’m falling back on clichés this morning, but if a picture’s worth a thousand words, actions speak louder than words. He holds everyone at arm’s length. I’ve been thinking a lot about Simon since we were at the hospital last night. I don’t think he was always this way, although he was when I met him. I think when he was a kid, his parents just kept shutting him out and he finally decided it hurt less if he was the one who closed the door. His parents. Jillian, a girl from England. You. Even me sometimes.”

  It began to make a sad sort of sense. “Jillian married his cousin.”

  Elliott’s eyebrows shot up. “You know about Jillian?”

  “He mentioned her last night.”

  “I’m amazed.”

  “So, how did Jillian wind up married to his cousin?”

  “She said once she got to know him, that he wasn’t her cup of tea,” Elliott said.

  As suddenly as they’d gone out, without fanfare the lights blinked back on.

  “Well, I guess I just shed some light on everything,” Elliott drawled.

  It was corny and Tawny rolled her eyes but laughed nonetheless. “Things are looking brighter by the minute.”

  “Oh. That was so bad. I think I’ll excuse myself to your well-lit bathroom on that one.”

  Elliott stood and left the room.

  Simon loved her. Her. Not some nameless, faceless, skinny paragon. He loved her! If she didn’t understand his twisted logic, she might be tempted to pinch his head off for walking out on her this morning.

  Already her apartment felt ten degrees cooler, which she knew was impossible. Perhaps it was that her heart felt so much lighter.

  Richard cleared his throat and Tawny jumped. She’d forgotten all about him.

  “I owe you an apology. It was wrong…. I was wrong….” He sighed. “This isn’t coming out right. I’m not saying being gay is wrong. I can’t believe loving someone is wrong. But for it to happen the way it did…while you were still engaged…I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for any pain I’ve caused you. I don’t expect you to be my friend, but for Elliott’s sake, I don’t want to be your enemy.”

  Tawny busied herself with walking around the room blowing out candles. She straightened from the last candle and looked at Richard. There was no animosity in his blue eyes, merely a guarded wariness. “I don’t believe the end justifies the means, but better that Elliott discovered this now than after we were married.” She paused and smoothed her fingers down the front of her shorts. “I’m not sure I can be your friend, but I’m not your enemy.” She looked him square in the eye. “Unless you hurt Elliott—then all bets are off.”

  Richard blinked, obviously surprised. A smile crooked his mouth and he nodded. “Fair enough.”

  Elliott returned from the bathroom and looked from one to the other. “I feel as if I’m interrupting something.”

  “I’m just filling him in on all of your bad qualities, but I haven’t had nearly enough time,” Tawny said.

  Elliott feigned amazement. “I was unaware I had any.”

  Tawny smiled angelically. “I could catch you up to speed if you had an hour or so.”

  “You’re a sweetheart to offer, but I suspect you have better things to do with your time.” Elliott picked up the photo of Simon and Tawny and studied it. “Here’s the deal, Tawny. I think he’s scared to trust that someone could actually love him. That it’s not just a mistake. Simon knows all about how to love. He just doesn’t know how to be loved.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest and smiled. “Well, he’s about to learn.”

  He handed her the photo and grinned. “Feeling that way about you must scare the hell out of him. And for you to tell him you loved him…I’m sure he’s terrified.” Elliott shook his head. “If I didn’t know you’re the best thing that could possibly happen to Simon, I’d feel sorry for the poor guy…almost.”

  13

  “JUST A MINUTE!” SIMON yelled. Couldn’t a guy find a moment of peace in his own apartment? First his father called on his cell phone after he’d dropped him off, then E
lliott rang with some stuff and nonsense about staying home, now someone at the door.

  He clattered down the grated stairs of his loft. At least the electricity was back on and he didn’t have to worry about what would happen to Tawny after dark. If the electricity hadn’t been restored by dusk, he’d planned to show up on her doorstep so she didn’t have to endure the dark night alone. It would’ve been awkward, but he didn’t want her alone and scared in the dark. Now that wouldn’t be necessary.Despite the return of power, and hence air-conditioning, it hadn’t put a dent in the heat. He’d showered without shaving and thrown on running shorts and a T-shirt. He was clean, but he looked grungy. Grungy suited his mood.

  He threw open the door and then wished he hadn’t. Tawny stood on the other side. He stared at her. A sundress clung to her curves. Her hair was piled atop her head. Sunglasses hid her eyes. A backpack purse was slung across her back.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked. Rude and abrupt usually put people off.

  “You might’ve had dismal parents, but I’m sure they taught you better manners than that. Aren’t you going to ask me in?”

  Of course, rude and abrupt didn’t seem to work so well on Tawny.

  “Come in.” He ran his hand through his hair but stepped aside. He didn’t feel particularly up to gracious, which wasn’t his strong suit on a good day. And this wasn’t a good day. “What are you doing here?” he repeated his earlier question. He left the door ajar as a not-too-subtle hint.

  She closed the door and pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head. Her eyes sparkled. She looked positively radiant, and he was positively flummoxed.

  “I’m here to collect on a promise.”

  She stepped closer, and the unique blend of perfume and Tawny triggered all those sensory things that made it bloody near impossible to think straight instead of thinking about having his face buried in her neck and his willy in her…. She did not need to come any closer.

  “I didn’t make any promises.”

  “It wasn’t an exact promise. It was more along the lines of a promise of intent.” She shrugged off her purse and held it in one hand. She looked him over from head to toe, sexual heat radiating from her, scorching him.

  Simon shifted from one foot to the other, at a total loss. He’d walked out on her this morning and now she stood eyeing him as if he was a Popsicle on a summer day. And mother of God, he knew what she did with Popsicles. “Have you been drinking?”

  Her slow smile simmered through him, heating him up. “Only a Frappuccino.”

  Focus, Simon. Not on her smile or Popsicles or the way her sundress hugged all of her curves. Focus on this conversation and getting her the hell out of this apartment before he did something really stupid like kiss her and beg her to stay. “What is this promise of intent?”

  “You said if you had your lady love you’d know what to do with her.” Another step brought her seriously into his personal space. Only a few inches of very hot air separated them. She smoothed her hand down his belly to the elastic band of his shorts, and his heart pounded like mad. “Well, I’m here, fully expecting to be—what was it?—oh, yes, fucked senseless for a week.”

  Bloody hell if that didn’t catch Mr. Winky’s attention. He had to get her out of here now. When she talked like that…

  He sought to keep a cool head. Both of them. “What makes you think you’re her?” She couldn’t possibly know. He’d never breathed a word to anyone.

  “Tell me I’m not.” She pulled a photo out of her purse and held it out. Him, caught in a moment of weakness and utter misery, looking at her.

  “Convince me this is a lie,” she said.

  He of all people knew the power of a photograph. How apropos. All these years he’d hidden behind his camera, only to be stripped naked, at his rawest in a photograph. He appreciated the irony.

  He’d never convince her he didn’t love her. But he knew she didn’t really love him. She couldn’t. He bracketed her shoulders with his hands and put her away from him. “Tawny, you’re on the rebound. It’s too soon. You don’t really know me.”

  “Okay, I think you pulled out just about every argument you could. Now I’m going to debunk these myths you’ve created in that sexy head of yours. First, let’s get it straight. Elliott wounded my pride.” She stabbed at him with her finger. “You broke my heart. Second, it’s too soon for what? Love doesn’t come on a time line. It’s not on-the-job training where you log in a certain number of hours for certification. And last, don’t tell me I don’t know you.” She took her hand in his and brought it to her lips. “I knew you the second you climbed out on that ledge after my cat. I knew you when you held my hand in the dark. I knew you when you covered for Elliott. I knew you when you ran to your parents, literally, because they needed you, despite your history with them. I knew you when you dried me off and carried me to bed when I was too tired to move. There may be facets of you that I don’t know yet, but don’t tell me I don’t know you.”

  It was one of the hardest things he’d ever done, because he really, really wanted to believe her. But he knew things she didn’t. He knew that if she really knew him, knew that hollow core inside him, she couldn’t possibly love him.

  He pulled his hand away and put the width of the room between them. “Don’t you understand?” He struggled to make her understand. “I’m like Hades. Lord of the Dark. You’re Persephone. Light and beautiful. You don’t belong with me.”

  Her mouth gaped open for a full five seconds. “Please tell me you don’t actually believe any of that hogwash that just came out of your mouth.”

  Just when he thought he’d heard all of her Southernisms. “Did you just say ‘hogwash’?”

  “Don’t you dare make fun of me and don’t think you can distract me. How about this—do you actually believe the load of crap you just shoveled my way? That’s just wrong. And why would I want to be that mealymouthed Persephone? If you’re going to draw some crazy mythical analogies, at least make me some kick-ass goddess like Athena or Artemis. Not some ninny whose mama had to come rescue her.” She tossed her backpack onto the sofa. “You know, I was going to call a therapist on Monday for myself. You should make an appointment instead.”

  “I do not need a therapist,” he said. “And if I’m so wonderful, why are you already trying to change me?”

  “I’m not trying to change you.” She threw her hands up in the air. “I’m trying to get some positive self-awareness through that thick skull of yours. And you definitely need a therapist if you keep spouting that kind of crazy crap.”

  “You think it’s crazy crap and that should totally invalidate my viewpoint?”

  “Listen, buster, you’re the one who told me I needed to pack up and move back home if I was going to let my parents’ opinion run my life. You take your own advice and stop letting a set of lousy parents ruin your ability to have a relationship.”

  That hit remarkably close to home. “Why do you need a therapist?”

  “Just so you don’t think you’re getting away with anything, I know you’re deliberately changing the subject. You have a habit of doing that when the conversation isn’t going your way. But I needed a therapist because you were driving me crazy.”

  Simon crossed his arms over his chest. Next she’d be commenting on his body language. She had nerve saying he drove her crazy. She made him loony. “How was I driving you crazy?”

  “Well, not you personally, but you in those dreams. I couldn’t figure out how I could love Elliott and be having those kinds of dreams about you every night. But now that’s easy enough without a shrink.” She put her hands on his shoulders. “I don’t love Elliott. Well, except as something that’s a cross between a brother and a friend. Not the way I love you.”

  She made it sound frightfully logical. “Oh.”

  “That’s it? Oh? After all of that, the only thing you have to say to me is ‘oh’?”

  “What would you have me say?” He uncrossed his arms and dropped h
is hands to his sides.

  She closed her eyes, as if her patience stood on its last leg, and delicately banged her head against his chest. “Simon, I believe we have a long, happy future ahead of us. I know in my heart that you love me. But it would be nice to hear it without me having to drag it out of you.” She cupped his jaw in her hand. “I love you, Simon Thackeray. Now is it really so hard to put this—” she looked at the photo “—into words?”

  The photo all but shouted it, but he said what she so obviously needed to hear.

  “I love you.” The stark beauty in those three simple words, and the accompanying vulnerability, shivered through him.

  “Thank you.” She looked so happy it nearly ripped him apart.

  What if he didn’t live up to her expectations? What if he simply didn’t have it in him to be the man she thought he was? “But it doesn’t really change anything.”

  “Like hell it doesn’t change anything. You are never getting rid of me, because I love you and I know you love me. Go ahead, retreat behind that wall of yours. If I have to go brick by brick and it takes me a lifetime, I’ll tear it down. I’ll crawl to hell and back if that’s what it takes. All the other times I’ve been relentless and gone after what I wanted, that was just boot camp. This is the big event I’ve been training for. So be forewarned, this is war.”

  “You’ll get tired. You’ll figure it out, sooner rather than later, that I’m not this romanticized version you’ve painted in your head.”

  “You are so wrong. Please, never tell me I’m irrational. I’m not harboring any illusions. You’re arrogant and opinionated and sarcastic and really sort of bossy.”

  “You just called me bossy?”

  “That’s why we’re so perfect together. You don’t intimidate me because I’ll hand it right back to you.” She sat on the sofa and pulled him down beside her. “You told me that you were scared when you went out on that ledge. It’s okay to be frightened. That’s what bravery and courage are all about. It doesn’t require courage to face what you don’t fear. It’s okay to be frightened, but it’s not okay to run away from it.”