Their First Family Christmas

by Alison Roberts

  ‘I mean making peace. He has to do it for himself if he’s not going to be fighting the demons forever but he can’t do that without making peace with the most important people in his life.’

  ‘Lily...’

  ‘And you...’

  Emma couldn’t meet his gaze. ‘I’m not important. I was the best friend of his brother’s wife, that’s all.’

  ‘Oh, lass...don’t you go trying to pull any wool over my eyes. Do you think I didn’t notice that extra sparkle in your eyes back then? The way you and Jack used to look at each other whenever you were in the department together? You didn’t actually need to be looking at each other, come to that. The electricity in the air was enough to make my skin tingle.’

  ‘Oh, no...’ Emma could feel her cheeks colouring. ‘Do you think everybody knew?’

  ‘On the contrary, I know they didn’t.’ The pat on her hand was reassuring rather than sympathetic this time. ‘And I know that because it never hit the grapevine. Not sure how it got past Caroline, mind you...but there you go. Maybe it was because I knew you so well.’

  How mortifying was it to think that Stuart had seen so much? Had he guessed that she had been stupid enough to fall in love with the Eastern’s heartbreaker when everyone knew that Jack wasn’t capable of a long-term commitment?

  And, if he had guessed—because he knew her so well—had Sarah guessed too?

  No... Emma would probably have to think about it again later to reassure herself properly but Sarah couldn’t have known. The spark between herself and Jack might have ignited at Ben and Sarah’s wedding but nothing had happened before the newlyweds had gone off to start their new life in London so Sarah hadn’t been around to notice anything different about her.

  And that last night?

  An illicit affair was the last thing any of them had been thinking about and the only sparkle in her eyes that night would have been due to the bright lights of the emergency department being reflected in her tears...

  Right now, a change of subject was most definitely called for.

  ‘Jack asked me to pass on his best wishes to you. He said that he owed you a big apology, too, but he’d do that in person.’

  ‘I never really thought he intended seeing patients that day, you know.’

  ‘No. I didn’t either. But he shouldn’t have come here.’

  ‘I don’t think he had anywhere else to go. He was desperate to find a way through all that grief.’ Stuart sighed heavily. ‘I’ve always felt I did the wrong thing, coming down so hard on him. I should have been kinder.’

  ‘He was too angry to accept kindness. God knows, I tried and he kept pushing me away.’

  ‘Everybody has to find their own way through grief, I guess. To lose a twin must be dreadful and those boys didn’t have the best start in life, did they?’

  ‘I’ve never heard the whole story—just bits that Sarah told me. That their mother died when they were five and that they ended up being separated into different foster homes. They both misbehaved until they got sent to some home for the kids that nobody wanted and then they turned their lives around. They both got scholarships to go to med school and...and the rest everybody knows about.’

  ‘It’s an extraordinary story.’

  Emma nodded. But there were too many gaps in that story. Huge gaps that might explain Jack’s demons and offer insight into how someone could help.

  Someone like herself...

  There was only one person who could fill in those gaps, though, and it wasn’t something Jack had ever talked about.

  Maybe because they’d never done much talking during their stolen time together. Oh, no... Flashes of memory were touching Emma’s senses.

  That look in Jack’s eyes that told her he was about to kiss her senseless...

  The way her skin came alive with that first touch of his hands...

  That every time always felt like the first time all over again, only better...

  Perhaps it was just as well she had closed her eyes as soon as she’d felt the memories ambush her. Stuart didn’t seem to have noticed.

  ‘Where’s he been for the last year?’

  ‘I don’t know. I haven’t asked him.’

  Stuart’s eyes were drifting shut and Emma knew it was time to leave him to rest. His quiet words as she got to her feet sounded like he was talking to himself rather than her.

  ‘I hope he didn’t walk away from medicine. We can’t afford to lose that kind of young talent and passion.’

  And then Stuart opened his eyes and smiled at Emma. ‘Talk to him, lass. You’re a lot more important to him than you might think you are.’

  * * *

  The morphine had worn off and Jack’s aches and pains were making their presence felt.

  His arm didn’t feel too bad now that the raw skin had been well dressed and the ice and elevation was definitely helping his leg but that bruising on his chest made it painful to take a deep breath and Jack’s head was throbbing.

  He wasn’t about to complain, however.

  Jack Reynolds knew exactly how lucky he was. The odds of coming out of a crash like that alive were low enough, let alone with what could only be considered minor injuries.

  He couldn’t sleep. The light might have been dimmed in this side room he was now occupying but he could still hear the sounds of a busy emergency department and it pushed buttons that were deeply ingrained now. He should be in the thick of it, helping—not lying around taking up valuable space.

  A junior doctor called Pete was coming in at regular intervals to run through the standard neurological checks that were required for a patient under observation for a possible head injury but Jack was waiting for someone more senior to pay him a visit.

  Emma...

  He wanted to see more pictures of Lily on her phone. He wanted to ask so many questions. Was she talking yet? Walking well? Had she had all her vaccinations?

  And who took care of Lily while Emma was at work?

  Did she have a partner?

  She wouldn’t have avoided a new relationship because of him, would she?

  ‘I’ve been hoping—every day—that this might be the day I’d hear something...’

  For Lily’s sake, Jack told himself.

  But what if it wasn’t just for Lily’s sake?

  And why did thinking about Emma and the way she’d looked when she’d whispered those words give him that same, overwhelming sensation of a family connection that he’d had in looking at that faded image of his childhood? Of recognising the likeness that Lily had to his twin. To himself.

  The confusing swirl of his thoughts was making his headache worse. Jack closed his eyes, only to have to open them again and have them raked with a bright light when Pete bustled back into the room only seconds later.

  ‘Pupils still equal and reactive.’

  ‘Good to know.’

  ‘Do you know what time of day it is?’

  ‘Must be about two a.m. by now.’

  ‘Yeah...’ Pete was looking weary. ‘Merry Christmas, mate.’

  They exchanged a wry smile, acknowledging that there was nothing particularly merry about the day for either of them, so far.

  ‘Things still busy out there?’

  ‘Not too bad. I might even catch forty winks soon if I’m lucky.’

  ‘What’s Emma doing?’

  ‘She took a break and went up to see how Stuart Cameron’s getting on. She should be back soon.’

  ‘I’m back now.’

  The sound of Emma’s voice was more welcome than Jack had expected. A tension he hadn’t been aware of was loosening its grip on his muscles and he could feel his face softening into a smile.

  But Emma’s attention was on Pete, who had stepped closer and lowered his vo
ice. Jack shouldn’t have been able to overhear the conversation so clearly but the bump on his head had given him more than just a headache. His hearing seemed to be hyperacute as well.

  ‘Can you have a look at the patient in the paediatric corner when you’ve got a minute? Four-year-old boy. I think we might have to call Social Services in.’

  ‘Oh, no... Why?’

  ‘His aunt brought him in. She said he was running a temperature and thought it might be measles.’

  Jack watched the way Emma instantly focused on what was being said to her. He could almost see her brain turning over other possibilities and their implications.

  ‘The houseman decided the multiple facial lesions were due to impetigo but then she found some more on his back and limbs. And they’re all the same size...’

  ‘Cigarette burns?’ Emma looked as if she was experiencing something physically painful herself and, weirdly, the pain seemed contagious. This ache in Jack’s chest had nothing to do with his bruised ribs.

  And all he wanted to do was to take Emma in his arms and hug her. Or touch her face, perhaps, and smooth away those lines of distress.

  ‘I reckon. No, actually, I’m positive. I’ve seen it before.’ Pete sighed. ‘Poor kid.’

  ‘Where are his parents?’

  ‘Still at some Christmas party, apparently. The aunt’s a bit cagey.’

  Emma nodded. ‘Make sure they don’t leave before someone from Child Protection gets here. It might take a while at this time of night.’

  ‘I’ll say that we need to run some more tests.’

  ‘Tell the aunt that it’s very important that they stay where they are. Say that if it’s measles there are very strict quarantine regulations. And come and find me when someone gets here. Things might get a bit nasty.’

  Jack might have expected Emma to follow Pete from the room but, instead, Emma came and sat down in the chair beside his bed. For a long moment, she sat there with her eyes shut, as if she was gathering her strength or refocusing. Sure enough, when she looked up, Jack felt as if he was the most important thing on her mind.

  ‘How are you feeling?’

  ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘Pain level? That morphine must have worn off by now.’

  ‘It’s nothing a couple of paracetamol tablets couldn’t cope with.’

  ‘I’ll get you some.’

  ‘No, stay where you are for a minute. You look exhausted.’

  ‘Mmm. I am a bit.’

  There was a shadow in her eyes that was more than physical fatigue. Did she need a break before having to handle a case that might involve removing a child from its family?

  Having to interact with people from Social Services and Child Protection?

  That was going to stir memories from last year that would be difficult because they marked the point where Emma had apparently become his enemy instead of his lover.

  The point at which his life had begun a downward spiral he hadn’t been able to control.

  That scene was one he would never forget. The bodies of both Ben and Sarah had been taken away and Jack had been left standing in the emergency department with no clue of what to do next. Or where to go.

  Emma had had Lily in her arms, trying to comfort a baby who’d wanted only her mother.

  Someone from Child Protection had arrived.

  ‘We can’t simply let anyone take a baby who’s just been orphaned. We have to be sure that she’s going to be properly cared for.’

  ‘That’s me. I promised her mother. I’ll take care of her.’

  ‘But you’re not a relative. There’s a process that has to be followed.’

  Something had snapped inside Jack. His brother had been snatched from his life and now some stranger was about to snatch his brother’s child. To put her into a foster home? No way was he going to let history repeat itself like that. He’d never been so furious.

  ‘She’s my brother’s child. Now she’s mine.’

  It only took a split second for the flash of memory but Jack couldn’t let them grow. It was the last place he wanted to drag Emma back to.

  He had to find a distraction, for both their sakes.

  With an effort, he found something. ‘How’s Stuart?’

  Emma’s smile said it all. ‘He’s as good as new. Better, probably. They put in three stents and he’s heading towards normal baselines.’

  ‘He’s lucky he was in the right place at the right time.’

  Emma nodded. ‘He’s really pleased to hear that you’re back.’ Her gaze held his. ‘He asked where you’d been for the last year and I had to say I didn’t know. Where have you been, Jack?’

  ‘Africa.’

  Emma’s jaw dropped. ‘Really?’

  ‘I joined Médecins Sans Frontières. I’ve been at a base in South Sudan for most of the time.’

  He had certainly distracted Emma from the next case she had to deal with. She was still looking astonished.

  ‘That must have been an extraordinary experience.’ Now she was frowning. ‘And a dangerous one?’

  It was written all over her face that she hated the idea that he’d been in real danger. Again, Jack felt the curious warmth of realising that someone genuinely cared about his safety. About him.

  ‘Our hospital did get shelled once—in the first week I was there, in fact.’

  And he’d kept working right through the attack, ignoring the danger. He was living in a world without Ben, so what did it matter?

  It hadn’t occurred to him that the news would have got back to Emma. That she would have had to grieve for him on top of everything she was having to cope with herself.

  He wanted to apologise. No. He wanted to do more than that. Suddenly, it was important that she understood.

  ‘I needed to be somewhere where everybody’s problems were so much bigger than my own.’

  The tilt of Emma’s head was a subtle nod. Her voice was soft. ‘Because it forced you to think about others instead of yourself. To keep putting one foot in front of another and moving forward until, one day, you found you were looking over your shoulder at the dark place instead of having it all around you.’

  He held her gaze. Oh, man...she understood perfectly. His own voice cracked a little.

  ‘Is that what looking after Lily did for you?’

  Another nod. ‘At first I was going through the motions. Just doing what had to be done, and I wouldn’t have managed that if I hadn’t had my mum to help. I didn’t know any more about looking after babies than you did and...and it seemed like we both spent most of the time crying.’

  And he hadn’t been here to help.

  He couldn’t have helped even if he had been.

  ‘But then...’ Emma’s face came alive. ‘One day, I went in to pick her up because she was sobbing and she stopped crying and...and smiled at me...’

  Emma was smiling now, too. ‘That was the moment I realised I’d fallen completely in love with her. That she had brought something magic into my life.’

  It was Jack’s turn to nod slowly. ‘And I fell in love with my job in Africa. With being able to do small things that made such a huge difference to people’s lives—like repairing a fistula from a complicated childbirth that meant that a young woman wouldn’t be ostracised because she was incontinent. Or vaccinating babies so they wouldn’t die from something preventable like meningitis or measles.’

  ‘I’ll bet you did a lot of big things, too. I’ve read about the kinds of challenges doctors face in places like that.’

  There was admiration shining in Emma’s eyes and Jack found himself sitting up straighter even though he was sure he hadn’t actually moved.

  Yes, he’d done things he could be very proud of. Some incredibly difficult surgeries on people who had been horrend
ously injured in nearby conflicts. He’d lost count of the number of lives he’d saved, sometimes working in the most difficult conditions imaginable.

  There had been enormous satisfaction to be found in those successes but it was only now that Jack could feel the pride in what he’d done. To realise that the experience had made him a better man. To feel that he wanted to continue that journey so that Emma would always admire him like this.

  So that Lily would be proud of her uncle. Her father’s brother...

  ‘Will you go back?’

  The question was tentative. Jack had the impression that, if he said ‘yes’, Emma would admire him for that decision.

  He had been intending to do exactly that. Not to the same place, mind you, because he didn’t do attachment—to places or people.

  But now...

  ‘I don’t know,’ he said, trying to choose his words carefully. ‘I don’t know what there might be here for me now. Or whether it’s what I want for my future. I just know that I...did things I’m not proud of. I need to try and put them right.’

  * * *

  The breath Emma was holding still didn’t want to come out.

  Partly because it felt trapped by the ring of pride she was feeling for Jack. His own life had been destroyed to a point where he couldn’t face being in it anymore and what had he done? He’d taken himself somewhere isolated and dangerous and devoted himself to helping people that were in an even more hopeless situation.

  What had Stuart said?

  ‘He’s a good man, at heart. I always knew that.’

  Everybody knew that Jack Reynolds was a brilliant surgeon but opinions of him as a man were far less flattering. People thought he was shallow. Selfish, even. A playboy who couldn’t care less about the damage he might do to the lives of others as he did exactly what he wanted to do.

  None of it was true.

  Okay, he had commitment issues but he’d never been less than honest about not wanting anything long term.

  And he did care. Too much, perhaps, which might be why commitment was such a terrifying prospect.

  He was more than a good man in Emma’s eyes.