by Judy Corry
My uncle left me and I took a minute to compose myself before going out to Jess and Luke. It’s better than being homeless, I told myself as I tried to ignore the fact that my nose was still burning from the stench in the air. But was it really?
My mom pulled up to the curb a few minutes later in her silver Audi. I rushed outside, not looking at Jess or Luke, to catch her before she climbed out of the car, jumping in the passenger seat and shutting the door.
“We can’t live here, Mom,” I said with as much force as I could. “It’s a disaster in there. There are beer cans everywhere. It looks like Uncle Peter had a booze fest last night or something.”
Her gaze traveled from me to the house and back to me. She pursed her lips. “I know it isn’t ideal. But we don’t have anywhere else to go.”
“But, what about your problem? You can’t—”
She shook her head and stopped me with her eyes. “I’ll be fine. I haven’t had a drink in five years. If I didn’t need a drink in the last month since your dad left us, I won’t need one now.”
“But…”
“We’ll deal with it, Eliana.” She opened her door and stepped out of the car. There was no point in arguing any further. We were desperate. We had nowhere else to go.
Maybe Mom was right. Maybe she would be fine.
But could I survive this?
I stepped outside the car into the fresh March air and took a much-needed deep breath. Luke and Jess were unloading my bedroom furniture from the truck, so I told them where to take it. They were nice and didn’t say anything about the house, and I was starting to get over my embarrassment about the whole situation…that was, until Ashlyn arrived with her little sister Macey and her mom with another load of boxes.
“I’m so sorry, Eliana,” Ashlyn said as soon as she stepped out of her mom’s Escalade, a look of deep pity in her blue eyes. “I kept hoping my mom was driving the wrong direction as we rode here.”
“Nope, this is my uncle’s house.” I forced a smile. “I’m sure it will look fine once we have a chance to get moved in.” And spend an entire month scrubbing it down.
“If you say so.” Ashlyn gawked at the house with a look of pure disgust. I couldn’t help but notice how her mother wore the same expression as she stepped out of her SUV in her designer outfit.
I was carrying a box of my things up the stairs when I overheard hushed voices coming from my new bedroom. I stopped on the stairs to listen.
“It’s a dump,” Ashlyn whispered. “We can’t let her live here.”
“I know,” Jess replied. “But there’s nothing we can do about it. They had to move and this was their only option.”
“I wish Mom and Dad would let her move in with us.”
“You know they’d never let her live with us as long as I’m there. Plus, her mom said no.”
“I don’t know why. It’s not like you’re ever gonna try anything. But whatever,” Ashlyn said. “I just feel so bad for Eliana.”
It only took me two days to get my bedroom set up the way I wanted—there are only so many ways you can arrange your furniture when it barely fits in the room at all. I scrubbed down the walls, swept and mopped my bedroom floor, and opened all the windows to try and get the cigarette smell out of my room. I hoped once I got it smelling better I could simply keep my bedroom door shut all the time and hopefully keep the stink from coming back, because I really, really didn’t want to be the stinky girl at school.
Mom found a job as a waitress a couple of weeks later. She worked the evening shift most nights. I didn’t see much of her, but at least we had some money coming in. It wasn’t much, but we could buy groceries as long as my uncle let us stay there rent free.
Since my mom was gone most evenings, I tried to spend as much time at Jess and Ashlyn’s house as possible. It was weird being at Uncle Peter’s place with him and his friends when they were all drinking and watching TV. Uncle Peter was pretty laidback, and not that he was a bad guy or dangerous to be around…but he had a lot of friends coming in and out of the house most evenings, and I didn’t feel comfortable being there without my mom.
“How many people do you bet are already passed out?” I asked Jess when he dropped me off one night. It was ten o’clock, and I knew if I distracted him long enough, I could buy an extra half hour before I had to sneak through the back door to avoid whatever party Uncle Peter was throwing.
Jess eyed the clock on his dash with a whisper of a smile on his lips. He knew what I was doing. I did it every night. “I’m gonna say one person so far. The night is still young.”
“And I’m gonna bet no one is passed out yet. Like you said, the night is young.”
“Maybe they’re sitting in there chatting about politics and ideas tonight,” he said. “I mean, Brandt seems like the kind of guy who listens to talk radio every day. And I’m pretty sure I saw Plato’s The Republic poking out the top of Davey’s pocket yesterday.”
I laughed. “I’m pretty sure that was a pack of cigarettes.”
“You’re probably right. The lighting was pretty bad.”
“Yeah, his favorite vomiting spot in the bushes isn’t lit very well. I’ll have to tell him to try the bushes beneath the porch light next time.”
I didn’t mention the fact that Uncle Peter was actually a genius or that he’d said Davey was only like this because he was under a lot of stress. It probably wasn’t nice of us to joke around this way. But sometimes the only way to get through this situation was to joke about it.
“I wish there didn’t have to be a next time.” Jess rested his hand on my shoulder. I looked up at his face. A serious expression replaced the jovial one he’d sported a second before. “I’m sorry you have to live like this.”
“It’s okay,” I said. I was kind of used to being around drunks, even if Jess didn’t know it.
“No. It’s not. This is not okay.” He waved a hand in the direction of the house. “You shouldn’t have to live here. What kind of father abandons his family? It’s been almost two months and you still haven’t heard anything from him.” He raised his voice, his eyes hard. “How could he do this to you and your mom?”
I’d never seen Jess so frustrated before. Yes, I knew he didn’t like what had happened to me, but he’d never shown this much anger at my father before.
As if on cue, Davey and his wife burst through their door across the street, yelling a string of profanities that made my ears bleed. If that wasn’t disturbing enough, their two young kids were standing in the doorway crying for them to stop.
Jess and I were quiet as we watched the family. A couple of minutes went by before Davey stomped his way across the street and into Uncle Peter’s house, leaving his wife to usher her distressed kids back inside.
When things calmed down again, I turned back to Jess. There was sorrow in his eyes. When he spoke, he sounded defeated, his temper having dissolved into sadness and hopelessness. “I wish you still lived next door.”
“I know.” I offered him a faint smile, my eyes searching his as I leaned back in my seat. There wasn’t anything more to say about it, and we didn’t need words anyway. We could read in each other’s eyes how we both felt about the situation.
“So what do you think about this Friday?” Jess asked eventually.
“You mean the party Ashlyn was talking about?”
“Yeah.”
I lifted one shoulder. “I don’t know. I was gonna try hacking into my dad’s email again that night.”
“Can’t you do that any other night? Why Friday?”
I sighed, knowing he’d called my bluff. “I mean, the bonfire sounds like it could be fun. But I’m not so sure about hanging out with the drill team again.”
“Some of them are nice.”
“Some being the operative word.”
“I know Madison and Hannah aren’t your favorite people.”
Or Kelsie. But I couldn’t say anything bad about her in front of Jess. Ever since they worked on that project tog
ether, Kelsie had been as sweet as high fructose corn syrup to him. And from what Ashlyn had overheard it sounded like she was positive he was on the verge of asking her out, but I hoped he wouldn’t. He had his no-dating plan after all. And she wasn’t good enough for him, anyway. He always talked about how he wanted a nice girl he could chill with. Kelsie was definitely not nice…at least, those rumors she and her friends spread about me weren’t.
I’d never told Jess that Kelsie was the one responsible for spreading the whole second family rumor. And I was pretty sure she was also responsible for the latest favorite about my dad being in the mafia. I’d thought about telling him but knew Kelsie would find a way to make things worse if I did. She’d probably start spreading rumors about me being in love with Jess or something. So instead, I pretended the rumors didn’t affect me.
“How about this?” Jess asked. “Let’s go and see how the party is. And if at any point you feel like leaving, we can. Ashlyn's been talking about it all week. I need to be a good brother and at least show up for a few minutes.”
“Okay,” I said. “As long as we can leave whenever I want.”
"That's what I like about you. You're always so enthusiastic about my sister's social events,” Jess said sarcastically
“You know me.” I smiled, grabbing my backpack and making ready to sneak inside the house. “I’m sure it will be the best night of my life.”
Chapter Five
Friday, Jess and I drove to the woods behind the Brooks’ lake house near Lake Oneida. We walked down a short trail and found a large group of kids from school hanging out around the huge fire.
As soon as we joined the crowd, Kelsie walked over to us with a big smile on her face.
“Hey Jess,” she said, giving him a quick hug before stepping back. “I’m glad you could make it.”
She gave me a polite smile, though I’m pretty sure she was gritting her teeth behind her pink glossy lips. “It’s nice you could tag along too, Eliana.” As if I hadn’t been invited at all.
I forced a smile. “Ashlyn couldn’t stop talking about this, so we decided to check it out.”
“I bet.” She turned her attention back to Jess. “I’ve signed up for a tour of Cornell’s campus tomorrow.” She looped her arm through his and led him closer to the fire. I followed a step behind them. “And I thought I could check out some of the dorms. Are you planning to live on campus?” She looked up at him with her big brown eyes. “I thought it would be fun to live in neighboring dorms.”
“Uh…sure.” Jess swallowed. “I mean, I’m not sure where I’ll be living yet.”
“Great! I’ll make sure to take lots of pictures, and we can make plans.”
Make plans? Did she think they were a thing or something?
“Yeah.” Jess scratched the back of his neck. “Sounds great, Kelsie.”
“Great!” She beamed before leaving us.
“What did the Ice Queen want?” Ashlyn asked when we reached her and Luke.
“Your brother, of course,” I answered, a hint of my dislike coloring my voice.
Jess scowled at me. “She was asking about my plans for next year.”
“So she’s already planning the wedding?” Ashlyn made the gagging gesture.
Jess shook his head. “You guys are crazy. Kelsie was being thoughtful.”
Ashlyn and I looked at each other. Guys could be so clueless sometimes.
An hour later, a group of us formed a circle on the logs around the fire. Everyone decided to swap first-kiss stories. It was quite entertaining. Some were hilarious while others were so awkward I got anxious listening to them. How was I supposed to ever even get to that point if I knew it was most likely going to turn out horrible anyway? Only a few people sounded like they actually had a perfectly romantic first kiss.
“What about you, Eliana? Tell us about your first kiss,” Madison said.
“Yeah, I would love to hear all the juicy details,” Kelsie added, her eyes flitting between Jess and me. Was she worried Jess had been my first kiss or something?
After looking at the expectant faces around the circle, I finally answered. “No. That’s okay. You can skip me.”
Yeah, another attempt at hacking my dad’s email would have been much better than this. I knew I should’ve said no to coming.
Madison gave me a sly grin, and looked sideways at a couple of her friends.
This was going to be painful.
I shifted my weight on the log and braced myself for the blow.
“Was it really that bad?” Madison asked with a smirk on her face.
My heart constricted in my chest. She already knew the answer. Was this her way of rubbing it in my face?
I peeked at Jess, who was frowning next to me. Ashlyn mouthed something to Madison, her eyebrows knitted together as she shook her head.
Madison grinned back at Ashlyn, and focused on me again. “Come on, Eliana. We’re waiting.” She looked at her friends again and snickered.
My face burned flaming hot.
“There’s nothing to tell,” I said.
“What do you mean by nothing?” Kelsie asked. “Nothing to tell as in it was so forgettable it’s like it never happened? Or have you actually never kissed a guy?”
I looked down, wishing the dirt below would swallow me up.
Madison took that opportunity to gasp at the obvious. She turned to the group. “Eliana’s never kissed a guy.” She looked back at me. “You do like guys, right?”
“Real nice, Madison!” Jess stood and glared at her. He turned to me and held his hand out. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”
I took his hand and let him help me up.
Ashlyn and Luke stood as well. “Yeah, this is dumb, anyway,” Ashlyn said.
Jess guided us through the crowd scattered around the picnic area before releasing my hand. I could feel Madison's gaze burning a hole into the back of my head as we left.
“Sorry about those guys,” Ashlyn said as we walked down the trail toward the parking lot. “I can’t believe Madison did that.”
I shrugged. “It is pretty ridiculous. I mean, how many junior girls haven’t kissed a single guy yet?”
Ashlyn put a hand on my shoulder. “It’s really not all it’s cracked up to be.”
“Hey,” Luke said. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Ashlyn patted Luke on the arm. “I didn’t mean it like that, honey. Kissing you is perfect.” She turned back to me. “What I meant to say was that it isn’t always amazing. For example, my first kiss was with Trenton Wilber.” She shuddered. “If I could take that back I would.”
I smiled, remembering when she’d told me about her first kiss in middle school. Trenton apparently had an overactive salivary gland and had forgotten to swallow before kissing Ashlyn. We’d laughed for days about how her dog, Hank, would have been a better kisser.
We were silent for a moment, focusing our attention on navigating the uneven ground in the darkness. I was relieved when we made it out of the trees and into the parking lot.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you at home, Jess.” Ashlyn raised her eyebrows and nodded at her brother like she was trying to communicate something to him. Then she leaned over and gave me a hug. When she stepped back, she said, “I’m sorry again about Madison. Having virgin lips is nothing to be ashamed of. I think it’s cool you’re waiting for the right person to give your first kiss to.” She gave Jess one more look. “I’m sure it will happen sooner than you think.”
I glanced at Jess to see why Ashlyn kept looking at him like that. He still looked irritated from Madison and Kelsie’s comments.
Once we were alone, I asked Jess, “Are you in a hurry to get home?” It was only ten, after all. Uncle Peter’s party was just getting started.
“Not really.”
“Good, because I’d rather not go home yet. Wanna walk by the lake?”
“Sure.” Jess stuffed his hands in his pockets and headed to the trail that led to the lake.
We walked in silence under the light of the full moon, stray branches scratching at my jeans. I pulled my jacket on to ward off the chill in the air now that we were away from the fire.
We found a log to sit on at the edge of the woods overlooking the lake. I leaned my elbows on my knees and rested my chin in my hands. “Sometimes I forget how pathetic I am.”
“What do you mean by that?”
I sighed. “I’m a junior in high school and still haven’t kissed anyone.”
“That doesn’t make you pathetic,” Jess said. “It simply shows you aren’t easy.”
I scoffed. More like I’m a pariah. I didn’t say it though, because I knew Jess would make a point to disagree with me, even if it was true. “What is it about touching lips to someone else’s that’s so appealing, anyway? I mean, when you think about it that way, it’s kind of a weird thing to do.”
Jess laughed. “Only you would think about kissing like that.”
“Well, it’s true.” Jess was looking at me like I was the strangest person ever. “Wipe that smirk off your face,” I said, shoving him, and he almost fell off the log. “I’ve had seventeen years to think about it, and I still don’t understand what the hype’s all about.”
Jess grinned. “That’s only because you’ve never done it.”
I sighed. He was right. I had no idea what it was like.
“And you can’t tell me you never thought about kissing Ryan Miller. I saw your notebooks with his name written all over them.” He raised his eyebrows.
“Yeah, okay. So I thought about it.” I shrugged. But a lot of good daydreaming ever did about it. “I wish I could just get it over with. I mean, I’d probably kiss the first guy that offered. Heck, I should just kiss you.”
Jess started coughing and pounded his chest.
Crap! I clasped my hands to my mouth. Way to make things awkward, Eliana!
“Sorry, that came out wrong.” Stupid, stupid, stupid. “That would be weird.” I picked at the bark again for a moment before daring a glance at him.
“No.” Jess looked thoughtful, pushing his lips into a pensive frown as he shrugged. “It wouldn’t be that weird. I mean, what are friends for?” He smiled and nodded. “I’ve heard of guy and girl friends practicing kissing with each other before. Why shouldn’t we?”