by Judy Corry
“Wait, are you serious?” I asked.
“Why not. I mean, it’s not like we’re going to be all weird about it, right?”
I nodded, feeling slightly less awkward. “I’m sure people do it all the time.”
“Okay. So…your first kiss.” Jess sat up straighter and angled toward me. “You’re sure you’re really ready to give it away? You know you can never get it back again.”
“I just wanna get it over with.”
“Ouch.” Jess winced.
“Sorry, that sounded bad.” I hurried to touch his arm. “What I meant was, I’ve built it up so much in my mind that I’ve made it into this huge thing it probably won’t be. I just want to jump off this cliff, so it won’t be as scary next time.”
Jess looked at me carefully. “Are you sure?”
I nodded and scooted closer to him, angling myself so we faced each other. If this was anyone other than Jess I’d be dying of humiliation right now. But he’d played house with Ashlyn and me when we were little. He knew everything about me, and he got me in a way nobody else did.
But even though all that was true, nervous tingles spread across my face and fingers.
Jess leaned toward me, lifting a hand to my neck to tilt my head just so. I tried to take a mental note of everything he did. I’d need to remember every step in the future—well, for when I get the chance to kiss someone for real in the future, hopefully.
I closed my eyes and puckered up as his face came closer. Just when I thought we were about to do it, he stopped. I opened an eye to peek, only to find a whisper of a smile playing on his lips.
“Last chance to back out.” His warm breath caressed my skin. So close.
“Not happening.” I squeezed my eyes shut again.
“If you say so.”
In a moment, I felt his lips press against mine. An instant later, he pulled away.
I slowly opened my eyes to find him leaning back with a triumphant smile.
I held still, a little bewildered. “That’s it? Seventeen years of stressing over how it would be to kiss a guy, and that’s all it is?” I hunched over and faced forward again.
Jess pressed a hand to his chest. “You really know how to deflate a guy’s ego. I didn’t think it was all that bad.”
“I didn’t mean it like that and you know it. Kissing that way is fine, but I probably could’ve figured it out without any practice. I thought you were going to teach me how to kiss someone for, you know…longer.” I sighed. “Like if I was going to kiss someone for more than half a second, what should I do?”
“So you’re saying you want me to teach you more than the basic peck?”
I bumped my shoulder against him. “That would be correct, Einstein. I mean, you’re the one who said friends could practice with each other.”
“We’ll need to stand up.” Confused, I squished my eyebrows together. “It’s more comfortable than sitting on this log,” he explained.
He got up, pulling me with him. He was almost a foot taller than me.
“Hmm…” He pursed his lips, noting our height difference. “Maybe you should stand on the log, Shorty.”
“Okay.” I sighed and stepped up, holding onto Jess's shoulders for balance. “Is that better?” We were now almost at eye level.
He nodded. “So, do you really think you can handle all this?” He gestured to himself with a grin. “I’ve been known to sweep unassuming ladies off their feet.”
“Yes, Jess, master of all things romantic, I think I can handle all that.”
“Then try not to get swept off your feet.” He took a step closer, reaching an arm behind my waist to steady me. “I’m about to teach you my best moves.”
“Uh-huh.” My stomach knotted as he moved even closer. He looked straight into my eyes with an intensity I’m sure made girls faint in the past.
He really did know how to turn on the charm when he tried. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe I wasn’t really ready for this kind of a kiss.
He slowly ran his thumb across my lips, causing my heart to hammer in my chest. I tried to quiet my heart, but it didn’t seem to realize this was a practice kiss. “I hope this lives up to your high expectations,” he whispered, his voice slightly shaky. Could he be nervous too?
I drew in a ragged breath, trying to think of something funny to lighten the mood, but couldn’t find any words. What was happening to me?
Jess slid his hand behind my neck and pressed a soft, lingering kiss to my lips. Warmth immediately spread throughout my body. I didn’t know exactly how to respond, so I stood there with my hands still on his shoulders as he coaxed my lips to part slightly. He kissed me once again before pulling back and looking me in the eyes.
“So far you’re doing good,” he whispered near my ear, sending chills down the back of my neck. “But can I give you one tip?”
I couldn’t speak, so I nodded.
“You don’t just kiss with your lips.” He guided my hands off his shoulders, entwining my arms around his neck. He held me tightly around my waist, pulling me against him. “You kiss with your whole body.”
This time, his lips were tender and slow against mine. My hand moved, without consulting me, to brush along his jaw, while the other slipped from his neck to grip his shoulder tight. My body was responding on its own accord because my brain had turned to mush, unable to control my limbs.
This was way better than the initial peck he’d given me. I finally understood the appeal of making out. Was this how it would feel to kiss any other guy? Or was Jess just really good like he’d bragged about earlier?
I didn’t understand what was happening, but I knew something was changing. Electricity buzzed through my veins as we kissed, like something inside that I didn’t even know existed was coming to life.
Our kiss slowed eventually until it ended with a short peck. Jess unwrapped his arms around me, and I pushed away to give him some space.
“That was interesting.” Jess ran a hand through his hair, taking his time in looking at me.
I stepped down from the log and dug the toe of my shoe into the dirt. “Yeah. Very educational.”
Jess shoved his hands into his pockets. “Very.” He chuckled awkwardly. “I, uh…I hope you now know what to expect in the future.”
I swung my hands at my sides, one hand in a fist as it bumped into the palm of the other. “I-I think I do. You’re a very good ki…ah…teacher. Thanks.”
Chapter Six
“How was the rest of your weekend?” Jess asked as we drove to school together Monday morning.
“It was long. I tried hacking my dad’s email, but it was pointless.” Actually, I’d spent most of Saturday and Sunday thinking about the kiss. I’d wanted to call Jess to talk about it, but couldn’t get up the nerve, hoping he’d call me first.
“Did the Easter bunny pay you a visit?” Jess asked.
“Nope.” I put my hands on my lap and picked at my cuticles. “I don’t think he got the memo that I moved.”
“Well, we’re too old for that stuff anyway.”
“Yeah.” I hadn’t expected my mom to do anything since we couldn’t afford any extras right now. She did at least have the night off, so we had dinner with Uncle Peter and his best friend Brandt, which turned out to be okay, I guess. Brandt was a nice guy. He was intimidating at first glance. Seriously, he was built like an ox. But he and Uncle Peter told a ton of jokes, so that was good. My mom hadn’t said much the whole night, but that was fine since my mind had been occupied with thoughts of Jess anyway.
An uncomfortable silence stretched on as Jess and I each tried to think of something else to say, though I could only think of the way his lips had felt as they moved with mine, and the feel of his arms snug around my waist. I shook my head. I shouldn’t be thinking about that right now. He would totally notice the flush on my cheeks.
Jess fidgeted with the radio, only listening to each station for a couple of seconds before switching on to the next. I guess love s
ongs weren’t what he was in the mood for at the moment.
“The weather is nice today,” I commented, looking out the window at the clear blue sky above us.
“Yeah it is,” he said, looking everywhere but at me.
This was soooo awkward. Obviously, he regretted that kiss. I needed to talk to him about it, and make sure he knew I wasn’t expecting things to change between us. I may have enjoyed the kiss—enjoyed reliving it all weekend—but that didn’t mean it was a good idea for us to try kissing again. He had his infamous dating record to scare me away from even attempting that. I would not become another two-week fling, only to lose my best friend in the process. No thank you. I needed stability in my life…even if kissing him was like heaven.
There wasn’t enough time to talk in the car now, since we were almost to school. But I would definitely talk to him after school. We needed to get this whole mess sorted out so we could get back to normal.
We were standing by our lockers, waiting for the first bell to ring, when Kelsie walked up to us with her Gucci bag on her arm, looking like the supermodel she was destined to be.
“When are we going on that date you promised me?” She smiled coyly at Jess, biting her plump bottom lip. Weren’t they just going to get together and talk about her visit to Cornell? Had Kelsie translated that as an official date? Or had they talked about going out when I wasn’t around?
“Oh, um.” He looked at her, to me, and back to her again. “I don’t know…”
He clearly didn’t want to make me feel bad. I needed to show him it didn’t bother me in the least that he still wanted to hang out with Kelsie.
I pasted on a huge smile. “Yeah, you guys should totally hang out this weekend. You’d have a blast together.”
Jess hesitated a moment before speaking, quickly glancing at me once more. I nodded enthusiastically, so he’d know I was completely fine with him asking her out. Jess frowned, looking confused as he said, “Umm, do you want to hang out on Friday night?”
Kelsie smiled, showing off her ultra-white teeth. “Friday is perfect!”
Jess swallowed. “I’ll pick you up around seven?” His eyes darted to mine again.
“Great! I have so much to tell you about Cornell!” She turned and left us as the warning bell rang.
Since Luke was working and Jess was with Kelsie, Ashlyn and I went to a movie at her family’s theater Friday night. We loaded up at the concession stand, making good use of the family’s 100% discount, and found our seats in the back of the theater.
“Did Jess tell you what he and Kelsie are doing tonight?” Ashlyn asked as we waited for the movie to start.
I shook my head. “No, I didn’t ask. Jess didn’t seem to want to talk about it.” Things had been off between us all week. I almost wished I hadn’t asked Jess to kiss me, just so we could get back to normal. He’d always been so open about his love life before, but now it seemed like he wasn’t talking about his plans with Kelsie because he thought it would make me feel bad.
“I’m still surprised he asked Kelsie out.” Ashlyn put a handful of popcorn in her mouth.
“Why do you say that?”
She looked at me like I was missing something obvious. “Because he can’t keep his eyes off you.” She paused and furrowed her brow. “You can’t tell me you never noticed.”
“He looks at me like he looks at anybody. That’s kind of this weird thing people do when they hang out with someone.”
Ashlyn chuckled. “Yeah, and he was only furious at what Madison did because he’s your friend. I mean, come on, Eliana.” She turned in her seat to face me. “He was mad because she was rubbing it in his face that he hadn’t had the guts to kiss you yet.”
I looked down at the popcorn in my lap like it was the most fascinating thing I’d ever seen before. “Why would anyone think he’d want to kiss me? We’ve been best friends since I was four. You don’t go around kissing your best friend.”
“What were you guys doing out so late Saturday night anyway? I got home a full hour before Jess.”
I shrugged. “We hung out by the lake and talked.”
“Talked? What about?”
“I was frustrated and embarrassed about everything, so I told him I wanted to get my first kiss out of the way.” I covered my mouth, knowing I’d said too much.
“You what?!” Ashlyn gasped. “Did you guys kiss?”
I nodded slowly and peeked up at Ashlyn. Her eyes looked like they were about to pop right out of her head.
“He actually did it! I thought when he didn’t say anything that it meant he hadn’t done it,” she said as if more to herself than me.
“What are you talking about?”
“Was it good?” She leaned closer.
I blushed, remembering how amazing the kiss had been. Visions of his warm lips moving with mine and the feel of his freshly shaven face against my fingertips popped into my head. “Yeah, it was good.”
“Then why the heck is he with Kelsie tonight?”
I shrugged. “You, of all people, know the short lifespan Jess's relationships have. How many of his ex-girlfriends have stayed on good terms with him?”
“None.”
“Exactly. As great as that kiss was, it couldn’t mean anything. It would mess everything up between us. So, when Kelsie asked Jess when he was gonna take her out, I told them what a great idea that was.”
Ashlyn's jaw dropped. “Why would you tell him to go out with Kelsie? We hate Kelsie!”
“It all happened so fast.” I squeezed my eyes shut briefly then looked back at Ashlyn. “What else could I do?”
Ashlyn shook her head. “No wonder he’s been depressed all week.”
He was depressed?
I waved the thought away. “If he ever felt romantic feelings for me, he wouldn’t have dated half the girls at school.”
“Well I can’t pretend to understand the reasoning behind everything, but I doubt he would kiss you if he didn’t want to.”
I called Jess the next day, hoping we could hang out so I could get a better read on whether that kiss had meant anything to him or not. But he said he was busy and couldn’t hang out.
Sunday, he had church and family stuff.
By Monday, I had everything that I was going to say to him planned out. I’d had plenty of time to think it through, rehearsing the words over and over in the mirror so I wouldn’t mess up.
With no appetite for breakfast, I packed a peanut butter sandwich in my backpack, in case I could stomach it later. It wouldn’t do me any good if I fainted from low blood sugar before I could even talk to Jess.
Jess honked for me outside, so I grabbed my backpack and checked myself in the mirror before leaving my room. I’d taken extra time on my hair and make-up this morning, not wanting to have a single hair out of place when I got in his car.
I walked down the stairs, careful not to wake Davey, who was sleeping on the couch—he and his wife must have had another fight. I opened the front door with hardly a sound.
Jess, I sighed to myself, the quietly handsome boy with the most beautiful green eyes a girl could get lost in.
I practically danced down the sidewalk to the car. Lost in my thoughts, and excited about the possibilities today might bring, I didn’t notice someone was in the passenger seat until I reached for the door handle.
I almost jumped out of my skin when I saw Kelsie sitting shotgun. In my seat. From the sour expression on her face, she looked like she’d bitten into a lemon.
She climbed out and let me get into the backseat.
“Hey, Jess.” I slid in behind him.
“Hey.” Jess looked at me through the rearview mirror as Kelsie climbed back in. He put the car in gear and pulled away from the curb without another word.
Kelsie twisted in her seat to face me. “I didn’t know this part of town was included in our school district.” She glanced at my uncle’s house.
“It’s not.” My face burned with humiliation. I doubted she’d spent mu
ch time in this part of town, if ever. “When I moved here, Jess offered to drive me to school so I wouldn’t have to switch.”
Kelsie smiled at Jess. “How sweet of you, Jess,” her voice oozing with false admiration, “helping little Eliana out like that.” I hated how she always called me little Eliana, as if just because I was short it made me like a kid still.
“I pretty much forced my services on her.” He winked at me through the rearview mirror. “She tried to refuse at first, but when I told her I’d switch schools right along with her, she finally agreed.”
I smiled back at him, feeling my humiliation subside. Why was Kelsie in the car anyway? Did her fancy Jag break down or something?
I didn’t say much else the rest of the ride to school. I had hoped to get everything out in the open between Jess and me this morning, but Kelsie had foiled that plan. Once again, I’d have to wait until later. Maybe I could pull Jess aside during lunch and get everything figured out.
But as soon as we got out of the car, Kelsie sashayed right up next to Jess. He smiled and reached over to hold her hand.
I stumbled and barely kept myself from face-planting.
This couldn’t be happening!
Jess shouldn’t be smiling at Kelsie.
He shouldn’t be holding her hand and looking at her like she was the sun his earth orbited around.
But it was happening. And I had a front row seat to it all.
“I’ll see you guys later. I need to get something from the library before class,” I lied. I quickened my step and rushed past them into the school building. I could hardly keep the tears from falling down my face, giving my feelings away for everyone to see.
I ran into the girls’ restroom and locked myself in a stall as the tears trickled down.
Why was I crying?
This was what I’d wanted, right? This would keep our friendship the way it’d always been. This would ensure things wouldn’t get weird between Jess and me.