Love Always,

by Sonya Loveday

  He pulled me closer against him. “I’m going to get you sick,” he said, sounding sorrowful, but not willing to let me go.

  “I don’t care,” I said, nestling closer to him. “I don’t know when we’ll see each other again. I’ll take what I can get.”

  I looked up at him, enjoying the relaxed smile on his face, and then jerked back.

  “What?” he said, alarm in his eyes.

  “Your eyes,” I said, leaning in closer. “I thought—I thought they were brown.”

  “Oh,” he said, chuckling. “Yeah, no. I have one blue eye and one brown eye. Mother makes me wear brown contacts because she says it’s too distracting otherwise.”

  “Even your eyes are confused,” I remarked, touching at his face. “They’re beautiful, Phillip. Sort of a mixture of my favorite things, wet sand and deep water. You shouldn’t hide them.”

  He looked away from me, so I dropped my hand, not wanting to push him. I swore I wouldn’t.

  “Will I ever not be surprised by you?” I asked, reaching for his tea. I stirred it, handed it to him, and then scooped up my own.

  “Isn’t that supposed to be the best part of any relationship? The surprises?” he countered before taking a sip. His eyes nearly rolled in the back of his head as he took another.

  “Well, yes,” I said. “It’s just… people are so predictable, you know? I mean, the majority are born into a box. Personalities. Actions. They can be figured out by a freaking grid on paper. It starts out with are you a good person or a bad one, and then the choices keep growing. But you—you’re different. You don’t follow the lines down to your personality type. You aren’t predictable. Everything I’ve tried to guess about you up until now, even down to your actions, I’ve gotten wrong.”

  “Is that a good thing?” he asked, his eyes scanning mine.

  “The best,” I said, wishing I could say so much more.

  “Maybe that’s why we’re so drawn to each other then, because I surely can’t predict you,” he said, chuckling.

  Drawn to each other.

  It was so much more than that. The air always felt thick between us. Thick with emotion. Thick with thoughts unspoken.

  Full of attraction.

  I looked away from him, biting my lip. Maybe it was a mistake to think spending the last day with him would be a good idea. There was so much I wanted to say. So many things I wanted to do, because how did I know I’d ever get the chance to do them again?

  What if I never saw him again?

  My mouth opened as I swallowed thickly, trying to bite back the emotions swelling over me.

  “Hey,” he said, setting his cup down and pulling me back to him. “What’s wrong?”

  I couldn’t answer him right away. Partly from fear, and partly because I knew the waterworks would unleash in full fury.

  “Maggie,” he said, his hand finding the underside of my chin. He turned my face up, ever so gently, love swimming in his eyes.

  I closed my eyes, cursing myself and him, cursing my lips for tingling and my heart for beating inside my throat.

  Pulling back, I took one of the many bracelets kept on my arm by slipknots off and handed it to him.

  “Blue and brown, just like your eyes,” I said, sliding it over his hand. “Even if you wear contacts, every time you look down at it, you’ll think of who you really are. You’ll think of this summer and all that you wanted to be and, wherever you are, maybe you’ll think of me too.”

  I pulled the strings tight so the bracelet was snug, and then swallowed again, trying to keep my emotions in check.

  “Thank you, Maggie,” he said, looking down at it. “It’s… it’s probably the best gift I’ve ever been given.”

  “I just know that when we leave here, we’re both going to have so much going on. So much change in our lives. It’s going to be hard to stick to writing each other and staying in—”

  “No,” he said firmly. “I meant it when I promised you. I meant it when I said I needed you in my life, Maggie. I’m not letting you go.”

  My heart felt like it could fly.

  “Close your eyes,” he said, staring intently at me.

  I swallowed down my rapidly beating heart and did as he asked.

  “Hold out your hand.”

  I did.

  A moment later, something small and warm slid onto my first finger. His lips pressed against my cheek, and my breath caught in my throat. He stayed there for a moment, and then whispered, “Open your eyes.”

  I looked down at my hand, finding a circle of gold, with a squared blue stone and his name on the side fitted loosely on my finger. It was the same ring he’d worn since I’d first met him.

  I curled up against him, tucking my head into the curve of his shoulder, and we held onto each other in the silence. Neither one of us were willing to let the other go, because surely if we did, we’d drift apart like most things did when the tide changed, so we stayed anchored together as the sunlight streaming through the window shifted, becoming muted as daylight gave way to the inky beginnings of twilight.

  Our short, sweet summer was over.

  When he walked me to the door, he held my hand the entire way, and then pulled me into a hug, lifting me off the floor as he put as much of himself into it as he could.

  I wanted to freeze that moment. Wanted to stay in our private oasis forever.

  When he set me down and pulled back, his eyes grazed over me with such desperation, as if trying to remember every part of me, and I smiled at him.

  That was how I wanted him to remember me.

  Happy.

  In love.

  His friend.

  “Here,” he said, reaching over to the table and grabbing a pen and pad of paper. “This is the address to my dorm. You’ll have to write me first so that I have your address in California.”

  He pulled the paper free from the pad and handed it to me. I clutched it in my hand with a nod and forced the words to answer him past my lips, “I will. I promise.”

  “No matter what, okay?” he said as he looked into my eyes.

  “No matter what,” I repeated, and then I walked out the door, praying against all odds that I’d see Phillip again.

  August 31, 2014

  Hoops,

  You’ll be happy to know I’m all moved into my dorm, and I did it all on my own! Mother tried to hire someone to come in and set it all up, but I refused, telling her I’d rather do it myself so I could have everything where I wanted it. A step in the right direction for me, huh?

  You’d like my roommate. He’s a transfer student from London! Every time we have a conversation, all I can think about is how much you’d probably love to sit and listen to him talk. And he talks a lot. It’s nice though. He kind of creates a distraction for me as I fight the urge to mope around, wishing you were here.

  I keep stalking my mail, waiting for your first letter. I can’t wait to hear all about California and what sort of things you’ve been up to! It’s felt like months instead of just weeks since I last saw you.

  I have a plan though! Well, it’s more like a three-year plan, but a plan no less. I’m going to double up on some of my classes and not take any time off so I can be done with school a year early. I just have to wait and see if the University will approve it. I don’t think it will be a problem considering my grades.

  I’m doing it, Maggie. I’m making my first real attempt at taking my life back!

  I miss you. I can’t wait to hear from you!

  Always yours,

  SS Phillip

  I FOLDED THE LETTER AND slipped it into an unaddressed envelope, sitting back with a sigh. Waiting for Maggie’s first letter was an exercise in patience that I found I had none of.

  I should have made her promise to call me instead so I could hear her voice, I thought, mentally kicking myself for not thinking about it then. The upside to that was letters could be read over and over again by words suspended in time on a page.

  “Hoy, what are
you doing over there?” Ed, my roommate, called out from his sprawled position on his bed.

  I turned in my seat, watching him toss the complimentary stress ball the University gave us on Welcoming Day. He’d been at it since I’d sat down to write Maggie.

  “I was writing a letter. Aren’t you bored with that yet?” I asked, watching the blur of red sail up in the air and then come back down in his hands.

  “Mate, I’ve been bored ever since I unpacked,” he said, sitting up with a groan.

  “There’s plenty of stuff to do around campus. You don’t have to sit here,” I said, laughing when he rolled his eyes at me.

  “Ye know, if I would ha’ known the rules and shite o’ this place, I’d never ha’ left London,” he said, shoving himself up from the bed and stabbing his fingers through his disheveled hair.

  “What’s wrong with New York?” I asked, turning my chair all the way around to watch him stalk over to the window and brace his shoulder as he peered out.

  “S’not so much New York as it is the whole damn country,” he answered, bumping his head against the glass. “I can’t even go round to the local pub and get a pint,” he said, sighing heavily before continuing. “I’m no’ sure I can do this, mate.”

  I couldn’t help it. I busted out laughing.

  “Wha’s so funny?” he said, turning to scowl at me.

  “You, Ed. Just give it a day or two. I can guarantee you’ll be getting invitations to all the sorority parties, and then we’ll talk about how much you miss going down the road to the pub.” I even went so far as quirking my eyebrow at him with a shake of my head.

  “Sorority parties, eh? I think I can give it a go for a while longer,” he answered, lowering himself to sit on the sill. “D’ye think they’ll be naked women there as well?”

  I bit the inside of my cheek, struggling not to laugh as his eyes sort of glazed over as if he was seeing a party made of naked women and beer manifest before him.

  If only my life were that simple.

  Before I could answer, our resident advisor poked his head into the room and announced that he was having some sort of informal get-together in his room between seven and eleven that night. “You’re welcome to pop in at any time,” he said, turning to leave without waiting for a reply.

  “And so it begins,” I told Ed, watching a smile lift the corners of his mouth.

  Ed, deciding to make the most of it for a little while, seemed to cheer up. “So, who’s the girl?”

  I whipped my head around to the empty doorway and willed my heart to settle. I knew there was no chance of Maggie being there. But Sophia? I wouldn’t put it past her to show up unannounced.

  “What girl?” I asked, unable to keep the aggravation from my voice.

  “Listen, mate. We’re at University and wha’s the first thing you do when you’re unpacked? You sit and write a letter, tha’s what, which leads me to think you’re writing a girl,” he said, smirking.

  “I could be writing my parents for all you know,” I answered.

  “Doubt that. If ever there was a man escaping Mummy dearest, it’s you,” he tossed back at me.

  My knee-jerk response to that was to demand how he could know. I hadn’t said much about my family when he’d showed up an hour after me and dumped his bags on the floor by his bed. He had fallen onto the mattress, mumbling incoherent words about flying and beer that tastes like piss before he passed out until the next morning.

  That had been three days ago.

  Since then, we’d talked quite a bit, but I’d never given him much information about my parents. Anything I’d said about them was brief, and then I would spin the conversation back onto him.

  “I’m hungry. Let’s go grab some lunch,” I said, standing up and pushing the chair under the desk.

  “Burgers or pizza?” he asked, grabbing his wallet from the floor.

  I kept my face blank as I watched him, while inwardly I winced. Who left their wallet on the floor like that? And moreover, when would he clean his side of the room? All he’d done so far was dump his suitcase over and toss things into drawers without folding anything. His jeans and shoes had been tossed into the bottom of the closet in a heap, making me wonder if I should pick up more hangers while we were out. At least he’d made a half-ass attempt at making his bed. Even if the comforter was balled up in the middle. The only thing he’d put any effort into was making sure his phone was connected to its docking station so he could listen to music. Music I’d never heard before.

  The only thing relatable between Ed and I was the fact that we were roommates. It didn’t mean I wouldn’t try though. Ed seemed nice, even if he had a very odd way of doing things. Maybe it was some sort of cosmic karma that life was having a grand old time dishing out at me. First Maggie. Then Ed.

  Blowing out a long breath, I shrugged as I answered him. “Pizza is fine.”

  “Really? ‘Cause I’m in the mood for burgers,” he said, shrugging into a thin jacket.

  “Okay, burgers then. And you aren’t going to need that jacket,” I said as he gave me an odd look.

  “I never go anywhere without it,” he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets and making his way past me.

  “I THINK I’M LEAVING A trail of myself behind me. Quick, check and make sure my ass hasn’t melted straight off,” Ed said, peeling his jacket from his arms.

  “I tried to tell you… I mean, it is summer and all,” I said, laughing when he cut me a dirty look.

  “Balls to your summer and this feckin’ heat. It’s gotta be like a million degrees right now,” he answered as a girl jogged past us in a sports bra and stretchy pants.

  His hand clamped down on my shoulder as his head turned to follow her progression past us. “Jesus, would ye look a’ that,” he said with a low whistle of appreciation.

  I looked over my shoulder and shrugged. She was a pretty girl who had the sleek muscles of a runner. Her blonde ponytail swung against her back with the cadence of her light jog. A thin coating of sweat on her skin glistened in the sunlight.

  “So this girl you were writing… what’s her name?” Ed’s question came from out of the blue, catching me off guard. So off guard that I answered him before I could stop myself.

  “Maggie, eh? And this Maggie is special to you how?” he asked, probing a little further since I’d made a slip, leaving the conversation open enough for him to try to divulge more from me.

  “She’s just special. Can we leave it at that?” I said, rubbing my hand against the back of my neck to ease the tension.

  “Ah, it’s like that, ya?” he said, nudging me with his elbow.

  I side-stepped him, putting some much-needed space between us. “I have no idea what you mean.”

  He laughed. “There are two types of people in this world, Phillip. Those who do what they’re told and those who do what they want. Now, me… I’m the one who does what he wants. Who are you?” he asked, slapping his hand against my shoulder before jogging off, not waiting for my reply.

  Rubbing my hand against the sting he’d left behind, I watched him cross the common and stop in front of a girl carrying a stack of books that weighted her arms down. With a brief exchange of words, he had her books in his arms. Beaming a smile in my direction, he wiggled his eyebrows, and then turned to follow her.

  Who are you? His words echoed in my ears.

  I don’t even know anymore, I thought.

  Instead of going back to my dorm room, I set out through the commons to a shop that sold supplies. I needed a few personal things and, while I was at it, I’d pick up some damn hangers. If Ed could take a verbal swing at me, then I could give one back.

  Hit for hit. I wasn’t going to live with a slob.

  I’D HAD EVERY INTENTION OF hanging up the pile of clothes he’d left at the bottom of the closet, but I stopped myself before I could actually do it.

  Not my mess. Not my problem, I repeated to myself over and over again to convince myself to leave it alone.

&n
bsp; Dropping the extra hangers on Ed’s rumpled bed, I toed my shoes off and pulled out my calculus book. It wouldn’t hurt to look over the first few chapters before class started to get a feel for the work coming my way.

  That was where Ed found me, sound asleep, book lying in my lap.

  I tossed the book to the foot of the bed and sat up rubbing my eyes, feeling my contacts slip. Aggravated that I’d fallen asleep, I shoved myself up from the bed, grabbed my contact case, and plucked the offending colored lenses out before tossing them in the garbage. I was done pretending to be someone I wasn’t.

  And getting rid of them once and for all was a good start.

  I looked down at the bracelet Maggie had given me and touched the blue and brown threads. She’d have the widest smile on her face had she watched me toss those contacts and take the next step in becoming who I wanted to be.

  Ed watched me, not saying a word. Although the smirk he wore said more than words by far.

  He waited until I put my calculus book back on my desk before saying much of anything.

  Surprisingly enough, he picked up the hangers from his bed and pulled the heap from the floor, making quick work of hanging up his clothes.

  “What time d’ye want to go to the RA’s party?” he asked. His voice was muffled from the confines of the closet.

  Looking down at my watch, I groaned. I’d slept for three solid hours and would probably lay awake half the night because of it.

  “You are going… right?” he said, turning around to face me.

  I sat back down on my bed. “Yeah, I’ll pop in for a few.”

  “Pop in for a few? Phil, how are you going to make any new friends if you keep yourself locked away in here like a monk?” he asked with a shake of his head.

  “I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to get my degree and then move on,” I answered, fighting back a yawn as I scrubbed my hands against my face.