His Other Life

by Beth Thomas

  She answers the door in her underwear. Next to me, Matt goes rigid and seems about to bolt.

  ‘Good God, Gracie, what on earth are you doing here?’ she asks, eyes wide in surprise.

  ‘You asked me to come over, Julia, about fifteen minutes ago, remember? You said there’s something important happening.’

  ‘Oh, yes, yes, there is, in a minute. That’s lucky, you’ll be here for it. Come in, come in.’

  We follow her into the hallway, then she darts to the left and up the stairs, so we continue into the living room on our own. There’s no sign of Ray.

  Matt turns to me, his eyes wide. ‘Where in God’s name are we?’ he says quietly, but I can’t explain anything as in the next few seconds Julia skitters into the room. We both relax with relief at the sight of a blue polka dot dress and navy cardigan.

  ‘I’m in a right jittery state about this, you know,’ she says, smoothing down the front of her dress. ‘Can’t seem to think straight at all. Mind keeps wandering all over the place. Forgot something really important just now.’ She puts up a hand. ‘Don’t even ask me. I’m so embarrassed!’

  Matt and I exchange a look. I think we both know what she forgot, but it seems she doesn’t remember it was us at the door, which is fine with me.

  ‘It’s been a stressful time, Julia,’ I say softly.

  She nods. ‘Oh, yes, yes, I know it has. I’ve been cleaning all morning.’

  ‘So what exactly—’

  I don’t manage to finish asking the question, as at that moment there’s a knock at the door. Julia glances down at herself quickly, then pats the front of her dress, obviously reassuring herself that she’s in the proper attire for door-answering. Then she looks at me quickly, grimaces, and leaves the room.

  ‘Wow,’ is all Matt says.

  ‘I know.’

  ‘Is she always …?’

  ‘Yes.’

  He nods slowly. ‘Wow.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘What do you think this is all about?’

  ‘I have no idea. It could be absolutely anything.’

  ‘Something to do with Adam, though?’

  ‘Not necessarily. Maybe she’s bought a new kettle or, I don’t know, got an appointment for a haircut.’

  ‘Can’t be the kettle,’ he says quietly, ‘someone’s here.’

  Seconds later, an unremarkable young woman comes into the room, followed by an anxious Julia. The girl looks around her, relaxed and comfortable and giving nothing away as to why we are all there. She’s in plain blue jeans and a purple tee shirt and has mousy hair tied back into a ponytail. She must be around twenty-one or twenty-two, but in spite of her age she doesn’t seem to be wearing any make-up. She doesn’t need to, though, as her skin is flawless, like a doll. The most noticeable thing about her is her confidence and ease at being in someone else’s house, surrounded on three sides by strangers. Oh, that and the one-year-old baby sitting on her hip.

  I’m hit in the stomach with a sickening lurch. Immediately the presence of that baby, so young, so dark, makes me unbearably uneasy. Suddenly I’m finding it difficult to breathe normally as all the twos from the past three years of my life add inexorably up to four. I make myself smile questioningly and take a step towards her.

  ‘Oh, hello. Nice baby. My name’s Grace and this is my friend’s brother, Matt. How old is he?’

  A brief frown appears on that smooth face and is then replaced by a smile. ‘Looks about thirty, I suppose. Is this some kind of test?’

  ‘What? Oh, no, no, ha ha, I see what you … No, I didn’t … What I meant was, how old is your baby?’

  She nods. ‘Yes, I realise thit. Just a joke. He’s nine months.’

  ‘Oh, right. Nine months. Wow.’ I think back furiously nine months. Where was I? And more to the point, where was Adam? It’s July now, so nine months ago … I start to count back, my brain tumbling like clothes in the dryer, but when I get to seven I forget where I am, and what I’m counting. Nine months, nine months, so nine months ago … No, no, that’s the wrong nine months, idiot. If this creature was born nine months ago, I have to go back nine months before that, back to, what? January last year? February? What was happening then? Was it snowing? Was Adam acting strangely? Well, hah, der, course he was. That’s pretty standard. So for him, not acting strangely at all. Oh, God, I can’t think straight.

  ‘She was recommended to me by someone,’ Julia says suddenly, nodding. She makes a sweeping gesture with her arm, I’m guessing to indicate that we should all move to the sofa and sit down, but I’m still fixated on the child. ‘Would you …?’ she says, almost beseechingly, and I drag my eyes away from the baby to focus on her. She’s already seated, so after a glance at Matt, I go over there and sit down next to her. Matt sits on my other side.

  ‘What’s this all about, Julia?’ I ask her quietly. ‘Who is this woman?’ I stare malevolently at the baby again. It smiles and blows a bubble. ‘And whose baby is it?’

  The girl bends slightly to bring her face level with mine. ‘The baby is mine and my husbind’s,’ she says firmly. I notice that she has a faint Australian accent, and my mind seizes it. Was Adam in Australia nine months ago? Or eighteen months ago? Huh, like I’d know. But I would know if he was away or not. Think, think …

  ‘I really don’t get why you’re being like thit with hum.’

  ‘Oh, no, I’m not, I just thought …’ I dry up. Hmm. Can’t really tell her that as soon as I clapped eyes on her baby, I bounded at full speed to the conclusion that she had been shagging my husband and secretly birthed his baby. No. ‘No, sorry, I was just … I wasn’t expecting … I didn’t …’

  ‘We’re a bit in the dark here, to be honest,’ Matt says confidently next to me. ‘Julia has asked us to come, without explaining anything, so we don’t even know why we’re here, or whether your lovely baby is part of it, or whether he was just at a loose end and decided to tag along.’

  The girl grins and relaxes visibly and I release a tense breath. I feel myself leaning a little towards Matt, as if pulled by some invisible force, and our upper arms press together.

  ‘Oh, ha ha, no, no, he’s just tagging along,’ the girl says, smiling broadly. ‘He’s called Max, by the way.’ She places him down on his back on the floor where he immediately starts to look sleepy.

  ‘Oh, hi Max,’ Matt says, waving. ‘It’s lovely to meet you. I’m Matt. How’s your day so far?’

  Max breathes quickly through his mouth and lets his head drop to the side.

  ‘Julia,’ Max’s mum says, and Julia jumps in her seat.

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Shall we get on?’ Julia nodes mutely, so the girl gives a tiny nod. ‘Right. Before we staht, my name is Melissa. You should know thit this doesn’t always work, but I have been pretty successful in the pahst. I’ll go over what I’m going to do and what may or may not hippen and then you can ahsk any questions before we do the reading itself. OK?’ Matt and I must be looking pretty befuddled – actually, I have a feeling Julia is too – so Melissa smiles. ‘I’m a psychic,’ she says, as if she was saying ‘I’m a teacher.’ ‘Actually I’m more of a psychic troubleshooter.’ She giggles girlishly. ‘Thit is, like a problem solver. You know?’

  ‘Oh I see,’ Matt says, nodding. ‘A psychic troubleshooter. So, are you saying you solve psychic problems? Bad signal, interference, sluggish spirits, that kind of thing?’ I can hear the smile in his voice even though I can only see him in my periphery.

  Melissa frowns. ‘No, not at all. I mean I can help to solve your problems by using spirit to guide you.’

  Beside me, Matt nods gravely. ‘Spirit?’

  Melissa nods. ‘Yes. Spirit.’

  ‘I see. So it’s a name? Like vodka?’

  Melissa rolls her eyes. ‘I don’t know. Anyway. Shall I go over what hippens?’

  Matt spreads his hands. ‘Please.’

  ‘Thinks. Now, first of all I need to make sure you’re all completely comfortable. Can’t be do
ing with interruptions for the toilet, or someone needing a snack.’ She dips her chin and peers at us like a teacher. ‘Anyone need the loo, or a drink, or anything like thit?’ I shake my head quickly. Clearly our Melissa’s not a very good psychic. I mean, shouldn’t she be able to tell us?

  ‘OK then. Mobile phones off please. Think you. And no interrupting – you can ahsk questions in a minute.’

  So the three of us sit in a row, one of us devouring it all with wide eyes; one of us listening dispassionately; one of us dismissing it all silently. I know Matt is dismissing it all by his repeated, muted sighs and not-so-subtle tuts. Melissa tells us that she will need to hold something belonging to the missing person, then we will all have to keep very quiet (in other words, no sarcastic sighing, ha ha) while she uses spirit to help her find the person and tell us what has happened. The thought occurs to me to ask her to help me find the safe afterwards, but I dismiss that idea quickly. Something tells me her expertise won’t run to missing objects. In fact, technically the object I’m looking for isn’t missing, as I’m positive Adam knows exactly where it is, why it’s there, and how to get into it.

  Quickly I force myself to refocus on what’s going on, before I get lost wondering about the safe yet again. Melissa’s voice is still going.

  ‘… so, if you could give me something belonging to Adam …’

  ‘Grace,’ Julia says, not moving her wide eyes from Melissa’s face.

  ‘Oh, sorry, I thought the missing person was called Adam?’

  ‘Yes, yes, he is.’ Julia nods but still doesn’t look at me. ‘Grace. Something of Adam’s.’

  I start and turn towards her. ‘Oh, God, Julia. I’m so sorry, I don’t think …’ I grab my handbag anyway and start rummaging through it, even though I know I don’t have anything of his in there. I never have had. I shake my head as I look up at her again. ‘I don’t have anything of his with me. I’m so sorry, I didn’t know. Why didn’t you ask me to bring something?’

  She revolves her head towards me, pins me briefly with a look, then turns back to Melissa. ‘I mean, Grace is something of Adam’s.’ She jerks her chin towards me. ‘Use her.’

  And then, like the amazing Grace in the song, I feel like I can see properly at last. I’m not invited to take part in this farce, or even to support Julia while she goes through it. My presence is for a much more practical reason. I’m here simply as one of Adam’s possessions. Because in Julia’s eyes, that’s all I am. All I ever was.

  ‘Um, I don’t think so …’ Matt starts to say. He puts his arm partway across me as a kind of barrier as he looks from Melissa to Julia.

  I touch his arm. ‘It’s OK, Matt. It’s fine.’ I give Melissa a look, who is, to be fair to the girl, looking a bit uncomfortable now. Then I turn to Julia. ‘Julia, I’m not one of Adam’s belongings. I’ve got my own personality, my own thoughts and ideas. I doubt very much that he will have left much of a psychic imprint on me.’

  ‘You’d be surprised, actually,’ Melissa cuts in helpfully.

  ‘Well, my personality will no doubt interfere with the—’

  ‘Doubt ut.’

  I fall silent. Both Melissa and Julia are studiously avoiding looking at me. Julia has discovered something incredibly interesting on her sleeve; and Melissa is clasping her hands together and looking beseechingly up at the ceiling. No doubt gathering the spirits around her or something equally fatuous. I glance at Matt and he flicks his eyes towards the door – ‘Get out of here?’ – but I shake my head. As stupid and pointless as this all is, I kind of want to see it play out now. I take a breath in and release it slowly. ‘I guess I’ll endure it. Where do you want me, then?’

  ‘Right.’ Melissa indicates the floor next to the chair she’s sitting on. ‘If you could come and sit over here, thit would be most useful.’

  So I get up and move to the spot she’s indicated, leaving poor Matt on the sofa next to Julia. He’s scooched forwards now so he’s perched on the edge with his hands clasped loosely between his knees. He keeps glancing around, jerking his head forwards as he notices things: the mini brass Buddha head on the mantel shelf; the cupped angel’s wings holding a candle in the shape of a curled baby; the books on the power of now and the self-healing properties of a raw meat diet. He catches my eye and I realise I’ve been staring at him for quite a while, so I shake my head as if in disbelief. He grins and raises his eyebrows, as if to say ‘What?’ so I smile and make an ‘I’m so sorry’ expression, pressing my lips together and hanging my head. But he just shakes his head dismissively, which I take to mean, ‘It doesn’t matter.’ But it doesn’t make me feel any better. As I look at him, he glances over to Melissa, then back at me, and his lips twitch a bit. He even flicks his eyes in her direction a couple of times, as if to say, ‘Can you believe this?’ And it occurs to me then that he might actually be enjoying himself.

  Melissa is now waving her hands around in a wafting motion towards herself, as if beckoning someone – or something – in her direction.

  ‘That looks very complicated and important,’ Matt says, his voice quivering just a little. ‘Are you summoning spirit towards you?’

  ‘Nah, I’m just really hot. OK, Julia, you ready? Shall we get started?’

  Matt looks over at me again, his face a frozen, mirthless mask. But his nostrils flare just a little and it’s obvious – to me anyway – that he’s trying not to giggle. I look from him to Julia, but she doesn’t seem to be aware of anything except Melissa, who is now very seriously and slowly reaching down to place a hand on top of my head.

  ‘What happens now?’ Julia whispers reverentially.

  ‘I just need to focus a few moments, Julia love, while I hold the … er … the item, and see if I can pick anything up.’

  ‘Right. So what sort of thing …?’

  ‘Focusing, Julia.’

  Gradually, the room falls into silence and now we’re all watching Melissa. She seems to have gone into a trance-like state, eyes closed, chin slightly dipped, as if she were staring at the top of my head. But she’s completely silent and immobile. My legs are starting to get pins and needles but I can’t move, I can’t speak, there’s absolutely nothing stirring in the room. Even Matt, it seems, has got caught up in the moment and is staring intently at the top of my head. I roll my eyes towards Julia and find her staring at exactly the same spot. It’s making me a bit nervous, to be honest, as if there’s a small fire starting there, or a tiny creature is hatching. It does feel oddly warm, hot even, and I find myself wondering if some mystical power is being conjured. I picture a bright, ethereal light emanating from me, and I wonder what I look like with that happening.

  Then I give myself a mental slap round the face. Come on.

  Suddenly Melissa sucks her breath in sharply, as if someone has put an ice cube down her back. Instinctively I jerk back and try to turn a teensy bit to see what’s happening, but I can’t move. The pressure on my head suddenly feels like a building is resting on me, pinning me to the floor. My left foot is now completely numb but I can’t move even a tiny bit. Matt and Julia are still staring unblinkingly at the top of my head. The pressure increases further, making me feel like my head is being forced into my chest cavity, then suddenly releases – I presume Melissa removed her hand – and Julia and Matt relax and lean back into their seats. For a split second I feel like I’m levitating, rising up, and I start to panic; but then I realise it’s simply the sensation of the release of pressure from my head. Quickly I get my foot out from under me and stretch it out, then turn to look at Melissa. She’s smiling and looking very serene and superior.

  ‘Well, that went well,’ she says, nodding at us all with half-closed eyes. I want to slap her. We all wait to hear what she’s about to pronounce, but she just sighs and stares delightedly at Max, snuffling and rotating his ankles on the floor.

  ‘Great,’ Matt says eventually. ‘Are you going to let us in on it?’

  A hardness appears in Melissa’s beatific smile, just for a
second, then she’s all loveliness and calm again. ‘Oh well, yes, of course.’ She reaches above her and stretches her arms. ‘Now, let me think. Ah yes, there was a lot of blankness to begin with, not much there at all.’

  ‘What does that mean?’ Julia’s voice is virtually a whisper. It seems oddly theatrical after Melissa’s matter-of-fact tone.

  ‘Um, well ut just means that I couldn’t find him for a long time.’

  ‘Join the club,’ I mutter, and Matt snorts a breathy laugh out of his nose.

  ‘His trace on Grace is very faint,’ Melissa goes on. ‘He clearly hasn’t touched her for a long time.’

  ‘Well, he’s been gone a long time,’ I say defensively.

  Melissa looks at me. ‘Yes. Exactly.’

  ‘Shh,’ Julia says at me, then raises her eyebrows at Melissa.

  ‘Yes, yes, with a trace as faint as that he’s definitely been gone a while,’ Melissa says, nodding. ‘How long is ut? Four, five months …?’

  ‘A week.’

  Melissa turns and looks down at me. ‘Seven days?’ She frowns. ‘Not months? Are you sure? It seemed to me he’d been gone a lot longer.’

  ‘Really?’ Julia says hungrily. ‘Well, that’s strange.’ She turns to me with narrowed eyes, but I have no idea what she’s accusing me of. She saw Adam herself a week or so before he legged it, so she knows full well he hasn’t been gone any longer than I’ve said.

  ‘Well, ut’s either longer,’ Melissa goes on, ‘or there wasn’t much of a connection in the first place.’

  ‘So where is he now?’ I ask quickly, cutting Julia off before she starts.

  Melissa smiles at me indulgently. My hands clench into fists. ‘Oh, I can’t tell you thit, my love,’ she says, blinking slowly. ‘This isn’t an exact science, you know.’

  ‘Not even a science,’ comes a quiet voice from the sofa.