Kolyn hugged Jean warmly. "They are of no use to me and I thought the baby could use them."
Jean glanced at the pile of baby clothes and other things Kolyn brought. "We cannot thank you enough."
''You saved my life, remember." Kolyn squeezed her hand once more before walking to her horse. "That is something I can never repay with just a few old things I found in the attic."
She mounted with Ronald's help. "Should anyone ask about me, I'd prefer you didn't say I was here."
Ronald and Jean exchanged glances. Kolyn felt terrible placing them in such a position. "I wouldn't ask if it wasn't very important." "I know, Lynn," Jean said. "We'll not mention your visit should Lord blackstone ask."
"Thank you," Kolyn said in relief. She trusted them at their word. "I'll be back when I can. Take care of yourselves."
Kolyn rode off, wondering when that would be.Ian rode from the cottage with a strange feeling plaguing him. He knew Jean and Ronald had lied to him. He had seen the look on their faces when he arrived. What were they keeping from him? And why? Sensing their discomfort, he had stayed only long enough to leave the meat and question them about Lynn. He knew nothing more now than after his last visit. This frustrated him.
Not wishing to go back to the castle yet, Ian rode deeper into the forest. He remembered a beautiful loch not too far away, and decided it would be a quiet place to spend the afternoon. Perhaps give him time to sort out his feelings. Kolyn leaned down and drank from the loch, the chilled water soothing her thirst. She leaned back against a boulder and pulled her knees up to rest her chin on them, her wool shawl wrapped snugly about her to ward off the cold. Snow covered the earth, blanketing the world in its frozen whiteness. Soon, she wouldn't be able to get to this place. As December passed it would bring more storms, limiting travel . . . limiting her raiding.
She dreaded being bound within the manor. How would she continue to deal with Dwight? And what of Emmett and his madness? A chill touched her. Not one of cold from the briskness of the air, but one of fear. Kolyn prayed she find a solution. Suddenly she felt his presence even before she saw him, sitting on his great war-horse across the water. She did not move for fear he would see her. Emotions played havoc with her attempt to remain calm. He looked larger than life, sitting tall in the saddle, dark and ominous. It was difficult for her to believe this was the same man who had made love to her so tenderly. So passionately.
Unable to deal with the sight of him, Kolyn squeezed her eyes shut, praying for him to go away.
Ian's heart nearly stopped inside his chest, and he even feared to breathe. Lynn sat upon the opposite bank. Were his eyes deceiving him? Slowly, silently, he moved. She did not disappear, even as he rode near her.
"Are you real, Lynn? Or just my imagination playing cruel tricks on me?"
Her heart jumped into her throat, keeping her from speaking. She wanted to run, but her legs also failed her.
"Have you nothing to say?"
Kolyn pushed herself up onto her trembling legs. "Leave me be. You must leave me be."
Ian wasn't sure he had heard her right, the words she spoke barely above a whisper. "How can I? You've cast a spell on me, lass. How can I fight such witchery?" "'Tis no witchery," Kolyn cried out, her eyes widening in horror. "You must not say such things."
Confused by the fear he saw on her face, Ian slid from his mount. When he turned back, she was gone.
"Lynn," he yelled out, but no answer came. Kolyn heard him call to her, and ran deeper into the trees. Uncontrolled fear pulsated through her with each hurtful beat of her heart. She feared him, she feared herself, she feared the turmoil seeing him brought her. Kolyn heard him crash into the brush in pursuit. She felt much like an animal in flight from a hunter. He closed in fast, and Kolyn had no choice but to seek cover. Quickly, she scurried beneath an outcropping of rock. Huddled there on her hands and knees, Kolyn watched him pass. The pent-up breath in her lungs burned until she felt safe enough to let it out. Another silent prayer crossed her lips.
She crawled out, her skirt making it difficult. She untwisted the woolen from about her legs and started to stand. She stilled. Before her crouched the black wolf. The same one she had seen twice before, blackcoated, with gold eyes that pierced her soul with intent.
He inched forward. "Remember me?" she whispered. The wolf stopped. She swallowed hard and sat back on her heels. "Are you Ian's wolf?" The wolf yelped in an almost puppy-like way. Kolyn closed her eyes in disbelief. When she opened them the animal was gone. "Can it be?" she whispered. In answer an eerie howl surrounded her, touching her with its chill. It came and went in one long, haunting breath. Lengthening shadows told her the lateness of the day, that darkness would fall on the loch quickly. Fearful the wolf would return with Ian, Kolyn fled to find her horse. Damn it, man." Ian tried to bring his irritation under control, not wanting to offend Ronald. "I know she was here. You don't need to protect her any longer."
"We aren't protectin' Lynn, Lord Blackstone. She asked that we not mention her visit t' you."
Ian smoothed back his hair, trying to find the right words. Frustration ran free inside him. He had searched everywhere at the loch. Somehow she had gotten away. She'd even gotten past the wolf. "Please, I must speak with her. That's all I ask."
"I don't know where she lives. I don't know anythin' about her. She brought Jean an' the baby some things."
"You know nothing?" Ronald shook his head, regret showing on his face.
"I delivered a message for Miss Lynn," said a small voice. Ian turned to Daniel, but it was his father who questioned him. "You did not mention this before, son."
He shrugged his shoulders. "Miss asked me t' do this. I didn't think it was important you know."
"Where did you take this message, Daniel?" Daniel looked to his father, and replied only when he saw him nod. "T' the church in the village at Gregor Castle. She asked I give it t' Father McCloud."
Do you know what the note said?" Again the boy shrugged. "I cannot read, Lord Blackstone."
Ian shook Ronald's hand and tossed the boy a coin. "Thank you for taking care of Lynn, Daniel." "Was my pleasure, sir." It was the middle of the night, but Ian couldn't wait until morning. He pounded on the small church door until he roused the good father. Father McCloud's gray head peeked out, his hair mussed from sleep. His eyes widened when he saw Ian and Geoffrey standing before him. "What on earth . . ."
"Father McCloud?" "Aye. I'm Father McCloud. What is so urgent that you would wake me from my sleep?"
"I must speak with you." Wary eyes watched Ian. Then slowly, the door widened to allow them in. He shuffled over to a pew and sat, motioning for them to do the same. "I'm sorry, I know the hour is late. I am Ian Blackstone." Father McCloud only nodded, not surprised. "I am looking for a woman named Lynn."
Nothing registered on Father McCloud's face. "I don't know such a woman, Lord Blackstone." Ian thought he would go mad. "I was told a young boy named Daniel delivered a message here from her. It's been over two months ago, near three." "Could you describe her?" Father McCloud asked. "She has beautiful red hair and startling green eyes."
"You say her name is Lynn? Do you know her Christian name?" "No." Ian felt quite foolish. "I do not."
"Might I ask," Father McCloud ventured, "why you wish to find this woman?" Ian's voice came out strained, tired. "I want to speak with her, nothing more." The priest considered this. "It seems, if she wished to speak with you, you would know where to find her."
"Aye," Ian confessed. "Please, Father. It's terribly important I find her." Father McCloud did not seem convinced. Ian stood. "I will find her. Even if I have to return with my men tomorrow and search every cottage in this village." "This is MacGregor land, Lord Blackstone. I don't think that would be wise. People could get hurt." "Aye, it wouldn't be wise, Father. I'm sure we both know if the MacGregors fight, they will not win."
His point was made and Father McCloud conceded. "I will see if I can find the lass for you. But mark my words, if ha
rm comes to her I'll fight you myself." Ian held his hands up. "I've no wish to harm Lynn. You've my word on it." "Come back tomorrow night, Lord Blackstone. Late. It would not do for you to be seen here."
Chapter Fifteen
Kolyn heard the horses ride up and knew that Ian and Geoffrey had arrived. She sat alone in the chapel, having convinced Father McCloud that she must meet Ian alone. He had retired to his room, assuring her she only had to call out if she needed him. She tried to calm herself. The door opened, then closed. His footsteps were soft, almost unheard, amazing Kolyn as she thought of what an imposing figure Ian made with his great height and broad shoulders.
She didn't look up when he stopped beside her, fear keeping her gaze glued to the floor. Her hands clenched her wool skirt into a knot as she tried to think of something to say. Ian knelt down and gently pried the fabric from her fingers. "Lynn."
Kolyn still couldn't look at him. She knew she would be lost to his golden gaze if she did. She must be strong. Pulling away from his gentle touch, she stood, her back to him. "Why couldn't you just leave me alone?" Ian was silent a moment. "How . . ." His voice broke and he cleared his throat before starting again. "How could I stay away?"
Finally, she faced him. "Surely you must understand by now that you and I can't be together?" "Because you live here? Among the clan MacGregor?" "Aye." Kolyn didn't elaborate, uncertain where her lies would take her. It was impossible for him to know the truth. "Why didn't you tell me?" Kolyn laughed.
Ian thought a moment, then said, "She sent you. Didn't she?" "What are you talking about?" Kolyn was confused by his sudden change in tone.
"That witch, MacGregor," he accused. "She sent you to spy on me, didn't she?" This wasn't going well, the tone in his voice was not to her liking. Kolyn swallowed, trying to keep her own anger from surfacing. "No, the MacGregor knows nothing about us, and she mustn't. Not ever." "Come back with me, Lynn." Ian took her hand into his. "Tonight."
This took Kolyn by surprise. She wasn't certain what she should say. ''That's impossible." She pulled her hand free. It was too difficult to think when he touched her. "Why is it impossible? Leave here." "You ask too much, Ian. Would you leave your family to be with me? Would you betray your clan?" Ian threw up his hands in dismay. "No, I wouldn't. But for you it's different." The pink on Lynn's cheeks darkened to a bright red, and Ian saw the anger spark in her eyes.
"Why is it different for me? To betray my clan and leave behind the love of my family would not matter, perhaps hurt less? And for what? To be your lover?" He hadn't thought beyond convincing Lynn to come back with him. "Would that be so bad? Surely I can give you a better life than you have here." "You assume too much."
Ian was frustrated and he felt his patience slipping. "Why are you so loyal to the MacGregor? She's a fool to persist in this feud. She can't win." "Perhaps it's not a matter of winning." "Then she should give it up."
Kolyn sighed. "What of honor and loyalty to her people? What of her father and brothers you have laid in their graves? Should she forget all this? Would you?" "For me it would be different. She's a woman, Lynn."
"No." Kolyn closed her eyes in vexation. "She is the MacGregor. She is bound by honor. An honor that knows not whether she is a woman, or a man. An honor she must live up to or die. And I am loyal to the MacGregor and will not betray her." "Then you are as foolish as she."
"Aye. I'll not go with you, Ian." Kolyn felt near tears. "Promise me you'll not come here again." Ian said nothing. "Please," she whispered. "I beg you." "Did our one night of love mean so little to you, Lynn? Will you make me stay away?" "You must stay away." Ian took a step towards her, then turned and walked away.
"I must have your promise," she said. He stopped. "I cannot give it."
Kolyn watched Ian leave, her heart breaking, the tears no longer held back.
Kolyn stared at her accounting of their winter stores, a deep sense of despair pulling at her. How could her father have let things go so much? Winter had set in with its certainty. Christmas was only a few days away. How was she to provide her clan with holiday celebrations when there was so little left?
"How am I to get them through the winter?" she cried out to the empty cellar. At that moment, she despised her father, angry he let his hatred obsess him to the point of neglecting all else. Even his family. She couldn't remember the last happy time they had had as a family.
She laughed, the word family such a loose term when used in reference to what they were. Her father's sons had been merely a means to an end . . . the death of the Black Wolf. Douglas MacGregor had sacrificed them to his own hatred, this feud. The shame inflicted on the MacGregor by Ian Blackstone's actions had killed his last two sons, and driven him to his own death. Kolyn tried to understand this, but could not.
The death of the MacGregor had not put an end to the hatred, the promise Kolyn had given him lodging it upon her own shoulders. She felt confusion tear at her mind, shame rip apart her heart. She had betrayed everyone, but mostly, she had betrayed her own son. Had she not sworn to protect him, to keep him safe from the man who did not want him? Ian had sent Blair away knowing she carried his child. He had not cared enough to save the child from the same fate as his mother. She hated him for this.
Why hadn't she been able to kill him when she had the chance? Did she truly love Ian? Is that what had stopped her hand? He thought her a fooland she was. A fool to allow her heart to guide her, to keep her from her duty.
Perhaps that wasn't what made her weak. Had it been her own conflict about the feud? Some deeper feeling? Regardless, she knew what she must do. She must not fail her clan again.
Kolyn stood and carefully folded away her lists. This was her most pressing need at present. She must find a way to feed her people. "Come here, Drew." Kolyn picked Andrew up and carried him, his small legs tiring in the fresh snow. His cheeks were red from the chill, but his eyes shone brightly from excitement. "I'll take him, lass."
Dwight reached out to carry the boy, but Kolyn pulled away. "No," she said, then caught herself. "I'm fine, Dwight. Thank you."
His eyes were bloodshot, his face lined with age. Drink would put him in an early grave. She could not help but pity him, even love him. He was her family. And right now, the only family she had in addition to Andrew was a drunkard and a madman. Kolyn cuddled Andrew to her fiercely. He was the only sanity she had in this world. She clung to that.
The small church was filled with villagers, the gathering of the MacGregor clan for the Christmas service. Kolyn had emptied her cellars so they could celebrate as they always had, but she feared the New Year would not dawn so bright. She had such a short time to find a solution. Until then, she would rejoice with them and pray for a miracle.
"My child," Father McCloud said, interrupting her thoughts. "Yes, Father." Kolyn smiled up at him.
"You look so sad. 'Tis a time for celebration." He sat down in the pew beside her. She never could keep her feelings from the good father. "I'm afraid I am not such a worthy clan leader. I am the MacGregor, and I can do nothing to help my people."
"Your father has left you with a terrible burden, child. Pray and God will provide" She wanted to pray, to believe what he was telling her. But she couldn't. "I fear even God cannot help me now." His brows came together in concern. "Do not forsake him now, Kolyn. He is your strength." "It is me he has forsaken, Father McCloud."
"Perhaps it only seems that way. In time, you will know his meaning. Be patient." Father McCloud patted her hand, then stood. "Be patient." Kolyn stared toward the window, patterned panels of colored glass allowing a rainbow of light to cascade upon the floor in front of her. Snow fell again outside. Andrew struggled from her lap and ran to play with the other children, their laughter mingling with the lower pitched voices of the adults.
She looked up to the altar, studying the crucifix that had graced the church for over a hundred years. Jesus looked down at her, his face serene, his eyes gentle. She wondered what he would say to her if he were here, sittin
g beside her.
"Forgive me, Lord. I know not what else to do."
"I thought you might like some company." Kolyn knew she was insane to seek the company of her brother, but it was Christmas and she thought . . .
Emmett watched her as she crossed the room to his bed. "So, you've brought me some Christmas cheer, have you?"
She held her breath, fearing he would be in one of his foul moods. Instead he smiled. It had been a long time since she had seen him really smile.
"Merry Christmas, Emmett." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. She handed him a small gift, wrapped in a colorful bit of cloth. He took it and looked away. "I have nothing for you, Kolyn. I am stuck abed." Again she held her breath. "It isn't much, brother. We've so little these days."
"Aye," he agreed. "I understand our stores are depleted. Quite a legacy our father has left us, wouldn't you say?" It was the first time he had ever referred to them as a family. "Open it," she prompted. 'Tis a book," he deduced, though it was not hard to discover that much by the shape and hardness of it. "I found it in the attic, among some of our possessions when we were children." Kolyn saw his fingers tremble. "I thought I might find some things for Andrew. Instead I found this book. Do you remember it?"
"Aye," Emmett mumbled, his voice cracking from emotion. "You used to read it to me, Emmett."
He let the small book drop from his hand, and Kolyn picked it up. "You wrote beautiful poetry. You made me promise never to tell Father that you wrote poems. You thought he might think it silly." She knew she was rattling on. Emmett remained silent.
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