The Black Wolf

by Fela Dawson Scott

  She thought of the strangeness of life. She had been the one to take Andrew as her son, only to give life to his half brother. If God worked in mysterious ways, she wondered at his purpose. With a pained slowness, Kolyn stood, her legs numb from sitting on the floor. She found the comfort of her bed, but experienced a sudden loneliness as she hugged a pillow to her. She longed for something, but that something remained unclear. She didn't have time to give it much thought as sleep overtook her.

  Andrew played happily with the other children. His laughter drifted to Kolyn as she stood at the chapel window and watched him. Her heart ached with missing him. "You look a little pale, lass," Father McCloud said, concern etching his face. He took Kolyn's hand into his own and patted it, fatherly love shining in his eyes.

  Kolyn smiled, though she knew her attempt wasn't as convincing as she would have liked it to be. "I'm fine, Father."

  "Drew misses you. He's been here near three weeks. Can't you take him home with you now?" "No," she said a little too quickly, causing the father's gray brows to raise in alarm. "Not yet." "What is it you fear, Kolyn?" He led her to a pew and they sat, his hand still holding hers in comfort. "Time will work things out, Father. We must be patient. Then I can take Drew home with me. Believe me, I'll not stay away from him a moment longer than needed."

  He patted her hand again. "I know that. Just promise me you'll come to me if you're in trouble."

  She knew his kindness and generosity were unlimited, but even Father McCloud could not help her. To involve him would only place him in danger as well. She needed him more to care for Andrew. The father was the only one she could trust with her son. "You have my promise. Don't worry so. I'll be fine. I'm just tired is all."

  Andrew ran into the chapel and crawled into Kolyn's lap. She winced slightly, but hugged him to her. A slight desperation grabbed her heart, and she thought she might cry. She loved him so much. She could not imagine life without him. She kissed his head and brushed back the thick hank of hair that hung down into his face. His cheeks were red from playing and his eyes sparkled.

  Could she ever provide him a normal life? This question haunted her. "I'll pray for you, Kolyn." "Thank you, Father McCloud. I need all the help I can get." Andrew looked up at her, his eyes full of love. "I'll say a prayer for you too, Mommy." Her throat tightened with pride. "I love you, Drew." "I love you too," he whispered, his dimples appearing. Kolyn would not let anything hurt her son. She would do anything to protect him.

  "I promise you," she said softly, determination stiffening her words, "that nothing will every separate us. Nothing."

  He reached up and touched his mother's cheek. "I will never leave you." "I know, Drew. And I'll never leave you." "I'll take good care of him, Kolyn," said the cleric. "I know you will." "Remember, my child," Father McCloud said with tears in his eyes, "let your heart guide you through your troubles. It will never fail you." "Sometimes my heart is filled with an ugliness I cannot understand. How can I follow such grief?"

  "I do not believe this of you, Kolyn MacGregor. Your heart is good. You should never doubt that.""I'll try to remember what you've said, Father." "Trust your heart and you'll not go wrong."

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Kolyn closed the door to her bedroom chambers and locked it. The room was dark, the fire having burned low. She crossed to the stone fireplace and stirred the coals into flames, then added wood to it. A cool breeze from her window made her pull her plaid tighter about her, the woolen nightgown she wore thin from wear. She wondered who had opened her window, the drapes moving with the stiff March breeze. She closed the leaded panes and pulled the coverings tight across it.

  When she turned about, Ian Blackstone stood before her, the surprise nearly causing her to faint. She swayed, and his strong arms reached out to support her. Kolyn could smell the musky scent as he pulled her close. Nothing

  she had dreamed of could have prepared her for the reality of him. The need within her immediately roused from its deep sleep, the sensation so powerful she could think of nothing else. She should hate him. But she didn't. She should kill him. But she wouldn't.

  His lips came close, the flesh so delicate in contrast to his lean, clean-shaven jaw. She wanted to touch him, to taste of the lips she saw. "What have you to say for yourself, Kolyn?" She swallowed, uncertain what he meant. Her mind was not following any coherent trail. Suddenly, she understood. Shock struck her like lightning across a dark sky, causing her to pull back and twist free of his grip.

  "You risk much coming here," she said. This seemed to amuse Ian. "Aye. But I couldn't stay away any longer. I wanted to see for myself if what I learned was the truth. I can no longer deny it." "You've seen the truth. Now go." The tone of her words told Ian she was getting angry. This made the fire in him return. "I'll go when I damned well please." "Your coming here will only make matters worse." "Worse?" Ian said. "How can they get worse?"

  Kolyn laughed, though her laughter seemed sad, even fearful. "Believe me, Ian Blackstone. You would not want to know." Are you going to tell me more of your lies, Kolyn?" "No," she said softly. "I've no need to lie anymore."

  Ian felt some sense of victory. "Why did you make love to me? Why did you come to me so soft and sweet? Was it to stick a knife in my heart while I slept?"

  She was quiet a moment, uncertainty crossing her features. He watched her, wanting to know, yet holding his breath in fear. "Yes. I made love to you to kill you," she replied softly.

  No lies to soothe his ego, no lies to ease the pain in his heart. The hurt he felt caught him off guard, leaving him vulnerable to her. At that moment he hated himself more than he hated her.

  The fact that her words had caused him pain was plain enough to see, and it took Kolyn's breath away. She stepped closer, her hand reaching out to caress his face, to erase the hurt from it.

  He grabbed her hand, as if her touch would be unbearable. His fingers crushed hers, but she ignored it. Dark golden eyes searched her soul, sapping her strength and purpose. Only the need remained. She put her arm about his neck and stood on her toes. His breath was hot on her face, his body hard against hers. Ian twisted his hand into her hair and pulled her head back. "Bitch," he sneered.

  Yes," she whispered, sliding her leg up his before curling it around him.

  He moaned and kissed the expanse of neck before him, his hand now cradling her head gently. Ian worked his way up until his lips claimed hers, freeing her captured hand to pull her closer to him. She felt his need hard against her own softness causing the heat within her body to rise.

  "Kill me now and be done with it," Ian moaned in desperation. "Later." Kolyn pulled his lips back to hers, then pulled her nightgown up. Ian lifted her against the wall and took her, fierce and wanting. Angry and hurt. Never had she needed anything more, her own desire unbridled and demanding. When Ian's heavy breathing quieted, Kolyn continued to hold him. She kissed the place on his temple where his pulse beat strong, but he stiffened, then moved away. Without Ian holding her, she felt chilled. She stepped back to the fire.

  Finally, Ian spoke. "You've cast a wicked spell on me, Kolyn MacGregor, and I've no way to fight it."

  His choice of words made Kolyn nervous. "I've done nothing to you, Ian."

  This only seemed to bring back the anger to his eyes. "Done nothing to me! You've been a royal pain in the ass, stealing and raiding my property. Not to mention the three times you've tried to kill me. That certainly isn't nothing."

  "You owed me all that." "Owed you?" It came down to the very thing she wanted to avoid. "Yes, for the grief and pain you've caused my family." "And what of my grief and pain?"

  This question didn't hold the power and tone of the previous one. It was an honest, forthright question. But Kolyn didn't know how to answer it. She knew only her situation. Before her stood the man she had sworn to kill. The father of the child she carried in her womb.

  She considered all this, but one thing stood dominant in the chaos of her mind. This was the man who had b
anished his pregnant wife to die in the streets. What could she expect from him if he were to discover she was with child? Her fear was too great to overcome. "Did you feel grief when Blair died?" This came from nowhere. Even Kolyn wondered at the words she heard coming from her mouth. Instantly, she regretted it.

  "What do you know of Blair?" Ian's voice was quiet, belying the emotions that twisted his gut into a million knots. A cold chill claimed his heart, putting a deadly edge to the anger that lay barely beneath the surface of control. "I know you banished her to die in the streets like a dog. Did you think of the pain you caused her? What of the child she was carrying? Did

  you grieve at all for your son?''

  Shock waves surged in every direction. Never before had anyone said she had had a boy. A son, a dead son. Many years of guilt bewildered him, shattered his heart. He couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't speak.

  Kolyn waited for an answer, but none came. Was he so indifferent? Disappointment crashed in, causing anger to rescue her from the moment of weakness.

  "You bastard," she mumbled, tears scorching her eyes. "You unfeeling bastard!"

  She turned to wipe at the tears that spilled down her cheeks. When she looked back, Ian was moving toward her, a strange look on his face. She shrank back from him, fear taking her into its grip. "Don't touch me."

  He stopped, but then reached out and grabbed her wrist. "Come here, Kolyn."

  His voice was hard, unfeeling. She shook her head no. Ian forced her to him. "Come here," he repeated. He gave her no choice, and she submitted. Without saying anything, he whirled her about, her back against him. Slowly, his hands slid over her belly. Back and forth, feeling the roundness of it. Suddenly, she understood what he wanted.

  She turned to face him. His expression terrified her. He let her go, then left without another word. Kolyn stared at the window in horror. Ian knew she was going to have his baby. Then she felt the hurt. He didn't care.

  Ian scaled the wall even faster than when he had entered Kolyn's bedroom. Never had he been so close to losing total control as he had the moment he discovered Kolyn to be pregnant. Yet he didn't know if he was happy, sad, angry, or devastated. Too many conflicting emotions, too many memories cascaded one upon another, leaving no room for clear thinking. He had no choice but to leave. He had to get away from the very thing that caused him to struggle with each breath he took.

  Once he was clear of the manor, he stopped. What could he do? The woman he was infatuated with wanted to kill him. He was to be a father, but the mother couldn't be trusted the moment his back was turned. Ian saw it in her eyes . . . she feared him. But it wasn't the challenges he had fought with her brothers and father that caused it. She thought he'd killed Blair and their child with his callousness. That was what she was afraid of.

  "I'll not let you touch my bonny Kolyn again." Ian whirled about, tense at the sudden danger.

  Dwight MacDougal stepped from the dark shadows. "'Tis time for you t' die. I'll not let your evil touch her."

  He lunged at Ian, but Ian was prepared and swiftly pulled his own claymore in defense. The sound of metal hitting metal was loud in the silent night, rousing the dogs of the village to their fight. Soon lights appeared and shouts went up.

  Dwight paused in his assault, then backed down. "Another time, Black Wolf." He disappeared as fast as he had appeared. Ian even wondered if he had imagined the man, but the sweat on his brow told him he'd been real enough. He had heard Dwight MacDougal was banished from MacGregor land, and this confirmed it to be fact. At least the man knew when to leave. Someone shouted not far away, and Ian determined it was time for him to leave as well. It wouldn't do to be caught on MacGregor land himself.

  Kolyn stood before the fire watching the flames dance about the wood, licking and devouring the pulp with its orange tongue. The heat warmed her skin, but her heart remained cold. No thoughts or feelings seemed to touch her mind. She was lost to the numbness that took her. Without giving thought to what she was doing, Kolyn walked from her room and made her way down the long corridor to where Emmett slept. She went inside. It was dark, but she knew where the large bed was and crossed to stand by it. She just stood and stared down at her brother.

  "Are you going to smother me in my sleep?" She didn't start at his sudden question. His eyes came open, and he grinned at her, the ever-present sarcasm apparent even in the darkness. "Should I?" "Perhaps," Emmett replied, shrugging his shoulders indifferently. "Perhaps you would be doing me a great favor, little sister."

  "Aye," she murmured, still unable to shake the numbness, the near-paralysis that held her. "Perhaps it would be best for us all, Emmett."

  Emmett watched her, uncertainty showing in his eyes. "You couldn't kill your enemy while he slept. What makes you think you could kill your very own dear brother?" Perhaps I like my enemy more than I like you."

  His eyes squinted, warning Kolyn of the perilous mood he'd descended into. "Do you love your enemy, Kolyn?"

  She considered this. Yes, she did. Yet she also feared him. How could one love and fear at the same time? "I fear him," was all she offered.

  "As well you should," Emmett sneered. Then he grabbed her arms and pulled her closer, his face nearly touching hers. "Do you love him?" "I . . ." Kolyn's mouth went dry, and suddenly, her dullness disappeared. "I don't think that matters whether I do or don't. I must kill him, mustn't I?" "Yes." Emmett pushed her away in disgust. "You must." This time, Kolyn laughed, and Emmett's eyes got thinner with anger. "I think I could kill you, sweet brother. After all, it is what you want, isn't it? To die?"

  Whatever possessed Kolyn, she didn't know. She only knew that the men in her life were pushing her toward lunacy.

  "God help me, Emmett. God help me." When Kolyn walked away, Emmett shouted after her. "God won't help you, Kolyn. We're on our own, you and I. God's forsaken this house." Kolyn paused, her hand upon the handle of the door. "Then I shall do what I must do without his guidance."

  "You do that, sister." She opened the door. "Next time you go to see Drew at Father McCloud's . . ." He paused to give her time to comprehend what he was implying. "Give him my love." She tried to ease the sudden dryness in her throat. "I . . ." Her voice cracked. "I will." Once again, Emmett had won their battle of wits, had assured her that the threat to her Andrew was real. Kolyn returned to her rooms.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Ian reclined in the chair, stretching his long legs out in front of him. He studied the fire intensely, yet his eyes did not see the orange and red flames. Instead, his mind's eye saw the flame of her hair, the flash of her green eyes, the blush upon her cheeks. "I see you've been out. Is everything all right, son?"

  He turned to his mother as she entered the great chamber. "I thought I'd better take care of some unfinished business," he said. "I couldn't find excuses any longer." She took a chair next to him. "Would this unfinished business be Kolyn MacGregor?" "Aye," Ian confirmed. "I went to see her tonight."

  "And . . ." Ainsley prompted. Ian felt a renewed pain as he recalled their encounter. "It was a disaster." He dropped his head into his hands, his misery complete. "Do you love her, Ian?" His mother's question was simple, yet the situation wasn't. Ian tried to explain that. "At the moment, that seems to be irrelevant. Too many things complicate this relationship."

  This word struck him as funny, and he laughed. "Relationship. It's not even that much." "What is it that is so difficult for you? Is it that she is the MacGregor?" "That's one of the problems," he admitted. "She hates me and she wants me dead. That's another difficulty." Ainsley seemed to think on this. "I think if Kolyn MacGregor wanted you dead, you would be dead."

  Ian's brows tugged together. "What makes you think that?" "If she wanted you dead, son, she would have killed you the night you two were together." Ian brushed his hair back and looked directly at his mother. "You always had a way of knowing what went on in my life, perhaps better than I do myself." "It's part of being a mother."

  Her soft words made hi
m wonder what Kolyn thought about the baby she carried. His baby. Do you think Kolyn MacGregor is happy to be the mother of my child?" Ainsley was truly surprised. She gasped. But she quickly recovered and leaned over to cup her son's face in her hands. "You are going to be a father?"

  "Aye," Ian said, feeling the delight for the first time. "I am going to be a father." "Then you must marry the lass." She said it so matter-of-factly, so simply. "Marry her?" Ian was in shock. With so much trouble in their way, he hadn't given marriage thought. "Of course, Ian. You must marry her and soon. I want to know my grandchild. You will want you child with you."

  "She'll not marry me, Mother. It's the last thing she'll want to do." Ainsley frowned. "Do you know this?"

  "No," he admitted, but he couldn't see it any other way. He recalled too easily the look on her face. The fear in her eyes. Kolyn wouldn't want to marry him. "She hadn't even intended for me to know about the baby."

  "The poor child," his mother muttered sadly. Ian shook his head in amazement. "You always seem to feel sorry for the lass."

  "Think of it," she said, her eyes wide with worry. "She's your sworn enemy, Ian. Her clan would not understand her carrying your child. She must be extremely frightened." Guilt assaulted Ian. "I hadn't thought how Kolyn must be feeling. I've been too immersed in my own misery." "You've allowed Blair's death to fill your life for over five years. It's time you stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something good for yourself. Marry the lass and bring your baby home."