by L. J. Fine
“Okay, you’ve said your piece, now let me say mine and I’ll go away. I didn’t want to drop this on you like this but I don’t think I’ll get another chance and you need to know.” She took a deep breath. “I love you, Ben.”
His expression turned fierce and the astonished pain she saw there would have made her laugh if she didn’t feel like bawling her eyes out. “I love you for exactly who you are, not who you were, or who other people think you are. I know everything there is to know about you, Ben and I’m. Not. Running. Away.” She separated the words for emphatic impact. “So when you get out of your own way and stop letting your past dictate who you are. When you can see yourself the way I see you, come and find me.”
Despite the flicker of emotion her ardent words had first produced in him, his countenance remained stoic and immovable and when she started toward Chloe’s car he said nothing. But she hadn’t really expected anything else. She had done all she could and knew that her sudden declaration wouldn’t change things. At least she had gotten it out there and wouldn’t have to live with wondering ‘what if?’
But as she walked away, she knew she was leaving part of herself in that driveway with him. Whether he wanted it or not, it was left to tangle in the heap of broken motorcycle parts at his feet and it would cling to him forever as a piece of her soul that could never be recovered.
Chapter Thirteen
“First round’s on me,” Chloe happily declared as soon as their group got settled at a table in the corner of the crowded bar. A bar that was decidedly not Abel’s.
Murmuring the name of the first alcoholic drink she could think of, Emma warily eyed the throng of people around her. She still wasn’t sure why she had agreed to come out in the first place. Right about now, she should be in her car halfway back to the city. Rationalizing to herself that her reticence to come out tonight was based on a fear of being accosted by Paul did no good. The real reason was that she was afraid of running into Ben. And what her stupid heart might make her do if she did.
“You really shouldn’t worry so much,” Adam said bumping her knee with his under the table. “You won’t see him tonight.”
Without having to ask, she knew he was referring to his twin rather than who the real threat ought to be. “You spoke to him, didn’t you?”
Even though her eyes were narrowed on him, he was completely unrepentant as he flashed her that signature smile of his. “Well, I did think it was strange to get a strict edict from Chloe to leave my brother out tonight. Especially as I know you’re sleeping with him if the state of my spare room is any indication.”
Groaning, Emma dropped her face into her hands, feeling the heat from her cheeks seep into her fingers. “So you called him?” Her voice was muffled by her fingers but she didn’t care. He heard her.
He shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a nosy bastard. He told me about Paul’s threat and I had to swear on my life that I would look after you tonight in exchange for him keeping his distance. So please stop worrying.” He winked.
It should be a relief that Ben wouldn’t show up to her farewell cocktail hour. So why did she feel the bitter sting of disappointment? Well, at least his insistence that Adam look out for her showed that he worried about her. That should count for something, shouldn’t it?
The clink of a glass being firmly set on the table brought her back to the here and now. Turning, she discovered a glass of red wine sitting in front of her and an expectant look on Chloe’s face.
Oh, what the hell? If she had to endure the forced merriment she might as well make the most of it. It was right then that she made the decision to get shitfaced drunk and reached for the glass.
As she engaged in pleasant chat with Chloe and Mina, the drinks kept coming and she started to feel nicely fuzzy and numb around the edges. It was a very welcome change of pace from the racing turmoil her mind had been in since this morning. Suddenly, she was grateful for Chloe’s insistence they do this tonight. She could at least forget about her problems for a little while anyway. Besides, Tyler, Adam and Brian were here with them so she was fairly certain she was safe for the moment.
A delightful fog rolled over her senses and soon she found herself out on the dance floor with her friends. Tyler had dragged Mina onto the dance floor with her and Chloe while Adam and Brian cooled it at the table. Well, Brian cooled it with a beer, watching Chloe. Adam was too busy flirting with the pretty blonde at the next table. Emma giggled and rolled her eyes.
Her mirth slowly died when she turned back to the dance floor and caught a glimpse of Tyler with Mina. It was more than obvious that the two of them were crazy-in-love with each other. The way he held her, the way she looked at him had that same ache pulsing through her heart that she had felt the day she met them. She’d had a taste of what affection like that felt like and this time as she watched them, that yearning grew into pain. Now she had a name and a face to assign to her “Prince Charming” but that happy ending was more out of her reach now than it ever had been.
These solemn, melancholy thoughts were killing her buzz, but good. Squaring her shoulders, she plastered on a smile and motioned to Chloe that she was going to get another drink. Chloe happily waved and danced off toward her boyfriend.
Emma was just about to open her mouth to get the bartender’s attention when a familiar slur cut her off.
“Well, if it isn’t the little whore, out and about without her pimp.” Paul leaned into her and it was no shock to her to smell his tequila-laden breath.
Her pulse spiked to her throat and her buzz completely dissipated before she remembered that they were in a crowded bar with her friends only a few feet away. He couldn’t hurt her here but that knowledge didn’t make his presence any more agreeable.
“Oh look, it’s Paul at the bar with a drink in his hand. I’m so surprised.” She didn’t spare him another glance as she turned back to the bar to order that drink.
“I am surprised you came out tonight after reading my little love note. You did see it, didn’t you?” His finger trailed down her bare arm and she fought back her gag reflex as she ripped away from him with a glare.
He scowled. “Where is your boyfriend, anyway? I would have thought he wouldn’t let you out of his sight. What happened? He get bored with you already?”
“I’m right here, asshole.” The low, menacing voice came from behind her and she spun around to find Ben glaring at Paul.
Instead of backing down like any sane person would, Paul gave a smug smile and opened his mouth. But before any words could escape his lips, Ben was in his face.
“I’m only gonna say this once and you’re gonna fucking listen to me. Stay away from Emma. I find out you so much as breathe the same fucking air as her? You’ll be the one in so many pieces no one will even begin to know how to put you back together. Got me?”
“Why are you so protective of this bitch all of a sudden? You never gave a shit about what happened to anyone else you supposedly care about.”
The obvious reference to Tim had Emma wincing and watching Ben carefully, unsure of what he would do. Though that muscle started ticking in his jaw, he didn’t react in the explosive way that she thought he would.
“You and I both know that I cared about him more than you ever did. Maybe if you hadn’t been such a shit brother things would have turned out differently. You probably don’t really even care now as much as you say you do. You’re just milking it for all it’s worth, enjoying the attention of playing the victim.” The last word was spit out in a venomous growl. “All you ever cared about was yourself and not a damn thing has changed.”
Rage, vivid and red, pooled under Paul’s skin, distorting his features as he snarled. Had he been in possession of all his wits and faculties, Emma felt sure that the sheer force of his animosity would be something to be reckoned with. As it was, his alcohol-addled brain made his movements sluggish and predictable and Ben saw him think about swinging before he even raised his arm to follow through.
B
en caught Paul’s wrist as it sailed by, twisting it before spinning him around to bring his arm up at a painful angle and slamming his cheek against the opposite wall.
Startled, Emma just barely jumped out of their way as Paul’s face made impact. All chatter around them ceased as the bar patrons watched the scene in front of them. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of Adam and Tyler slowly approaching. They didn’t interfere but she felt their silent presence like a reassurance they would either calm Ben down or have his back if shit got critical. Whichever came first.
Though Ben surely knew he was drawing a crowd of spectators, all of his ominously aggressive focus was on Paul. He’d never looked more frightening or dangerous and she had a moment to worry for Paul’s overall well-being.
“Understand me when I tell you that I’m done being your whipping boy,” Ben growled in Paul’s ear, every word a threat waiting to be carried out. “You need to own up to all of your bullshit, Paul, and get some fucking help. Tim would be disgusted by the poisonous man you’ve become.” Ben leaned into Paul’s jacked-up arm, causing the other man to shout in pain. “Stay the fuck away from my girl. You get it?”
Hastily, Paul nodded as best he could smashed up against the wall like that. After a few incredibly tense moments, Ben dropped his hold on him, leaving him in a drunken slump against the wall.
As he backed away, Emma could see a fine tremor causing Ben’s hands to shake. She knew it wasn’t from nerves or even the adrenaline. It was all of his checked fury. She knew because she would be feeling the exact same way. And then he brought his gaze to hers and she contemplated it no more. The severe look in his eyes was piercing and sent unwanted sparks of fervent awareness through her veins. He was still angry, that much was obvious and she had never wanted to launch herself at someone more in her life.
The inexplicable pull she felt toward him wasn’t just one-sided as made evident by his almost reluctant step toward her. She held her breath and waited for him to take another step but his boots remained rooted to the floor. Slowly, that fierce expression turned to one of longing and sorrow the longer he stared at her.
She wanted to go to him, wrap her arms around him and erase the bitterness she saw in his eyes. But she was frozen, caught in his tormented gaze, and couldn’t move. All too soon, his expression once again hardened and he averted his eyes, moving past her to walk out of the bar without so much as a backward glance.
All the air left her body at once and she collapsed back into the bar. Luckily, there was a barstool directly behind her or she would have fallen on her ass. She reached out a hand to steady herself on the stool and found that she was the one shaking now.
He left. Just walked right out of there without saying a word to her. She had just started getting grudgingly used to the idea that he was out of her life, that she would never see him again. Then he showed up, revealing that he had been watching her, saved her ass and then he just fucking left. His sudden reappearance had been a jolt to her system and that insanely intense look he shot her before he bailed put her firmly back at square one. Which was agonizing over all of the things she could have said or done differently but didn’t.
The shock coursing through her system was turning into anger and she had half a mind to follow him just so she could vent it out on him. For just leaving her this way.
“Jesus, are you okay?” Chloe’s frantic question snapped Emma out of her thoughts and she realized she’d been staring at the door for who-knew-how-long. Like her disbelief would make him walk back through it.
Taking a deep breath, she turned to face her friend. “Yeah, I’m good.” Chloe continued to eye her dubiously and she noticed that the rest of her friends had matching expressions. She knew what they were thinking and she chose to ignore it. There was no way she could give them the assurances they needed. She had none and didn’t think she’d last through such a conversation.
“What happened to Paul?” she asked by way of deflection. And to satisfy genuine curiosity as the bastard was nowhere in sight.
Chloe sneered. “Couple of his friends picked his sorry ass up off the floor and took him out the back way.”
“Good,” Emma bit out, happy to have him be somewhere other than near her. Wanting to wipe away that worried expression on Chloe’s face, she offered her a small smile. “Now I really need a drink.”
Chloe blew out a nervous laugh. “Me too. I’m buying.”
It was a relief that her friends were able to read her body language and left the subject of Ben alone. With fresh drinks all around, the tension of the night’s events slowly evaporated and soon the conversation was once again easy. And Emma was grateful for the distraction because she knew herself well enough to know that her thoughts would be racing on the long ride home tomorrow.
Later on, on the way back from the bathroom, Adam snagged her wrist and pulled her to an empty table in the corner.
“I’m sorry,” he said by way of explanation. “I didn’t know Ben was going to be here.”
Of all the people to be apologizing to her, it really shouldn’t have been Adam. “No, it wasn’t your fault. I understand why you called him earlier so there’s no reason to apologize.”
He shook his head and his mouth formed into a mean line. “I should have known he would go all stalker on you tonight. He’s been acting so damn weird when it comes to you.” He regarded her closely for a few seconds before he dropped his eyes and murmured, “I also should have been paying more attention. If I had been, Paul never would have made it up to the bar beside you.”
Anger coursed through her once again but it didn’t have a thing to do with Adam. It was all about Paul. “Don’t apologize because of that shithead. You know, maybe it’s a good thing it happened. Didn’t seem like Ben ever stood up to him like that before on his own behalf. Maybe he got some closure from it.”
Adam’s head snapped up at her sharp tone and then an amused smile curved his lips. “I don’t give a shit what my dumbass brother says. You’re good for him, you know that.” It wasn’t a question and she got his meaning. “Just give him some time. He’ll figure it out.”
She laughed and shook her head. “I’m glad you’re so sure. Does he know that?”
His smile turned into a sly grin. “He will.”
The end of their little corner conversation was meant to be helpful and as she rejoined her friends, she was aware of that. The problem was, she wasn’t sure any amount of time would bring with it a revelation in Ben’s eyes. Nothing anyone said or did was going to change how he felt about himself, make him see what he was giving up between them. Only he could do that. All Emma could do was accept his decision and pray to God that one day, she would get over him.
Chapter Fourteen
“Emma! You should go on long vacations more often. The revisions you’ve made to your novel are exactly what this story needed,” Jessica gushed from the large overstuffed armchair directly across the coffee table from Emma. But they might as well have been talking about the weather for all the attention Emma paid her. Instead, she took in her surroundings with an unnatural attention to detail that would have been missed had she been more socially engaged. The bookstore was unusually packed tonight for a Tuesday, though. Made Emma glad they had gotten there early to nab these chairs in a semi-secluded area of the store.
“Hello.” Jessica snapped her fingers in front of Emma’s face, pulling her back to the conversation. “You still with me, Sweetie?”
Jessica’s praise wasn’t exactly falling on deaf ears. Emma was elated that her mentor was excited about her novel’s improvements. It was just that she had been having trouble really focusing on anything since she had come home over a week ago. The novel’s revisions weren’t keeping her engaged. Most of them she had written before she had come home, anyway. Every time she went back over her writing, she was reminded in some new and torturous way of Ben. She couldn’t deny that his contributions to her plot and writing style immensely improved her work. And she nee
ded to shove on with her career. This was her dream job. She couldn’t just let it fall through the cracks because she had a broken heart.
So, she had bitten the bullet and pieced her story back together, trying to force that delicious and infuriating man from her thoughts. For the most part, she had succeeded and was able to present her new and improved novel to Jessica at last week’s meeting.
Surprisingly, though, she wasn’t as eager to get her feedback this time as she had been the first and it wasn’t because she worried it would be negative.
“I’m sorry. Yes, I’m still here. Zoned out for a second is all. There are just so many people here,” she said plastering a fake smile on her face.
That was another thing that had changed. Along with her usually intense focus, went her natural inclination to smile often. To put it frankly, she was just miserable. She missed Ben and the thought of him alone and miserable as well because he didn’t think he deserved any better was almost as unbearable as not seeing him at all.
For some reason, though, she kept expecting to see or hear from him but she was fairly certain that wasn’t going to happen. He had made himself clear and was just stubborn enough that she knew he wouldn’t budge.
“And I think you’re ready to start submitting this manuscript for publication.” Emma caught the tail end of what Jessica was saying. When the other woman just looked at her expectantly, she felt her face flame because she knew she had zoned out again. And she had been caught.
“I’m sorry.” She gave a sheepish smile. “What were you saying?”
A concerned frown marred Jessica’s lovely features as she leaned forward in her chair. “What’s bothering you, Emma?”
She froze. She knew she wasn’t exactly acting like herself, but she had thought she could at least fake her way through this conversation. “Nothing, “I’m fine,” she lied.
From the narrowed expression on Jessica’s face, she wasn’t buying it. “I’m sitting here gushing about how wonderful your novel now is and you’re a million miles away. That’s not like you. This is too important to you to brush off.” She sat back in her chair and folded her arms across her chest. “Who did you meet while you were away? I’m going to hazard a guess and say this is about him.”