Mountain Rose

by Cheryl St. John

  “You’ve been around children your whole life, and Emily is my first,” he said. “Do younguns always say what they’re thinking?”

  “If they’re confident with the person they’re speaking to,” she replied. “Emily took to you from the first day.”

  He reached for her wrist and caught her before she could turn away. “Let’s not let a little discomfort keep us from the tasks at hand,” he said. “We both have Emily’s welfare at heart. Can we just focus on that?”

  Could he detect the rapid increase of her pulse in her wrist? Standing this close, experiencing his intense attention flustered her. “Yes, of course.”

  “Olivia.”

  She liked the way he said her name in a low rasp that sent a shiver up her spine. Liked it too much, in fact. And then he did something entirely unexpected and used her wrist to urge her toward him, where he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and planted a toe-curling kiss on her lips. Olivia suspected she enjoyed the embrace a bit too much for it to be proper, so she eased away slightly.

  Jules released her shoulders, but held the kiss as long as he dared. He recognized the petty jealousy he’d felt over Marcus’s visit and her agreement to accompany the man on a ride. If he wasn’t interested in her himself, he wouldn’t care that she had made plans with the other rancher. So much for deluding himself about his attraction to her.

  Separating them, she took a step back and stared at him in the darkness. It wasn’t fair to kiss her while he expected her to leave after helping him with Emily, and now he’d done it twice. What was he afraid of?

  Thunder rumbled in the distance. The sound seemed to shake Olivia into action. She headed for the door. “Good night.”

  He stood in mute confusion as she closed herself inside. Eventually, he forced himself to put one foot in front of the other and head for the barn to check on the animals before turning in.

  His uncertainty angered him. He didn’t like not being in control. He liked order and simplicity. He liked having a plan and sticking with it. Nothing about Olivia Rose had been in his plan.

  And he certainly wasn’t being fair to her. He expected her to be looking for a job, but didn’t want her to take a husband? And thinking of Marcus as a husband was jumping the gun, but without a doubt marriage was the man’s intent.

  And then kissing her again?

  He filled water buckets and closed the latch on the last stall. Yes, his behavior had to be confusing her and was definitely unfair. She was trusting God for her safety and provision. Jules should be helping her, or maybe even praying for her instead of kissing her.

  He stood with his hand on a beam and dropped his head back to look up at the shadowy dark rafters. He wasn’t much good at praying. He knew God loved him, but he’d never held much confidence that a God so busy with important things had time to listen to his trivial concerns. And he never knew what to say anyway.

  He remembered Olivia’s prayers, the way she spoke to God as though He was right there listening, caring. She used psalms as her own prayers. Jules doused the hanging lanterns and lit one in the tack room. Lifting the lid of a wooden box, he pulled out a worn Bible and sat on a saddle propped over a sawhorse, opening the book in the center and thumbing back to the psalm he sought. After glancing over a couple chapters, he honed in on the hundred and sixteenth.

  I love the Lord because He hath heard my voice and my supplications. Because He hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live.

  Remembering Olivia’s personalization, he read aloud, “I offer to Thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving, and I call upon Your name, Lord.”

  Many of the verses spoke of God hearing David’s prayers. Jules knew enough about David to know that he hadn’t always done the right thing or listened to God’s direction, but he had always repented and God had always loved and forgiven him.

  “Thank You for loving and forgiving me, Father. I’m callin’ on Your name for direction and wisdom. I don’t know what to do about Emily—or Olivia, but I’m going to put my confidence and trust in You to show me.”

  Lightning didn’t strike, nor did he have a flash of realization. But what he did experience was a peace that hadn’t been part of him before. “Trust and confidence,” he reminded himself, and closed his Bible.

  * * *

  Work on the house had been under way for a couple of hours the following morning, when Coonie pointed out a dust trail moving in their direction. Jules removed his gloves and got a drink from the bucket that was shaded by a tarp over a wagon bed before he loped out to meet the approaching buggy.

  His first thought was that if it was another suitor for Olivia, he would send the fellow packing.

  Instead, he recognized the driver as Corbin Bend’s married liveryman. His fare was a woman dressed in a dove-gray traveling suit, with a plumed hat set on her head at a jaunty angle. He squinted in puzzlement. He didn’t know any women who would dress like that to come calling out here.

  Olivia and Emily, who had been studying under the branches of the hemlock tree, stood and walked toward the front of the cabin, where the buggy met all three of them.

  “Jules,” the driver said, and tipped his hat at Olivia. He tied the reins and moved around to help the woman to the ground.

  She was small of stature and slender, wearing pristine white gloves and polished kid boots. Jules’s gaze moved upward from her feet as they reached the ground.

  She raised her head, angling the sweeping hat brim upward, so her face came into view. It took him a good thirty seconds to find his voice. “Mother?”

  CHAPTER TEN

  “You are breathtakingly handsome, Jules,” she said with a catch in her voice. Pressing a gloved hand against her cheek, she blinked rapidly as though fighting tears. She turned her shimmering gaze downward with a sweep of dark lashes. “And this is Emily?”

  “Yes,” he managed to reply. “This is Emily. And her teacher, Miss Rose.”

  She knelt without a care for the hem of her skirt that puddled in the dust, and placed her hand under Emily’s chin to tilt her face. “You look just like your mother, child.”

  Jules gathered his wits. “This is your grandmother, Lorena.”

  “How do you do?” Emily said, doing her teacher proud with the polite greeting in such a startling moment.

  Lorena drew the child into a tender hug and closed her eyes.

  Olivia’s chest hitched with the swift emotion she experienced watching the woman’s loving acceptance of the grandchild she hadn’t known existed. Tears prickled behind her lids, and her throat stung with happiness for Emily. “Oh, thank You, Lord,” she breathed.

  She could almost feel those arms around her. She imagined the warmth and softness of that motherly embrace, and her heart sang. At last, a woman to give Emily all the affection she so needed and deserved. The affection Olivia wished she knew how to give.

  Lorena stroked Emily’s arm through her sleeve and released her as though she regretted having to do so. Self-consciously dabbing her eyes with a lace-edged hankie, she sat back on her heels. “We have a lot to talk about.”

  Glancing up then, her soft, dark eyes lit on Olivia. She stood. “Miss Rose. How can I ever repay you for looking after Emily and keeping her safe?” She took Olivia’s hand, surprising her with the unexpected touch. “I’ve been traveling, and I returned to find the telegram from Jules. I came as quickly as I could. You poor dears, what you must have suffered through these past months.”

  She released Olivia’s hand and wrapped her in an impulsive hug. She smelled like the lilac bushes that had lined the perimeter of the academy’s side garden and bloomed in profusion each spring. The soft embrace surprised Olivia. The older woman’s slender frame trembled with emotion. The only other embrace Olivia had to compare was Jules’s the night before, and there was no similarity.

  “Thank you,” Lorena said and leaned back, cupping Olivia’s cheek in her gloved palm. She released her and turned to gaze up at her son. “It�
�s been a long time, Jules. You look well.”

  “I’m good, Mother. Didn’t know you were coming.”

  Olivia sensed a discomfort she hadn’t suspected until Lorena held herself in check and didn’t reach for her son as she had Emily and Olivia. Olivia sensed she wanted to.

  “I barely had time to pack fresh clothing while Stuart secured a railroad ticket for my journey. Unfortunately, I unpacked and slept a night before reading mail and telegrams, or I’d have been here yesterday.” She turned and surveyed the barn and outbuildings before her dark gaze lit on the cabin. “Is this your home?”

  Jules bent and picked up two satchels the driver had set nearby. “You’re probably hot and tired from your trip. Let’s get you inside.”

  Once inside the cabin, Lorena removed her feathered hat, revealing lustrous dark hair shot with silver and swept into an elegant chignon, with sausage curls trailing the back of her neck. She didn’t appear as though she’d traveled hundreds of miles in the heat.

  “I brought tea,” she said, and rummaged in one of her bags to produce a tin.

  Olivia accepted the offering with a grateful smile. She hadn’t tasted tea in a long time.

  “I’ll go get mugs from the bunkhouse. And then I’ll bring in the tub and pump water so you can bathe.” Jules headed out.

  Olivia and Emily resumed studying their vocabulary words out of doors. Jules went back to the house site, while Lorena enjoyed a bath and dressed in fresh clothing.

  Before full dark, they came together once again for supper. “We have so much to talk about. I want to hear all about your school and your trip here,” Jules’s mother said. “And I’m sure you want to hear about your mother.”

  Emily nodded solemnly.

  Lorena grew subdued while they ate, finally setting down her fork and waiting for the others to finish. “I’m afraid I have some very bad news.”

  All eyes focused on her.

  Emily was seated beside her, and Lorena reached for the girl’s hand. “Among the letters and telegrams I received was one from a man named Roman Terlesky.”

  Olivia knew that name. He’d sent the banker’s notes that had paid Emily’s tuition for the previous eight years. A sinking feeling settled in her stomach and increased when Lorena pursed her lips in a straight line and blotted tears.

  “Your mother was aboard a ship that met with a storm at sea. She drowned, dear. Mr. Terlesky was traveling with her on a return trip from Ireland, and the two of them were separated. He was Meriel’s close friend for many years and sent me his regrets.”

  Emily’s face showed bitter disappointment. No doubt she’d been imagining that her grandmother’s arrival meant she would be united with her mother. However, no sign of grief darkened her features, unlike Jules, who sat with his elbows on the tabletop, the lower portion of his face hidden by his tautly laced fingers.

  Olivia didn’t have any experience with losing a loved one, but she could imagine how much his loss hurt. If losing a family member was anything like yearning for a loved one, she empathized. She wished she could go to him and comfort him. Once again her inadequacy to reach out with the most simple of human touches gnawed a painful cavity in her heart. She pictured herself touching his shoulder, his hair, and she ached at her pathetic incapability.

  Emily had never known her mother, so grief wasn’t an emotion she could be expected to feel, though the pain of finality had to be a crushing blow. Just as it had been to Olivia the day she’d learned she had nothing—no mother, no father, no birthday, no history. Not the same as the death of a person, but the demise of a dream and the end of all hope of ever being loved or accepted were heartbreaking all the same.

  Olivia yearned to jump from her chair and take Emily in her arms and comfort her. The glaring inability to do so proved her a disappointingly poor candidate for a mother.

  She hurt for Emily, but she held in the pain, not knowing how to express her empathy and concern. Holy Spirit, You are the Comforter. Show me how to connect and love, she prayed.

  Lorena moved from her chair to kneel beside Emily’s, where she placed her hand on the girl’s shoulder. “It’s okay to be sad, darling.”

  What a perfect thing to say. Emily looked up at the woman, a world of questions in her eyes. Olivia knew each one. Why didn’t she want me? What is wrong with me that she didn’t love me? But as sad as the questions were, Olivia knew that the hardest trial of her mother’s abandonment had already passed for the girl.

  Emily was only eight years old, and now she had a family. These people loved her and cared about her, and she was still young enough that she would soon be able to ask those questions and be reassured that they cherished her, regardless of what her mother had done.

  At Lorena’s urging, Emily slid off the chair and into her embrace. Olivia closed her eyes and swallowed hard against the wall of emotion that threatened to tumble her composure.

  She opened her eyes and looked instinctively at Jules. The pity she read in his expression shamed her. Her soul had been laid bare to his gaze, all her glaring inadequacies exposed to scrutiny.

  She was the one who’d been with Emily all these years, yet she was incapable of comforting her while a woman Emily had only just met today held her and tenderly kissed her cheek. She felt more insignificant and useless than ever. She stood and gathered plates.

  While Olivia cleaned up the table and the dishes, Lorena took Emily to a chair and pulled her into her lap, where she kissed her temple and smoothed her hair and spoke to her in a soothing voice. Olivia could barely tear away her gaze to perform her tasks. Her chest ached with longing to be the one doing those things and comforting the child she loved.

  Much later, Olivia tucked Emily into bed. Lorena kissed her good-night, and the three adults went out of doors. Jules led the way toward the new house in the darkness. The building was another cabin, Olivia had noted somewhere along the line, constructed of logs and beams with stone fireplaces, and rafters in place for a roof and a loft. But it was five or six times the size of the small cabin.

  Jules gestured for the women to sit on a platform constructed beside the new well. “Who is Roman Terlesky?” he asked. “Is he Emily’s father?”

  “No, but as I understand it, he was your sister’s gentleman friend for many years.”

  “He paid Emily’s tuition,” Olivia supplied. “It’s recorded in her file. That’s how I know.”

  “Did you keep in touch with Meriel?” Jules asked.

  “I had an address for her in London,” his mother replied. “I wrote her occasionally, and she wrote me once or twice, but I hadn’t heard from her for many years. I didn’t know about Emily. If I had, I’d have gone for her and taken her back to Cincinnati.”

  “Your husband would have approved?” he asked.

  “Stuart is a kind and generous man,” Lorena assured him. “He encourages me to keep inviting you for holidays, even though you’ve never replied.”

  “Never had much time for holidays.”

  Even in the dark, Olivia could tell Lorena had more she wanted to say. She wasn’t sure if it was her presence preventing the woman from speaking or the palpable barrier Jules had erected.

  “I want to take Emily home with me,” Lorena declared. “She needs to be somewhere safe, where she can get the best education possible and be with people who love her.”

  Jules had been in a fog since his mother’s arrival, but instantly the fog cleared and he felt as though he’d been slammed in the gut with a two-by-four. “You think your home is better than a boarding school?”

  “Of course it is! I want her. She’s my granddaughter.” She studied his rigid posture in the moonlight. “Victor is a good man, Jules. He’s nothing like your father. Nothing. I can assure you he will welcome Emily and provide for her. He’s also wealthy. I’ve never wanted for anything, and I’ve never regretted marrying him.”

  Jules didn’t harbor ill feelings toward his mother. She’d been trapped in an ugly situation with an unstable man
, and she’d done what she thought was best at the time to retain peace and keep people safe. And, God help him, he believed her about her stable life and her kind husband. She had never lied to him and she had no reason to start now.

  She was a good woman. A loving woman.

  Olivia was embarrassed to be included in their personal discussion. Of course, she cared about the outcome, but she wasn’t part of their family. “Excuse me. I’m going to go get the bed ready for you, ma’am.”

  “You don’t have to go,” Lorena told her.

  “Yes, I do.” She hurried toward the cabin, her thoughts in a whirl. Jules’s mother could be the answer to her prayers for Emily. She was without a doubt exactly what the child needed—someone kind and loving and affectionate—someone who wanted Emily and could provide a loving home. Being wanted had to be the best feeling of all. If Emily went to Cincinnati, Olivia would, in all likelihood, never see her again, but she could live with that as long as she knew the girl was happy.

  She paused in front of the cabin and stared up at the broad expanse of star-studded heavens. “Lord, help me be happy for Emily. You know how much I want a family of my own and how much I would have loved to be able to care for her and be a mother to her, but You have her best interests at heart. I trust You to provide for her. I don’t know anything about being a mother, and I certainly don’t have a home or a husband or the means to support her. Lorena has all those things, and she’s kind and loving, besides.”

  Lorena’s tender concern and warm affection stabbed Olivia with a sense of inferiority and unworthiness that settled on her chest like a weight. She took a shaky breath.

  “Help me to let go.”

  * * *

  “Do you doubt I can care for her?” his mother asked.

  Jules shook his head. “No.”

  His mother sighed. “I know you and Meriel had a hard childhood. Those years weren’t easy for me, either.”