On the Outside Looking In (Wrong Reasons)

by Paul, JL

  “Yeah, she did,” I said as I recounted the entire story.

  His hands gripped the wheel tightly as I spoke. I finished just as he parked behind Beans.

  “She is such a bitch,” he said. “Someone needs to put her in her place.”

  “I don’t care about all that,” I said. “Irelyn is going to talk to Spencer tomorrow and let him know what Jessica has been saying. It’s up to him what he does about it. I’m not concerned, really, as long as she stops talking to me.”

  He turned toward me, taking my hand. “You’re going to have to deal with her, though. She is friends with Irelyn and dating Irelyn’s fiancé’s cousin.”

  “I know.”

  “She’s also going to be in the wedding.”

  “Yeah,” I grimaced. “But I’ll deal with her. Maybe once Spencer finds out how she’s been acting, he’ll talk to her and she’ll stop. Doesn’t mean she’ll like me or me her, and it doesn’t mean we’ll be friends, but maybe we’ll be able to be in the same room together.”

  He ran a knuckle over my cheek. “What a mature attitude.”

  “Whatever,” I said as I leaned into kiss him. “I’m going to bed. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

  “Yep,” he said, kissing me. “Good night.”

  ***

  I didn’t think too much about Jessica’s words – was becoming more and more immune to her. I didn’t dwell on them before going to sleep and didn’t even remember what had happened until late Saturday morning while cleaning my apartment. It wasn’t until my phone rang around lunchtime that I fully realized the impact they’d had.

  “Hello,” I said, answering my cell without a glance at the screen. I’d figured it was Evan – he’d texted earlier that morning, telling me he was helping out at the apartment complex and would call me later.

  “Morgan, hey.”

  My heart stopped for a moment. “Um, Spencer?”

  “Yeah,” he said. “How are you? We haven’t had much of a chance to talk, lately.”

  “I know,” I said. “I’m fine. How are you? Are you enjoying recording your CD?”

  “Oh, yeah, it’s great,” he said, animation leaking into his voice. “I like it. It’s a lot of work sometimes, and we’re there until all hours of the day at times, but it’s really cool.”

  “That’s great,” I said. “I’m happy for you.”

  “I know you are,” he said in a soft tone. “Listen, Morgan. I spoke to Irelyn today. She told me what Jessica has been saying to you.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Spence,” I said. “They’re just words. They don’t bother me.”

  “I know,” he said. “But it bothers me. I can’t believe she’d say those things. I mean, I know you’re not a stalker. I know you’re not all into me and shit. I think it’s cool you’re dating Evan. He’s a cool guy.”

  “He is,” I said as a smile curved my lips.

  “I’m really sorry, Morg,” he said. “I’m sorry she was such a bitch to you and I didn’t see it.”

  “I appreciate your apology, but it’s not necessary,” I said. “You weren’t the one to treat me that way.”

  “No, but my girlfriend did,” he said. “Well, ex-girlfriend. And I feel responsible.”

  “Ex-girlfriend?” I asked as my heart reacted in a way I didn’t like. “Oh, Spence, I hope you didn’t break up over this.”

  “It’s been a long time coming,” he sighed. “She was so sweet when we started dating but lately, she’s become so possessive, always wanting to know where I am, what I’m doing. She can’t stand if any female talks to me. The way she treated you was just the icing on the cake.”

  “I’m really sorry,” I said. “I know you cared about her.”

  “Yeah, I did,” he said. “But, I wasn’t all in love with her, so this is probably for the best. I think she was a little more into me than I was her, and that’s not fair.”

  “No, probably not,” I said as I recalled the previous summer and how we used to talk. Once again, the girl was more into him than he was into her – but that girl had been me. A twinge of guilt hit me as a snatch of sympathy for Jessica fluttered through my brain. It didn’t last long, though, as memories of her horrid words quickly followed.

  “Ever since Irelyn and Lucas got engaged and Collin and Bailey announced that they were having a baby, Jessica has been hinting around that we need to do something a little more permanent. She’s been bugging me about moving into my place. Once we signed the contract, she suggested that we go house hunting.”

  “Oh?” I asked. I very much wanted to badmouth Jessica, but I didn’t think Spencer would take it well. True, he’d broken things off, but he’d still cared about her at one time. And I didn’t want to be that callous.

  “Yeah,” he said, barking out a laugh. “She was trying to spend my advance check before I even had it in my hands.”

  I sympathized the best I could without sounding too fake. I didn’t want him to know, either, how thrilled I was that he’d ditched her.

  What about Evan?

  My brain froze for a moment as Evan’s face floated into my mind. Dear, sweet Evan who truly cared for me. Evan, my first real boyfriend.

  “So, anyway,” Spencer said. “Enough about me and Jessica. Tell me what you’ve been up to. I miss talking to you.”

  I smiled as I sank to my favorite chair, phone cradled to my ear. “Nothing much is happening. My photog professor wants me to consider doing fashion photography as a career.”

  “Oh?” he asked. “Are you interested in that?”

  “Yes,” I said. “Very much.”

  “And, what about you and Evan? How long have you been seeing him?”

  Was that a hint of jealousy in his voice, I wondered. Or was he just being friendly? Was I reading too much into an innocent question?

  “We’ve been seeing each other for about a month,” I said. “He’s a nice guy.”

  “Yeah, he is,” Spencer said. “I mean, I’ve heard stuff about him, but who knows if it’s true.”

  “What stuff?” I asked.

  “Just stupid shit,” Spencer said. “Nothing to worry about.”

  “Tell me.”

  He laughed. “Nothing bad. Just that he dates a lot and he’s not always faithful. He’s been through a lot of women.”

  “Yeah, I kind of figured that,” I sighed.

  “He isn’t, you know, demanding, or anything, is he?” Spencer asked.

  The concern in his voice lifted my heart all the way to my throat. I smiled brightly as my pulse sped up and my stomach twisted. “Not at all. He’s a gentleman.”

  Everything I’d said about Evan was true, but why, all of a sudden, was I not so thrilled about that? What had changed?

  My phone clicked and I pulled it away from my ear to check the screen. It was Evan. I considered answering for a second and then decided that I’d call him back once I finished my conversation with Spencer. It wasn’t a big deal – Evan was a good guy.

  “So, what are you doing today?” Spencer asked, throwing the question out as casual as could be.

  “Nothing, yet,” I said, biting my lip. I hadn’t made definite plans with Evan, but I was sure he’d probably want to get together.

  “Do you want to meet an old, heartbroken friend for lunch?” he asked. “My treat.”

  I took a deep breath, my heart urging me to go, my head telling me to remember Evan. But it was too late. I knew what I wanted to do and no amount of conscience was going to change my mind.

  Besides, I’d call Evan after lunch and meet up with him later.

  No big deal.

  “Sure,” I said with a grin. “Where do you want to go?”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Garlic, tomatoes, and other tantalizing scents rushed up my nose once I stepped through the door at Franco’s. The dim lighting made it hard to make out people at the little round tables but once my eyes adjusted, I found Spencer sitting in the back. A smile I couldn’t contain burst out on my lips
as I scurried through the restaurant.

  “Hey, Morg,” Spencer greeted as he stood to give me a quick hug. My heart swelled. “Thanks for meeting me.”

  “No problem,” I said as I removed my coat and took a seat across from him. Taking a second to study him, I noticed dark smudges beneath his eyes and the weariness in his gestures. The smile slipped from my face. “Are you okay?”

  Lifting a shoulder, he managed a tiny grin. “Yeah, sure. I’ll be all right. It just sucks when it seems like your entire life is finally coming together and then something like this happens.”

  “I’m really sorry,” I said, reaching across the table to take his hand. “I feel responsible.”

  “No, you’re not,” he said, squeezing my hand. “Like I said on the phone, it was a long time coming.”

  “I’m still sorry.”

  “Thanks,” he said, squeezing my hand once before dropping it on the table and leaning back in his chair. “So, let’s talk about something else, huh? You seem to have a knack for cheering me up.”

  Laughing, I picked up my menu, perusing the entrees. “How about we figure out what we want to eat, first.”

  We decided, placed our order, and then faced each other across the table.

  “So, you really like this Evan guy, huh?” he asked. My soaring heart thumped under my chin, making me tamp it back down.

  “Yeah, I guess,” I said with less enthusiasm than I’d had the night before. “I mean, we’ve only been dating for about a month. We’ll have to see how things go.”

  “He’s got a bit of a reputation, but he’s a decent enough guy. He’s not like Owen.”

  I cringed, as I picked up my napkin and spread it across my lap. I definitely didn’t want to go there. I didn’t want to discuss Owen. I was far too embarrassed.

  “No, he’s no Owen.”

  “He called me, you know,” Spencer said as the waiter set our soft drinks in front of us. “He called to congratulate us on the record deal.”

  “That was nice of him,” I said, my tone clipped.

  Spencer chuckled. “You really hate him, don’t you?”

  “Hate is a rather strong term,” I said. “But I don’t like him at all.”

  We chatted about some of the people we knew from the bar until our food was served. Conversation slowed while we ate but I was very much aware of him right across from me. Every little touch or look sent my emotions into overdrive and it took every ounce of strength that I had to control them.

  “So, I guess Irelyn told Jessica that she didn’t want her in the wedding,” Spencer said, mopping up what was left of his fettuccini with a hunk of bread.

  “Really?” I asked. “I was wondering.”

  “Yep,” Spencer said as he patted his lips with his napkin. “They got into a huge argument outside of the bar last night, but only Bailey knew about it. The girls didn’t say anything to any of us until this morning.”

  I nodded, lips pursed.

  “Bailey, Collin, Irelyn, and Lucas all came over to my place this morning and we talked about Jessica,” Spencer continued. “Bailey and Irelyn told me how nasty she’d been to you and some other stuff that she’d said when the girls had been together.”

  That old, jealous twinge hit my heart again, but I ignored it. Jessica was no longer part of their group.

  “What’s Irelyn going to do about another bridesmaid?” I asked. “Does she know yet?”

  “I don’t know,” Spencer shrugged, pushing his plate away. “She said she was going to talk it over with Bailey and see if they could figure something out.”

  “Oh,” I said, dropping my fork to my plate.

  “You done?” Spencer asked.

  I nodded as I sipped my soda. Spencer gestured for the check. Once he paid, we put on our coats.

  “It’s not as cold as it has been,” he said as he walked me to the door. “Want to take a walk?”

  “Sure,” I said.

  We left the restaurant but instead of turning left toward the parking lot, we turned right. Franco’s was situated downtown, about five blocks from campus. We walked along the sidewalk, talking about Spencer’s failed relationship, the future of the band, and the upcoming wedding. We paused, every once in a while, to check out the elaborate Christmas storefronts.

  “What are your holiday plans?” I asked Spencer as we turned a corner, heading in the direction of our parked vehicles.

  “We’ll be working in the studio up until a day or two before Christmas,” he said. “But as far as the holiday, I’m not sure. Probably dinner at Lucas and Collin’s parents’ house. That ought to be fun.”

  “Sounds like it,” I said.

  “I was being sarcastic,” he said, bumping me with his shoulder. “My aunt will be beside herself – a wedding and a baby. Ugh. My mother will be pestering me about settling down.”

  I laughed as we reached the parking lot. “It still sounds fun.”

  “Yeah, I suppose,” he said. “Hey, thanks for hanging out with me today. I needed it.”

  “No problem,” I said as I unlocked my car. “Anytime. Just give me a call.”

  “I’ll probably take you up on that,” he said. He bent to peck my cheek, sending a chill shimmying up my spine. “Thanks, again.”

  I watched as he strolled to his own car, my insides wiggling. Once he reached his car, I quickly jumped into my own, not wanting him to catch me gawking. I started the engine, allowing it to run for a couple of minutes, and checked my phone. Two missed calls and several texts from Evan.

  “Oh, damn,” I muttered, nibbling my lip. I’d almost forgotten him. I lifted my eyes in time to see Spencer leaving the parking lot before hitting Evan’s number.

  “Hey, Morgan,” he said. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah, it’s fine,” I said. “Um, sorry. I had my phone turned off.”

  “Oh,” he said, slowly. “Well, I know it’s a bit late but would you like to grab some grub?”

  “I, um, just ate,” I said. “But, if you want to grab something and meet me at my place…”

  “Sure, that’s be great,” he said, ending the call without another word.

  “Damn,” I said, shoving my phone into my pocket. I put the car in gear and left the lot, my teeth doing double time to my lip. “Damn.”

  ***

  After I got home, I paced my tiny apartment for half an hour until Evan showed up with a bag full of greasy burgers. He planted himself at my table, getting to work on his lunch. I sat across from him, watching as he carefully chewew each bite, not uttering a single word.

  “So, what did you have to do at the apartment complex?” I asked.

  He finished chewing and dabbed at his lips with a crumpled napkin. “Just minor stuff. Clogged drains, installing new blinds, changing furnace filters.”

  “Sounds interesting,” I said, lying.

  He snorted. “No it doesn’t.”

  I didn’t say anything, just sat with my chin resting on my fists.

  “What did you do all day?” he asked after shoving the last chunk of burger into his mouth.

  “Cleaned the apartment,” I said. “Went to lunch with a friend.”

  “What friend?” he asked.

  I paused, not wanting to lie but not wanting any arguments. When he lifted a brow, I released a silent sigh. “Spencer. He broke up with Jessica last night and called to apologize for how she’d been treating me.”

  “It’s not his fault that chick was crazy,” Evan said, gathering his garbage and shoving it into the bag.

  “I know,” I said. “But he felt bad. He called and told me he was sorry and invited me to lunch.”

  “That was nice,” Evan said as he dropped his bag into my trash can.

  Trying to gauge his mood, I agreed as I watched him wash his hands in the kitchen sink before dropping back into his chair.

  “So, what happened with them?” he asked.

  “Huh?” I asked, misunderstanding his question.

  “What happened betwe
en Jessica and Spencer?” he asked. “Why did they split?”

  “Oh, um, well, Spencer said that she’d changed a lot. He said that things have been going poorly and the way she treated me was the final straw.”

  “Did Irelyn tell him about last night?”

  “Yeah. Apparently, Irelyn, Lucas, Bailey, and Collin went over to talk to him this morning,” I said.

  “So, what’s happening with the wedding?” he asked as he sucked on the straw from his drink. “Is she still going to be in it?”

  “I guess not,” I said as I rose to retrieve a soda from the refrigerator. My nerves began to relax as the conversation continued, but I tried to remain alert for signs of distress. My stomach churned, making the pasta I’d eaten at lunch rise, threatening to make another appearance.

  “That would create a problem,” Evan mused as he reached for my hand across the table. “I mean, if the chick put a deposit down on the dress.”

  “I hadn’t thought of that,” I said as I purposely ignore our entwined fingers. “We did put deposits on our dresses.”

  “I’m sure they’ll figure it out,” he said as he rose out of his seat, still clutching my hand, and tugging me toward the living room. Once we settled on the sofa, he wrapped me in his arms, holding me close to his body. “Well, at least we won’t have to put up with Jessica anymore.”

  “Yeah,” I said as I closed my eyes, hoping the familiar feelings would surface. They refused to budge. Finally, I could take it no more. “Aren’t you mad?”

  “At what?” he asked.

  “That I went to lunch with Spencer?”

  “No,” he snorted. “Unless all that shit Jessica said is true.”

  “It’s not,” I said, a little too quickly.

  “Then don’t worry about it,” he said.

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  He began kissing my neck, pausing to push my hair out of the way. Goose bumps jumped out on my skin as my body lightened, floating toward oblivion. His fingers lightly traced patterns on my cheek as his breath warmed a spot behind my ear.

  “Sure,” he whispered in a throaty voice, “I was jealous. But, I know Spencer’s your friend. I trust you.”

  That wonderful feeling dispersed into the air as guilt clutched my gut. I forced my body to remain in its current position, not wanting to tip him off as to my feelings.