The Complete Short Stories

by Premchand

  The carefree young men of the college did not have the staying power to overlook a person of such comportment. He was the perfect quarry. Game plans began to be hatched to straighten out this scoundrel. How he went about feigning ascetic-like purity! How he considered himself above par, condescending to believe that nobody else was fired with the spirit of patriotism and that everyone was devoid of humanism! He needed to be taught a lesson that would make him lose touch with all notions of superciliousness, once and for all.

  It so happened that an opportune occasion arose. Soon after the college reopened a gorgeous-looking Anglo-Indian girl joined the philosophy class. She had a rose-coloured complexion, an hourglass figure and an audacious manner in fixing her gaze and beauty that would make one throw caution to the winds! Over and above that, she dressed in bright-coloured clothes. The boys of the department held onto their hearts. Others from the History and Language departments took French leave from their own classes to attend the Philosophy class. All had their eyes fixed on this dazzling beauty. All of them longed for her to throw just one look in their direction; all of them longed to hear her mellifluous voice. Nevertheless, as the rule goes, when cautious hearts are smitten with beautiful love interests, some upshot undoubtedly comes about. Most people were engrossed in feasting their eyes on her but Pandit Chakradhar, smitten with uncontrollable desire, his heart brimming over with sincerity, was quite powerless even to raise his eyes to so much as look at his lady love. He feared that if someone caught him in the act of stealing a look at her, his single lock of hair and the sandalwood paste on his forehead would become the butt of people’s jokes. He would cast hungry sidelong glances at her, his head bowed low in the fear that his secret would be discovered and that his clandestine affection would become the talk of the town.

  However, the truth cannot remain concealed for long! His associates were quick to discern his lovelorn glances. Their wish had been granted. They were unable to contain their joy. Two young men extended hands of friendship towards him and consciously laboured to develop an intimacy with him. When they judged that his trust in them was unshakable, that their prey was within shooting range, they put their heads together and addressed the following letter to Chakradhar, in the manner adopted by ladies:

  My dear Panditji,

  I have wanted to write to you for several days. However, for fear that deep in your heart you will misconstrue me as a brazen woman, I held back. I cannot contain myself any longer. You seem to have cast a spell on me, so much so that I am unable to put you out of my mind for even a second. Your devout countenance, radiant expression and your threadbare clothing are always uppermost in my mind. I detest ceremony and formality but around me everyone seems immersed in observing fake ceremonies and practices. It seems as though everyone has fallen in love with me, but I am quite familiar with such Romeos. All of them are merely debauched oglers and rakes. You are the only person in whom I perceive genuine feeling and truthfulness. Are my perceptions ill-founded?

  Time and again, I have felt the urge to speak with you, but you sit so far away from me that it is impossible to engage in a conversation with you. I entreat you to sit close to me from tomorrow, so that if nothing else, proximity to you will soothe my heart brimming with emotion.

  Please tear up this letter after you have read it. Write me a reply and place it under the thirteenth cupboard in the library.

  Yours,

  Lucy

  This letter was posted and people began to observe its effects stealthily. They were not put through too much trouble waiting. The very next day in college, Chakradhar wanted to sit beside Lucy. The two young men who had made friends with him were the ones who mostly sat beside Lucy. One of them was called Girdhar Sahai and the other was Mirza Naim-ullah. Chakradhar went up to Girdhar and said, ‘Friend, you can go and sit in my place while I sit here.’

  Naim responded, ‘Why? Are you jealous?’

  ‘Oh no! I am not jealous. I cannot listen to the professor from there.’

  Girdhar was piqued. ‘Since when has your auditory perception suffered a change? You did not have such complaints earlier!’

  Naim continued, ‘Besides, the professor will be farther away from here.’

  Chakradhar remarked, ‘So what if he is farther away from here? I will be better placed over here because sometimes I tend to doze off. I do not wish to sit in front for fear that he may catch me napping.’

  Naim said, ‘All right, you may sit but I must tell you that I am exercising severe restraint. I would not have left this seat for a gift of even a hundred thousand rupees for anyone else.’

  Girdhar added, ‘Janaab, it is heavenly to be here, just heavenly! Nevertheless, for your sake I’m willing to move away.’

  Chakradhar expressed deep gratitude and sat down. In a short while Lucy came in and sat in her usual seat. Chakradhar cast expectant looks at her every now and then so that he could strike up a conversation with her, but she seemed completely engrossed in listening to the professor delivering the lecture. He thought that perhaps she was shy. He began turning his head in her direction again and again. She appeared to be disgusted by his paan-chewing habit. Again and again, she turned her head away. Chakradhar did not understand this. He was feeling quite thrilled! He looked around conceitedly; his eyes seemed to speak his mind, Can any of you be so fortunate? Who can hope to enjoy such a privilege?

  The day passed. That evening, against his usual practice, Chakradhar visited Naim in his room and said, ‘Friend, I need a letter writer. Who has the best letter writer?’

  Naim responded compellingly, ‘What will you do with a letter writer?’

  Girdhar joined in saying, ‘It would be quite useless. Naim is as good as any letter writer.’

  Chakradhar said shyly, ‘What form of address should one use to begin a love letter?’

  ‘One can begin with “Darling” and if the person is very dear, then one can begin with “Dear darling”.’

  ‘And how should one conclude the letter?’

  ‘If one is deeply in love with the beloved, one should write “Your dying lover” but if one loves only a little then one can conclude with “Yours forever”.’

  ‘Some complimentary expressions should also be employed. Isn’t it?’

  ‘Most certainly! Has ever a letter been written without complimentary expressions, that too, a billet-doux? One employs the most evocative language to address the beloved. You can write “God give you everlasting beauty. May you remain happy and lovely”.’

  That night Chakradhar bolted the doors of his room and carefully drafted a reply. He dipped it in fragrant perfume and on the following day placed it under the cupboard in the library. His friends were on the watch. They picked up the letter and had a whale of a time reading it.

  2

  Three days after this incident, Chakradhar received yet another letter. It read:

  My dear Chakradhar,

  I received your letter of deep adoration. Again and again I held it to my eyes and kissed it. Ah! It was so sweetly scented. I consecrate our love to such everlasting purity and fragrance. You complain that I do not speak with you. Sweetheart, one loves with one’s heart, not with the words one exchanges. When I turn away from you, no one can guess how my heart aches. You do not know how many pairs of eyes are fixed on us at all times. At the slightest suspicion, we will be forced to suffer permanent alienation. Therefore, we need to be extremely careful. I have a request. Please forgive me. I am very keen to see you in English attire. Nevertheless, you will always be dear to me, irrespective of your clothing. I am especially fond of your simple kurta but I would like to see you in the clothes with which I have been familiar with since my childhood. I feel certain you will not disappoint me. I have sewn a waistcoat for you with my own hands. Do accept it as a humble gift expressive of my feelings for you.

  Yours,

  Lucy

  Along with the letter was a small packet containing the waistcoat. His friends had got together and contrib
uted generously to collect thirty-five rupees. It was not possible to judge how thrilled Chakradhar was to receive the letter and the gift along with it. When college got over, he showed the waistcoat to his friends. Then it was exhibited all over the boarding house. Everyone scrutinized it and praised its perfect style. In reality, it was so gaudy that a sombre person would never consent to put it on. His friends got Chakradhar to face eastward and made him put on the waistcoat in a propitious moment. He was absolutely thrilled; anyone who saw him sang abundant praises—‘Brother, it is impossible to recognize you. You look so handsome! Your visage is as radiant as bullion baked over a fire; the waistcoat makes you look so youthful! What a transformation the complete English attire has made! Young ladies would lose restraint.’ It was decided among the friends that they would get him a trouser suit. A group of college students accompanied him to purchase it. Chakradhar was a wealthy man. An expensive suit was purchased from a showroom dealing in English garments. That night there was singing and merrymaking in the hostel. The following day Chakradhar’s friends made him put on the suit at ten o’clock. He protested in favour of his old, conventional clothing, ‘I don’t appreciate this at all. I wonder why you people are fond of Western clothing.’

  Naim said, ‘If you look into the mirror you will know—you look like a prince. I am jealous of your handsome appearance. God has given you such good looks and you have been concealing them all along.’ Chakradhar did not know the art of putting on a necktie. He said to Girdhar, ‘You must put this on as well.’

  Girdhar made him wear the necktie so tightly that it became difficult for Chakradhar to breathe. He protested, ‘Buddy, this is too tight.’

  ‘What can I do? This is the style. A necktie worn loosely is supposed to be an imperfection.’

  Naim put in, ‘You have already loosened it. We wear ours far more tightly.’

  ‘It is difficult to breathe!’

  ‘What else do you imagine is the purpose of wearing a tie? It is to prevent one from breathing too hard.’

  Chakradhar was in a dilemma. His eyes had turned red. His visage too looked rather flushed but he could not summon up the courage to loosen his tie. When he arrived at the college dressed up in this fashion, a throng of students began to follow him in a mock solemn manner—as though a marriage procession were towing behind a groom. They exchanged knowing glances, placed their handkerchiefs over the mouths and chuckled. But Chakradhar had no idea about all this. He was in the grip of another train of thought; he walked along with inflexible superciliousness. With as much affectation, he walked into the classroom and sat down. In a short while, Lucy too came in. She was quite amused to see him in the Western outfit; a hint of a smile was visible on her lips. Chakradhar misunderstood this as an expression of delight. Every now and again, he would smile and throw meaningful glances at her. But she did not so much as take note of his behaviour.

  From that day, Chakradhar’s lifestyle, his associations, his religious zeal and his patriotic fervour suffered a radical change. First and foremost, his lock of hair disappeared. Then he got himself an English-style haircut. People began to question him: ‘Sir, you once claimed that a magnetic field penetrates the body by way of the lock of hair—what route shall it take now?’

  Chakradhar smirked and said, ‘I made a fool of you. Did I not know that all this talk is merely a delusion? Deep down in my heart I believed none of this. I was merely trying to delude all of you.’

  Naim was incensed. ‘My word! You have turned out to be quite a scoundrel! I mistook you for a simpleton. You are an out and out villain.’

  ‘I wanted to see what people have to say.’

  Along with the disappearance of the hair the performance of the evening fire sacrifice also came to an end. The redundant fire-pit was tossed under the bed. Then it began to serve as an ashtray for discarded cigarette butts. The seat on which he sat to perform the fire sacrifice served as a foot stool. He began using soap, oiling his hair, combing it stylishly and smoking. His friends constantly pumped up his ego. It was decided that the money spent on the waistcoat ought to be recovered from him and that too with interest! Yet another letter undersigned by Lucy was drafted—

  I cannot express in words the joy I feel at your altered appearance. You have lived up to my expectations. By the grace of God you are now every bit the kind of person any European lady would feel proud to be associated with. I beg you to present me a souvenir of your kindness and everlasting love which I may cherish all my life. I do not want any expensive gift, merely something which will enable me to commit you evermore, to my memory.

  Chakradhar consulted his friends. He mentioned that he wanted to send his wife a present. Could they advise him on the purchase of an appropriate gift?

  Naim said, ‘Janaab! This would be contingent upon her cultural refinement and her educational qualification. If she is accomplished and erudite, you must send her an expensive gift, behoving her sophistication; alternately, you can send several things, such as handkerchiefs, a wrist watch, a bottle of Lavender perfume, fancy combs, a mirror, a locket, brooch, and if, God forbid, she is gross or crass—then you must ask someone else—because I do not have any idea about the preferences of clumsy women.

  ‘Janaab! She is well versed with the English language.’

  ‘Then you must pay heed to my advice.’

  That evening, Chakradhar went to the market, accompanied by his friends, and purchased a number of gifts. Each one of them was quite exquisite. About seventy-five rupees were spent but Chakradhar did not express even the slightest displeasure. On the contrary, he was quite willing to make the expense. On the way back, Naim observed, ‘What a pity I do not have such a sophisticated wife. Our friendship demands that you permit us to meet her sometime. Do you agree, Panditji?’

  ‘In the absence of my parents, I would not mind at all. At present I am bound to conform to their wishes. I do not have the liberty to do as I choose.’

  ‘In that case, may God liberate them from the temporal world!’

  A package was prepared that very night; in the early hours of the following morning, Chakradhar deposited it in the library. He did not encounter any problem because the library opened quite early. Soon after he had deposited his packet, his friends collected it and took off with the wares. These were distributed in Naim’s room as bequests among the friends. One individual got the watch and another the handkerchief and so on and so forth. In lieu of the single rupee that they had contributed, they received goods worth about five rupees each.

  3

  Men in love can be very, very patient. Despite all the effort he had put in, poor Chakradhar had not had any one-to-one conversation with his enchanting but cold-hearted beloved. What an amazing person she was, to write such charming letters and yet not suffer a moment’s trouble to look at him in person! Poor Chakradhar thought about taking the initiative to speak to her, but he could not gather sufficient courage. He found himself in a halfway house. Nevertheless, despite all the setbacks, he had not lost hope. After all, he had given up ritualistic practices; he had had his hair cut after the latest fashion; he capered about in English attire, looking like a phony Englishman! He also began to speak English, which was, in fact, flawed. At night, he would pick up a book of English proverbs and study them by rote, like a lesson. The poor fellow had never taken such pains in his reading, even in the lower classes. Every now and again, he would employ the idioms he had learnt in his discourse, without discernment of their proper usage. On a couple of occasions he spoke English in the presence of Lucy. As a result, the curtains were raised on his competence and felicity of language.

  Notwithstanding, the crooks did not have mercy on him. One day Chakradhar received yet another letter from Lucy in which, after many protests and implorations, she petitioned:

  I have not had a chance to see you play either football or cricket. It is crucial for an Englishman to be adept at exercise and playing outdoor games. I am confident that you will consider this insignific
ant plea. No one in the college can match up to your English clothing and appearance, and your proficiency in the English language. I would like to see you outshine everyone else on the playground as well. You must play tennis for you may have to play mixed-doubles matches with me against other ladies. Then, you and to a greater extent I, will suffer dishonour.

  Chakradhar received this letter at ten o’clock. As soon as they broke for afternoon games, he went up to Naim and requested, ‘Can you get the football out for me?’ Naim was the captain of the football team. He smirked and replied, ‘Is everything all right? What will you do with the football at this time of the afternoon? You have never so much as glanced at the playground. What makes you want to play today, in the scorching heat of the afternoon sun?’