Beautiful Disaster

by Rye Hart

  CHAPTER 21

  Drake

  One Week Later

  After three weeks of being in rehab, I was finally at a point where I could have visitors. I got one phone call a day and could call anyone that I wanted to contact. The group therapist urged us to use this time to make amends, apologize, and see who would still be there for us. My first phone call was to Tammy. I wanted to talk with my sister and hear how she was doing. Elsie talked with me about the latest book she was reading and how it was helping her to understand me a little more. It was a book on addictions and how they began, why they spiral out of control, and what someone could do to help.

  It made my heart ache that Elsie felt the need to do that. It was like a punch in the gut, knowing I’d exposed her to a life like this one. I listened to her rattle off a series of facts, like what percentage of people never really pull through and how I had the odds on my side because the damn book told her the best thing I could have was a support system.

  The second day I called Hank. I wanted to know how things were going and if I had any sort of career to come back to. I figured we would take the time to talk through things on the phone, but he was adamant about coming to see me.

  So, later that day, I had my first visitor.

  “Drake! Ya look good.”

  “I feel like shit,” I said.

  “Thought you were supposed to feel better after having all that shit out of your system,” he said.

  “Not physical shit. Emotional shit. Mental shit. Too many different kinds of shit in here to name, Hank. I hate it.”

  “Well, from here it looks to be helping. They feeding you good here? Got a nice tone to your skin and all.”

  “What, are you hittin’ on me?” I asked, a wry grin on my face.

  “Shut up. Damn. Just trying to tell you this place is doing you some good.”

  “What do you got for me that you couldn’t tell me over the phone?” I asked.

  “The media’s caught wind of you being in rehab, and for a while there it was touch and go. Some magazines and news outlets saw it as a good thing, but others were bashing you for it.”

  “Figures. Now, give it to me straight. Do I have a career to come back to or not?” I asked.

  “Your former record label dropped you. Didn’t wanna be associated with an addict. But another, better one picked you up.”

  “What?” I asked. “Who?”

  “Warner Bros. Records.”

  I almost swallowed my tongue when he said the name.

  “Are you fucking joking?” I asked.

  “Not one damn bit. They heard you were dropped and called me immediately. Said they wanted to do a deal with the man clawing his way back to the light. They love your story. They wanna do a whole record that tells it from front to back,” Hank said.

  “My story.”

  “Yep. Which is why I’ll need your signature when you get out of here on the final paperwork. It means telling some hard stories. Like about the death of your wife and daughter and your struggles with your sister,” he said.

  “What does Delia think?” I asked.

  The conversation fell silent and I knew the look Hank was giving me. I was trying not to mention her. Hell, I didn’t wanna even call her. But she was on my mind and in my thoughts. Every time I did open up to talk in the therapy session, she somehow worked her way into the conversation. I kept her and my sister in the forefront of my mind every damn day. Every time it got hard or I started thinking about how much I wanted a fucking drink, they were there.

  “Honestly, I don’t know much, Drake. I fired her when you went off the rails.”

  “I still need to beat your ass for the way you were talking to her,” I said.

  “You heard us fighting?” Hank asked.

  “Hell yeah I did. You were an asshole to her. She didn’t deserve any of that shit. You had no fucking reason to fire her out from under me.” “She didn’t do the job she was hired to do. At the very least, all she needed to do was get you back to the bus and keep you sober after performances. She couldn’t even do that,” he said.

  “No one can fucking do that, Hank. Not even you. I’m dealing with this shit in here, but you put Delia in a situation she couldn’t win. That was fucked up.”

  “Okay. Fine. I hear you. But could we at least focus on the fact that your stint in rehab is single-handedly rehabilitating your image? That’s it got you signing with Warner Bros. Record Company? That it’s bringing you into a light you haven’t occupied since your career fucking began?”

  “I guess that’s a good thing, yeah,” I said.

  “It’s a fucking great thing, Drake. You’ve got endorsement deals and concerts coming out your ears when you’re ready. You’ve got some time off initially, then you, Landon and Stone can all get back out on the road. Sold out concerts. Money as far as the eye can see. And that’s only with the music you’ve done so far.”

  “Can we talk about something else? Like how the ranch is doing? You’ve stopped by, right?” I asked.

  “Ranch fine. Paul’s got shit under control. He always does. He told me to tell you that one of the new heifers is already knocked up or something. Got a vet bill coming that’ll have to be paid.”

  “Tell him whatever he needs, to put it on the card. I’ll pay it once I get out of here,” I said.

  “Oh. There’s also someone else that wanted to come see you. Picked them up as I was coming here.”

  I turned around in my chair and saw Tammy walking through the door. Elsie was at her side, her eyes darting around everywhere. I saw how uncomfortable she was and how deeply she was pressed into Tammy’s side, but the second her eyes connected with mine she took off running.

  I got up from my chair and held my arms out for my sister as she barreled into my grasp.

  “Drake,” she said, with tears in her eyes. “You’re okay.”

  “I’m always okay, sis,” I said, as I rubbed her back. “I’m the big brother. It’s my job to be okay.”

  It was the first time my sister had ever hugged me. If there was one thing she hated, it was people touching her. She always made the comparison to gravel. She didn’t like the feeling of being caged, of not being able to see the other person’s face. Reading faces was how she tried to decipher social situations, and not having that face in front of her made her even more uncomfortable.

  But as she buried herself into my grasp, tears sprung to my eyes.

  I held her for what seemed like an eternity. Twenty-two years of taking care of her and this was the first time she’d allowed me to hug her. I soaked in the moment before she backed away from me and tucked her emotions in.

  A tear made its way down my cheek as she finally pulled away from me.

  She stepped back to Tammy’s side and I drew in a deep breath. Elsie looked good, like she was eating and keeping herself out of trouble. Tammy lifted her hand toward me and handed me a bunch of mail, and I took it from her as I nodded in her direction.

  “Things have been good. The bookstore gave Elsie another day to work, so she works Fridays as well as Saturdays and Sundays now.”

  “They like my organization and my ability to recall where things are,” Elsie said. “Said I was an asset to their business.”

  “That’s good,” I said, as I wiped the tear from my face. “I’m proud of you. Moving on up in a company is a good thing.”

  “I just hope they don’t make me come to the front very often. I like it in the back. It’s quiet.”

  “I’m sure they won’t make you do something like that,” I said. Regular donations to the place gave me the ability to check on how Elsie was doing. I made sure they were treating her exactly how Elsie would want to be treated, normal and like everyone else. She didn’t like people making exceptions for her or trying to make things easier on her because she was autistic. I made sure those standards were adhered to.

  “There are a couple of bills in there as well as something from a record label. I figured you’d want it
,” Tammy said.

  “Thanks for bringing this,” I said.

  “You can call in payments if you want. I’m not sure if you have computer access here, but you can do it there as well. I don’t have the authority to make these payments. Trust me, I’ve tried,” Tammy said.

  “Thanks. I’ll take care of it.”

  “There’s also something in there from a college? It looked official, so I stuck it at the back of the pile,” she said.

  I started flipping through the mail until I came to what she was talking about. It was a letter from Vanderbilt University and I pulled it from the stack. I dropped everything else into the chair as I ripped it open, my eyes scanning the letter as her name popped out at the top.

  This was information on Delia’s graduation ceremony.

  “What is it?” Hank asked. “What’s it for?”

  “It’s an invitation to Delia’s graduation ceremony,” I said.

  “When it is?” Tammy asked.

  “Two weeks,” I said.

  “You should be out of here by then,” Hank said. “Are you wanting to go?”

  I scanned the letter again, noting the formality of it all. Why would Delia send me an invitation to her graduation? This wasn’t a personal letter from her. This was something sent from the University. I guessed it was because I had been listed as her boss in the past month.

  I wasn’t sure what to make of it all, but I knew what I wanted.

  “Tammy, could you RSVP back for me on this? Let them know I’ll be coming,” I said.

  “Sure,” Tammy said, with a grin. “I’ll let them know.”

  “Could I go?” Elsie asked.

  My eyes drifted over to my sister as my heart sank. I knew this would happen. She had gotten attached to Delia somehow. I could see the curiosity and hope running through my sister’s eyes as she fiddled with her fingers. Tammy was eyeing me carefully, trying to figure out how best to approach the question she had thrown my way.

  “It was sent by the University. Not by Delia. For all I know, they sent it without her permission. To try and rope me into somehow making a donation or something because she was working for me,” I said. “But if I do go, I’ll take you with me. How does that sound?”

  “Will there be a lot of people there?” she asked.

  “Probably. Vanderbilt graduates several thousand students every semester.”

  She looked a little uncertain now, as if she was having second thoughts.

  “You know they'll probably have a live feed you can watch,” I said.

  “That might be better,” Elsie said.

  We all talked for a few more minutes before it was time to lock the place back down. I hugged everyone and chanced a kiss on my sister’s cheek. She recoiled a bit, but I could see a light sparkling in her eyes. I couldn’t wait to get out of this place and spend more time with her. I missed her more than I could stand some days.

  I watched everyone leave before I ventured back to my room. Now, it was time to go back to staring at the walls and processing my thoughts. I had no idea if I was going to be able to live a life without the haze of alcohol. I’d gotten so used to it that it was my go-to mechanism for coping. Like with the nightmares of the accident and the stress from the farm, dealing with my sister’s meltdowns when they occurred and the hectic schedule of the road. The alcohol-induced haze was how I relaxed. I wasn’t sure if I could go back to living the schedule I kept without it.

  Except for that one time with Delia. That one morning when all I wanted was a cup of coffee.

  I couldn’t use her as a replacement for my addiction. If there was one thing I’d learned in this place, it was that. Most people found themselves back in places like this because they replaced one issue with another, and it would be easy to do that with Delia. I couldn’t resist her, though I’d tried so many times. I knew I was bad for her and needed to leave her be, but I just couldn’t.

  Before I could be good for anyone, I needed to get my life under control.

  CHAPTER 22

  Delia

  Two Weeks Later

  According to the tabloids and the news that kept popping up on my laptop, Drake was out of rehab. Things were going well for him. He was out of rehab and safely back home. He had signed a record deal with Warner Bros. Records and his throng of fans was beginning to grow even bigger. People were applauding him for turning his life around and getting himself back on track. His fans dubbed themselves ‘Blackthornians’ and wrote blog post after blog post about what a strong and admirable man he was.

  There were pictures of him on his porch, and even from a distance he looked good. It took all of my willpower not to run straight to him, to hop over his fence, run into his arms, and tell him everything that was going on. From the articles I had read that outlined the treatment he probably went through, the last thing he needed was a trigger.

  Unfortunately, I figured finding out he’d gotten me pregnant would probably be a significant trigger.

  So for his benefit, I stayed were I was. And, contrary to my original plan, I was also going to attend my graduation. I had gotten a personal call from the Dean of the college asking me to walk across the stage. I had graduated with one of the highest GPAs in our class, and there was a special award being handed out to the top ten students.

  I figured it would be a good distraction with everything going on, so I told the Dean I would be there. Plus, God knew I needed a win right then.

  A little bit of ego-stroking wasn’t so bad. It got my mind off of the life growing in my stomach and the rolling nausea I felt. It got my mind off of Drake and how well--off he seemed to be without me. It got my mind off all the stress of saving money and figuring out how in the world I was going to do everything I needed to do with a child on the way.

  But now, I was regretting telling the Dean I would attend.

  The day before the ceremony, I decided to walk the campus, to relive a few memories and walk myself through everything that had happened. I ended up confiding in my boss at the PA company what was going on with me, though I didn’t tell her who the father of the child was. She was sympathetic, sharing that she had gotten pregnant young and how her boss had cut her some slack as well. She was letting me work from home on the days I couldn't come into the office and told me I could work as far into my pregnancy as I wanted.

  But even with the pay she was giving me, I knew I had to find something else to do in Nashville.

  I applied to a couple of managerial positions currently open at the P.A. company, since I wasn’t hearing back from any of the applications I had out. Management wasn’t what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, but those were salary positions and came with some medical benefits. My boss got me on her schedule for a couple of interviews after my graduation was complete and I could officially designate myself as a college graduate.

  She was going above and beyond in order to try and get me secured and prepared for my impending motherhood, and I was really thankful.

  Walking around campus, I took in all the sights. I familiarized myself with the graduation venue and breathed in the fresh air, trying to keep my nausea at bay as the sun hung low in the sky.

  There was still the issue of whether or not to tell Drake about the baby. I didn’t want this affecting his recovery, but I knew deep down he had a right to know. I struggled, wondering how long was too long to wait to inform a man he was going to be a father.

  In all my life, I hadn’t felt more alone.

  I went home and tried to get some sleep to prepare myself for graduation. Saturday morning came around and the skies were bright and full of promise. I found myself excited to walk across the stage and accept my diploma. There was a certain kind of pride that went with it.

  Though I had no one to watch me walk across that stage, that didn’t mean I couldn’t be proud of what I had accomplished.

  This was the start of my new life. As I readied myself with my cap and gown, and drove over to campus, a smile crossed my cheeks. I fe
lt an overwhelming sense of peace take over me as I parked my car and sat. Even if I didn’t get my dream job off the bat, I knew my boss would do everything in her power to keep me employed. I felt confident about the interviews for the managerial positions, especially since I was about to accept my degree. I had a good reputation at the company and was known by many people who were farther up the chain than I was. It would be easy to dip into a full-time personal assistant there if things fell through with the interviews, and I found myself recognizing something I thought I didn’t have before.

  Options.

  My life was now filled with options.

  I had the capability of having a job and being a single mom. I could live my dreams and raise my child. I knew I could do it.

  I stepped out of the car and allowed myself a moment to bask in the sun. Everyone was beginning to gather in the parking lot to walk in and proceed with our graduation. We were all situated in a specific order and I slipped my cap on my head. But quickly into the ceremony, a speech on family was being made. The Dean of the University was talking about how none of us would be here had it not been for the support of our families, our friends, our confidants and our professors. The Dean talked about the support of his own family and how it had risen him to the title he now held.

  All of that talk pierced through the happiness I was experiencing and brought on a drop of sadness that settled in my chest.

  If my parent were there I knew they’d be proud.

  But neither of them were here. No one was here to support me and cheer me on as I walked across that stage.

  The sadness was overwhelming.

  CHAPTER 23

  Drake

  “You still wanna come?” I asked, as I came downstairs.

  “No, I don’t think I’ll go with you,” Elsie said.

  “Why not?” I asked. “Don’t you want to see Delia graduate?”