One Take Only

by Lynsey M. Stewart

  A sign that I was heading towards danger, unable to stop myself from being desperate to abandon the friend zone.

  5

  Skye

  “Hey, bubblegum hair girl.”

  “Hi,” I said, holding out my hand. “I’m Skye. I never introduced myself before.”

  “I’m Mickey,” he said giving me a firm handshake. “Nice to see you again.”

  I’d come back to the sex shop, Religion, after remembering Mickey telling me about their second shop at the other end of Brighton and the cinema they owned where they held premieres for new and up and coming porn films. I wondered if they had connections or would be willing to help me out with my idea of filming my own.

  “What can I help you with today?” Mickey asked. He’d lost the vicars collar and was wearing tartan trousers and a bondage-inspired top with buckles and straps.

  “I want to make a porn film.”

  He stopped fiddling with the shelves and did a full body turn.

  “Say that again.”

  I laughed and crossed my arms. Saying it out loud made this real. I was here and I was doing this. “I want to make a film that is more in touch with what a real sexual relationship is like. I want to get across the message of consent, only doing what you’re happy with and of safe sex. It’s going to be used as a part of our support services at the clinic, aimed at young adults who are coming to terms with their sexuality.”

  He blinked a few times and pulled in his lips. “Can I ask you something?” I nodded. “Why?”

  I was taken aback by his question and didn’t know how to reply. I knew why. It made sense to me, but how could I put it into words? “I see too many young people get into things they’re not prepared for. They get in way over their heads. I talk to people who contract STIs because they don’t know any better. Sex education in this county is crap. They don’t even talk about same-sex relationships. Already, a young person is led to believe it’s wrong to have sexual feelings for someone of the same gender. In fact, any sexual preference is treated as taboo or dirty or something you shouldn’t be thinking about until you’re married. Don’t even get me started on masturbation.”

  “Wouldn’t dream of it,” Mickey said, smirking as I took my hands off my hips.

  “It’s a tool I can use at the clinic. A way of showing that sex isn’t wrong or dirty. It’s natural and beautiful.”

  “I’m still trying to fathom what message you’re trying to convey, because honey, currently, you have a million and one things you want to say.” I sat down on a pew and put my head in my hands in frustration. “I love all the messages, chick, don’t get me wrong. But porn is a huge industry. There are films for all preferences. Porn featuring loving, sensual, consensual sex is out there, it’s just not as popular as the hardcore stuff.”

  “So, what you’re saying is, I should forget it?” I asked. He sat down at the side of me and offered me a bowl of sweets in the shape of little red lips.

  “I’m not saying that. I just don’t want you to think you’re being a trailblazer when actually, there’s porn that already caters to the market you’re thinking of and many others. We had a premiere the other night for a film celebrating disability and sex.”

  “I don’t want to forge a career out of this or to be the next big thing in porn. I just want to deliver a message to the kids we work with at the clinic. For the kids my brother’s age who don’t understand themselves yet.”

  He patted my knee. “I think it’s great to use it as some form of education tool at the clinic.”

  “Great,” I said, smiling. “You’ll help me then?”

  “Skye! You’re like a dog with a bone! How in the hell do you think I can help?” Mickey spluttered.

  “You must have connections,” I said, touching his arm. “I’m looking to meet porn directors who think outside the box. The ones that are catering to people who want more sensual porn. Porn with a story. Porn with a message.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t have a lot to do with that side of things. I work in sales not porn.”

  “Your manager owns the two shops though? And the cinema?” I asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “Is he here?” He sighed. “Can I speak to him?”

  “I’m not sure, Skye.”

  “I’ll do anything,” I pleaded. “I make great cookies. I could do them in penis shapes and you could sell them in the shop.”

  “If you can shape them into penises and vaginas, you’ve got a deal.”

  That wouldn’t be too hard, just a couple of squishes needed.

  “Deal.”

  He laughed and shook his head. “Hold on.”

  I watched as Mickey disappeared into a back room and appeared a few minutes later with a guy wearing a flat cap and grey suit. “Skye, this is Robson. He owns Religion.”

  “Nice to meet you,” I said standing up. He nodded curtly and folded his arms.

  “First of all, is this a joke?” he said. “Not being rude, but we get plenty of jokers in here.”

  “No. I’m volunteer at the LGBTQ+ sexual health clinic. I’m planning a new support group about expectations of sexual relationships and keeping safe.” He fiddled with his bottom lip. “I’m interested in shooting a porn film to convey the messages we aim to help young people with.”

  “A porn film? As in just one?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  “If you work for the LGBTQ+ clinic, you’re gonna have to fit a lot into one film to appeal to everyone.” I hadn’t even considered that. Will and I had started to put together a storyboard, but we hadn’t mentioned if it was going to be straight, lesbian, gay, or trans.

  “Shit,” I muttered under my breath. “I see what you mean.”

  “You must know Dr Chris,” Robson said.

  I bowed. “My mentor.”

  Robson smiled as Mickey laughed. “We did some fundraising for the clinic last year. She’s not someone you forget easily.”

  “Absolutely not,” I replied.

  “You do some amazing work there,” Robson said. “I think the idea is great, but…dare I ask this? Do you have any experience in porn?” I shook my head. “Acting or filmography?”

  “In a word…no, but my friend is a photographer. He’s going to film it for me.”

  “A photographer?” He started laughing and it was in that moment that I realised I was way out of my depth.

  “You think I’m an idiot, don’t you?”

  He thought for a moment, scratched his head. “I think if you’re serious about this, you need to see what’s involved.” He blew out a breath and muttered, “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” before pulling out his phone from his pocket. “I’ve got a friend who directs porn films. We often premiere them at our cinema. I could ask her if she’d be willing to meet you or even allow you to watch her film a scene.”

  “Her?”

  “Yeah. She’s built up a name for herself as the first female porn director who films in the style of big-budget films. Real storylines and proper scripts, but instead of cut-and-fade or a tame sex scene you’d see in a Hollywood movie, she features the sex scene from start to finish. Very popular with women. Here.” He handed me a Blu-ray from the shelf. It was a film called Stronger Ties. The back cover had a blurb just like you find on a novel. This one was obviously a nod to Fifty Shades with an office worker being pulled into the world of submission by her dominant older boss. “Take that and see what you think. I’ll give her a call and see if she’ll have you there when she’s filming. It’s a good place to start.”

  I left my details with Robson and Mickey and later that day I got a call to say that Margot Phillips, female porn director, would be willing to let me shadow her on her next shoot, which happened to be on Sunday evening. I’d cleared it with her that Will would come with me; I just hadn’t got around to telling him yet.

  We’d left things in a cloud of weirdness. He stayed on the sofa the night we watched Harley Quinn, the Joker, and Batman get it on, an
d in the morning, he was all stilted conversations and awkward glances. We settled into our familiar territory of banter bordering on mild abuse and he left by lunchtime after sitting in the corner of the café watching me as I helped serve the lunchtime rush. He’d texted me a handful of times during the week, asked if I’d watched any good porn lately, and met Stacey for lunch where she later described him to me as weirder than usual.

  Saturday rolled around and I still hadn’t asked Will if he would come to the porn shoot with me. I only had a day to convince him, but I knew something had been holding me back from the conversation. Just watching porn with Will had caused an ache I couldn’t seem to shake. A body vibration that didn’t ease up. What would happen when we were watching people having sex in front of us? I was sensing a combustion. An explosion. An uproar.

  “He seems like a good guy,” Will said as we looked across to Stacey and Matt deep in conversation on Brighton beach. It was the weekend of the Ironman competition and they’d both agreed to help me hand out some brownies that had a promo attached to them for Vanity Fur. Unexpectedly, Matt, the escort Stacey had interviewed, slept with, and apparently fallen in love with, was a competitor and fate appeared to be bringing them together.

  “Yeah,” I replied. “I like him but get her reservations about his job.”

  “You couldn’t handle a male escort?” He smirked.

  “I’d be happy to try,” I replied, pulling Reggie’s lead. “Or I could always ask out his mate.” He ignored me. “Come on, let’s rescue her.”

  We approached Stacey and wrapped our arms around her as she watched Matt run out towards the tide.

  “What are the chances of that, hey?” I said. “There may be something to this fate bullshit.”

  “Or he’s just really good at stalking,” Will added.

  “Thank you for being nice to him.”

  “Stace,” he said. “He’s an escort, not a fucking murderer.”

  “Jesus, I’m so confused,” she replied, covering her face with her hands. Will pulled them away, kissing her on the top of her head firmly.

  “Love your escort, but proceed with caution,” I said.

  “Be fucking happy,” Will said, staring at me. “Life’s too short.” I wondered what he meant and why he was still watching me, but Stacey was expecting some pearls of wisdom and she was in no mood to wait.

  “He seems really nice, looks good in a wetsuit, and he has a fit mate. It isn’t all bad.” Will frowned and I probably had a similar facial expression.

  “He does look good in a wetsuit,” Stacey said, bringing me back to the conversation.

  “I don’t want you to get hurt, but at the same time, I want you to have the love you’ve been craving,” I said and the voices inside me became stronger.

  What about the love you’ve been craving?

  “He isn’t always going to be an escort,” Will replied.

  “I know, but isn’t that the point?” She asked, watching him in the distance and walking away. “He’s the right man…at the wrong time.”

  “Is there such a thing?” I asked, but she didn’t respond.

  Will stood behind me and sighed. “Yeah, there is.” I swear he moved towards me, taking a deep breath, smelling my hair.

  “Are you free tomorrow night?” I blurted out. His eyes widened. “I’m going to London to go behind the scenes on a porn film. I’d like you to be there to get some ideas for when we do it ourselves.”

  “Bloody Nora, Skye.”

  “Think about it before you say no.” He looked queasy. “If it’s a no, I need somewhere to stay anyway,” I added, taking hold of his elbow. “Can I have your settee for the night? Pay back for all the times you’ve stayed on mine.”

  “What the hell? Jesus, do you even know these people?”

  “They have connections with the adult cinema in Brighton. I know the owner. It’s safe, the director is female. She has a great view of what porn should be. I’ve watched a few of her films and they are…beautiful.”

  “I can’t believe this. What am I doing?”

  I smiled and he started laughing. I loved that sound. Totally free and natural.

  “You’ll come with me?” I watched as he turned around, nodded his head and muttered strings of swear words before pushing up his glasses with his finger.

  “Of all the things you’ve got me into, this has to be the worst. I mean, Skye. For fuck’s sake.”

  “I’ll leave you alone after this. I’ll never get you involved in anything else again.” He laughed like he didn’t believe me. “Just say yes.”

  His eyes dropped to my mouth and right in that moment I didn’t feel like a woman with a ridiculous idea. I felt like a woman who could hold up the world. I could achieve, I could reach, I could master. All through one look from Will.

  He shook his head and my heart fell to join the pebbles on the beach, mixing and settling together.

  “I’ll do it, Skye. But promise me one thing.”

  I waited for banter. I waited for deadpan. I waited for sarcasm.

  But I didn’t find it.

  “Don’t leave me alone after this. OK?”

  6

  Skye

  I won’t be home tonight. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. x

  I sent a quick text to Stacey before dropping my phone into my bag. I hadn’t told her about my porn film idea. She was one of my best friends, would have supported me wholeheartedly, but she was currently up to her heart in potential devastation and I concluded that she didn’t need my harebrained ideas adding to the mix.

  Falling for a male escort wasn’t easy.

  And falling for your one of your best friends wasn’t all roses either.

  “Is this it?” Will asked, glancing at me.

  “Don’t say it,” I replied, knowing what his next sentence would be. The building in front of us looked like a warehouse. A dilapidated old place where you’d be handed a hard hat at the door, not a vibrator and some lube. I took a deep breath and tried to calm the anxiety racing across my chest. What had I gotten us into?

  “This place exudes sexuality,” he deadpanned. “I’m turned on just by looking at it.”

  “Keep your thoughts to yourself,” I replied as I pulled my shoulders back and strode towards the building.

  “If I don’t make it out alive, tell my mum I love her,” he shouted behind me as I crossed the road. “Stace can have my car and you can feast on my carcass.”

  “Grow some balls, Will.” I threw him the finger over my shoulder and pressed the intercom.

  “Yep,” a crackly voice said.

  “Oh, hi. I’m Skye and this is Will.”

  “Hi,” Will said from behind me. I welcomed the warmth of his body and tried to convince myself the shiver it caused was down to the cold night air and nothing else. I couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d said to me. Don’t leave me alone, Skye. The words felt full, loaded with more, but was I reading too much into them? We had history, that couldn’t be doubted. We needed each other, absolutely, but as friends only, or something more?

  No. Nothing more.

  But he said, Don’t leave me alone!

  “We’re here to watch the filming tonight.” The door buzzed and I pushed it open to reveal a steep, narrow staircase. Small lights lit up each step and as we climbed them, I could hear Will muttering under his breath. I imagined him puffing out his cheeks and shaking his head. Nerves were something he did well.

  “Do you think they’ll all be naked?” he asked as we reached the top. “Are we walking straight into the action or do they build up the newbs?”

  “And you think I’m supposed to know that? I’m a newbie here to, you know.”

  “What kind of scene is it? Do I need to be prepared for cocks or vag?”

  I shook my head and tried to stop myself from smiling. “Both, you plonker.”

  “A man and a woman?”

  “Yes,” I replied sharply, my own nerves shot.

  A door opened to
the side of us and a woman appeared holding a camera. “Skye?” I nodded and she smiled wide. “I finally get to meet you. It was almost like we were online dating for all this time.” She placed her hand to her chest. “I’m Margot, I’m directing the shoot tonight.” She looked behind me to Will and waved. “You must be Will.” He sprang forward, nervous energy on full blast as he shook her hand. “Follow me, guys. I’ll take you through.”

  “Jesus, where has that hand just been?” Will whispered against my ear sending a current down my body. I wish he’d stop doing that. It happened a lot.

  Take the default position. Banter. Snark.

  “Are you going to take this seriously or not? I don’t need dead wood here, Will.” He started laughing and fuck me, why didn’t I engage my brain before I spoke?

  “That’s what all the porn directors say,” he replied behind his hand.

  “Funny. Not.”

  Margot clapped her hands and pulled herself up to stand on a makeshift bar, part of a set that I assumed was for the shoot. “Everyone, this is Skye and Will. They’re shadowing me tonight. Let’s give them a warm welcome.” The people who had crowded together started whooping and clapping. I noticed a guy with a camera under his arm and a man and woman both in dressing gowns. I swallowed harshly. The reality of watching a porn film being made in front of me set in. How would I react to this? When I danced, I’d seen things in clubs, the notorious dark rooms where live sex was encouraged. From couples who liked being watched to hook ups who couldn’t wait to get home. I didn’t make a habit of watching but I’d seen flashes as I finished my shift and tumbled from feeling turned on to feeling nauseous, depending on the scene.

  “Guys, shall we chat before we start?” Margot called us over. I wasn’t sure who I was expecting, but Margot didn’t fit my assumptions. She was younger than I imagined, looking to be in her late twenties. She had bright red hair that was pulled back in a sleek ponytail. She wore tight black trousers and a hooded top. Pink and black trainers and long red nails made her look like a regal pop princess. Gold hoop earrings and little makeup made her look fresh. I imagined her dressed up outside of work, all polished perfection. “So, when Robson said you were thinking about making your own film, I was intrigued.”