Toronto Collection Volume 3 (Toronto Series #10-13)

by Heather Wardell

  A huge forkful of cheesecake, nearly half of what was left, made it into my mouth before I realized it was coming.

  Then, since I was nearly done anyhow, I ate the rest.

  Chapter Ten

  Happy Saturday, my friends! Today is 'friends and family' day on our 'good to yourself' plan, and I'm so glad to have all of you as friends.

  If you can, why not hang out with a friend today, or spend a little extra time with your family? Being with people we care about is a great way to be good to ourselves.

  I'd love to say more, but since I like to practice what I preach I am off to have lunch with a great friend. It's so hard to find time to see people, and I'm thrilled she suggested today. So enjoy your day and tomorrow we'll talk about how this week has gone!

  Honestly, I wasn't thrilled. All I really wanted was to stay home.

  I couldn't remember the last time I'd spent an entire day relaxing alone, since most of my weekends involved working or visits to my parents or watching Catherine's kids in their various activities. I didn't always mind that one too much, since Felix coached Wash's hockey team and I enjoyed watching him skate around, but still I'd been looking forward to today because I'd had no plans to go anywhere.

  I did have a virtual pile of online courses I'd bought and never used, and I knew I'd feel better about myself if I went through them and made sure the money I'd spent wasn't a waste of time. So my plan was to relax for part of the day and then do some course work then relax some more. A perfect lazy Saturday.

  But when I'd arrived home Friday night, stuffed senseless with cheesecake and for the first time in my life really regretting the decision to eat a dessert, I'd barely made it in the door when Larissa had sent me a text message.

  Hey. Lunch tomorrow? I could really use company.

  I wanted to say no, but she'd never asked like that before and somehow I felt like I had to be there.

  But when I arrived at the restaurant she seemed breezy, almost inattentive. She had a large raw scrape down one cheek, but when I gasped at the sight and asked what happened she rolled her eyes and said, "I slipped on the ice and fell against a brick wall. Only me, right?"

  "You poor thing! Are you okay? Did you hurt anything else?"

  She waved me off. "I'm fine. Seriously. Ignore it. It's not worth talking about. Tell me about that scarf you're wearing. Gorgeous. Where'd you get it?"

  I pulled my eyes from her poor cheek and brushed my fingers over my new teal scarf. "Thrifting. I keep telling you, we should go some time."

  She shook her head. "I have no interest in digging through all that junk. Isn't your place full of crap yet?"

  I leaned back in my chair, pretending indignation but not needing to add much to what I was actually feeling. "Crap? What do you mean, crap?"

  She squeezed her eyes shut. "Sorry. I'm sorry. God, I'm useless."

  The real pain in her voice pushed away my annoyance. "What? Come on, spill. What's wrong?"

  Her chin went up and she opened her eyes. "Nothing." She gave me a painfully fake bright smile. "I was just kidding."

  I didn't think she had been.

  But she kept up the act throughout lunch, and eventually it seemed real. I didn't think she'd had anything important on her mind after all, since she kept chattering away about her work and the new makeup she'd bought for an upcoming video shoot and her hopes she'd get to meet pop star Misty Will. "I know I'm way too old to care," she said, grinning almost too wide. "But I still want to meet her. She's so sweet and friendly, and I bet she's just as nice in real life."

  "I hope so, for your sake." I doubted it. Weren't all those celebrity types obnoxious? "Let me know how it goes. Got anything else to tell me?"

  She didn't, so I told her all about Percy and his sadness at losing his mom and how I hoped he'd be able to keep himself together enough to stay in the job then moved on to the aggravation of waking up that morning to find Paddington happily shredding one of the scarves I'd bought at the same time as my teal one.

  "That sucks. Bad dog. Were you mad at him?"

  I shrugged. "I figure he'd never understand why I was, so there's no point. And at least he picked one I didn't like too much." I brushed my fingers over the teal one again. "If he'd wrecked this I'd have had to wreck him."

  "He'd probably be a lot harder to rip up than a scarf would be."

  "Yeah, but I'd have been motivated."

  We carried on chatting about nothing until we finished eating and paid the bill. As we left, she said, "Want to go get coffee or something?"

  I shook my head. "Sorry, I've got a pile of work to do. Thanks for suggesting lunch, though, it was fun."

  She gave a quick nod. "No problem. Talk to you later. Have a good day."

  "Yup," I said, already thinking about the courses I needed to complete. "You too."

  *****

  I went home full of resolve. I would take my scarf-shredding dog out for a nice walk then spend a few minutes relaxing before tackling a course.

  Paddington and I did manage the walk, then we settled onto the couch together to relax and watch a little TV. So far so good.

  An hour later, though, we hadn't moved.

  He was sound asleep beside me, taking up more than his fair share of the couch while snoring and occasionally giving a few soft yippy barks and moving his legs like he was running, but then he didn't have any courses to work on. I did, but I just couldn't get myself going.

  Since I'd started working with Felix, I'd been watching for skills I could improve to increase my chances of becoming lead columnist and picking up courses on them. For that entire time I'd been coveting one particular course, a 'business communication for women' program that had received rave reviews. I'd been following the creator's web site carefully and she'd posted a few little excerpts here and there, and from what I could tell it would really help me at work. Unfortunately, it cost nearly three hundred dollars.

  If I could be sure I'd actually do the course, it would be worth the money, but since I'd spent probably more than three hundred bucks on all the other courses combined and had yet to even open their zip files I didn't believe I would follow through.

  I closed my eyes and rested my head against the back of the couch, my dog's familiar snoring lulling me to sleep as it did every night. Maybe a little nap would do me good.

  When I woke, the apartment was dark. I fumbled for my phone on the couch beside me. Only six-forty-five. Night came so early in the winter.

  I stayed snuggled up to my dog. I did feel better, more alert and more focused, than I had before the nap. But I still didn't feel energized and ready to work.

  What I wanted was to spend the rest of the day in mindless peaceful relaxation. Patting Paddington, a little television perhaps... nothing taxing or difficult. Nothing that required me to make any significant choices.

  But at the same time I knew this was the perfect chunk of time for going through those courses, some of which had been sitting on my laptop for years.

  I made myself a deal. I would order pizza and while I waited for it I'd work hard on a course.

  After placing the order online I did try to work but it just wasn't happening. I kept wandering off mentally, thinking about possible posts for my site and questions I could ask my readers and other ways I might be able to be good to myself. Though I did manage to unzip all the files and organize each course in its own folder on my hard drive before the pizza arrived, even that took a ridiculous amount of effort. It was like the courses weighed a thousand pounds each somehow.

  I ate my dinner, as always eating one too many slices of pizza so I spent the next hour or so uncomfortably full, and wondered why I couldn't get it right. The harder I tried to be good to myself, the worse I did. Surely I didn't always overeat so much, didn't always have so much trouble deciding how to use my time. I'd thought being good to myself would be simple but my whole life seemed wrong now.

  Maybe tomorrow at the spa would be better.

  Chapter Eleven />
  "Maybe I'm just not the spa type," I said to Paddington as we took our Sunday evening walk. "You think?"

  He sniffed the ground, then squatted and dropped a particularly smelly poop.

  "I'll take that as a yes." I gathered the mess into my plastic bag and hurried him along to the nearby garbage can where I could dispose of it.

  The spa had been gorgeous, beautifully minimal with lots of frosted glass and no clutter anywhere, but I hadn't enjoyed the day anywhere near as much as I'd expected I would. I did like the look of my perfectly groomed and polished nails, which I'd had done a deep glowing teal that matched my scarf, my newly tinted eyelashes looked darker and longer even without mascara, and the massage therapist had done an amazing job loosening up my neck and back, but as I opened my front door and let Paddington into our quiet home I realized what I'd really wanted to do was stay home all day and relax with nobody talking at me.

  Everyone at the spa, though, had constantly been chatting. They'd been nice ladies and we'd had good interesting conversations, but I heard noise and read noise all week and apparently I craved a little silence.

  Shortly Paddington's snoring broke the peace of the house, but since his noise didn't require a response from me I didn't mind. I felt loose and mellow from the massage, so I curled up on the couch and admired my nails for a bit, letting my thoughts wander and occasionally typing a note into my phone when I came up with something good for my site or something I needed to get done, then found myself wishing I could go shopping.

  Since nothing was open this late on a Sunday night, I got up and went to my closet where I spent the next hour or so trying to create fun and unexpected outfits featuring my blue furry purse so I wouldn't have to work so hard to get dressed each morning.

  It was tough going, since the color and texture meant it didn't go with a lot of my stuff, but I did manage to get it to play nicely with my favorite long brown skirt and a pale pink sweater I'd bought ages ago and had forgotten I owned until I found it earlier in the week while searching for that missing boot. I thought about cleaning out my closet, since the corners and the top shelves were full of past purchases, but it was more fun just playing with the things that were front and center. I wore them the most anyhow.

  Once I'd exhausted myself and my wardrobe for the time being, I made some tea then settled back onto the couch feeling more relaxed than I had in ages. I knew it was probably shallow and silly to care so much about what I wore and how I looked, but I always had and I probably always would.

  Discovering the unexpected pink sweater had made it even clearer to me that I shouldn't leave any possible winners behind while shopping, Now, for once, I knew exactly what I'd wear to work tomorrow. If I'd skipped buying the sweater just because it had a tiny stain on the hem and I hadn't known what to wear with it then I wouldn't have had it available to pair with my purse. I'd have a relaxed morning tomorrow, thanks to that sweater and my decision to buy it.

  I drank my tea while letting my mind drift between thoughts like a clump of Paddington's fur tumbleweeding across the hardwood floor, then was about to take my relaxed self to bed when I realized I hadn't checked my work email yet that day. I didn't like to check it too often on weekends but also didn't like to leave things unanswered for too long, so I fired it up to take a look then wished I hadn't. The usual crop of reader comments, which I deleted, but then something far more annoying.

  I'm really concerned about my site and Percy's availability. He seems to be spending more time with Sasha and far more with Lydia (assuming at least some of their lunch and coffee breaks are working ones) than with me. Therefore, I'd like another two hours with him tomorrow on top of the two I already have scheduled. Felix, please change his schedule so this happens.

  Percy wasn't some conference room Felix could just assign, and what he did on his breaks was none of Patricia's business.

  My aggravation turned to amusement, though, as I read Percy's reply.

  Patricia, I'm sorry. When we met earlier in the week I thought you had a handle on everything and so I assumed I could spend time helping the others. I was going to spend 2-3pm on overall site maintenance tomorrow but of course you can have that time if you'd like. As for the other hour you need, perhaps Lydia or Sasha might be able to give up one of theirs. If that doesn't work out, you and I can stay at work an hour later, or I'd be happy to come in an hour earlier. Whichever works for you.

  Percy had been paying attention, clearly, because Patricia was legendary for arriving exactly on time and leaving the second she was officially allowed to go. She never cheated the company out of her time but she also never gave more than she had to. I loved that he'd picked up on that and called her out so subtly by offering something she'd never do.

  I also loved his next email, just to me.

  Sorry, Flipper. Of course I don't think you need more help than Patricia. Even Sasha doesn't need that much help. Patricia's clueless. But you and Sasha are a lot less bitchy and seem less likely to sneak up behind me and stab me if you think I've shorted you five seconds of what you deserve, so I prefer spending time with you two.

  I wrote back, "Sasha maybe, but clearly you don't know me at all," then read the next email.

  I am not willing to give up any of my time. I'm considering redoing my site's categories and will need Percy's assistance with that. Sorry.

  That surprised me. Sasha had said no? I'd never heard her refuse to do anything before. Her current site categories were all about being good to everyone but yourself. But she'd refused to bend over backward for Patricia. Had she had some sort of epiphany already?

  I hoped I'd be able to come up with one myself. Epiphanies, real or manufactured, always boosted my site traffic as people forwarded my post to their friends.

  So, it was up to me. Would I give my time to Patricia or refuse? I didn't actually need Percy's time at the moment, although I enjoyed his company and he did always find things to improve on my site. I pondered for a moment, then made my decision.

  Patricia, I'm scheduled to work with Percy tomorrow from 10-11 and again from 1-2, but he's done a great job with my site and I'm pretty happy with where it stands, so why don't you take my 1-2 slot? Then you'd have your two additional hours with him back-to-back. I hope this works for you.

  I sent this off, feeling pretty good, and went on checking my email.

  Moments later, Percy replied to me.

  I thought you were my friend, Flipper. I even said you're not bitchy, and I meant it. This is how you repay me? Why would you throw me to the monster like that?

  I sent back, "Come on, I was doing you a favor! This way you don't have to go in early or stay late, and the monster will be satisfied. Sort of. She's never really satisfied."

  I didn't know how right I was.

  When a new email arrived a few moments later I assumed it was Percy and clicked the message without looking at the sender.

  No, that does not work for me. Frankly, I'm offended. I asked Felix to rearrange the schedule. I am not a charity case who needs her coworkers to pretend to be sweet. You only did that because you think it will make you look good to Felix and Kelvin, not remotely to actually help me, and I refuse your 'generous offer'.

  I'll stick with the time I have allotted, and I trust Felix and Kelvin will remember that I've been put at a disadvantage when they judge the final sites.

  Had she sent that to everyone? I checked, and sure enough, she had. Even Kelvin. Nice.

  I stared at the email with no idea how to reply. Put at a disadvantage? She'd had the same amount of work time as we'd had. Yes, Percy and I had spent lunch and coffee times together but we hadn't worked much at all, and we were old friends so our hanging out shouldn't be a big surprise.

  Her angry tone didn't bode well for our staff meeting, or for any sort of relaxed atmosphere in the office for the few days it would probably take before she found something else to be mad about and stopped being huffy as I knew she'd be every time she saw me.

 
What's that saying, no good deed goes unpunished?

  I sighed and sent Percy a "Yikes!" email, then shut down my computer. I shouldn't have checked the mail. All the relaxation I'd felt earlier was gone, replaced by dread of tomorrow.

  So much for my hopes of a pleasant weekend setting me in motion for a nice productive week.

  Chapter Twelve

  Not surprisingly, I didn't sleep well, and since I wasn't exactly excited about getting to work I hit the snooze button three times before finally getting up and dragging myself through my morning routine. I didn't have to bother with mascara, though, since my tinted eyelashes were richly black, and I liked not having to worry about the little clumps I somehow always got no matter how careful I was. It'd be nice to keep tinting my lashes, but I couldn't really justify the cash every three weeks. I'd just enjoy them for now.

  As I was about to head for the subway, fifteen minutes late which meant I couldn't stop for coffee and a treat before the staff meeting, I got a text message.

  Flipper, any chance you could grab me a tea at Starbucks on your way in? Earl Gray, one milk. Thanks.

  I punched in a quick reply to let Percy know there was no chance because I was late then rushed out the door into a bitter cold February morning. Wonderful. The best kind of day for a nice sweet drink and I didn't have time.