Toronto Collection Volume 3 (Toronto Series #10-13)

by Heather Wardell

  I'd been suspicious of her at the beginning, but I'd put aside my own judgment because of Rhonda's opinion. I didn't want to do that any more. "Carly, we're colleagues. That's it."

  She blinked. "But I want to be friends."

  "Okay. I don't."

  Her shocked expression almost made me laugh but I managed to control myself.

  "But I dumped Howard for you!"

  I shrugged, then winced at the pain in my shoulders. "Then go get him back if you want. I don't care either way."

  She flounced to her desk without a word, and I took a sip of the cappuccino Jake had bought me and hoped he'd do the right thing by Rosanna.

  And even more, I hoped she'd be able to handle it.

  *****

  At about twelve-fifteen, Rosanna and Jake emerged from the conference room. Her eye liner was a little smudged like she might have been crying, but they seemed fine together so I hoped she'd just rubbed her eyes while working.

  She looked around. "Where are the others?"

  "Howard left for lunch while Carly was in the bathroom," I said, aiming for neutrality, "and she went after him when she came out." I couldn't hold back a grin at the memory of her frantic chase. "She's decided she wants him back."

  "But didn't she dump him to be nice to you?"

  I blinked innocently at Rosanna. "I think she doesn't feel the need to do that any more."

  She smiled. "Poor you."

  "Yeah, I'm devastated." I took a deep breath and went for it. "Hey, your eyes could use a little touch-up. If you care."

  She nodded. "I do. Thanks." She picked up her purse, and after a few steps toward the bathroom she turned back. "Come with me to make sure I do it right?"

  Recognizing that this had nothing to do with her makeup, I said, "Sure," and struggled out of my chair.

  Jake chuckled. "You guys do know you'll be even stiffer tomorrow, right?"

  Rosanna groaned. "I hate you for that."

  "Me too," I called over my shoulder as we stumbled along toward the bathroom, but I smiled at him and he winked.

  Once the door closed behind us Rosanna turned to me. "I asked him. Flat-out."

  "And?"

  She smiled. "Didn't even consider lying. Yes, he was charged, yes, it was dropped." Her smile faded. "I wish he could tell me for sure he didn't do it though."

  "Yeah, me too."

  She pulled out her eye liner and began fixing herself up. "I told him what happened to me back in university. That's why the eyes. He was so upset for me that I couldn't help crying." She studied herself then put away the pencil. "I believe him, you know. I believe he didn't do it intentionally if he did do it." Our eyes met in the mirror. "Is that crazy?"

  "I hope not, because I believe him too," I said, for the first time almost certain that I did.

  We smiled at each other then went out to join Jake.

  Our lunch together was calm and relaxed, and somehow the fact that we all knew so much about each other made it even better. We didn't discuss what we knew, but even so we did know. Jake in particular seemed far more peaceful, and I felt sure that he'd wanted to tell Rosanna before but hadn't found the nerve. Carly, however unintentionally, had done him a favor.

  We all stiffened, though, when we walked around the corner and saw Carly and Howard kissing again outside our building.

  Howard pulled back when we reached them and turned to me. "Is this... I don't want to hurt you."

  I flicked a glance at Carly, who looked like hurting me didn't worry her in the slightest, then returned my attention to Howard. "It's fine. Nothing to do with me. We're just friends."

  Howard looked disappointed, and I wondered if he'd taken Carly back in the hopes it would spark me to a jealous rage.

  "I've got work to do," I said. "Excuse me."

  I went into the office with Jake and Rosanna right behind me. We shared a chuckle once we were inside, then did get to work. Howard and Carly appeared a few minutes later, and though I felt like Howard was looking at me I didn't look up.

  I didn't feel the need to, really, because I was doing so much better with Mike's book. Yes, the violence was shocking and the almost inhuman indifference of the man committing that violence made my stomach twist even now, but I was feeling far more able to handle it than I had been before. Mike's outrage at the idea of making his character gay still confused me, but the other changes we'd made meant the book still worked even without that.

  Overall, it was a great work day.

  Jake and Rosanna and I went for coffee mid-afternoon and then the two of them closed themselves in the conference room again to lay out some art for a future book. I remembered the last time they'd done that and how I'd gone down to talk to Jake and had wanted to trust him but hadn't been able to let myself do it. I'd moved on so much from then.

  They were still locked away at the end of the day, and I considered interrupting them to say goodbye but figured I'd better not break their concentration. So I wished Rhonda a pleasant weekend, and found it surprisingly easy to do the same for Howard and Carly since I truly did feel like their relationship was nothing to do with me, and headed for the subway station.

  When I'd left the train and was walking along toward my apartment, my cell rang. I glanced at the screen before answering then said, "Hey, Jake. What's up?" He'd never called me before, so I figured something was.

  "I wanted to catch you before you left but Rosanna and I were on a roll so I couldn't. There's something I need to tell you."

  He sounded panicked, and my stomach flipped around to such a degree that I had to drop down onto a nearby bench to let it relax. "Okay," I said, not sure I meant it.

  He sighed. "I was going to tell you earlier but then Carly came in. Well, I obviously wouldn't have told you there in the office. I wanted to go get a cappuccino with you and..." He gave a grim chuckle. "I'm nervous about telling you. Is it obvious?"

  "Yeah," I admitted. "And it's freaking me out. Just tell me."

  "Last night, after you and Rosanna left, Carly started talking about how sad she was over Howard. She said she needed a hug, and she seemed so miserable I felt like I had to give her one, but..." He cleared his throat. "Then she kissed me."

  The idea of her kissing Jake made me instantly furious.

  "It only lasted a second," he said quickly. "I pulled away. Of course. But she shocked the hell out of me and for that second I was too surprised to move. Which I feel terrible about. I told her there was no way anything would happen between us and that I didn't ever want her to try that again. She started crying and told me she'd screwed up and asked me to hug her again, but I wouldn't. And then I left."

  I sat, taking deep breaths to calm myself and wondering if Jake was unknowingly describing how Carly and Howard had gotten together. I could see it, Howard upset over the fight with me and Carly offering a hug which 'accidentally' turned into more.

  "Alexa, I'm really sorry. I promise you I'd never have done that on my own. She's never even hinted before that she had any interest in me so I have no idea why she'd suddenly jump on me now."

  I thought I did. "She's after my job, I think. I'm guessing that trying to make me uncomfortable is her motivation, not a sudden obsession with you. No offense."

  He laughed. "None taken. I'd be more offended if you thought she did want me." I heard him take a quick sharp breath. "Rosanna told me she talked to you guys this morning about me, about the charge. Did she tell you anything about last night?"

  Another layer of Carly's plan became clear to me. "No, she just told me she didn't think I should believe anything you said." I shook my head. "What a weaseling weasel. She figured you might tell me what she did so she wanted me not to trust you."

  "Did it work?" His voice was so soft I could barely hear him, but the fear in it tugged at my heart.

  "No way," I said, knowing I meant it completely. "Trust her over you? Not a chance in hell."

  "Good," he breathed, and we sat silent for a moment. I didn't know about him, but
I was smiling. I didn't doubt his story in the slightest and I didn't doubt that Carly was a lying conniving backstabber either and I loved that I felt so sure about my instincts in both regards.

  "Alexa, can I ask you a question?"

  "Sure," I said, my heart speeding up at the nervous hopefulness in his voice.

  "When we went to karaoke in New York, you didn't sing. Is that because you don't like karaoke?"

  I hadn't been expecting this particular conversational direction and it took me a moment to adjust. Then I sighed. "No, I love it. I've always loved singing. It's just another place where Christophe messed me up. He took it totally seriously and I think he thought I was too good. So he stopped me doing it at all."

  "I... well, I was going to ask you if you wanted to go out with me and some of my friends tomorrow night to a karaoke place, but I guess you wouldn't want to. No. Never mind."

  I wasn't sure if I wanted to or not. I did love spending time with Jake, but I didn't want to lead him on and I wasn't positive I could handle meeting his friends. He was probably right that I shouldn't go.

  He cleared his throat. "That was brutal, Alexa, I'm sorry. Way to present it so you can't say yes if you want to. What I meant to say was, we are going and I'd be happy to have you join us if you thought you'd enjoy it. They're nice people, and not nosy, and you can sing as much or as little as you want."

  His correction, and the nervousness of his tone, made me smile. I knew he understood it was hard for me to meet new people, and his consideration touched me. I took a deep breath and said what I knew I wanted to. "Yes."

  I could almost hear his eyes go wide. "Really?"

  "Yup. And I want to sing too. I might not be able to but I want to."

  "I'll make sure you get opportunities," he promised. "They're all good about sharing usually but I'll take care of you too."

  "You always do," I said softly, remembering his hug in Union Square.

  "Good," he said even more softly.

  It was far more than just him taking care of me, though. He helped me take care of myself.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  I waited outside the subway station for Jake, so nervous I couldn't stand still even though my poor kick-boxing-abused legs hurt to move. We'd never before arranged to meet up on a weekend rather than just ending up going out together after work, and though I'd spent the whole day telling myself we were only friends this outing still felt like a date.

  My heart skipped a beat as I saw him approaching wearing well-worn jeans and a beat-up leather jacket. Even in New York he hadn't been this casually dressed, and the clothes suited him better than I could have imagined.

  His eyes lit up when he saw me and he walked faster, and I stumbled forward to meet him.

  "Look at you," he said, shaking his head. "You're a whole different person outside the office."

  I laughed. "I was just thinking that about you."

  "Yeah, but I'm a scruff. You... you look great."

  I felt myself blushing. "You're not a scruff, but thanks." I thought about telling him I'd spent most of the day at the Eaton Centre desperately seeking the perfect outfit, then decided against it. Then I changed my mind. Hiding anything from him felt wrong. "It's all new, from my earrings to my shoes. I couldn't figure out what to wear."

  He laughed. "Well, you did a great job. Hannah often wears her skirts like that. You guys might be twins tonight."

  I'd bought a shorter skirt, exactly the kind I'd always loved wearing, but also leggings to wear beneath it. No chance of the tattoos showing but I felt like myself. I didn't know why this idea hadn't occurred to me before but I'd seen it on a mannequin and now had four skirts and three pairs of leggings to mix and match with the new top I'd bought and with my old clothes.

  The sales clerk had tried to sell me a necklace to go with my new earrings, but I'd refused. I didn't like necklaces, and I wouldn't wear them again. "I wouldn't mind having a twin. Shall we go find out if I do?"

  He nodded, then said, "Any chance I could have a hug first? My last one was... unpleasant."

  I frowned, confused, then burst out laughing when I remembered. "Yeah, of course you can. How could I let you suffer with Carly's being your last one?"

  He grinned at me and held out his arms, and I wrapped mine around his waist as he drew me in close.

  We only held each other for a moment before letting go and heading off to the karaoke bar, but it felt amazing.

  I kept the memory of how safe and secure I felt in his embrace close around me when we reached the bar and he introduced me to his friends, and it helped me feel relaxed and comfortable with them. Hannah had indeed worn an almost identical outfit, and our laughter over that calmed me even further. Jake introduced me as his friend from work, and I felt like I fit in at once.

  They'd booked a private room, which was nice because we didn't have to sit through someone else singing before getting our turn. Hannah and her boyfriend Oliver went first, doing a slightly off-key but enthusiastic rendition of Sonny and Cher's "I Got You Babe", then the three other girls had a great time with a Destiny's Child song.

  There'd only been two of them ready to go at first since the other was finishing up a phone call outside, so they'd tried to get me to join them but I wasn't ready yet. They asked, but they smiled and said, "No problem," when I refused, and I didn't feel pressured at all.

  As they neared the end of the song, Jake leaned over. "You okay?"

  I nodded. "Not ready yet, but fine."

  "Good stuff. I hope you'll still be fine in five minutes."

  I asked him what he meant, but he just winked and looked away.

  When the women finished, Jake said, "Anyone mind suffering through me next?" The group chorused nearly in unison that they did mind, but they were clearly joking.

  Jake fiddled with the machine then stood waiting for his song. He gave me a sweet smile as he did, and for a second I wondered if he was going to sing me something romantic.

  Nope. Not unless his version of Christina Aguilera's "Genie in a Bottle" counted as romantic.

  We all laughed so hard we cried as he sang like he'd been kicked in the crotch and danced around in much the same way, and Jake couldn't finish the final few lines because he was doubled over trying to catch his breath.

  "There," he said when the song had mercifully drawn to a close, dropping into his chair beside me and wiping the tears off his cheeks. "That has to be the worst performance of the night. Top that, if you can."

  Hannah, still giggling, smiled at me. "I bet we can, but we'll need all us girls to do it. What do you think, Alexa? Ready to join us?"

  Christophe's group had always been so serious about their singing. Jake's performance and the others' response to it made it clear that these guys weren't, and I longed to join the fun but I just couldn't make myself do it. "After that? I need a few minutes to recover."

  Jake laughed and Hannah said, "Okay, no problem. I'll look for something with four."

  She went up to the machine with the other three girls and began searching for a song, and I sat in my seat and wished I'd said yes. I had wanted to. I still wanted to. The only thing stopping me was Christophe.

  I remembered my vow after the New York karaoke and took a deep breath. "Hannah?"

  She turned back.

  "I changed my mind."

  She and the others clapped, and Jake gave a whoop of pure delight then looked embarrassed when we all turned to him. I got up, but was so touched by how happy he was for me that I leaned down and hugged him before joining the women up front.

  We formed a huddle so we could hear each other over the guys and their stupid suggestions.

  "Okay," Hannah said. "I'm thinking the Spice Girls. Yes?"

  With five of us it was the logical choice, especially if we wanted to out-cheese Jake, but I knew each of us would get a solo part and I wasn't sure I was ready for that. The others said yes, and I nodded and fought the urge to run back to Jake.

  Hannah and the ot
hers decided on "Wannabe", and they were so excited that they didn't seem to realize I was freezing up.

  I got assigned Ginger's part, and I stood in the middle of the group in front of my microphone and stared at Jake while Hannah adjusted everyone's cue screens. He wasn't looking at me at first, since two of the others were doing an impromptu dance and he was busy laughing, but then he glanced at me and I saw his face soften.

  "You can do it," he mouthed at me.

  I nodded, trying to believe it.

  "You guys can't be worse than me," he called. "Trust me."

  The others laughed, but I took the deeper meaning from his words and it soothed me.

  Hannah finished her adjustments then said, "We ready, girls?"

  I looked at Jake and said, "Yes!" along with the others.

  Jake clapped and cheered, but his eyes never left my face.

  The song kicked in and I sang the first words along with the others. I kept my voice down, afraid of somehow messing them up, but I was still singing. Singing in front of other people. I hadn't done it for years, and I felt like my voice was so happy to get free.

  Hannah did her solo part, again with more enthusiasm than accuracy, and two of the others did too. Mine was coming up, and as each of them sang I got more nervous.

  Then it was my turn, and I looked at Jake and saw that he was both happy for me and worried for me, and somehow it took all my fear away. I belted out my lines, and his eyes went wide with surprise and amazement. He burst out laughing and clapped for me, and everyone else did too, even the other girls on stage, and we kept going and finished the song.

  Then Jake jumped up and hugged me so hard I couldn't breathe.

  The others were laughing and cheering, and I liked it, but Jake said into my ear, "You're incredible," and I loved that.