Toronto Collection Volume 3 (Toronto Series #10-13)

by Heather Wardell

  I went straight to him and threw my arms around him. "You're the best," I murmured against his chest.

  He started to pull me closer but let me go as the blonde said, "Sorry to interrupt..."

  Jake and I turned to her, and she smiled at him. "Thank you. So much. It's nice to know there's at least one good one out there. Do you have a twin brother, by any chance?"

  We laughed and Jake said, "Sorry, I'm afraid not. But I'm glad you're okay with what I said. I was going to just keep quiet but I couldn't."

  She smiled. "More than okay. What's that saying? Something about all it takes for evil to win is for good to do nothing. But you didn't do nothing. And I really appreciate it."

  My heart swelled with so much pride in Jake it hurt. I couldn't speak, but I smiled at her.

  She smiled back. "Well, anyhow, enjoy the rest of your day. I know I will."

  She started off and Jake caught my arm and pointed at himself then me then her then gestured around the gallery, his eyebrows raised.

  I nodded and called, "Hey."

  When she turned back, I said, "You're welcome to join us if you want. I'd hate for you to run into him again. Who knows what he'd do?"

  She returned to us, smiling. "I am a black belt in jiu jitsu. He'll regret it if he tries anything physical." Her smile wavered. "Need to think about why I let him say all that, though. Why I thought I didn't have the right to be 'rude' and stop him." She blinked, then raised her chin and pulled the smile back into position. "Thanks, but I'm okay. The modern stuff's my favorite and he hated it, so I'll head back up there and spend ages checking it out."

  "Sounds good."

  She smiled again, then cleared her throat and turned to face just me. "Feel free to say no, but... would you want to have coffee sometime? Like I said, I'm new here and I'd love to make some friends." With a wry smile, she added, "Since my Vancouver friends will apparently be no help."

  I laughed, and did a quick "do I want to give her my number?" internal check. It felt good. I felt like she was genuine, and I already liked her. "That'd be great. My name's Alexa, by the way."

  She smiled, relieved. "I'm Lana."

  I smiled back, and we exchanged cell phone numbers, then she walked off to the staircase to the upper level.

  I turned to Jake. "You're incredible. Thank you."

  He shrugged, blushing again. "He was really ticking me off. It wasn't just for your sake."

  But some of it had been, and I appreciated it. I linked my arm through his. "So, good sir, where to now?"

  He considered. "There's a neat display of medieval artifacts on the ground floor. I love that stuff."

  We went to the display, where the artifacts were lit by spotlights and the rest of the room was dim and soothing, and were soon immersed in amazingly intricate carvings of wood and metal and ivory.

  "I see why you love this," I said, studying a beautiful brass cross. "I've never seen anything like it."

  Jake drew closer to point out some details, and I let myself lean into him, then my phone buzzed, startling me.

  I fished it out and found a text from Lana.

  It's so PEACEFUL up here now. :) Hope you have a great day. Hold onto that guy - such a good AND cute one is hard to find. Coffee Thursday or Friday evening?

  I smiled and sent back, "Either day works for me. We'll talk next week. And I will hold onto him, trust me."

  I hit send, then stared at my screen.

  Trust me.

  Trust me.

  That was the issue. That was why I'd been stuck and hadn't moved forward to Jake. I had trusted him for a long time, but I hadn't been able to trust myself. So many people had hinted that there must have been signs Christophe was no good, and I'd taken that in and come to believe I had missed those signs and so couldn't be trusted.

  But I could be. I had seen through Carly even when Rhonda and Fred couldn't, and today I'd decided on the spot that Lana was a good person and I still felt sure I was right.

  And if I turned out to be wrong, I could deal with it.

  I could trust myself to deal with it.

  Just like I could trust myself to deal with whatever would come from a romantic relationship with Jake.

  The relationship I so wanted, and was so ready to have.

  A ripple of pure happiness flowed through me and I made a sort of half-laugh-half-sob sound because I couldn't hold it back.

  "Alexa?"

  I silenced the phone and put it away, then looked up at Jake.

  His eyes widened. "Are you okay? You look different."

  "I feel different." I smiled at him. "I'm okay. More than okay."

  Beside us was an alcove that would hold pieces but currently had a sign on its arched doorway saying, "Exhibits to come". I took Jake's hand, feeling a tingle shoot through me as I did, and led him into it. Then I looked into his gorgeous warm brown eyes and said, "A while back you said that if I ever felt ready I should let you know."

  His eyes filled with surprise and such hope I could hardly breathe, and I slid my arms around his neck and murmured, "I'm ready. I want to be with you."

  He laid his hand against my cheek. "You're sure?"

  I smiled, knowing I was. "Trust me."

  We stood gazing into each other's eyes for a moment, savoring it, then he raised my chin gently and kissed me.

  Fireworks exploding through me at once, I pulled him closer, and our first kiss was sweet and tender and better than any words could have described.

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Eventually he drew back and again touched my cheek. "Was that okay? I'm out of practice."

  I laughed, full of both delight at finally getting to where I'd longed to be and hunger for more kisses. "If that was you out of practice I'm not sure how I'll survive you later. I loved it."

  He winked at me, his eyes dancing. "You ain't seen nothing yet."

  We continued checking out the exhibit while also kissing every chance we got. Fortunately the medieval area was largely deserted so we got plenty of chances.

  One kiss, longer and more passionate than the others, made me wish we were in bed together because I desperately wanted to make love with him. When we broke apart, I looked up at him and blurted out, "Do you think you'll be able to... to be with me? Be able to handle the tattoos?"

  "I..." He paused then wrapped his arm around my shoulders. We began walking again and he drew me against his side and said softly, "Alexa, I told you I'd never lie to you and I meant it."

  My stomach tightened. "I don't like where this is going."

  He sighed. "The thing is, I haven't seen them. I think I can handle it, and I know I want to." He leaned in and whispered, "I promise you, I want to."

  I smiled, heat rippling through me at the feel of his lips against my ear, and he went on. "But without seeing them I can't say for sure. But I can say that if I can't handle them I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get over that, and I'm ready to find out whenever you are."

  I took a deep breath to give myself strength then said, "Your place is around the corner, right?"

  He stopped in his tracks. "Now?"

  I had to laugh. "I guess that's a no?"

  He turned to me. "It doesn't have to be. But we just kissed for the first time today, so I'm surprised."

  I sobered. "I know. But I'm actually more worried about whether I can handle having you... touch me and see them than whether you can handle it, and right now I feel ready to do that."

  He nodded but still looked concerned. "If you change your mind tomorrow, though, you'll regret doing it today. I'd hate for it to end up that way."

  "I won't regret having it be you. Not ever." I looked into his eyes as I spoke, and knew I meant every word. I knew something else, too. "I'm ready. I want to. But if you're not ready then of course--"

  He smiled. "Trust me, I'm ready. Except..." His face reddened.

  "Except?"

  "My apartment's a mess, and I have no..." His blush deepened. "If we're going to... I'd nee
d to hit the drugstore, let's say."

  I pulled him close and kissed him. "I don't care about your housekeeping, and there's got to be a drugstore around here somewhere. Any other objections?"

  He kissed me again, deep and sweet and wonderful. "Not a one."

  In record time we were walking into his apartment, which was indeed a mess, armed with a box of condoms. I hadn't felt remotely uncomfortable waiting in line with him to buy them, and I hadn't felt a single second of doubt.

  I was ready.

  I wanted to make love for the first time in too many years.

  "Give me a second," he said. "I have to at least clean up my bedroom."

  I laughed. "I told you, I don't care."

  "Yeah, well, I do. I want it to be great for you. After everything, you deserve it to be perfect."

  For the first time I realized how nervous he was, and I threw my arms around him. As he pulled me close I said, "It will be. Because it's you."

  We hugged each other tight then began kissing again. Now that we were alone we didn't have to restrain ourselves, and the banked heat between us burst into flames in an instant.

  After a long glorious makeout session in his front hall, Jake said softly, "I'll come get you in just a few minutes."

  "Make it one minute."

  He laughed and kissed me again. "I'll do my best."

  I looked past the clutter of his living room to his life-sized statue of the woman with the birds, tall and elegant near the window, but then heard a frantic scuffling and tossing of things in his bedroom which distracted me from his beautiful work. Instead, I stood smiling with desire and happiness and tried to guess what he was doing.

  Clothes into the closet, maybe. Probably a change of sheets. His concern was sweet, but I still wanted him to hurry up. I wanted to feel his touch. Everywhere.

  He returned and walked toward me, his eyes serious. "Are you ready?"

  I nodded, but a flash of fear hit me. What if it hurt? What if he laid his hands on me and it brought up terrible memories and I couldn't get past them?

  Jake drew me close, cuddling my head against his chest. "I will be paying attention the whole time," he said quietly but fiercely. "I'll be listening. If you say you want to stop, I swear to you I'll hear you and I'll stop. I promise. I will."

  I pulled away from him and stared up into his eyes, letting him see my shock. "Jake, I trust you. Completely. I'm a little scared it'll hurt, but not that you'll hurt me or that you'd keep going if I tried to stop you. I'm not worried about that at all. It never crossed my mind."

  His face began to relax, and I added, "And I don't want it to be like that for you, keeping one ear out. I promise you that if I want to stop, which I don't think I will, I'll make sure you know. Until then, I want..." I shivered at the thought of what I wanted. "Until then, I want to see your bedroom. Now."

  He stroked my cheek gently, then led me to his room. It was tidy enough, but the way the closet door bulged open told me he'd crammed a lot of junk into it. The bed was neatly made, and he'd closed the blinds and turned on a single small lamp so the room was cozy.

  We sat on the bed together, then I deliberately lay back and held out my arms to him.

  "Alexa," he murmured, "are you sure?"

  I looked into his eyes, at the concern for me and the tenderness, and told him the truth. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life. Please. Come here."

  He bent to kiss me, and from that moment there was no more questioning, no more talking. His hands and mouth on my soon-naked chest made me whimper, and he gasped when I trailed my nails down his back after ripping off his shirt. I freed him from his jeans and underwear and let my hands greedily explore his gorgeous naked body. He unzipped my skirt and flung it aside.

  And then he toyed with the waistband of my leggings.

  I took a deep breath and our eyes met. "Yes," I whispered. "Please."

  He pulled the leggings down and discarded them, and knelt between my legs staring down at me.

  I lay with my eyes closed. I didn't need to look. I knew what he was seeing.

  Ugly black letters, thin in spots where Christophe hadn't been able to handle his newly acquired tattoo equipment and blotchy in others where he'd used too much ink but all-too-readable everywhere.

  She's mine.

  She'll never forget me.

  I had her best, you get the rest.

  In between the longer phrases, he'd written his initials, and "Mine" and "Taken" and "Used" and "Dirty" and "Slut" and "Whore" and everything else he could think of.

  "Do they go all the way around?" Jake's voice was quiet, and rough, and held something I'd never heard from him and couldn't identify.

  I nodded without opening my eyes.

  "Can I see them?"

  I nodded again, and Jake climbed off the bed so I could roll over. The backs of my legs held mostly the shorter words, but written in bigger letters, and Christophe had also drawn a heart with "CD and AR forever" in it.

  I lay still, my face buried in Jake's pillow, and waited for him to speak. I'd known what I was hiding, but he hadn't, and now we had to see whether he could tolerate it. If he couldn't--

  Terror swept me, then it disintegrated as I realized again how much I trusted him, and myself. If he couldn't, we'd figure something out. It would be okay.

  "Could you roll back over?"

  Still that same strange tone in his voice. I did roll over, and he knelt on the floor beside me.

  One look at him told me why his voice sounded funny.

  He was fighting back tears.

  Mine rose in an instant at the sight, and as one of his fell he said softly but clearly, "Alexa, when I first saw you I thought you were gorgeous, and nothing has changed."

  I gave a sob of relief, and he leaned in and kissed me.

  Our other kisses had been wonderful, but this one was like paradise, and when we parted I brushed a tear from his cheek, not sure whether it was mine or his, and told him what my heart had been singing the entire time. "I love you, Jake."

  "I love you too." He took my face in both hands. "I love you even more than I did before, and that was a lot."

  "Come here and show me," I whispered, and pulled him atop me.

  We kissed for a long time, our bare chests locked together and his erection gloriously pressed against me, then he drew back and slid slowly down my body to my ankles.

  He kissed first one, then the other, and began slowly working his way back up. Kisses and caresses fell like gorgeous rain against my skin, and I let my legs fall open for him as he explored every inch of them and drove me wilder and wilder the higher he went.

  When he reached the tattooed skin, somehow I felt like his touch was erasing the words. If he could make love to me like this, if I could let him make love to me like this, then nothing Christophe had written was true. I wasn't his.

  I wasn't Jake's, either, though.

  I was mine.

  "I'll share them both with you," I mumbled, remembering singing those words to him at karaoke.

  Jake chuckled against my skin. "I'm happy to accept. Everything you want to share."

  He reached the tops of my thighs and his fingers slid into my underwear, and I arched my back and gave a whimpering cry I'd never heard from myself before. "Don't stop."

  He slithered up my body so he could kiss me, keeping his hand perfectly in place as he did, and murmured against my mouth, "I won't."

  He didn't either, until after I shuddered and clutched at his shoulders and tumbled into a climax that was almost too much to take. "I love you," I gasped against his lips when I'd caught my breath enough to speak. "I want you. Please, I can't wait any more." I already felt so good, but I wanted more. I wanted him to fill me, wanted to know how it felt to be filled by real love.

  He withdrew his hand, and I gasped at his absence and said, "Quickly."

  To my surprise he gave a wry laugh. "No doubt of that, I'm afraid." He ripped open the box of condoms. "I don't think I'm go
ing to last very long. You are just too ridiculously sexy, my carpet queen."

  I giggled, then made myself sober and give him an imperial look. "Then you'll simply have to do it again later."

  "A tough punishment, but a fair one."

  We laughed together, then he lay down on his side next to me and pulled me close to him. "I love you," he said softly. "You're sure you want this?"

  He'd seen the tattoos, but more importantly he'd seen me long before that. He'd understood me all the way along, and I loved him for it. "Trust me," I said, and kissed him.

  He drew my leg over his and I felt him against me, then he kissed me and slid slowly into me. Looking deep into my eyes, he pressed all the way in then held still. "Are you okay?"

  I stroked his stubbly cheek, loving how he felt inside me. Nothing even close to pain. "I love it. I love you."

  He murmured those three words back against my lips then began moving in earnest, and though he was right and it lasted only a few minutes, with his hands roaming my body and his mouth locked to mine I still reached another climax in time with his.

  We came back down to earth together, and he kissed my sweaty forehead and said, "I can honestly say I've never had a better day at the art gallery."

  I laughed. "Me either."

  We lay cuddled together for a while, then I began to extricate myself.

  "Where are you going?"

  "Bathroom."

  He kissed me. "I can allow that, I suppose."

  I stood by the bed and curtseyed to him. "Thank you, your highness."

  He laughed. "Hurry back."

  I didn't, though, because after I used the bathroom I stood gazing at my naked body in the mirror and marveling at the pleasure it had given me and Jake and realizing I could skim my eyes over the words on my skin without pain, and when I did return to the bedroom Jake's deep breathing told me he'd fallen asleep.

  I considered waking him, but instead I slipped on my t-shirt and underwear and went out into his living room. I was wide awake, and I wanted to write.

  I pulled my notebook from my purse and wrote a few lines about how much I'd enjoyed being in Jake's arms and how much I loved him, and then I wrote, "This would have made a good ending to Lance's book."