“No, thanks,” I tell him like always and he sighs.
“Haylee, you haven't done anything fun for yourself since he left and he wouldn't want that for you.”
“I do fun stuff!” I quickly argue and he raises his brow as if to ask me what that is exactly. “I go wakeboarding and. . . play with the kittens,” I tell him as I pet the runt baby in my lap and Punkin right beside me. Punkin has kind of stepped in as a surrogate mom and helps Momma keep the kittens from wandering too far. It's quite endearing. And entertaining, at least for someone like me at this point.
“Haylee, playing with the kittens does not qualify as doing something fun. . .”
“Maybe not to you. . .”
“And you haven't been wakeboarding as much as usual.”
“I've been working a lot,” I defend and he rakes both hands through his dark, almost black hair. He's frustrated with me. “Please.” He is reverting to begging now.
He isn't going to keep taking no for answer, but I really don't feel like it tonight. “Next time,” I tell him.
He sighs heavily. “You know I'm gonna hold you to that?”
“Oh, I know,” I shoot him a look, wishing I hadn't said that.
A few minutes later, Max and Parker pull up and Griff hops into the car with them, leaving me alone with the cats. I better be careful because at this rate, I'm going to end up as the crazy cat lady. Once I have the kittens settled in for the night, I close the barn up and turn off the light. When I step out into the darkness, I take in a deep breath of the cool, lake air. It's a beautiful night. The wind is almost nonexistent, the sky is clear and full of stars, and I can smell a bonfire or two around the lake. I glance down to the dock to look at all the lights from around the lake shimmering on the smooth water when I notice someone sitting on the dock. Griff just left and his parents have gone in for the night.
I start to walk that way out of curiosity; I can't imagine who'd be out here at this time of night. As I approach the dock, I can see that it's a girl and I'm shocked by who I think it might be. I walk carefully along the dock so that I don't make any noise and disturb her. She sits on the wooden bench seat on the wider portion of the platform dock. When I'm standing just to the side and behind her, I lean forward slightly to confirm my suspicion.
“Brynn?” I ask even though I can clearly see that it's, in fact, her. “What are you doing out here?” I haven't seen her down here, let alone on this road, other than for some family functions in, well, years. What the hell is she up to?
She tips her chin up toward me and smiles. She actually smiles! “Haylee Jo!” she exclaims and holds up a thermos as if to give a toast with it. Her big, brown eyes seem glassy and she seems much happier than I've seen her in a long time. “Come sit with me,” she says, patting the bench beside her. I feel like I'm suddenly in the Twilight Zone or something. She usually calls me 'bitch' or 'slut' which is ironic because those words better describe her than me. She takes a sip from the thermos and the smell of alcohol floats up to my nose. And that explains her condition.
“What are you up to, Brynn?” I ask her with a quirk of my brow. Her honey brown colored hair hangs rather limply around her shoulders and strands of it hang down in front of her face, but she seems oblivious.
“Sit, Haylee. I won't bite,” she giggles and I cautiously sit down on the wooden slats of the bench and immediately get the chills. I'm waiting for someone to jump out at me or for something to pop out of the water and scare the shit out of me. But I don't see anything but Brynn being nice. “I was just reminiscing,” she murmurs and sips from the thermos again. She holds it out to offer me some.
“What is it?” I asks. There's no way in hell I will drink something that she gives me whether I am watching her drink it herself or not.
“Tequila,” she giggled.
I cringe at the thought of drinking straight tequila. “No thanks. I'm good,” I reply.
“I know you are, Haylee,“ she sighs. “I wish I was more like you.”
“What?” I ask and I'm sure my face is utterly shocked. Brynn is beautiful. She is slightly taller than I am with long legs and a slim waist. The boys at school went crazy over her, probably because they knew she put out too, but still. Even older men would approach her, assuming her to be older than eighteen.
“You're so lucky.” This is just getting stranger and stranger. How am I lucky? My dad is dead, my cousin who'd been one of my best friends for years now treats me like a pariah, one of my other best friends who's become my boyfriend has gone off to California again.
“Why do you think I'm lucky?” I ask her. The alcohol has mellowed her out and she really doesn't appear to be trying to trick me or do something to me. She seems like she really wants to talk.
“Chase came back and now you two are finally an item,” she tips the thermos back for another pull of the golden liquid. “I always thought it would be me that would end up with him.”
My eyes fly wide with shock. I never knew Brynn had feelings for Chase as well. Or maybe she just meant because she is prettier, which she is fond of telling me. All the time.
“Oh, don't worry,” she slurs and touches her hand to my arm in a friendly gesture. “I'm not after your man or anything. I just. . .I just thought things would turn out so differently back in the day.” She is wistfully looking out over the water now, and I know when she is talking about. When we'd all been best friends and grew up making plans for our futures together.
“Me too,” I say softly, watching her. Maybe Brynn should always be drunk.
“Haylee, I'm sorry I've been such a bitch to you,” she tells me, wobbling for a second on the bench as she turns to face me. She has tears mixed with mascara streaming down her cheeks. There had been a time when I would have seen this as a perfect opportunity to snap a photo of her to show around school, but she seems quite serious. “I 've been so awful!” she cries. “It was just . . .I was just. . . sad and hurt and scared and. . .and . . .and dirty. . .” she drops her head against my shoulder then and sobs. I slowly put my arms around her as I try to make sense of what she's saying. The sad, hurt, and scared part, sure, we've all been there, but dirty? What does she mean by that?
“I never told anyone this before, Haylee,” she says then as she sits up and looks me right in the eyes. Her eyes are filled with sadness and I feel sorry for her all of a sudden. This is not the Brynn I know of the last few years. “I was fourteen and Darren was twenty.” Darren is my cousin, her older brother, but he's been away for three years now at school. “Do you remember his friend Trey?”
I look away for second as I try to picture him. I hadn't known Darren all that well since he was so much older than we are. I can't remember who Trey is so I shake my head.
She squeezes her eyes together, trying to clear the moisture before she continues. “They used to hang out all the time after school and they'd be there when the bus dropped me off. Mom and Dad weren't home from work then so I usually just came over here. One day though, I had this paper that was due the next day and I hadn't even started it so when I got home that afternoon, I headed up to my bedroom to try and get it done. After about an hour, I went down to the kitchen to get a snack and I found Trey in the living room playing video games but Darren wasn't around. Trey explained that he'd run to the grocery store for something. I was in the kitchen when Trey walked up behind me, like right behind me and put his hands on my waist under my shirt and asked me in my ear if I wanted to kiss him.” My stomach clenches. I don't like where this is going, but she obviously needs to tell it. “So of course I told him no. I mean, I was fourteen, for shit's sake, and he was twenty! He didn't like my answer though, so he spun me around and attacked me. He had his tongue in my mouth, his hands on my boobs and was trying to pull my clothes off, all in seconds. I pushed him away and he got this eerie look on his face. He came at me again, covering my mouth this time and ripped my shorts off. Anyway, I'll spare you the gory details, but my own brother's friend raped me that day.”
She laughs. How can she laugh right now? “I didn't tell anyone, Haylee! Not even Darren. I was so scared. He told me that he would do it again if I ever told anyone. I was so embarrassed and ashamed. There was no way I even wanted to tell anyone. I thought I must have asked for it somehow. Maybe my shorts were too short, or my top too low-cut, or I'd walked too alluring or something. I didn't want you guys to know.” Her voice is broken by a sob before she continues. “That's why I stopped hanging out with you. I didn't want you figure it out, so I just stayed away and treated you like shit. Chase was gone then anyway and you and Griff were close. I felt like the odd man out.”
“Brynn, I'm so, so sorry. I wish you had just told us. We could have helped you. We could have had that guy arrested!”
She shakes her head sadly from side to side. “I screwed up. I screw everything up.”
“You realize that what he did wasn't your fault at all, right?”
“I do now, but at fourteen and fifteen and sixteen, no, I believed that the whole thing had been my fault,” she replies and I throw my arms around her and hold her as we both cry. I feel terrible for all the horrible things I've said and thought about her. I'd had no idea what she's been through. No wonder she's so hostile and why she sleeps around like she does. She'd been raped and couldn't deal with the emotions afterward, plus she's kept everything to herself for four years. It all made perfect sense.
She pulls back finally and wipes her eyes a little. “Seeing Chase again out of the blue brought me back to that time. I realized that I wanted to go further back though to when we were all kids and having the time of our lives and doing everything together. I miss you guys.”
I burst into tears and hug her again. If only she had told someone back then, if only Darren hadn't left her alone with his sleazy friend, if only we hadn't been so hateful toward each other. . .if only. . .
Chapter 19 - Haylee
I've had some pretty emotional days and I feel like I've been wrung out. I'm so relieved that Brynn has finally told someone. I sat with her the next day when she told her family and it broke my heart that all that hurt had been festering inside of her for all this time. She and I eventually tell Griff and he is stunned too, and angry with himself for not knowing. None of us could have known though. Brynn is seeing a counselor now and my mom has been keeping her appointments as well. Brynn is actually acting more like the cousin that I grew up with, and it's such a huge relief. I had thought Brynn was a lost cause.
Texts from Chase have been less frequent and he explained that he's just busy trying to tie up all the loose ends. We talk on the phone about what Brynn told me and he took it the same way as the rest of us. I feel badly that we are all here and he is there though.
“I'll be there soon, Hayles. I love you,” Chase whispers through the phone. My heart aches for him so badly. I want to feel his arms around me and get lost in the comfort that seeps into me from his presence.
“I love you too,” I say and then I cry for a while like usual after we talk. It's already dark out when I finally dry my eyes, grab a hoodie, and head over to the barn. Brynn has been coming over and hanging out with us a little bit again, and it would have been just perfect if Chase were here too, the four of us all together again.
“Hi, babies,” I coo as I walk over to where Momma is perched on a hay bale keeping her eyes on the kittens below her. Punkin bounds over too, afraid she's missing out on all the attention. I sit down and let the kittens crawl all over me and play with the strings on my hoodie as I become their personal jungle gym. Brynn has even been coming to the barn to see the kittens. They are like mini healers, bringing us together again.
“Okay, Haylee, tonight's the night,” Griff's voice booms as he strides into the barn. He goes over to give the horses fresh water and check their stalls.
“Night for what exactly?” I ask him, still playing with the kittens and petting Punkin. Griff makes Sam sit outside the barn now because Momma is leery of him being around the kittens.
“We're going out,” Griff announces and I groan. I don't want to go out. I don't feel like going and standing around with a bunch of people I don't know, playing DD for the guys and doing nothing but thinking about missing Chase while everyone else has a good time. “You said you'd go the next time,” he reminds me and I know I'm not getting out of it anymore.
“Fine,” I sigh. “I'll have to go back and change. Should I call Brynn?”
“Sure, why not?” he replies with a smile. “I know the bartender from school too, so I can get you drinks.”
I pull the kittens claws out of my sweatshirt and stand up, brushing off my jeans. It's time to head back to my house and attempt to make myself presentable for the first time in a while. I haven't given much thought to my appearance with Chase being gone. I just grab what is comfy and clean and pull my hair back every day. Simple.
I shoot Griff a look as I head for the door. He's smiling from ear to ear. “Glad I can make your night complete,” I call to him as I walk away. He's enjoying his moment of triumph in finally getting me to go with them.
“The guys'll be here at 9!” he shouts to me. In other words, look nice but hurry up. I call Brynn on the way and I'm surprised and relieved when she says she'll come. She says she'll drive over right now. Brynn lives in a state of 'ready to hit the clubs' all day, every day anyway. At least I won't be the only girl in the group. It's nice having her back again.
I slide into a pair of dark skinny jeans and a shimmery blue tank top. I am not about to wear heels and be uncomfortable all night, so I opt for silver sandals instead. I put on a little bit of makeup and tug the elastic band out of my hair. Blond waves fall down below my shoulders and I run my fingers through it. I don't have time to straighten it, so the waves will have to do. My effort to get ready is not up to par like it would be if Chase were going to be there. I miss him so much that it physically hurts deep within me. I can't help the occasional thought about him possibly not coming back. Those thoughts are constantly floating around ready to torment me.
I grab a small purse and hurry back over to Griff's. Max and Parker are already there and Brynn shows up shortly after me.
Max is driving his Tacoma and Brynn calls shotgun, so I get wedged in the tiny back seat between Griff and Parker. The truck is filled with our conglomeration of perfumes and colognes and it smells like a department store.
The radio is cranked up and everyone is chatting as we ride into town. I feel a warm sensation on one of my thighs and look down to find Parkers' hand there. “You look uh-may-zing tonight, Haylee,” he leans in close to my ear to tell me and I instantly feel claustrophobic. Parker doesn't really seem to understand the whole concept of personal space.
“Thanks, Parker, but cut it out,” I say, removing his hand from my leg. I try to lean more against Griff than Parker, but he's crammed along the entire length of my body and I swear he's leaning in even closer to me as I try to ease away. Griff is my friend too, but he doesn't feel the need to put his hands on me constantly. Parker just chuckles to himself and turns to look out the window.
I'm thankful when we get to the bar and I can breathe again. Griff knows a lot of the people that work at the bar, so he can get Brynn and I in even though we aren't twenty-one, and it just depends on who is tending bar whether or not we can get drinks. Tonight we're in luck because Griff is already shaking hands with the guy behind the bar. It's pretty crowded in here and all I want is some space. That so isn't going to happen. I'm really regretting letting Griff strong-arm me into coming when Brynn leans over to my ear so that I can hear her above the music that's pumping all around us.
“Thanks for inviting me,” she has to practically shout. “I really needed a diversion tonight. My parents have been hovering over me since I told them.”
“It's nice to not be the only girl for a change,” I smile at her as Griff and the guys stride over to us with drinks in their hands. Griff has gotten a cranberry and vodka for both Brynn and I. We make our way through the crowd to a couple of open stools at the bar. Brynn and I sit down and the three guys stand up behind us. It's kind of nice having them as a barrier from constantly getting knocked into.
After a short time though, Max is leaning over talking to some girl who I think they went to school with. “Let's dance,” Brynn shouts once her drink is gone and drags Griff out onto the dance floor. I have to laugh because he always acts like it's torturous, but he actually likes to dance and the guy has moves.
Parker slides onto Brynn's empty barstool and turns his gaze on me. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I reach back to pull it out. I smile when I look down and see that it's a text from Chase.
Sold the truck! Getting closer. Love ya beautiful
I slide the phone back into my pocket and find Parker looking at me expectantly. “Must have been something good 'cause your face just lit up,” he says, leaning closer to me so that I can hear him.
Giddy with excitement is more like it. “It's from Chase. He's getting closer to moving back here.”
Parker's eyebrows shot up. “I didn't realize he is moving back.”
I nod. “He decided when he was here a couple weeks ago. He just went back to finish up some stuff and pack up,” I explain.
“And you believe him?” Parker asks and my stomach burns all of a sudden. Why would he ask a question like that?
I nod. “Why wouldn't I believe him? We're together now, Chase and I.”
Parker makse it obvious that he is searching all around beside me. “Doesn't look like you're together.”
“You know what I mean, wiseass,” I take a long pull from the straw in my drink.
“What the hell, Haylee? I think I've made it pretty obvious that I'm interested in you. Chase wasn't even around til a couple weeks ago and now he's gone again. You keep telling me that you're not interested in a relationship and now you're 'together' with a guy who lives in California?”
Second Chances Page 16