On the Plus Side

by Vargo, Tabatha

  “Devin, please wake up.” I didn’t want to yell and have nurses come in.

  He jumped up like there was a fire. He blinked rapidly and took in his surroundings. Suddenly, he dropped back into his seat and grabbed my hand. He kissed my hand before laying his face into my palm.

  “I’m so glad you’re OK, baby. I don’t know what I would’ve done.” He continued to caress my hands with his face.

  “Devin, where’s Jenny? Is she OK?”

  He looked up at me and softly pushed a stray piece of hair behind my ear. A slow smile developed as he ran his finger down the side of my face.

  “She’s OK, thanks to you. You saved her.”

  “But the men—they didn’t?”

  I couldn’t bring myself to say the word rape, but he knew what I was asking.

  “No, they didn’t.” He put his head down and took a deep breath. “I should’ve been there, Lilly. I should’ve been there for you and her, but I wasn’t. This is my fault, all of it. I’m so sorry for everything I did to you. I want to make a clean start with you. There’s so much I wanna tell you when you get out of here, but right now all I want you to know is that I’m in love with you and I want to be with you, no matter what.”

  He leaned over and kissed my forehead, then my nose, and then my lips—all very softly.

  “I love you, too.” I reached up and palmed his cheek.

  Someone cleared their throat in the doorway and Devin jumped back like we were teenagers getting caught. I looked up and my mom stared back at me. She looked worried, which was an expression I hadn’t seen on my mother much in my life. She left the doorway and came to my side.

  “Are you feeling OK?” She asked as she scooped up my hand.

  “I’m in some pain, but nothing I can’t handle.”

  “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here, honey. You have no idea how worried I was. I just took a mini vacation to New York to see your Aunt Barbra and I guess I should’ve checked the weather because, believe it or not, I got stuck in a blizzard. No flights were leaving. I’m so sorry.”

  She smoothed my hair back. It was strange and very motherly, and it caught me by surprise.

  “It’s OK, Mom. I’m a big girl,” I smiled.

  Then I was confused.

  “How long have I been here? What’s today?” I asked.

  Devin stepped up.

  “You’ve been here for a little over a week. Today’s Monday. As long as you do well, you’ll get to go home soon. At least that’s what Doctor Ryan says.”

  He seemed uneasy around my mother.

  “When did you get here, Mom?” I asked.

  “Just now,” she looked away as if she was ashamed.

  No one had a chance to say anything else. There was a whistle at the door and soon I was bombarded by Dad and Jenny.

  “Look who’s awake!” Dad said as he hugged me.

  Then there was Jenny, who I thought was never going to let me go. I laughed and pulled her hair in a picking manner.

  “I love you, Lil. I’ll never be able to thank you enough,” she said with tears in her eyes.

  She looked older, as if the experience had made her wiser in the ways of the world.

  I didn’t miss the strange eye contact between my mother and Devin.

  I found out from Dad and Jenny later that night that Devin had only left the hospital to go to my apartment and take a shower. He wouldn’t even take a chance of going all the way to his house in Walterboro. Since my place was close to the hospital, he had begged Shannon to let him shower there.

  Jenny and Dad had been bringing him clothes and apparently it had been three days since he had eaten anything. I had my mother bring everyone food and practically force-fed Devin a turkey sub. Dad and Jenny laughed.

  I’d never felt so much love around me in all of my life. Without it seeming weird, Dad and Jenny already felt like family. I’d already been calling Dad, Dad, for the last month or more. As far as I was concerned they were my family.

  Two days later, I got to go home. I was blown away by how attentive Devin was to me. He helped me into my apartment, onto my couch, and then cared for me better than any nurse could. He constantly asked if I needed anything or if I wanted anything. While my mother, who usually runs the world, sat from afar and watched. It was strange.

  When I got my first look in the mirror I almost cried. I looked horrible. I just sat there in my bedroom and stared at the mirror in shock. There was a soft knock at the door before Devin stuck his head in.

  “I was just checking on you, babe,” he said. “What are you doing?”

  “Why didn’t anyone tell me I looked like this, Devin? I don’t want you seeing me like this—you should go home. I’ll call you once I’m all better, and I look normal again.” I put my head down.

  No matter what, I wouldn’t cry. Yeah, I looked horrible, and yeah, bad things had happened, but now I had Devin. He was all mine, I just didn’t want him to see me this way.

  I heard him walk up behind me, and then I felt him put his hand on my shoulder.

  “Look at me,” he said as he turned my face toward him. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and I’m completely in love with you.” He softly traced the bruise around my eye with his fingertip. “It kills me that someone hurt you and Jenny this way. When I find out who did it I fully plan on beating them to death.”

  He leaned down, gave me a soft kiss, and I felt my heart melt.

  “I do have some bad news, though. Dad’s swamped at work. He didn’t ask me to help, but I know I need to. I promise to come by every night to check on you, and I’ll keep my cell phone in my pocket at all times. You call me if you need anything, OK?”

  I giggled.

  “Devin, I’m fine. Go help Dad and just come and see me when you can.”

  “I love you.” He leaned down and gave me another kiss.

  “I love you, too.”

  I watched him walk out of the room. I took a long, hot shower and then spent the rest of the night in bed watching TV. Shannon popped her head in occasionally to check on me. After the fifth time, she admitted to me that Devin had been calling her almost every hour to make sure I was OK. I smiled. The terrible beating and hospital stay aside, I’d never been so happy in my entire life.

  Twenty-Three

  Honesty’s Best Policy

  I stayed up most of the night in the garage trying to catch up. We were so behind on everything, not that it was anyone’s fault but my own. I should’ve never taken off to Florida. If I had been there instead of running away like a punk, Jenny would’ve called me and the turn-out of this situation would’ve been a hell of a lot different. My sister wouldn’t have been hurt and Lilly wouldn’t have been practically beaten to death.

  I owe her so much. She almost gave her life for my baby sister and I was determined to tell her the truth. Damn the money, damn the she-devil, damn it all! I wanted to be honest with Lilly and start over. Plain and simply put, I want Lilly completely.

  I called Shannon constantly to check on Lilly, she was beginning to get aggravated with me. Being away from her when she needed me the most just felt wrong, but I had to work. Dad would never be able to do all of it on his own.

  I worked all night long and ended up falling asleep on the old couch in the garage. I had a rough night’s sleep and was awoken by Jenny who was digging through the paperwork on the old, ratty desk where we kept all the garage bills and stuff. I watched from afar as she figured out everything on her own. All the letters about the bank foreclosing on our property were right on top. I heard her gasp.

  “Jenny, get out of those papers,” I said sleepily. “That’s not your concern.”

  “The hell it’s not! Why didn’t y’all tell me about this?” She held up a bank paper. “I should know if we’re about to lose everything! All I could think about was a stupid fucking dance and you and dad were stressing over bills!” She swiped at angry tears with the back of her arm.

  I jumped off of the couch
and went to her.

  “Jenny, you’re just a kid, sweetie. We didn’t want you to worry about it and you shouldn’t have to worry about it. I’ll take care of it,” I soothed her.

  “But, Dev, we’re gonna lose everything! This is our home, we can’t lose our home!” She was freaking out and I’d never seen Jenny lose her cool that way.

  The payment was due in a week and I’d already made up my mind that I wasn’t taking the money from Mrs. Sheffield. Regardless we were going to lose everything. Why was I lying to Jenny? Why not be honest and prepare her for the worst?

  Then Jenny said something that shook my world, something that made me decide that maybe telling Lilly after the debt was paid would be a more realistic idea. She was going to be hurt by the truth regardless of whether or not I took the money. I might was well secure my family and then be honest with Lilly.

  “I’m quitting school and getting a job,” Jenny said with pure determination.

  There was no way in Hell I’d let that happen.

  “Over my dead body!” I said angrily. “Don’t worry about it, Jenny. I already have the money to pay the bank. Just go inside and get ready for school.”

  I continued to work on cars alongside Dad for the rest of the day. By the time I was done and in the shower, I was exhausted. All I could think about was getting cleaned up and the getting to Lilly. It had only been a day, but I missed her like crazy. She had spent most of the day in bed, and I had spent most of the day working, so we had barely talked.

  On the car ride to her apartment, I tossed around the decision to take the money or not. I’d never been more confused about what to do in my life. By the time I got to Lilly’s place, I was positive I was going to take the money. What was one more week when I had lied to her for almost three months?

  Mrs. Sheffield was waiting outside of Lilly’s apartment building for me and she had different plans.

  Lucky me!

  “To what do I owe the honor?” I asked sarcastically.

  She didn’t waste any time getting to the point.

  “I’ve never seen Lilly this happy. I want you to continue to see her for another three months. Then you’ll get your money.”

  “Wait a damn minute! A deal’s a deal! I only have until the end of this week to make that payment, you can’t do this!”

  “I’ve spoken with the bank and it’s taken care of, so what do you say? Do you want your payment made or not?”

  “I can’t keep doing this to her. We’re in love. It’s cruel. I want out now and I want to tell her the truth.”

  She burst into laughter.

  “First of all, men know nothing about love—so don’t even give me that bullshit,” she said viciously. “Secondly, my daughter could never be in love with a guy like you. She’s confused and blinded by her first boyfriend. Don’t mistake that for love. Devin, should I remind you that I’m friends with the owners of the bank? You tell my daughter anything and I’ll make sure you and you father lose everything as well as never work in this town again. Don’t mess with me.”

  I couldn’t say anything. She had me by the balls and I was so shocked by her viciousness that all I could do was stare at her.

  “Also, you’ll get out when I say you can, is that understood? Mr. Michaels, I always get what I want, never forget that. Three more months it is then?”

  What could I do? What could I say? Maybe she was right about Lilly. Maybe Lilly really didn’t love me. She was better than me for sure. There was nothing I could say to stop it, it was already started and I had to finish it or I’d lose everything, including Lilly.

  “I won’t say a word, but I’m not going anywhere in three months. I’m here to stay, Mom,” I said sarcastically. I smiled with my teeth, but it never reached my eyes.

  “We’ll see about that.”

  Once the bitch walked away and before I went inside to see Lilly, I called the bank and asked about my dad’s loan. The man told me that all was taken care of and I knew that I had to continue. As much as I hated it, I had to do it for at least three more months. I would just have to pretend that the money was never coming and I had to remember that the relationship was now real for me. Lilly was mine.

  That night, even though we were both tired, Lilly and I snuggled in bed and talked. It had been over a week since we had sex and just as long since we had a decent conversation. I ran my fingers through her soft hair as we got it all out in the open.

  “Shannon told me about what happened to you when you were younger.” I traced the bruise on her cheek softly. I was glad to see it was beginning to fade. “Why didn’t you tell me about it, baby?” I asked.

  She suddenly looked uncomfortable.

  “It was embarrassing—I don’t like telling people about it. It makes me look weak.” She shifted in bed so that she wasn’t looking me in the face anymore.

  “I’m sorry for what I said…that night. I had no idea you couldn’t…you know,” I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

  It hurt my heart that such a sweet and caring woman like Lilly would never experience motherhood. There were moms, like mine, who could walk away from their children like they were shit. Lilly would never do that. She would’ve been an extraordinary mother.

  “I should’ve told you about the no kids thing. I tried that night. I’m not sure where you see this going with us.” She swallowed hard and I could tell there were tears she was trying not to shed. “But if kids are something you want in your future, then you shouldn’t count on me to be a part of that.” Her voice sounded thick.

  “I want you in my future. We’ll worry about the rest later.”

  I leaned over and kissed her softly. She kissed me back harder and in fear of hurting, her I pulled back a little.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  “Don’t apologize, sweetie. I just don’t want to hurt you. I’ll give you nothing but soft kisses until you’re all better,” I whispered as I softly kissed the side of her neck.

  She sucked in her breath.

  “I’m feeling much better now,” she sighed.

  I laughed. She was so adorable.

  “No, ma’am, not until you’re completely healed,” I playfully scolded.

  “Seriously, I’ve never felt better.” She grabbed my face and started to kiss me.

  Vanilla and cherries—Lilly.

  I could feel myself getting hard. Images of her face in ecstasy the first time we had sex flashed through my mind and then I went from just being hard to throbbing.

  “Are you sure?” I asked in between kisses.

  She didn’t answer. Instead, she reached down and palmed my hardness through my pants. I hissed as she nibbled on my bottom lip. I kissed her back hard as she stuck her hand down my pants and wrapped her soft fingers around me.

  “It’s so hard and hot,” she whispered in awe.

  “That’s what you do to me,” I groaned into her neck.

  There was nothing keeping us from having sex anymore and since I knew that no matter what we were going to stay together, I didn’t stop myself.

  I rolled her over onto her back and kissed her like I never had before. I stopped just long enough to pull her shirt over her head. Then everything stopped.

  I stared down at her and was completely shaken. She was bruised all over. There was one large bruise on her side that actually looked like a shoe imprint. Blind rage rolled through me. I wanted to yell and scream. I wanted to find the son of a bitches that did this to her and I wanted to choke the life out of them.

  “What’s wrong?” She asked as she started to cover herself.

  I reached up and pulled the blanket from her hands.

  “Don’t.” The word felt like sand in my mouth. “Oh God, Lilly.”

  I ran my fingers softly over the large bruises all over her body. The small ones on her face didn’t compare.

  “They don’t hurt much.” She attempted to smile.

  She pulled me down and kissed me again, but all I wanted to do was cry.


  “I can’t, baby. It’s too soon. I’d hate myself if I hurt you.”

  I started to move away, but she grabbed my arm and pulled me back to her.

  “Don’t pull away, Devin, please. I need you to love me. Just make it all go away.” She started to slowly kiss me again.

  There was no way I could say no to her.

  “We’ll go slow and easy,” I said in between kisses.

  We did nothing but kiss and softly rub each other. I slowly removed her bra and threw it on the floor. Not once did she cover herself and her new confidence turned me on. I went straight for her nipple as I sucked it into my mouth and flicked it with my tongue.

  Her breathing was erratic and her hands were in my hair, pressing my mouth to her. I sat up on my knees and pulled my shirt off. She followed me up and started kissing and touching my chest and neck.

  “That feels so good,” I rasped.

  Somehow I lost control of the situation completely and she had pushed me over onto my back. She kissed and licked me all the way down my chest until she was at the top my pants. Then she roughly started to pull them down. I didn’t stop her. I was hers completely. She could do with me whatever she wanted.

  I had no problem letting her have her way with me. Not to mention, with her just getting out of the hospital yesterday, I didn’t want to do anything that was too much for her. I let her take the reins.

  Once she won the fight with my pants, she started to go down on me. Before she touched me with her mouth I saw her flinch and make a small noise. I stopped her.

  “Are you OK?” I leaned up on my elbows and asked.

  “I’m fine, just lay back.” She pushed me back.

  When she attempted to bend down I saw that she was in pain.

  “Baby, stop, this is hurting you.”

  I sat up and slowly made her lay back. She tried to argue with me, but I covered her mouth with mine and kissed her softly and slowly. After kissing her until she was quiet, I gradually made my way down her body. I kissed every piece of skin I came to and sucked the sensitive parts. Every bruise I passed on my way down I kissed softly and made a silent promise to her with my mouth and hands to make it all better.