On the Plus Side

by Vargo, Tabatha

  At first I was confused. Lilly has specifically said she couldn’t get pregnant. Yet, there was her name printed very obviously on the picture.

  It looked like a blurry mess, but I could make out a little leg and a tiny foot, and in that moment, my world fell around me like tiny fragments of bright, white light. It made my skin tingle as it rained down on me. The oxygen I was about to exhale was held hostage in my lungs by my heart that had suddenly quit beating.

  Lilly came yesterday to tell me something. She wanted to tell me we were going to have a baby. She was probably ecstatic, she was probably the happiest she had ever been in her entire life when she showed up at my door, and I had gut punched her with the truth. I had squashed that happiness in an instant.

  I had made her cry. I put her in a state of shock. I’d seen the shock on her face. I’d hurt her more than she’d probably ever been hurt in her life. My now ex-girlfriend, the love of my life, the woman who walking around with my heart nestled snuggly inside of her, and I had made her cry.

  I felt myself snap. I stood quickly, and my chair left a skid mark on the linoleum. Dad was saying something to me, but I had tunnel hearing and nothing made it through to my brain. My joints felt stiff as I moved across the house to the front door.

  I ended up at Lilly’s apartment, but she wasn’t home. I’d go to every place I could think of until I found her. I needed her to breathe my existence back into me and to gather all the tiny fragments of life that were floating around me and put them back together.

  I found myself at her mother’s front door. An older man in a suit answered.

  “I need to speak to Lilly Sheffield.”

  “Follow me.”

  He turned to walk away, and like a pup, I followed behind him. He was taking me to see Lilly and when I got to her I’d refuse any other option but for us to be together.

  The last time I was in this house I was kicked out, and I’d probably get kicked out again, but I had to try anything and everything to get her back. Yes, for the baby, but also because since the moment she walked out my door I hadn’t felt alive. I wanted to live.

  When we got to a set of brown paneled doors, the older man stepped aside and motioned for me to enter. The door was heavy and silent as it opened. The pit of my stomach was telling me that it felt wrong, and when my eyes connected with Lilly’s mom instead of Lilly, I knew why.

  Like daggers, her eyes pierced me. Had this been a cartoon, fire would be flying from them and burning me to death. I’m sure my eyes mirrored hers as I stared her down, unwilling to blink.

  “I hope you’re proud of yourself,” she hissed.

  “Are you proud of yourself?”

  She was sitting behind a desk, stacks of unopened invitations laid out in front of her. As I took her in, I noticed her tense shoulders, the purple circles around her eyes, and a few misplaced pieces of hair. She was upset, and that let me know that she had seen Lilly.

  I moved closer to her desk and stood there.

  “Where is she?” I asked.

  She didn’t respond. Instead, she reached into the desk draw and pulled out a piece of paper. She held it out to me and I snatched it from her.

  “I believe this is what you came here for. Take it and get out of our lives.” She turned away as if dismissing me.

  I stared down at the check in my hand. It was written for fifty thousand dollars. The bitch was paying me off. That little, thin piece of paper would take care of most of my problems. I could cash it and pay off the loan and everything would just be fucking great, except it wouldn’t be. As long as Lilly was gone, nothing would ever be good again.

  All the pain I felt was because of this stupid check. A sudden streak of anger rang through my body, and before I knew it, I was ripping the check up in Mrs. Sheffield’s face. I’d live on the streets before I cashed that check and I knew that both Dad and Jenny would agree. They’d want nothing to do with that money just like I wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted Lilly.

  “What are you doing? Are you insane?” she asked me.

  “I don’t want your damn money.” I continued ripping the check into tiny pieces.

  “But you’ll lose everything!” The look on her face was almost comical, and had I been in a laughing mood, I would’ve laughed.

  I was in no laughing mood, I was on a mission.

  “I’ve already lost everything. Now, tell me where she is.”

  She didn’t respond. She just sat there staring back at me like I was from another planet.

  “Fine, I’ll keep searching until I find her.”

  I turned to walk away. I was done with that bitch and all the heartache she had caused Lilly and me.

  “Wait,” she called after me.

  “What?” I growled, as I turned back to face her.

  She shook her head for a minute like she was in shock.

  “You really love her, don’t you?” she asked softly.

  “What do you think?” I yelled as I started toward the door again.

  “Wait, I have something for you.” She came around her desk and stood before me.

  Her eyes were warmer and her small smile looked real. For a second, I was taken aback by her sudden change in facial expressions.

  She held out a piece of paper and as much as I wanted to snatch it from her and rip it to sheds, too, I stopped and read it. It was the deed to the house and shop. The loan had been paid in full and the property was now in my dad’s name.

  Fury ripped through me again and I almost did rip the paper up.

  Who the hell did this bitch thing she was?

  “I told you! I don’t want your charity! You own it now!” I said as I balled up the paper and stuffed it into her hand.

  “Devin, I didn’t do this. Lilly told me to make sure you got this.”

  “I don’t understand? If you didn’t…” she cut me off.

  “I live here, I drive fancy cars, and I shop until I’m blue in the face, but the fact of the matter is, none of this is mine. Lilly owns everything, all the homes, all the cars, and all the money, it’s hers.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My face was stuck in shock. Tears were stinging my eyes. How could she not have told me?

  “Lilly doesn’t like people to know,” she answered, like she had read my mind. “When my parents died we weren’t on very good terms. They weren’t happy with the way I was raising Lilly. Truth be told, they had a right to disagree. I was a horrible mother, still am.” A rare flash of weakness struck her eyes. “They left everything to her. She still likes to live like she’s not rich, but the truth is, Lilly has more money than she could spend in a lifetime.”

  All that time she was a rich heiress and I was just a dirty garage boy. There I was thinking I could do right by her and make her happy, when the truth was she needed nothing from me.

  “I can’t believe this…”

  “Devin, she loves you. She’s hurting and I’m going to do something, for once in my life, that’ll make her happy. I’m going to do exactly what she asked me not to and I’m going tell you where she is.” She stopped and took a breath. “She was making a stop at Franklin’s to quit her job, and then she’ll be staying at our beach house for few weeks until things blow over. That’s where you’ll find her.”

  She leaned over and scribbled something on a piece of paper then handed it to me.

  “Here’s the address. Go make her happy.” She smiled sadly.

  In no time, I was in my car. I had to make one stop and then I was headed to the beach to get the love of my life back.

  Thirty-Two

  Priceless

  I’d never spoken to my mother the way I did when I got to her house. After leaving Devin’s, I went straight to her. I’m pretty sure I broke a few antique vases and I’m almost positive I told my mother I never wanted to see her face again.

  She asked for forgiveness. Everyone wanted forgiveness. Everyone thought it was OK to play with my life; they thought I’d just get over it and
move on. News flash! I didn’t need any of them! I had my own daughter on the way and I’d make sure to always make her feel like she was good enough. No matter what she’d know she was a miracle.

  “Did you think I was incapable of finding someone on my own? What made you think you needed to pay someone to be with me?” My screams echoed off the marble floors of my mother’s foyer.

  “I wasn’t thinking! I only wanted to make you happy, Lilly. I saw the way you looked at that couple that day in the café and I knew that no matter what I had to do, I’d make that happen for you because you deserve it!”

  “But you paid him, as in prostitution! It wasn’t real, Mom! It doesn’t count if it’s not real! He was pretending that he cared about me and now I’m in love with him! How do you think that makes me feel?” Tears rushed down my cheeks. “Am I that disgusting to you? Have I ever been anything that you could be proud of?” The dam had broken.

  Years of not feeling good enough and being picked on came crashing over me. I cried so hard my chest burned. My words were coming out in sobbed screams. I cried because no matter what, I was never able to make my mother proud. I cried because I’d given all of me to a man who was pretending, and I cried because in less than six months I’d have to see his face every time I looked at my daughter.

  “Disgusting?” she asked breathlessly. “Lilly, you’re so much more than my daughter to me. You’re all I have. You’re the only person in the world who cares about me. You’re my best and only friend. I’m sorry if I don’t know how to show you these things. I’m sorry if I seem like a cold, heartless bitch, but it’s all I know. You’re the best thing I’ve ever done in my life and I couldn’t be more proud of you. I have a safe in my room with every craft you ever made me and every award you ever won. No mother has ever been more proud of her daughter.”

  For the first time in my life, my mother’s bitch exterior cracked and she cried. We reached a new level in our mother, daughter relationship and even though I didn’t forgive her, I understood better. While I would never go about it the same way she did, I know I’d want the same thing for my daughter, complete and total happiness.

  I’d tell her about the baby at some point. Too much had happened and I wanted to take some time to gather my thoughts first. We had a long road ahead of us, but she was still my mother. She was trying to do right by me in her own little way, even though it was the wrong way.

  “I’m going to quit my job, and then I’m going to go stay at the beach house for a while. I need time, Mom, but I need you to do something for me.” I dug into my purse and pulled out the paper I had drawn up earlier that morning.

  It was the deed to Devin’s house and garage. It was paid in full and in Dad’s name. It was sad that a single piece of paper was the reason behind all of my pain, but I couldn’t hate it. Some good had come out of the situation and as much as I wanted to hate my mother and Devin both for what they’d done to me, they still did something for me as well. I’d have that something wrapped in a pretty pink blanket in the near future.

  “Make sure Devin gets this.” I handed her the paper. “And don’t tell anyone where I am. I’ll be back to get my life in order soon.”

  Mrs. Franklin cried when I told her I was putting in my two weeks. I had too much going on in my life and I was missing entirely too much work anyways. I’d still be sure to purchase something once a month to keep her afloat, but I didn’t have the time to work there. Mrs. Franklin had become like a mother to me and it hurt to do it, but she understood.

  Shannon on the other hand was in complete shock. I told her everything and she was pissed that I never told her about the money, but once she checked her checking account she got over it pretty quick. It didn’t matter anyway, once I confirmed that I was definitely pregnant she forgot all about everything and went straight into baby shower planning mode.

  Not to mention, she had been holding out on me on some stuff, as well. Come to find out, her and Devin’s friend, Matt, had been seeing each other for the last month.

  “Yeah, good luck with that one.” I laughed.

  “No luck needed. He’s not getting into these panties until he proves himself. I think he’s on a mission and I’m enjoying his attempts. It’s kind of hot.”

  Good ole Shannon and asshole Matt. That was going to be interesting.

  I was collecting all of my things from the back and putting items in boxes when Mrs. Franklin came in.

  “Oh, your necklace came back in. I meant to call you and let you know, but things got crazy around here.”

  She pulled out a little box.

  “My necklace?”

  I had no idea what the hell she was talking about.

  “Yes. Is says here you put in the order for it to be engraved a little over a month ago,” she said as she looked over an order form.

  She laid it on the table and walked out front when the doorbell rang.

  I pulled open the little box and inside was the locket Devin had purchased the first day I met him. Lilly was engraved on the outside of the sterling silver cover. I cleared my throat and swallowed hard. I was afraid to read what was on the inside—afraid of more lies.

  I pushed on the side of the locket and it popped open. The engraved script jumped out at me and my eyes pooled with tears.

  You will forever be priceless to me.

  I love you

  I felt myself fall into an old desk chair as the tears fell harder. I held the necklace in my hands and replayed the first day I had seen his face. I considered it one of the best days of my life.

  I read the inside of the locket again and it hurt. It was a lie, too. I wasn’t priceless to him.

  “You are.” I heard Devin whisper as if he’d heard my thoughts.

  I looked up to find him standing in front of me with a look of sheer worry etched into his face. He looked as though he hadn’t slept and his eyes were puffy and red. It was weird to see him that way since he was usually so calm and collected.

  He dropped down to his knees in front of me and cupped my hands. I wanted push him away. I wanted to run out, but I was so weak. The parts of me that were drawn to him, the parts in love with him, were so much stronger than my will to leave.

  “I was just coming to get this,” he ran his ringer over the chain of the locket. “So I could bring it to you. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to see your car parked out front.” He took a deep breath and his face crumbled before my eyes. “I know about the baby.”

  I knew he’d find out once I realized I’d accidently dropped my ultrasound picture at his house. After thinking it over all night, I’d decided that I’d tell him anyway. Dad and Jenny wouldn’t want to miss out on the baby’s life and I wanted them to be a part of it.

  “I came to tell you about her yesterday. I didn’t lie to you, Devin. I was told I couldn’t have kids. I’d never try to trap you that way, and I won’t ask you for anything, I promise.”

  “Her.” He dropped his head at the word before looking up with tears in his eyes. “I want to be there. Please, let me be there for her… and you.”

  “I’d like for the baby to be a part of your family,” I said.

  I watched as his shoulders visibly relaxed a bit.

  “And you?” he whispered. “Will you be a part of my family, too?”

  “I don’t know. Did you even care about me at all, Devin, or was it all because of the money?” I stared into his eyes and prayed that I would see honesty.

  His eyes fluttered closed for a brief minute before he matched my stare. “Before I met you, I only barely existed. After my mom left, I spent every day of my life feeling like I’d never see the light again and like every part of me was going in a million different directions at once. Then I met you, and everything inside of me balanced out. You’re the light in every dark part of my soul and I’m drawn to your warmth. I was so broken before you and somehow you put me back together. Maybe I should, but I don’t regret taking your mom’s offer. You’re the best thing that’
s ever happened to me and I can’t bring myself to regret it.” He dropped his head into my lap and cried. “I just know I’m sorry I hurt you and if I have to spend the rest of my life making up for it I will. Anything I have to do just to be close to you, I’ll do it. Because honestly, when I’m not near you I feel like I’m going to fall apart again.”

  “And the money?” I croaked.

  “What about the money? I don’t give a damn about your money. Not even thirty minutes ago I was ripping up a check for fifty thousand dollars and ready to live on the streets. I only care about you and the baby. I’ve worked since I was thirteen and I’ll work for the rest of my life. I just wanna take care of you and our baby.” He softly laid his hand over my stomach. “Please give me another chance, baby. I love you so much.”

  His love filled me, and for some crazy reason that I didn’t understand, I believed every word. Maybe I was an idiot, maybe I’d kick myself in the ass in the years to come, but I loved Devin and I wanted to feel the way he made me feel for the rest of my life.

  “I love you, too, Devin.”

  I reached out and wiped the single tear that fell down his cheek and he wrapped his arms around me and stuck his face into my neck.

  “I almost lost you,” he whispered.

  “Almost, but now you’re stuck with me. I’ll be all pregnant and cranky and you’ll love it.”

  He tearfully smiled back at me.

  “Sounds perfect,” he leaned in and kissed my stomach before coming up and kissing me softly on the lips.

  Epilogue

  I worked late at the garage with Dad. We were swamped at the shop and since Jenny was coming home from school for a few days, we needed to get everything done. By the time I got home, all the lights in the house were out and I knew everyone inside was asleep.

  I pulled into the driveway of our three bedroom house and felt pure happiness for being home with my family. I made sure to quietly shut the front door since the last thing I wanted to do was wake up Emma.