Bold

by Jennifer Michael

  At some point, Beth leaves us alone, and Brazen and I don’t speak much while he lets out his emotions. The quiet living room turns dark after the sun leaves the sky. Gently, I coax Brazen back to his room. I’m not leaving him, not tonight. There is nothing that could pull me from his side while he needs me. We get into his bed, and I curl against his side, laying my head on his shoulder and my hand over his heart.

  Eventually, Brazen falls asleep, and I watch his face slowly relax, the lines of pain softening as my own anger bubbles on a simmer inside me.

  Matt has caused so much pain for this family. He’s taken so much from them.

  I know what it’s like to feel trapped. If there is anyone that deserves that overwhelming sensation, it’s Matt. I won’t feel any compassion once he is named guilty.

  Matt deserves whatever he gets and so much more.

  Brazen

  “I love sleeping with you in my arms,” I tell Noah.

  She sits on the couch, and I pull her feet into my lap. I hate the reminder that the first time we shared a bed for the night was when I was falling apart, but when I woke yesterday morning and realized Noah had slept in my arms, I couldn’t say I wasn’t extremely pleased. She stayed again last night, and I plan for her to stay again tonight.

  “I love it, too, but I think you’re spoiling me. I’m not sure I’ll ever sleep soundly alone again.” Noah gives me a heart-stopping smile.

  “When you want something, Noah, all you have to do is ask. Everything has moved quickly with us, and I have been a handful. So, the only reason you staying over didn’t happen sooner was because I didn’t want to push you.”

  “It feels like I’m exactly where I belong and that we are moving at precisely the right speed.” She pulls a crinkled piece of paper from her pocket. “I have something I want to share with you.”

  She playfully nudges my leg with her toe. My hand locks around her ankle.

  “What do you have to share?” I sit up, ready for whatever it is.

  “My list.”

  That piece of paper in her hands means a lot to her. I knew that after the first time she spoke about it. In a time in her life where everything was unknown, it’s been like her road map. I’ve been more than curious to learn the contents.

  “Your list? What list? I don’t remember ever hearing about any list.”

  “You’re hilarious. Except you aren’t.” She sticks her tongue out at me like a child.

  It’s cute.

  “Oh, that list! I thought it was top-secret information that I’d never get to see.”

  “Keep up with the funny business, and maybe I’ll change my mind.”

  I pretend to lock my lips and throw away the key.

  “That’s more like it.” Her smile is beaming.

  “Of the things I’ve completed, I’ve done most of them with you. I figured it was time I let you in on my secrets.”

  “I’m honored.”

  I pull Noah by her legs so that she’s closer and resting under my arm. She flattens the list against her knees and tilts the page at me.

  “Let’s see what we have here.”

  The list is long and mostly filled with everyday things. A pang of melancholy squeezes my heart to really understand how much she missed out on as a kid, the most basic of joys that most of us take for granted. These are her dreams, at least for the near future, written in black and white on a tattered piece of paper.

  Her list is sectioned off into four categories: Adventure, Artistic, Wild, Personal. Each list has at least one thing checked off.

  Kiss a man I love is checked off, and I beam with pride.

  Paint a nude model and pose as one, and Get a tattoo are also checked off.

  Fly on an airplane is the one I wasn’t there for, but I can guess it was when she came to Florida.

  My fingers trace over her shirt where I know the quirky Harry Potter quote is written on her skin. I’m happy I didn’t miss that one.

  Make a friend is also done, and it hurts a little to know that was on her list. She came here with nothing and no one.

  “Benson and Madison got lucky to get you as their friend.”

  I have history with Madison, and I know a lot more about her because she was close with Sunday, but I need to get to know Benson better because he’s part of Noah’s life, too. My interactions with him so far have mostly only been polite greetings.

  “They are not the only friends I’ve made. You’re my friend and Sunday, too.”

  My eyes return to her list. “What else do you have on here?”

  Adventure:

  —Fly on an airplane.

  —Go on a road trip.

  —Camping.

  —Climb a rock wall.

  Artistic:

  —Take an improv class.

  —Paint a nude model and pose as one.

  Wild:

  —Get drunk.

  —Ride on a motorcycle.

  —Get a tattoo.

  —Skinny-dip in the ocean.

  Personal:

  —Make a friend.

  —Live on my own. Well, with roommates, but be self-sustaining.

  —Kiss a man I love.

  —Forgive my mom.

  I pause, considering. Noah wrote this list before she even left the orphanage, and I wonder if her reading her mom’s letter has her regretting putting that last item on there.

  “Tell me about the first thing you put on your list.”

  “The Adventure items were first. I felt isolated for so long that I just wanted to see more. I still want to see everything I can.”

  “Which ones are most important to you?”

  “The Personal ones. I’ve accomplished so much just by falling for you. I learn and grow every day by loving you, but that last one about my mom is pretty important, too. The person who was supposed to protect me hurt me the worst, and I won’t be free from that pain until I come to terms with her decision.”

  “Have you looked for her?”

  “No, I’m not sure that I want to or need to in order to achieve forgiveness. I need to find it within myself.”

  “You’ll get there, baby. It’ll take time.” I kiss the top of her head.

  “I wasn’t sure I ever would, but it seems a lot more attainable with your belief in me.” The confidence in her voice tells me she’s ready to take on anything.

  “I’ll always believe in you, but you can do anything with or without me. I think we’re going to be okay,” I tell her.

  “You and me?” she asks with a hint of confusion.

  “Well, yes, you and me, but that’s not what I meant. There are no doubts for me about us. I just meant we are going to get through the stuff we’re dealing with. We’ll figure things out together.”

  “Us against the ugly,” she says with complete understanding and belief.

  I can’t stop myself from leaning forward and whispering, “You and me,” before I drop my lips to hers.

  She giggles against my mouth before I pull away, satisfied with the small tease of her kiss.

  “We have about eight months to finish the list. Think we can?”

  “Yeah, I think we’re well on our way.”

  “Maybe not,” I disagree.

  “What do you mean?” Her head tilts to the side as she studies me, but I just smile.

  “Can I add some things to your list?”

  “You want to add your own items?”

  “Yeah. Well, sort of.”

  “I’d love that.” Noah pulls a pen from her purse and rocks against me as she uses my chest as a desk. She looks up at me, waiting with the pen poised over the paper, ready to dictate my requests.

  “Hold a benefit event for domestic violence victims and see Matt sentenced to guilt.”

  These first two items are for Sunday. Noah and I can complete these things together for the friend we lost. She can live on through our actions in her honor.

  “Love each other endlessly.” This last is a promise to Noah. I still
feel the guilt of how I treated her not that long ago, and I like the idea of her having a reminder of my love on her list that means so much.

  “Our list is perfect,” Noah says once we have things written out. She’s added a little section for me at the bottom and titled it, Our List.

  “Our List?” There is a teasing in my voice.

  “Yeah, our first orbit around the sun together.”

  It’s our first year of many.

  Noah

  Matt is awaiting trial, held without bond. It’s been three weeks since Stephanie turned him in. We’re still missing Sunday, of course, especially at the office, but more or less, life has gone on. Brazen has returned to work, and his mom has gone back to her own place.

  The police came by a few days after Matt’s arrest and apologized to Brazen for the last time they were in his home. In their words, “All leads in a murder case need to be investigated.”

  I sit at my desk at work, neck deep in papers. Brazen has been in and out of the office all day, attempting to handle all the fires that arose while he took the needed time away. I couldn’t even get him to sit still for lunch. Now, he’s eating cold leftovers at his desk.

  “You still like living with Madison and Benson?” His question seemingly comes out of nowhere.

  “Yeah, of course,” I answer. It’s been great.

  “Have you ever thought at all about moving in with me?” He pushes the takeout container away and finishes the last bite of his very late lunch.

  Have I thought about living with Brazen?

  Yes! Yes! Yes!

  I’ve thought about it ten times over, but I’ve been worried he’d think it was too soon. I also didn’t want to pressure him while he had so much going on in his life.

  “I’ve thought about it. I’m guessing you have, too, since you’re bringing it up.”

  “Move in with me, Noah. I want to share my home with you.” He doesn’t mince his words and tells me exactly what he wants.

  We are way too far from each other to have this conversation, a literal room apart. I get up from my desk and go to him. Pushing papers aside, I sit on his desk, so I’m facing him with my feet resting against his legs.

  “Where’s my key?” Is the excitement in my voice affirmation enough?

  Without taking his eyes off me, he pulls open a drawer and retrieves a key I wasn’t expecting him to actually have on him. It’s attached to a key ring with the charm of a pretty purple dress. I want to snatch it from him before he changes his mind, but I force myself to slowly take it from him. While I’m distracted by the shiny present, his hands slide under my dress and up my legs, so he can trace the line of my panties.

  “Is that a yes? Are you moving in?”

  He pinches my clit through the fabric, and I moan.

  “Of course!”

  He pushes aside my panties, and his fingers enter me. My head lolls back, and I spread my legs for him while pulling up my dress. With me on top of his desk, he slides his fingers in and out of me.

  “Yes, Brazen!”

  He expertly touches me, and I quickly unravel. The quiet office fills with the sounds of my panting and begging. Every time Brazen touches me, I lose control. He always knows exactly what I like. Throwing my arms around him, I gasp into his neck and come on his hand. I blush when he removes his fingers and inserts them into his mouth. I lean forward for a kiss. With his fingers between our lips, my tongue sneaks out, and I taste myself off him. It’s erotic and dirty, even more so in the daylight of the office. I hum around his finger.

  “I need to go, baby. I wish I didn’t have to because I so don’t want to leave you after that, but I have some guys who are supposed to be meeting me down at the site.”

  “It’s okay. Go!”

  “When this house is finished, I’m taking you out to celebrate.”

  His fingers trace my lips before he pulls away, and I straighten my dress back down over my bottom.

  “I can’t wait. That house has turned out beautiful. When it’s staged, you’ll be able to get a pretty penny for it.” I was down at the job site a few days ago, and despite the setbacks, it’s pretty close to complete.

  “Since you’ve been working here, you’ve learned a lot in both areas of the business.” Brazen lifts me from his desk and nibbles on the pulse point in my neck.

  “Yeah, it’s been interesting. I’ve enjoyed learning about everything.”

  I swat at his chest because I know he needs to go, but he doesn’t seem to be moving. He growls at me, and I giggle as I stand and take a step back toward my desk.

  “Noah, have you ever thought about getting your real estate license?” He grows serious with the question.

  “Not really. Is it difficult?”

  “I don’t have my real estate license, so I wouldn’t know, but nothing is too difficult for you to achieve. It just matters whether you want it or not.”

  My lips part, and I tilt my head, questioning, “Brazen, what made you bring this up?”

  “You did so well, handling things while I dropped the ball. I’ve watched you learn everything you can while you’ve been working here. Things are changing a lot for you. You made the move to Florida. You’re going to leave the first place you’ve lived on your own, and now, you’re going to move in with me. It seems natural to think about what’s next for you for work. I love having you here, but you don’t want to be my assistant forever. I need someone to sell that beautiful house when it’s done.”

  Wow.

  He and Sunday built Brazen Sun from the ground up. It was their dream, and now, he’s asking me to be a part of it. His faith and confidence in me are overwhelming. His natural urge to share his life with me makes me feel adored. I love that he wants me by his side, and I want nothing more than to proudly stand on my own two feet by him.

  But a pesky nagging in the back of my head wonders if it’s too soon after Sunday’s death. I don’t want to replace Sunday. I want my own spot in his life.

  Still, I find myself saying, “Looks like I’d better hit the books sooner rather than later because that house is almost finished.” It’s the answer I want to give.

  “You like the idea?” he asks with so much excitement in his voice.

  “I love the idea.” I truly do.

  “Sunday would approve of this business move.”

  “She would not! She almost had a heart attack when she saw me sitting in this office.”

  “That was before. Plus, I fired our newly hired assistant the night I gave you the job. She wasn’t so pleased with me when she saw someone other than the person who had gone through four interviews to get the job. It took her all of five minutes to see exactly why I had done what I did. She knew I was meant to love you.”

  “You think?”

  I don’t want to replace Sunday. I’d never want that, and honestly, I know I couldn’t. Their bond was different than ours but still extremely strong.

  “I know, baby.”

  That makes me feel good. This place belonged to Sunday and Brazen, and I never want to take away from that, but he knows her better than anyone, and if he thinks we’d have her blessing, then I’d more than love becoming part of what they built.

  I’m ready to conquer real estate and be the best agent I can be.

  Brazen

  It’s moving day!

  We’re moving Noah into my home. She doesn’t have much to bring, but she’s been stalling at her old place all morning. I think it’s over having to say good-bye to Madison and Benson. The three of them have been dicking around for the better part of two hours, and I’ve happily watched, entertained.

  “You both know you’re welcome into our home anytime you’d like.”

  Noah dances on her toes when I call the place ours.

  “Thanks.” Benson’s response is edged with nervousness, and he doesn’t make eye contact with me.

  “We know, Brazen!” Madison adds.

  “You ready to go, babe?” I address my question to Noah.
<
br />   “Yeah. I’m just going to say good-bye.” There is sadness in her eyes.

  She hugs Benson, practically knocking him over, and he doesn’t flinch, not even a little.

  “I’m going to miss you, Benny.” Her chin rests on his shoulder.

  “I’m going to miss you more. It’ll be lonely here without you.” He squeezes her back.

  “Call me lots. Come over whenever. Don’t be a stranger.” She releases him from the bear hug, sniffles, and swipes at her eyes.

  “Promise,” he tells her.

  I quietly make my way out to give the trio some privacy, but Madison follows me outside on the porch. I sigh, feeling content and happy about this move.

  “Take care of that girl. She’s special,” she tells me.

  “You don’t have to tell me. I couldn’t be more aware of how lucky I am.”

  “Good to know.” Madison gives me a warm smile. “It’s great to see you happy, especially considering … well, I miss my friend, too.” Sunday meant a lot to both of us. “I always knew my sister never deserved you when you two were together,” she adds.

  Before I can respond, Noah exits the front door and joins us on the porch. Without speaking a word to one another, Noah pulls Madison in for an embrace. I keep walking out to my car and let them have a moment alone.

  Even from the distance, I can easily read her body language and know that she’s expressing her gratitude for her time spent here. Even though there is a tinge of sadness in her eyes, her smile fills her face as she walks toward my car. I hope she always looks at me that way. Over the center console, I take her hand after she gets in the car.

  “Ready to go home?” I love saying that.

  “Take me home.” And, apparently, she loves saying it, too.

  With the car loaded up with the few bags accompanying Noah, we take off. Noah’s place is with me now. When we get home, I make sure I can see Noah’s face when she enters.

  She squeals when she sees the giant banner that reads, Welcome home, Noah!

  Dozens of pink balloons fill the entryway. The bags I’m carrying fall to the floor as Noah jumps into my arms.

  “This is for me?” She kisses me before I can answer.