Toronto Collection Volume 2 (Toronto Series #6-9)

by Heather Wardell

  Ryan squeezes my hands. "I'm sorry. I really am. I figured I'd find out he had a few outstanding parking tickets, or an ex-wife he hadn't mentioned. I never thought there'd be something like this."

  I raise my head. "Why'd you investigate him at all without telling me? I should have known."

  His eyes hold mine. "If I'd found nothing I wasn't going to tell you I looked into him."

  Rage flashes through me. "So you'd keep me in the dark. Can't trust me to handle it? Big man Ryan gets to decide what happens to me?"

  He's taken aback. "I didn't mean it like--"

  "Maybe not but that's what you did. Choosing on your own what's right for me. Don't do it any more. I am in charge of my own life, Ryan, and don't you dare forget it." I push my chair back. "I have to go."

  "Donna, wait," he says, but I head out of the restaurant.

  He catches me at the door. "Don't run away. Please. We need to talk."

  I turn back, surprised. "I'm not running away."

  "Then where are you going?"

  I raise my chin. "To talk to Jake."

  *****

  Two hours later I stand outside Jake's apartment. Ryan wanted to come with me, and part of me wanted him to, but I don't want him there glaring at Jake while I ask him about all this. I don't entirely trust Ryan yet, don't know how he'd act at Jake's place, and I'm definitely not thrilled that he investigated Jake without my knowledge. But I'm also not sure I trust Jake any more either.

  Could the man I thought was my rescuer actually be a predator?

  He certainly doesn't look like one when he opens his apartment door to me. He's wearing jeans and a t-shirt, his feet bare, and he looks casual and relaxed, and pleased to see me.

  "How's it going, Kate?"

  I step inside as I say, "Good. You?"

  "Great."

  He closes the door behind me and a shiver of alarm skitters down my spine. Silly, since I've been alone with Jake so many times, but now it feels different.

  "Weren't you supposed to be out with Ryan?"

  "Yeah, and we had dinner but he's back at his hotel room now." No doubt he's sitting anxiously awaiting my call or message. He made me promise to let him know when I'm out of Jake's place. While I truly can't believe I'm in danger, Ryan's concern is still touching.

  Jake walks into the living room. "Didn't have a good time with him, I take it."

  "Actually, I did." I follow slowly, waiting to see where Jake sits before taking a spot a little away from him. "We had a nice talk."

  To my surprise, we really did. Once I'd arranged to meet Jake, I'd said to Ryan, "Well, let's not talk about it any more," and we'd moved on to all sorts of different things and had become so relaxed that I'd been surprised when he pointed out the time and said I should get going to Jake's. His hug outside the restaurant was comforting, and while our first embraces hadn't felt familiar they did now. I was growing used to being in my husband's arms.

  "Glad to hear it. So what's up?"

  I don't want to say it, but I have to. "Ryan had you investigated."

  I watch him closely as the words sink in, and my heart sinks along with them when I see his reaction. He doesn't look indignant that Ryan would do such a thing, or offended.

  He looks resigned.

  I was planning to wait and see what Jake said before telling him what Ryan found, but instead I say, "Is it true?" in a voice that's nearly a whisper.

  Jake presses his lips together and studies me without speaking for a long moment. Then he says, "Define true."

  I lean back in my chair. I don't want semantics, I want to know what happened. "You were charged with sexual assault."

  He nods.

  "The woman claimed she said no and you claimed she didn't. Right?"

  Another nod.

  "Did you really not hear her?" This does come out as a whisper, barely audible to myself, but he hears it. Of course, he must have known it'd be my next question.

  "I've gone over and over it in my head. Things were really hot between us. I hadn't had sex for quite a while and I definitely wanted her. She wanted me too. I know that for sure."

  The way he's avoiding actually answering the question is making my stomach flipflop uncomfortably. I don't know what else to say, though, so I sit and wait.

  Eventually he sighs. "Kate, I don't know. When I run through the night in my mind I don't hear her saying no. I have no memory of it. She did seem upset afterward but I figured it was just 'shouldn't have slept with a stranger' remorse."

  She'd been upset right after. Wouldn't that kind of remorse have waited until after she sobered up?

  I'm beginning to feel light-headed. Doctor Ferraro's breathing exercises come to mind, and when I try one I realize that I'm taking nothing but tiny little sips of air, nowhere near enough to keep me functioning properly. After two deep slow breaths following the good doctor's instructions, I'm able to say, "What happened then?"

  He sighs. "She left the bar, and I went back to work."

  "You were working?"

  He nods. "We'd been flirting most of the night and when I had a half-hour break we went out behind the bar. Her suggestion. 'So we could talk without being bothered.'"

  They'd had sex in the alley behind the bar. A quick slam and then back to work for Jake. Even if it wasn't assault, it's so not something I'd want to do.

  I am beyond terrified to ask but I have to. "What happened with us the night we met?"

  He leans forward and I flinch back.

  His eyes widen. "You're that afraid of me? What the hell did he tell you?"

  "Only what I've told you," I say, then gather my courage and add, "Why, is there more?"

  "Not a damn thing. The next day the cops showed up and took my statement and then charged me with... well, you know. It went on for a few weeks but then she withdrew the charges and it was over."

  Not for her, I'd bet. If she truly believed he raped her, it might never be over.

  "Surprised he let you come here alone."

  "He didn't want to," I admit.

  Jake shakes his head but doesn't speak.

  I have more I need to say. "You said that the night we met some men were making out with me and... doing other stuff." He's never quite spelled it out but I think they'd done more than kiss me.

  He nods. "Had their hands all over you."

  I shiver. So creepy that it happened and I don't remember it at all.

  "And this whole thing is why I had to take care of you. Those guys were definitely not going to listen if you said no at any point and I couldn't bring myself to leave you with them."

  But had he taken me home instead so he could have me all to himself?

  I take a few more deep breaths then look him in the face and ask. "Did you have sex with me that first night?"

  Anger flares in his eyes but he takes a deep breath of his own and says, "No. You begged me to, actually, but I vowed never again to sleep with a drunk woman and I didn't break that vow. The only contact we've had, you were awake and sober for."

  My cheeks flame. "I begged?"

  He nods. "That's why you were naked. You ripped your clothes off and told me you wanted to..." His neck flushes. "Well, you were pretty graphic."

  I blush more even though I have no recollection of this and indeed no idea of what I could tell him I wanted to do.

  "I said no, and you got into bed and tried to be all sexy but then you passed out. I was going to sleep on the couch but thought you might be scared if you woke up alone so I slept next to you." His eyes lock with mine. "Without touching you. I swear."

  I want to believe him.

  I do believe him.

  I think.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Sunday night I sit with Hannah, Jake, and Ryan at Starbucks. I'm in a big comfortable chair but it's hard to imagine how I could feel less comfortable. Jake and Ryan are about as relaxed as two lions fighting over territory, and Hannah hasn't noticed because she's babbling away about her first real client for
her fashion consulting business. I'm trying to focus on her words but mostly thinking about the weekend's events.

  After Jake swore he hadn't assaulted me, we spent a few more minutes trying to chat and be comfortable with each other but then I pretended to be exhausted and left. Once I reached the sidewalk I sent Ryan a message letting him know what happened and he asked me to come see him at his hotel.

  Walking into his room and seeing him in jeans and a t-shirt for the first time had felt really strange. He'd been so professional-looking every other time I'd seen him, and in his casual clothes he seemed like a stranger.

  An attractive stranger.

  With whom I was alone in a hotel room.

  I told him what Jake had said and he put his arm around my shoulder and said, "I'm so sorry. I hated telling you," and I knew that he meant it even though I'd be far less likely to leave him for Jake if I thought Jake was a rapist.

  Ryan and I spent an hour in his room, first discussing the Jake situation and then talking about what we'd do with the rest of the weekend, and when it came time for me to leave I briefly considered staying instead because I wanted to keep growing closer to him. His goodbye hug was tight, and longer than our previous hugs, so I thought maybe he felt the same way. But I didn't know. We didn't talk about it.

  Not then, anyhow. On Saturday, as we spent the day roaming the Eaton Centre to buy new suits for Ryan and "anything you want" for me, he admitted that he'd nearly asked me to stay but had thought it would be awkward. I couldn't quite bring myself to tell him how I'd felt, because I didn't feel ready for him to ask me to stay that night, but I did say that next weekend he could stay with me instead of in a hotel. The way his eyes lit up with a deep warmth at my words made me feel warm inside too.

  We met at seven in the morning on Sunday at his request, which I didn't understand until he surprised me with a day trip to Niagara Falls. The two-hour drive went by in a flash as we laughed and chatted, and since I didn't remember ever seeing the Falls it was lovely to be there. We enjoyed the trip back too, which again seemed to take no time at all as we grew even more relaxed with each other, and now we're as comfortable with each other as if we've known each other for years. Remembered years, that is.

  I can tell Jake has noticed, and he hates it. I was supposed to meet him and Hannah at Starbucks after Ryan left since Hannah wanted more help with her business, but a huge accident on the highway means Ryan won't be leaving until late tonight and so I'd texted Jake and Hannah and asked if he could come along.

  Hannah was delighted since she hadn't met him and wanted to, and she seems to like him. Jake just said, "Fine," and he's barely spoken to Ryan other than a 'Hey' when we arrived. He's talked a little more to me but the tension between us hasn't gone away. Ryan did try to chat with him but gave up and is now talking to Hannah about her business.

  Hannah waves her arms a bit too exuberantly as she speaks and knocks over her coffee cup. "Ah, shit!"

  I leap up and grab a stack of napkins, and she and I soak up the mess while Jake says, "I'll get you another one."

  She looks up and smiles. "Really? You don't have to do that."

  "No friend of mine should go without coffee," he says, and heads to the counter.

  The happiness in her eyes dims a fraction, and I imagine the word 'friend' ringing in her head. She doesn't want to just be Jake's friend. I still don't think he's noticed.

  Would she want to be with him if she knew about the date rape charge? Before I left Jake's place on Friday I'd asked if Hannah knew and he said, "Definitely not. I didn't tell anyone. I was too embarrassed."

  Embarrassed or guilty?

  Once we've cleaned up and Jake has brought Hannah her new drink, she says, "So, Kate, Ryan, can I show you my plan? I showed Jake and he thinks it's okay, but I thought I'd ask you two high-flying business types."

  "Because you can't trust me, right?"

  Jake's voice is colder than it should be since Hannah was clearly joking, but I know why even though her confusion says she doesn't. Anything to do with trust and belief is tough for Jake at the moment.

  Ryan says calmly, "It's not about trust. It's always good to get extra opinions."

  Hannah smiles at him, relieved. "Exactly." She hands us both a few sheets of paper. "Kate, I made the changes you suggested, and a few more besides. I hope I've got it right this time." She nudges me and gives us both a pen. "Since last time you needed to make so many notes."

  Ryan chuckles. "She's brilliant at plans. My boss tries to hire her every time she sees him but she always turns him down."

  "What do you do, Ryan?"

  He tells her what small firm acquisitions are all about, and Jake mutters something that sounds like, "Bleed them dry."

  I turn to him, frowning, but Ryan's there first. "We give them fair deals, actually, and encourage them to have their own accountants and lawyers check them out. We wouldn't last long in this business if we ripped them off."

  I look back at Ryan, ignoring Jake's reluctant, "I guess," and say, "Your boss wants me to work there?"

  He smiles at me. "He'd hire you in a second."

  Maybe not now, given the gaping hole in my memory.

  Ryan's smile fades. He's probably thought the same thing. We give each other a rueful look then set to reading Hannah's plan. I feel the same "how should I know?" sensation I had last time but again my brain analyzes the plan on a level I don't remember learning how to reach. I go through the whole thing, making only a few notes, then wait for Ryan to finish.

  He does, then looks to me. "Go ahead."

  I shake my head. "I want to hear what you think first."

  "Okay." He turns to Hannah and tells her exactly what I was going to say: the plan is solid but has a few shaky details.

  "And what do you think, Kate?" Hannah says when he's done listing the flaws.

  I smile at her. "Ditto. Those were the only details I thought needed work too."

  She grins, clearly relieved. "Those are easy to fix. And now that I've got one client I can get tons more."

  "For sure," I say. "All the best-dressed women in Toronto will owe all their style to you."

  She lights up. "And then I'll expand to other cities. Ottawa, Vancouver, Montreal... and then maybe into the States. And Europe! Maybe the Queen will hire me."

  We laugh, and even Jake chuckles at this and says, "She could use a new stylist. She's looked the same forever."

  "Has to look like her portrait on the coins, I guess," Ryan says. "Anyhow, good job, Hannah. It sounds like you've really improved the plan since Donna saw it last."

  Jake stiffens when Ryan calls me Donna, then turns to me and says, "It was amazing, what you did with it that first time. I just kept thinking, 'Kate must be a CEO'."

  "And then it turned out you were!" Hannah chimes in, but I know Jake's trying to make a point of my name. He's already told me he doesn't think Ryan should call me Donna since I'm more comfortable with Kate. I think, honestly, that Ryan's been under a fair bit of stress since his wife ran away and lost her memory and if calling me Donna makes things easier for him I'm okay with it. After all, it is my name.

  Hannah turns to me, suddenly serious. "You could be my CEO too."

  I blink. "But you're your own CEO."

  Her cheeks redden. "I shouldn't have said that here." She glances from Ryan to Jake then back at me. "But I mean it. I'm good at the fashion stuff." She gestures at the plan. "This stuff? I get tangled up. It'd be great to have a partner who could handle the business side for me. You'd be an amazing partner."

  Hannah's always seemed sweet but a bit ditzy, so the focus and determination in her voice and eyes now surprises me. Her business matters to her, more than I'd realized. "Hannah, I don't know..." I have a career. In another city. How can I be her partner in Toronto?

  She holds up a hand. "Don't decide now, just think about it." She looks to Ryan. "Sorry for this, but it's true. If she decides to stay in her Toronto life she'll need a job, and I want her to know i
t could be with me."

  I look between the two men, from Jake's smug amusement to Ryan's surprise that tempers into understanding mixed with pain, as Ryan takes a deep breath and says, "Well, her firm can be run from pretty much anywhere so she does always have a job." Then he turns to me and leans forward and takes my hands. "But if you wanted to change careers I'd support you doing it. Whatever and wherever you want to be."

  "Even if I decided to stay here?" I whisper, hardly able to believe this. "Even if we ended up living apart?"

  I sense Jake shifting in his chair, no doubt bothered by my connection with my husband, but I ignore him. I'm too busy watching Ryan's face to assess if he's serious.

  "I'd rather you were in Ottawa, of course. I need to stay there, for work and for my mother." His eyes, serious and focused, hold mine. "But..."

  He taps his wedding band, and I know what he's saying.

  Now and forever.

  *****

  We hang out at Starbucks a while longer, then Ryan checks the traffic report on his phone and says, "The highway's clear now so I should probably head out."

  I'm surprised by my disappointment. I didn't think I wanted to see him, but we've had a great weekend together and now I don't want him to leave, and I especially don't want him to leave me with Jake. I don't want to hear Jake badmouthing him. "Are you sure you shouldn't wait a little longer? Just to let the backlog of cars through?"

  Ryan looks at me, surprised, then a smile tugs at his mouth and warms his eyes. "A few more minutes wouldn't hurt. But then I really should go."

  "I'll get you a coffee for the road," I say. "It's a long drive."

  He grimaces. "Don't remind me. But at least I didn't get stuck in the traffic jam."

  Jake and Hannah don't need another drink, so I buy a new coffee for Ryan and one for myself, add the right amount of sugar to both drinks and the drop of milk Ryan likes to his, then sit down next to him. He takes the cup, says, "Thanks," and takes a sip. "Perfect. You got it exactly right."

  I smile at him, feeling warm and fuzzy, and he smiles back.

  Jake clears his throat. "So, Kate, what are you up to this week?"