Mine to Protect

by Sarah J. Brooks

  Nothing and no one felt the same as Derek. Rose wasn’t trying to actually replace him, just to fill her memory of him for a little longer. Then to forget the pain that those memories inevitable brought up after she felt them.

  It was a constant battle of her brain between remembering the love that she lost and trying to move forward. Sometimes she didn’t know which she wanted at all. But having a man in her bed meant she didn’t have to worry about anything else. She didn’t have to think about the past and didn’t have to worry about the future. Sex was her simple solution to the most difficult loss of her life.

  Bronx was sweet and kept his arms wrapped around her while they danced. He didn’t push her to answer him and seemed content to let Rose stay close to him without any answer. She did like Bronx, it wasn’t that she despised him. Just that Bronx was so young and naive and obviously just out to have fun. She let her mind wander to the possibility of talking to him about being ‘Friends with Benefits’ but then changed her mind. She didn’t want to give him more opportunity to wiggle into her life.

  “No, I can’t take you home tonight,” Rose finally answered Bronx.

  “Why not?”

  Bronx didn’t wait for an answer, and instead, leaned in and kissed Rose. His mouth was firm on hers, and she could feel his desire for her. There was no doubt that they would have another passion filled evening if she did say yes. His lips were soft and gently touched hers and moved away again. He continued with small butterfly kisses, and Rose didn’t fight him. She was in that delightful middle ground of desire and couldn’t help thinking about how his mouth felt when he brought her to orgasm the week before.

  Slowly she let him kiss her, their lips moving gently together as he pressed her body close to his. Bronx wasn’t the kind of guy who gave up easily, Rose could tell that, but she knew if she gave him a tiny glimpse of hope, it would be worse than denying him for good.

  “I better get back to my friends,” she said firmly.

  “I’m not going to stop you know. I think you and I would be perfect together. I think you’ll fall in love with me.”

  The words cut through her like a knife, and she felt like her heart would actually explode right there on the dance floor. She didn’t want love—she only wanted sex. How dare he even suggest that she wanted to fall in love? What kind of woman would want to fall in love at all after losing the man of her dreams? Well, not Rose; she didn’t want love, and Bronx certainly had no idea who she was if that was what he thought she wanted from him.

  “Bronx, I said no!” Rose screamed and pushed him away.

  She wasn’t going to fall in love with anyone, and certainly not him. She stormed away from him and didn’t feel at all bad for the scene she had caused. Rose didn’t want love, that was the last thing in the world she wanted.

  “Are you alright?” Mike asked as he grabbed her arm gently when she got off the dance floor.

  “I’m okay; I just need to get out of here—can you drive me?”

  “Sure.”

  “Rose, come on, let’s talk about this. There’s no need to leave. Especially with a chump like that.”

  “Bronx, leave me alone,” Rose said, grabbing onto Mike’s arm and walking with him to her friends to say her goodbyes.

  She glanced back and saw Bronx looking at her. He had a look in his eyes that made her feel horrible. It was a judgmental look suggesting he knew exactly what she was doing. Of course he did. He had to know she was planning to take Mike back to her place and have an evening similar to the one she’d had with Bronx the weekend before.

  Rose didn’t care if it hurt his feelings. Bronx wasn’t going to be her boyfriend or anything close, and he needed to get that through his thick head. She was a free woman, free to do whatever she wanted with herself and free to fuck whomever she wanted.

  Chapter 9

  “Where’s Rose?” Elaine said when she peeked her head into the first years’ conference room on Monday morning.

  “I think she’s in the restroom,” Bronx answered quickly.

  “Send her up to my office when she gets here.”

  Bronx, Stewart, and Shamus had been at work for an hour when Rose finally showed up on Monday morning. They didn’t ask her why she was late and didn’t give her crap for it either, but only because she clearly looked like she had been crying for hours before arriving at work.

  “Elaine wants to see you,” Bronx said. “She came in about a half hour ago. I told her you were in the restroom.”

  “Crap.”

  “Sorry, I didn’t want to say you hadn’t arrived yet.”

  “Thanks, I’ll go right up.”

  Rose had spun off into one of the worst weekends of her life. After kicking Mike out of her bed, she lost it. First with a crying fit and enormous sadness over Derek not being the man in her bed. Then she proceeded to watch old movies that had her and Derek happy as could be.

  One of the movies she watched was a compilation of videos taken over a camping trip that she had taken with Derek, Noah, and his then girlfriend. She remembered that trip so vividly that it felt like Derek was sitting there watching the videos with her.

  Noah and Derek had been the best of friends although they ended up living apart for many years during college. But that week at the cabin in Minnesota was unbelievable. The four of them spent the week on Derek’s boat and back at his family’s cabin. They drank way too much, barbecued, and had one of the most memorable weeks of her life. When she finished watching the movies, she cried for another few hours and then fell asleep without setting her alarm.

  Rose hadn’t expected that Bronx would have stood up for her, especially after what happened between the two of them at the club. Bronx had every reason to be a total ass to her and throw her under the bus, but he didn’t.

  “Hey, Elaine was looking for you,” Noah said just as Rose got out of the elevator.

  “I know, I’m heading over there now.”

  “Not like that you’re not. You’ve been crying, haven’t you? Come with me.”

  Noah pulled Rose into his office and shut the door. He quickly went around and closed the blinds before talking to her again.

  “Rose, Elaine despises crying. You’ve got to clean yourself up a little before you go in there.”

  “I’m sorry,” Rose said without looking Noah in the eyes.

  Rose just knew that the second she looked at Noah she was going to break down crying again. The tears were closer to coming out than she had felt in a long time when she was out in public. Sure, she was used to crying behind closed doors, but Rose wasn’t used to making a fool of herself in front of others. She hated to cry in public and understood why Elaine wouldn’t like it either.

  Noah stood right in front of Rose and didn’t move. She had no choice but to look up at him, even though she knew his caring eyes would do her in.

  “You are the strongest woman I know,” Noah said firmly. “You can do this; it doesn’t matter what’s going through your mind. You’ve got this.”

  Rose lost it; the tears started fast down her face as she tried desperately to stop them. Noah knew exactly what she had done over the weekend. He was one of the few people who knew she liked to hang out with younger guys. He didn’t judge her for it, and there he was being sweet, even though she had shown up late to work and was there blabbering like an idiot in his office.

  “I’m not that strong.”

  “Oh, really? The girl I know lost her husband, went back to college, got her law degree and is now working in one of the most prestigious law firms in Washington D.C. What about that sounds like a weak woman to you?”

  “Noah, you see me differently than others do. I’m not that woman you see.”

  “Oh, bullshit, I know you. I know the real you, and I still think you’re great. How come that’s so hard for you to believe? You’re a good woman, and you need to stop pretending like you’re not.”

  “I was watching old movies yesterday. I found one from our trip to the cabin.”<
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  Rose didn’t need to describe the trip any further, Noah knew exactly which trip she was talking about. That trip had been so memorable to Noah as well as Derek.

  “I did some things on that trip that I’m not proud of,” Noah said as he looked ashamed.

  “What do you mean? I don’t remember you doing anything.”

  Noah looked totally shocked at her statement. He turned and walked back to his desk and then made his way back to Rose.

  “We almost slept together. You don’t remember that?”

  “What? No … wait … oh, yeah!” Rose said as she started to laugh.

  “It’s not funny. You were Derek’s girl, and I shouldn’t have been flirting with you like that. I certainly shouldn’t have been left alone with you when we were both so drunk.”

  “Oh, Noah, it’s fine. Nothing happened. We were both drunk, and nothing happened. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m sure you would have chased after anyone that was there with Derek. From what I remember, Rebecca was kind of a jerk to you.”

  “Yeah, she was insane.”

  “But I have to confess something,” Noah said with a serious tone of voice.

  Noah wasn’t usually all that serious, so it surprised Rose and caught her attention almost instantly.

  “What?”

  “I wanted you. I knew it was you. There wasn’t another woman I would have chased after. I wanted to steal you away from Derek.”

  “What?” Rose said in total shock.

  Just then the office door swung open, and Elaine stood in the doorway. It was obvious she had interrupted something because of the serious look on both Rose and Noah’s face. They looked like two kids who had just been caught making out or something.

  “Noah, in my office right now. Rose, stay here,” Elaine said firmly.

  Elaine turned and went back to her office to wait for Noah. He had just enough time to flash his insanely handsome smile at Rose before he walked off to his beheading by Elaine.

  Rose watched from the doorway as Elaine yelled and screamed at Noah. It was beyond clear that Elaine wasn’t at all happy with what she had just seen. Although, Rose was a little baffled by it all. They weren’t exactly doing anything to be ashamed of. Simply being alone in his office wasn’t exactly wrong.

  She turned and sat down on Noah’s couch when she saw them get up from their chairs. Her leg bounced in anticipation of what Elaine was going to do to her. She hadn’t done anything wrong, yet she clearly remembered Elaine telling her to stay away from Noah.

  “She say’s you’re fired, and that you have to come to dinner with me,” Noah said as he peeked into his office.

  “What?” Rose said, totally baffled by what Noah had just said.

  “I’m kidding. She told me to stop making you cry, and that you should go to her if you continue to have problems with your co-workers.”

  “Oh God, you told her I was having problems with my co-workers?”

  “No, not at all. But apparently, she overheard some of the second years calling you an uptight bitch. She reprimanded them and came up here to tell me about it. She saw you were crying and assumed you had hurt feelings from it all. I couldn’t exactly tell her that you were up here because you wanted to reminisce about our past,” Noah said cheekily.

  “Oh, shut up.”

  “Hey, I saved your butt.”

  “Now she thinks I’m a whining baby that comes to you when my friends are mean to me.”

  “Yep, you’ll have to take this patent case with me and show her you’re really a pit bull with a blackened heart just like her!”

  Rose jumped up from the couch and wrapped her arms around Noah’s neck while she kissed him on the cheek. She was so excited to finally have her first case.

  With Noah’s arms around her, Rose felt warmth that almost melted her right there in his office. She kissed his cheek one last time and then pulled herself away from him. She didn’t trust herself around any man, not even Noah. The last thing she wanted was to ruin the friendship they had.

  She knew Noah cared about her, and she cared about him, but there were too many memories of Derek that were tied in with Noah. She could never get past that.

  “You better stop trying to make out with me or Elaine is going to get mad at you,” Noah winked.

  “You’re really going to let me be second chair with you?”

  “Sure, maybe you’ll even help me win. I’m pretty sure this case is unwinnable, and we will lose this client after this case.”

  “I’ll help you win. I promise!” Rose exclaimed with excitement.

  “Okay, get to your desk I’ll email you the rest of the case file to look over. It’s going to be tough, and we go to court in just a few weeks.”

  “Thank you, Noah. Thank You!” Rose exclaimed as she gave him one last hug and left his office.

  As she turned to leave, she saw Elaine standing at her office door looking right at Rose and Noah.

  Chapter 10

  Rose collapsed on her couch when she got home on Monday evening. Her second Monday had been worse than her first. Although, she did get informed that she would be second chair on her first case, so that was something good. Not much seemed to be going right for her, and Rose was certain that she was making constant mistakes in all that she was doing.

  It was already almost ten o’clock, and Rose had plans to shower and then sleep. There wasn’t much else she could do on weeknights since she had been working so late. But the truth was, she liked staying busy so she didn’t have to think about the rest of her life.

  Staying busy was just one more way she distracted herself from her emotions. She knew it was a distraction and was perfectly fine with it. Emotions were overrated, and people who told Rose that she needed to show her emotions more often didn’t know what they were talking about.

  Rose didn’t have the sweet kind emotions anymore, and all she felt was sadness and anger. No one needed to hear about that sadness and anger. Sure, they told her they wanted her to share what she was feeling, but Rose knew that none of them meant that. Emotions weren’t that easy for people to deal with. Especially when those emotions revolved around death and grief.

  No, Rose knew better. She had to keep herself busy with work and life so that none of her time or energy could seep back into thinking about what she had lost. Her husband and the life she had hoped for were gone, and no amount of sharing her emotions was ever going to bring him back. Rose wanted to numb out her emotions as much as possible so she could move forward with her life. It wasn’t how the therapists would have told her to move forward, but it was what was working for Rose, and that was all that mattered.

  When there was a knock at the door, Rose couldn’t imagine who it could be. Her friends all worked just as much as she did, so there was no possible way they would just be stopping by. It could be Noah, they had both been caught hugging in his office by Elaine, but nothing seemed to come of that since Elaine thought it was because Rose was distraught over the other people in the office thinking she was a bitch.

  She reluctantly got up and looked through the peephole before opening the door. She always looked out the peephole before opening it, partly out of curiosity of who was there, but partly to take more time before opening the door. Usually, she wasn’t all that excited to have visitors, and if she didn’t want to see someone, she would just slide away from the door and pretend that she wasn’t home.

  “Bronx, what are you doing here?” she said before she had even opened the door.

  When she finally got the locks off and swung the door open, Bronx didn’t wait for her to invite him in; instead, he just walked in. Rose laughed at his cockiness. He was young and handsome, and that was a natural trait found in those men.

  Rose had had her fair share of young, handsome, cocky men over the last few years. She enjoyed them for what they were. A great lay. Typically, they didn’t offer much in the form of conversation, and certainly not many were worth even giving her real phone number to,
but Bronx was different. He knew where she lived and where she worked, and he was a little interesting to talk to at least.

  “I’ve got a proposition for you,” Bronx said as he sat down on her couch.

  His eyes gleamed with this proposition that he couldn’t wait to share with Rose. She smiled as she sat down next to him and prepared to listen to whatever it was that he was so excited to tell her about.

  “Well, tell me all about it,” she joked.

  “You need me, and I need you. I think we could be great partners.”

  Rose had no idea what he was talking about. She didn’t need anyone in her life, and she certainly didn’t need Bronx. She couldn’t think of anything that he could do for her that would be categorized as a need for her. But she wasn’t angry with him; it was all that damn testosterone that flowed through those hot guys. They often thought they were saying something brilliant when, in fact, they were hardly putting together a sentence.

  “Would you like to enlighten me on this plan of yours?”

  “Sex. Let’s have lots of it.”

  Rose broke out into laughter so hard that spit came flying out of her mouth. Of course, young, hot Bronx had come over to her house to discuss having sex. That was what men of his age and appearance enjoyed doing most. That was also why Rose enjoyed picking them up the most when she was out on weekends. But it did seem a little out of place that Bronx had just shown up randomly at her house with this proposition.

  “You want me to have sex with you? That is your proposition?”

  “Hear me out. You’re picking up new guys each weekend and like to keep things chill, I get that. But why not just keep them chill with me. We don’t have to be a couple if that’s what you want. Just some animal sex to reduce our stress. No strings attached.”