Harrowing Hats

by Joyce; Jim Lavene

“It matters not, my fine bailiff,” the queen told him. “I have forbidden Andre’s death until after the King’s Feast in a fortnight.”

  “I beg your pardon, my queen.” Chase put one hand on his heart and bent his head. “But it might be a good idea to clear this up now. It is not only a matter for your majesty to deal with but also for the police.”

  Bernardo and Marco took their opportunity. “Andre killed Cesar,” Bernardo claimed, one side of his large hat sliding down his face in his unaccustomed outrage. “We found out there was a hat pin involved. Who else would use a hat pin as a murder weapon?”

  “I know a hat pin was found on the body—” Chase began.

  “In the body,” Marco corrected. “In my brother!”

  Livy had her handmaiden start waving her fan to cool her face. “We may not be prepared to hear such delicate information.”

  “My apologies, Queen Olivia,” Marco said. “But it is true. One of Andre’s hat pins was found in my brother’s eye.” He broke down in tears and large gulping sobs. “This man has done the most terrible curse known to man. He has stuck a needle in my brother’s eye.”

  Livy copied Andre and slipped to the floor unconscious.

  Seven

  There was a great deal more fuss about Livy fainting. The small hat shop filled with her personal entourage. They called for Wanda LeFay, the Village nurse, and pulled out smelling salts, waving fans and hats to revive her. Chase, Bernardo, and Marco lifted her to one of the hastily cleared tables—more lace, silk, and netting wafting to the floor around us. As usual, a scene always followed Livy around the Village.

  But I assumed that’s why they’d made her queen. At some point, she’d just been plain old Olivia Martin, superstar sales person for Adventure Land along with her husband, Harold. They were able to parlay that status into being the permanent king and queen of Renaissance Village. A sweet job if you liked people bowing to your every command and fulfilling your every whim. They were still Adventure Land employees but with pizzazz.

  Queen Olivia was moaning, starting to come around, when Wanda LeFay arrived. She might be the only real English resident here. She and I always had problems. I don’t know if it was her cold, blue fish eyes or the fact that she frequently seemed intent on maiming or killing me.

  She smiled at me in an evil manner, making me glad there were several worktables and half the room between us. She opened her medical bag as she approached Livy, the queen’s attendants parting before her like Swiss cheese on the cutting block.

  I shivered. Better Livy than me.

  “What’s the problem here?” Wanda asked as she reached the side of the table Livy was laid out on. “You look dreadful, dear. You might need to go to hospital. I think you might need a bit of strengthening. Have you been eating those snails as I suggested?”

  I put my hand over my mouth to keep from vomiting.

  “I tried.” Livy’s voice was weak. “I couldn’t get them down. Especially in the morning after eating the fried eels you prescribed. They’re terrible. Especially with everything going on and everyone depending on me.”

  “Well, don’t you fret.” Wanda patted her hand. “I might need someone to run back to the first-aid station with me.” She looked around the room. “Jessie! Why don’t you be a love and come with me?”

  There was no way I was going anywhere with that woman. Why did she always pick on me? I didn’t understand. I dropped to my knees. “I can’t leave Andre,” I told her. “He needs me.”

  Unfortunately, that brought the whole episode back around to where Bernardo and Marco had entered the Hat House, swords at the ready. Both Chocolatiers turned around, ready to kill Andre again.

  Chase saw the movement and put himself between Andre and the Rizzo brothers. “We need to have a talk, boys. This isn’t what you think. There’s no proof that Andre killed your brother.”

  “How fascinating!” Wanda licked her very red lips. “I didn’t realize there was drama going on here. Don’t let me stop you. I always like a good fight, especially when there’s a little blood.”

  “What about me?” Livy moaned, upset because the spotlight had moved away from her.

  “I suggest you go get some iron pills and a pregnancy test,” Wanda said. “I think the royal family may be increasing.”

  “What?” Livy sat up without a touch of dizziness. “What are you talking about? I’m too old to have a baby.”

  Wanda cast her baleful eye at the queen. “Are you absolutely certain about that, your majesty?”

  Livy looked up and muttered something unintelligible, then she burst out crying.

  “Go on.” Wanda turned back to Chase and the Rizzo brothers. “I’m waiting for the spectacle.”

  Andre scooted closer to me. The brothers leered menacingly. I wondered what Chase would do. I didn’t see any other security guards. I knew Livy’s attendants and Andre’s assistants wouldn’t be any help.

  “You need to leave peacefully right now.” Chase used his bailiff voice on them, his dark eyes steely as he focused on the brothers. “Let’s go outside and find someplace quiet to talk about this. I’ll tell you everything I know so far. You tell me your grievance. If not, those swords will be kept peace-tied in my dungeon for the next ninety days. Or worse.”

  As threats went, it was clear and real. Chase had the authority to do what he had threatened. The loss of their swords would be really bad for the brothers, especially after losing Cesar. Every eye in the room swung to Marco and Bernardo.

  Marco was the first to lower his blade. “It’s not fair, Chase. He gets away with killing Cesar, and we can’t even run him through a few times.”

  Bernardo followed his lead. “It wasn’t like we were going to kill him—although we had a right.”

  Wanda made a grunting sound and closed her medical bag. “Bloody hell! You people can’t even fight the right way. I need a drink.”

  When she left, Chase went outside with Bernardo and Marco. Andre took a deep breath and relaxed against the wall behind him. Seeing that he was okay, I raced outside to hear whatever Chase had to say to the brothers. I knew Livy’s people would get everything straightened up inside.

  I saw Chase, Bernardo, and Marco disappear into one of the cooling tents set up beside the hat shop. It was a place visitors could sit inside and cool off from the heat. It was probably empty—a good place to talk.

  I didn’t want to barge in, so I stood outside the entrance and listened as the brothers put forth their case against Andre.

  Chase listened to their theories, only one really—the hat pin—that made them think Andre had killed their brother. Then it was his turn. “The police told me this morning that the hat pin didn’t kill Cesar.”

  Bernardo moaned. “But it was in his eye, Chase. How could it not kill him?”

  “We didn’t really look at it.” Marco shrugged. “Maybe it wasn’t in that deep.”

  “What are you saying?” Bernardo demanded. “You think that hat pin didn’t hurt him?”

  “Guys, let’s calm down,” Chase suggested. “The hat pin was put in after Cesar was already dead. I’m sorry to have to tell you this way. It looks like Cesar was mixing the chocolate when someone hit him in the head from behind and he fell into the vat. He actually drowned in the chocolate. I don’t know why anyone would want to put the hat pin in his eye after he was dead, but it’s possible whoever did it wanted us to think Andre was responsible. Can you think of any reason someone would want to do that?”

  Both brothers were silent while they contemplated Chase’s words and stared at each other (although I could hear the gears in their heads turning even outside the tent).

  Marco finally turned aside. “I wish Cesar was here. He’d know what to do.”

  “That’s why we’re here, idiot.” Bernardo slapped his brother lightly on the head.

  “I know,” Marco agreed. “A lot of people didn’t like Cesar. They didn’t know him or they would’ve loved him like we did.”

  “Yeah,�
�� Bernardo said. “Except when he stole our girlfriends. And I’m not talking once in a while like when you accidentally look at a girl your brother is dating. I mean all the time. He went out of his way to get every girl we ever wanted.”

  “And let’s not forget all those other men in the Village who he took girls away from,” Marco continued. “Not to mention the girls he dumped when he was through with them.”

  Chase frowned as he listened to them. Not like it was a secret. We all knew how Cesar was. “Has Detective Almond talked to you two yet?”

  “Yeah. That’s why we’re here.” Bernardo fingered his sword like he was still contemplating running Andre through. “He accused us of killing our own brother. He didn’t realize how much we loved him.”

  Marco sniffed. “He was like family to us.”

  I had to put my hand over my mouth not to laugh. Cesar had also been the brains of the Three Chocolatiers. I wasn’t sure what Bernardo and Marco would do without him—although they might be able to find and keep smart girlfriends who could tell them what to do.

  “I take it both of you had alibis for the time they think Cesar was killed.” Chase managed to keep a straight face, too.

  “That’s right. He accused us but both of us were with other people when Cesar died. Cesar always started the chocolate mixing, and then we finished it up,” Bernardo explained.

  “Not like we’d hurt Cesar anyway,” Marco said. “Maybe the hatmaker killed Cesar, then stuck the hat pin in his eye so everyone would know he did it.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense!” Bernardo complained. “But I know he did it! If we don’t kill him, he’ll go to prison, right, Chase?”

  “Yes. Well, maybe,” Chase answered. “But I think most people try not to get caught.”

  “It might be a signature thing,” Marco continued. “Like signing a painting or a sculpture. Maybe he did it before. Maybe he’s a serial killer.”

  “I don’t think so,” Chase disagreed. “But thanks for the suggestion. I’ll let you know if I hear anything else.”

  “What about our brother’s body?” Bernardo asked. “We need to bury him.”

  “I’ll talk to Detective Almond, but they probably won’t release him until they know what happened.”

  Bernardo shook his head. “I don’t like to think about it. I can’t believe Andre, the scrawny little hatmaker, killed Cesar. I hope we can keep from killing him back.”

  Chase didn’t get into that conversation. When the brothers had left the tent, he leaned against the entrance and smiled at me. “What do you think?”

  “I think we’re going to need a new chocolate shop. Bernardo and Marco will never be able to figure it out without Cesar.”

  It was lunchtime, and since Livy was still in the hat shop, I decided to take a break and eat with Chase at Peter’s Pub. It was early and wouldn’t be crowded yet. Visitors tended to wait until it got really hot outside to eat.

  Bo Peep was out on the cobblestones with her crook, looking for her sheep with a group of children. They tried calling the sheep like dogs—whistling and clapping their hands—which only made the sheep run away across the Village Green.

  Jugglers and sword-swallowers (in their colorful, obscenely tight new outfits) were performing alongside fire eaters near the Main Gate. They joined musicians and wenches handing out brochures to welcome visitors streaming into the Village.

  We went inside Peter’s and sat down at a dark corner table. It was cool and smelled like frying food—a wonderful combination. Peter’s tavern wench (his sister, Maude) was waiting tables that summer while she took a break from East Tennessee University. She brought us ale in two pewter mugs, not caring that we had mugs at our sides for free drinks all day. Peter’s was always resident friendly.

  “So Detective Almond thought the Rizzo brothers were guilty, huh? That was his big secret this morning?” I started after we ordered.

  “It makes sense.” Chase took a big gulp of ale. “The three of them always fought over women. Maybe one of them got fed up. I should remind you that just because they say they didn’t do it, doesn’t mean they didn’t.”

  “And they have alibis, right? What do you think?”

  “Possibly not great alibis. But I don’t think either one of them killed him. It might seem logical from a police standpoint, but I don’t believe it.”

  “Who then?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought Andre looked a little nervous.”

  “He had two big men with swords facing him,” I defended the hatmaker. “Anyone normal would seem a little nervous.”

  “Maybe. But what about the hat pin, Jessie? It had to be there for a reason, even if it wasn’t the murder weapon. I like Andre, but the hat pins are kind of his signature, like Marco said.”

  “He just doesn’t seem the type to me. I haven’t known him that long, but he can’t even intimidate his assistants. Can you imagine him doing something like killing a person?”

  Our sandwiches and fries arrived on pewter platters. A hand that wasn’t mine reached for one of my fries before I could and a hip slid next to mine on the wooden bench.

  “On the other hand, even the most gentle person in the world can work themselves up to kill someone for the right motive,” a voice next to me said.

  I looked at one of the pirates from the Queen’s Revenge. He had started out here as an undercover officer, helping Chase. Then Tom Grigg went native, as sometimes happens, and he ended up as a full-time pirate—eye patch, greasy hair, and all.

  “Are you saying Andre had a motive for killing Cesar?” I asked him, strategically moving my fries away from him.

  “You should talk to the King’s Tarts. Eloise in particular. There’s been something going on there between Andre, Eloise, and Cesar.” Grigg snatched another fry and took a quick gulp of my ale.

  “If you know something,” Chase said, “you should tell your old boss.”

  Grigg frowned. “Nah. He always thinks I’m coming back when I talk to him. Besides, no one else will say anything. But they’ll talk to you, Bailiff. Ask around. You might get some surprising answers.”

  He reached for my tankard again, but I quickly moved it out of reach. “Get your own! You guys make more money than me.”

  “We used to—until the Knights Templar decided that what we do doesn’t meet with their code of conduct. They’ve had Crystal over there for the last three days. We can’t get near their tents.”

  Crystal was the pirate queen. All the men worked for her, even babysitting her child, though they were all employees of Adventure Land. “What happened to her bodyguards?” Chase asked.

  “No match for the boys on the horses. They’ve been in the hold since they lost her.”

  “That’s a long time in the hold,” Chase remarked. “Get them out of there and I’ll talk to the knights again. Be prepared in case Crystal just decided to go over.”

  “I don’t care.” Grigg shrugged. “It’ll give me a chance to fight Rafe to be king. But if she’s gone for good, she needs to come and get her baby.”

  He gave us both a quick grin to show off his new gold tooth replacements. When he was gone, I asked for a new tankard. “Okay, Crystal is kind of weird but I don’t think she’d leave her baby on purpose with the pirates.”

  “I agree with you. The knights have shows all afternoon, but this evening, I’ll pay them a visit.”

  I was a little surprised by him putting it off again. I watched him, the love of my life, drinking his ale with gusto. Was he afraid of the knights? I’ve never known Chase to back off any problem—except this one. I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but I didn’t want him to think I was accusing him of cowardice. I had to wait for the right moment.

  “What’s up with those guys anyway?” I asked, hoping to coax it out of him.

  “I don’t know. It doesn’t help that they’re so popular. Adventure Land is acting like people are only coming to see them.”

  Maybe that was the problem. Maybe Adve
nture Land wasn’t backing him up. Maybe he wasn’t afraid.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asked. “You haven’t even touched your food.”

  “Did you see the hand that stole my fries? Eww!”

  He laughed. “Want some new ones?”

  “No. That’s okay. Do you think Grigg is onto something about Andre, Cesar, and Eloise?”

  “I guess I’ll find out. I’ll talk to Eloise first.”

  I thought about that. The King’s Tarts—Eloise, Belle, and Angela—were basically the female counterparts of the Chocolatiers. Large, heaving bosoms, low-cut gowns, beautiful faces—it was pretty easy for them to sell every male at least one slice of pie.

  “Why don’t you let me do that,” I suggested. “Eloise might be more willing to talk to a woman, you know?” Not that I believed that for a second. She’d be crying and slob-bering all over Chase in a heartbeat. I admit to being worried that Chase could succumb to their wiles in his weakened state. They might take advantage of him.

  “Jessie, I appreciate the offer, but you know I don’t like you to get involved in these things.”

  “But I’ve been a big help before, right? Let me do this, Chase. I can help. You talk to Andre. I still have to work with him, and he might not like me asking him questions when I just met him.”

  He thought it over. “All right. But no conclusions and no follow-up to whatever Eloise tells you. You come straight back to me with it.”

  “You got it.”

  We (Chase) finished eating, and we kissed at the door as we were leaving. A large group of Japanese visitors applauded and took a dozen pictures before they politely asked us to take pictures with each of them.

  When that was over, I scooted past the Romeo and Juliet pavilion, where that couple was talking to a good-sized crowd. I went past the Hands of Time clock shop, thinking that might make an interesting apprenticeship. I’d have to remember to put in for it. No doubt it was somewhere on my list already.

  The Lovely Laundry Ladies were shouting out bawdy insults to the crowd that passed them, moving slowly across the King’s Highway. They must’ve already washed a lot of clothes at the Village well since they were soaked. Probably felt good in the heat.