by Jones, Kim
When we walked in, it took a moment for my eyes to adjust. The bar was so dark I couldn’t even make out the face of Luke standing beside me. Never slowing, Luke let me through the entry and to the bar where he ordered two beers. I looked around, my eyes starting to adjust, and noticed that a line of men all wearing leather vest were lined up to say hello to Luke.
Once again, they never looked my way and Luke never bothered to introduce me. I couldn’t help the feeling of unimportance that passed over me. I was used to being the center of attention wherever I went. In the presence of Luke it seemed as if I didn’t even exist. I turned my back to Luke and looked around the bar. There was a stage in the far left corner of the bar that was set up for a band. The entire floor was a concrete slab, except for the make-shift dance floor that was covered in wood design linoleum. Floor to ceiling mirrors covered the back wall of the dance floor. Christmas lights were the main source of lighting and were strung up all around the bar. Unmatched tables and chairs were scattered throughout the bar and all were occupied.
“Hey you!” I looked across the bar to see Red coming towards me. She was dressed in tight black jeans and a white t-shirt with an orange bandana wrapped around her head. A black leather vest full of patches and black boots completed her outfit. She looked absolutely gorgeous. Her smile was wide, making her eyes sparkle and I couldn’t help smiling myself. “I had no idea you were coming!” she said, walking up and wrapping her arms around me. I returned her hug enthusiastically, feeling better by just seeing her face.
“Here I am!” I said smiling.
“Well come on and let me get you a beer,” Red said, grabbing my arm and leading me to the other side of the bar. From the angle we were now at, I could see Luke looking like a damn celebrity -- shaking hands, hugging necks, and kissing women on the cheek. I tried not to let it bother me, but I just couldn’t help it. Why was he acting like I was not even there?
“Two Millers, Cas,” Red said to the hot bartender who looked like she belonged in a fashion magazine and not behind this dusty old bar. I wondered why someone who looked like her would want to work in a place like this. Then I noticed the overflowing tip jars and I knew. She probably made more money in a weekend here than she would working a whole month in some clothing store.
“Thanks,” I said as she handed me my beer.
“No problem,” she replied with a wink.
“Sorry Cas, this one is taken,” Red said, wrapping her arm possessively around my waist. Cas just gave a slight shrug then turned to help another demanding customer.
“She likes you. This means that when the guys start bringing in whiskey and feeding it to her, she is gonna come looking for you. You can thank me later,” Red said, pulling out a barstool and gesturing for me to have a seat. We sat down, facing Luke from across the bar. I lifted my beer as a toast to Red and we clanked bottles.
“So, are ya wondering how he does it?” Red asked. Never letting her eyes leave Luke.
“Does what? Pretends that I don’t exist?” I blurted out.
Red laughed. “Honey you should feel very special. You are the envy of every girl in here. Luke has not brought a woman around for some time. For your pretty little ass to even have the opportunity to grace the back of his bitch seat is more than most women who have known Luke for years get.”
“Then why doesn’t he introduce me?” I asked, sounding much like a petulant child.
Red turned to face me. “What the hell do you want exactly, hmm? For him to give you his un-divided attention at all times? For him to turn his back on what he has worked so hard for just to make sure you feel appreciated and comfortable? Do you want to know why he hasn’t introduced you? Because you are nothing. This is a CDC world you are living in honey and the sooner you figure it out the better off you will be. Stop being so fucking selfish for once in your life and know your place.”
I was shocked at the outburst. She had not said it with any type of animosity, only matte- of-fact. “CDC?” I asked, another biker reference I had never heard of.
“Cunts Don’t Count. It’s not derogatory or demeaning it’s just how it is. See this is a man’s world. We are only here for decoration and moral support. You will always come second. It’s kinda hard to deal with at first, especially for someone like you who is used to getting everything she wants. But, it has a way of growing on you,” she said, pulling a cigarette out and lighting it.
“Why would you want to surround yourself with people who consider you a nobody?” I asked, truly intrigued by what she had just shared with me.
“You see that man right there?” she asked, pointing to Regg. “He is the reason I do this. I love him and this family. I am appreciated, loved, and respected. As long as I know my place and stay out of club business, I will always be welcome and have a family here.”
“Ok, I am confused. If you don’t matter, why are you here?”
“I never said I didn’t matter. Stop trying to look at it as a bad thing. There is not a man in here that would do anything to disrespect you. You can have a good time, be protected, and genuinely loved by everyone here. But, these men are not here to see you. They are here for Luke, because he asked them to come. He doesn’t introduce you because you are not of importance right now. If you had a title it would be hang-around, unless you and Luke have become an item in the last twenty-four hours. If and when you become official, chances are, even then, he won’t be rolling the red carpet out for you. When you walked through that door with him, everyone in the room knew who you were and that was property of the Devil’s Renegades President LLC.”
I sat on the stool with my mouth slightly open, trying to take in all that she had just told me. Was this the life I want? Did I really want to play second fiddle to a bunch of greasy bikers? What the hell was wrong with me? Life I wanted. Hell, I just met the guy. I had so many more questions I wanted to ask but the band was taking the stage and Red’s attention had quickly turned to them. I suddenly wanted nothing more than to leave from this place. I didn’t belong here and I knew it. It was apparent that Luke didn’t much want me here either; if he did he would be here beside me. Wouldn’t he? I looked across the bar to see him chatting with a pretty blonde. Judging by his facial expressions and the sexy smile on his face, I knew that he was flirting. I watched him as he put his arm around her shoulders and whispered something in her ear, causing her to throw her head back in laughter.
Naturally, being the woman that I am, I assumed that whatever joke that was passed was on my behalf. My suspicions were confirmed when our eyes met and she gave me a wink. Some would probably consider it just a friendly gesture, but I knew that face. It was the same one I had used when I knew I had one up on someone. She was letting me know that she was stepping on my territory and was enjoying every minute of it.
“Hey!” Red said, eyeing me warily. “Stop it.”
“Stop what?” I asked, confused at her demand.
“You are looking for a reason to be jealous. That’s his sister.” My whole body seemed to sag with relief. His sister, it was his fucking sister and I was two seconds from making a scene.
“Oh,” was all I could manage to say. I had presumed that Luke was an only child. Now looking at the two, I don’t know why I had not seen it before. They did favor each other.
“Well not technically,” Red said from beside me. My head turned in her direction and I managed to pull my eyes away from the siblings to stare at her.
“What? So they are not brother and sister?” I asked completely confused. Just how many beers had Red drank since she had been here?
“Ok, that’s Creek’s Ol’ Lady. Creek is Luke’s riding brother so that makes BeBe Luke’s sister,” Red said, looking like she was trying to choose her words carefully so she didn’t get them confused.
“Dammit Red, just say what the hell you mean. I don’t know motorcycle slang. Is that his fucking sister or not?” I said a bit too harshly.
“Hey, chill out man. It’s been a while since
I have had a conversation with someone outside this life.” I just stared at her expectantly. I could tell that the drinks had obviously caught up with her. She seemed somewhat spaced out. “They are not blood kin if that’s what you are asking,” she said smiling, obviously enjoying my aggravation.
“Fuck it,” I said, grabbing my beer. “I’m going outside.” I went to stand up when someone touched my shoulder.
“Dallas?” said a voice from beside me. I turned to see my very first love staring back at me.
“Sam?” Sam Ervin. The All-American quarterback turned surfer boy was smiling at me. His big green eyes were creased at the corners from his full megawatt smile. I had loved Sam since the tenth grade, although the feeling was never mutual. Partly because he never knew I had a crush on him. When I moved to Collins from Atlanta, he was the first person to speak to me in class. Through our junior and senior year of high school, I managed to keep the secret hidden. My fear of rejection was greater than the opportunity of truth. Looking at him now, I felt nothing. I had stopped feeling for him a long time ago, but it sure was nice to see a familiar face, and his was a nice one to look at.
“What are you doing here?” he asked me. Letting his eyes travel over my body. I had matured a lot since the twelfth grade, and he was taking notice. Sam had matured a lot also. His blonde curly hair was still wild and untamed, but his skin was sun kissed, and his shirt bulged from his muscles. I noticed we seemed to be the only two in the building who looked as if they didn’t belong.
“Maybe I should ask you the same question,” I responded.
“My little brother is playing in the band. Skill-Saw is what they are calling themselves. I guess joints like this are there only takers,” he said laughing. His laugh was contagious as I joined in with him. I happened to look across the bar and saw Luke glaring at me. His face was that of stone, but his eyes were full of fire. He shook his head from side to side as if telling me “no” about something. I quickly averted my eyes, looking at anything but him.
“That your new boyfriend?” Sam asked, nodding his head towards Luke, but never taking his eyes off of me.
“No, just a friend,” I said, looking down at my beer. I tried focusing all my attention on removing the label from the bottle.
“Could have fooled me. The way he looks at you is the way a man looks at a woman who belongs to him,” Sam said. I looked up to see him staring at me intently.
“Well, I may be considered his property, but I most definitely do not belong to him,” I said defiantly.
“Ah, gotta love the biker world,” Sam said, taking a long pull from the bottle of water he was holding.
“And just what do you know about the biker world?” I asked. I knew that Sam had walked out on a full athletic scholarship to a four year university to move to Hawaii and become a surfer, but I had no idea he had any knowledge of this life.
“I watch a lot of T.V.,” he said grinning at me like we were fifteen again. I smiled at him. He had always been so easy to talk to.
My frustration seemed to have lifted somewhat, until a deep voice spoke into my ear, “Let’s go.” Before I could jerk my head around, to see who it was, Luke had me by my arm pulling me from my spot at the bar. I had not even recognized his voice. I could feel the tension radiating through his body. I half expected Sam to come to my rescue, but was somewhat relieved, yet disappointed when I turned to see him still sitting at the bar as if nothing happened. Luke pulled me through the door never letting go of my arm. I had to practically run to keep up with him. Excitement coursed through my veins at the feel of his touch. I didn’t care if the touch was forceful or not, it felt so good to be this close to him, too good.
“Get inside,” Luke barked to the two guys out front. Without a single question, they immediately went inside. I found myself shoved up against the front of the building. Luke’s hands were on either side of the wall by my head casing me in. “What the fuck are you doing?” he asked in a surprisingly calm voice. I couldn’t speak. His eyes glared deep into mine as if in search of an answer. “Answer me,” he snapped, no longer in a calm manner.
“I don’t know,” I replied, not sure what was a right answer. I’m not sure why, but just like at my house the sound of his demanding voice had me wanting to take him right there.
“You don’t know? You trying to make an ass out of me, Dallas? You are here with me and only me. I will not tolerate you hanging all over another man in my presence. Do you understand?”
“I wasn’t hanging on...” Luke slapped the wall beside my head, cutting me off in mid conversation and causing me to jump.
“Yes or no?” he growled. I could tell that this was not the Luke I had seen in the bedroom. That Luke was domineering, but in a sexual way. This one looked like he could rip me to pieces with his bare hands.
I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and replied with a simple, barely audible, “Yes.” Without another word, Luke walked back inside, leaving me alone. Not sure what to do, I turned and started walking down the road.
Chapter 7
I could not face the humiliation of going back inside. Even though no one said anything, I knew everyone in the building had watched the scene unfold. I knew I could not walk down the interstate, so I grabbed my cell from my back pocket and dialed the only person I knew in Hattiesburg that would come get me. Lindsey’s phone rang only once when she picked up with her normal cheery greeting.
“Hey, Dallas! What can I do for you?”
Somehow, I found my voice and was surprised to find it working without a hint of despair. “I need you to come pick me up from Blackwell Grocery off of Evelyn Gandy Parkway.”
“Um, ok. Just so happens I am in Petal. I should be there in about ten minutes. Everything ok?” I ended the call and placed my phone back in my pocket. I would have to concoct some story to tell Lindsey as to why I was sitting on the curb at a run-down grocery store, on a Sunday afternoon. If she knew what really happened she may take that as a sign of weakness and that was the last thing I wanted.
As promised, Lindsey’s shiny white car pulled into the parking lot less than ten minutes later. “I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to go home,” I said, never looking her in the eye. I had slouched down in my seat, staring out the window, silently hoping that she would just let it be. I knew that she would. She was not the type to pry or ask too many questions. I suddenly remembered that Luke had the code to get in the gate at my house. “Do you mind if I come to your house for a little while?” I blurted to Lindsey without thinking.
“Of course not,” she responded. I felt like a complete fool, an idiot. It was degrading, lowering myself to ask for assistance from someone who made less in a month than I did in a day. Here I was, CEO of one of the largest real estate companies in the south, calling on a girl with an associate’s degree from a junior college to assist me with my personal life. She was sure to take this as a sign of distress and lack of confidence, which would lead to her leaking my story to a group of middle class workers at a Thursday night Bunco party. She would eventually lose respect for me in the office, causing me to let her go and hire a new assistant. By that time, she will have gone to the media hoping to get some sort of attention by letting everyone in on the secret life of the most eligible millionaire bachelorette- Dallas Knox. My private life would be aired like dirty laundry for the entire world to see.
I would eventually lose clients causing my business to fold and once I dipped into my savings and CD’s, my interest would go down, and by the time I was forty I would be broke and without a job living in a trailer with thirty-five cats. The thought was so revolting- I started to tell Lindsey to take me home. I would rather face the wrath of Luke and his goon squad than be known for the woman who once had it all, but lost it after her assistant sold her out. I wanted to say those things, but I couldn’t. I needed Lindsey. I needed a friend and of all the people I had come in contact with over the years, it was her that I was closest to. I wanted someone I could
confide in and share all my secrets with. It was a little overwhelming at times being me and trying to keep an all business persona when deep down- all I wanted was to be just like everyone else.
Luke had turned into a complete failure and my melancholy mood his actions had put me in made me extremely vulnerable. It was time to let go of the past and try to become a new person. I looked over at Lindsey as if seeing her for the first time. Her long hair was almost black and her tanned skin was flawless. She didn’t wear a hint of makeup, and didn’t need to. She seemed innocent, yet full of life. She wore khaki shorts and a plain white shirt. Even sitting down I could tell that it complimented her curvy figure. It was a requirement of mine for her to dress in business attire for work. I even gave her a bonus when she started, just so she could look the way I expected her too.
Seeing her now, dressed down in casual clothes with no makeup on, I almost felt as if we were friends maybe coming back from a movie or a shopping trip together. My heart smiled at the thought, but my body responded by me rolling my eyes at such a silly daydream. I was twenty-six acting like I was ten again. Next thing I knew, we would be skipping along together with our hair in pig-tails singing Mary- Mary Quite Contrary.
“Well this is awkward,” Lindsey said, pulling me from the comfort of my own thoughts and back to the situation at hand.
“Yeah, I guess it is. Sorry to inconvenience you,” I said looking down at my feet embarrassed. This was a first.
“Not this,” she said, motioning with her finger between the two of us. “This.” I looked up to see her pointing out the windshield. It seemed that we had a front row seat to an all-on dog orgy happening in the middle of the driveway before us. I had not even realized the car had stopped, or that we had turned into a driveway that I presumed led to her house. Lindsey jumped out of the car, shooing the dogs out of the way. I laughed at the sight of her, kicking the air around the dogs, hoping to scare them out of their sex induced coma. After about two minutes of swearing and kicking and shooing, the dogs broke up and decided to take their business elsewhere, but not before shooting Lindsey a look that had her giving them the finger in retaliation which made me laugh harder.