Impulse (Mageri Series: Book 3)

by Dannika Dark

  I smiled in my mind because it wasn’t the first time that I’d faced death. I was becoming quite a pro at it. “You thought I was going to die?”

  “I did this to a Mage once. He suffered and died. I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

  “Logan?”

  His fingers snagged in the tangles of my hair. “I’m here.”

  “You’re naked.” And I felt it all the way down to my feet.

  His chest rocked with laughter. “I am.”

  “Didn’t take advantage, did you?” I said with a half smile. We were locked so tightly together that our bodies felt as one.

  “Nudity is not enough to turn me on; your pain is not an aphrodisiac. I never looked at you. I… kept my word,” he whispered in my ear.

  I wanted to laugh at how silly that sounded given the circumstance—because I hardly cared. But it was endearing and I wouldn’t mock him. “Logan?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Are the lights out?”

  “Don’t think about it. The venom still courses through your veins.”

  “Maybe the gods are trying to tell me something,” I muttered.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m not even a year in to being a Mage and I’ve been murdered, tortured, kidnapped, almost burned alive, survived a bomb, was bitten by a Chitah… what am I missing?”

  “Me?”

  “Oh yeah… you.”

  Soft lips melted against mine and moved to my cheek. The bristles from his jaw should have bothered me, but they didn’t. I loved the intimate feel of his face against mine.

  “Breed life is no walk in the park,” he said. “Former humans have more mishaps in their first few years. They’re too green to know how to live in this world and appreciate the dangers. Someday we should compare stories. I bet I could trump you as I was foolish in my youth.”

  “I heard about the bear.”

  The pillow rustled. “Did you now? Hmm. Yes, I was quite young. Leopold enjoys telling that story far more than I like hearing it.”

  “Why have I been naked this whole time?”

  “Our venom moves through the skin and attacks the nerve endings. The only comfort that seems to dull it is heat and skin. Anything else is painful, as you know. Enough talk; we need to keep you warm.” Logan threw his leg over mine and shifted closer.

  “I’m a little too tired right now to be mortified that Justus saw me naked. Thanks for giving me that memorable experience that we can bring up at all of our future reunions. I’m sure by now he’s already drawing up the papers to make me independent.”

  “That wasn’t my idea,” he muttered.

  “I thought you would have gone into thermonuclear meltdown.” I said, stretching a little.

  He nipped my earlobe lightly. “I see your fiery tongue is warming up. I had to swallow my pride.”

  A short laugh escaped and I rolled to my back. “I didn’t realize you had such a tremendously huge… throat.”

  It was awkward not being able to read his face.

  “Tell me about you and Tarek,” I said.

  Logan took his time tucking a thin blanket up to my chin, and the feel of it didn’t bother me. “Katrina was my mate, but she was his kindred spirit. Tarek never declared it in front of our elders. That’s why he could claim you at the Gathering without rebuke. I only found out because Katrina confided in me when I began courting her openly. We met on a street corner when her hat blew off and I chased it,” he said wistfully. “Their courtship was secret and he didn’t prove himself a worthy mate. In the end, she wanted a male who wasn’t ashamed of her.”

  “Why did you chase her if she wasn’t your kindred?”

  “I was young and Leo warned me of the consequences, but I loved her. Tarek became obsessed when she rejected him. Even after we were mated he still tried to court her. Despite how he did it secretly, it was still his right, but it was insulting to Katrina.”

  “Even though you were married?”

  “The law allows fair competition only among kindred spirits. They respect the bond enough to give the male a chance to prove his worth, even if his intended is mated with another. Tarek threatened me instead of making an open challenge. If I had died, then he would have faced punishment. Only making his claim public could have acquitted him from the crime, but I’d be willing to bet he would have suffered the consequences rather than claim that female,” Logan said with contempt.

  “Why didn’t he make it public?”

  “He was embarrassed by her status, but it didn’t stop him from wanting her. She came from a low-ranking family and it would have caused a stir. He was also courting another female from a powerful territory at the time. Her brother was a Lord, and I presume it would have been an ideal match between families. That arrogant prick thought he could have his cake and eat it too.” Logan paused and grief filled his voice. “The young she carried… it was his. He forced himself on her.”

  I touched his shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

  “She chose not to make the accusation public—afraid that Tarek might try and take her child away. The scandal never got out. His brothers threatened to expose his secret to the woman he was dating, so Tarek ended it before she found out. They were right to save that female the shame.”

  Katrina must have been frightened of Tarek to not seek justice. But then again, would the risk of losing her child be worth it? I couldn’t imagine facing such a sacrifice.

  “Could you have loved his baby?”

  “I kissed her belly and told her I would love that child as my own. It wasn’t a lie.” Logan quieted and swallowed hard. “One month before I would have held him in my arms, she was murdered by a Mage I was in debt to. Tarek paid him off to kill me, but the Mage decided he would have a little fun of his own. I’ve wanted to kill Tarek for a hundred years.”

  “What happened to the Mage?”

  “What do you think?”

  The door creaked and Simon interrupted. “There’s an awful lot of chattering in here.”

  “Hey, Simon.”

  “Bloody hell,” he sighed. “Put a fright in me like that again and… Are you hungry?”

  “Not right now. Maybe in a little bit.”

  The door clicked shut.

  “Why did you tell me before that the baby was yours?”

  “Chitahs respect the family above all else. It was the right thing to do—you can’t punish a child for how they’re conceived.”

  “My lips are dry,” I said quietly.

  Butterflies unexpectedly awoke from their slumber when gentle lips touched mine and his tongue slipped across my bottom lip. “Then let me wet them,” he whispered. “When your body is cold, I will give you warmth.” The blanket moved away and he slid against me—skin to skin—pushing his thick leg between mine.

  “Mr. Cross?”

  “Hmm?” How could one sound from his mouth be so sexy?

  “I feel well enough to bathe and I want to do it alone. Can you run me some bubbles?”

  “Whatever you desire, my raven.”

  Chapter 33

  Logan wrapped my body up in a clean sheet and carried me to the bathroom. I couldn’t argue about it since my legs were weak. He placed everything I needed within reach and I soaked for a long time in the hot water, immersed in my thoughts. Would this be enough for Tarek to back down? Something told me this wasn’t the end of it.

  The water was getting cold, so I pulled the plug and waited for the tub to empty before drying off. It was as if my muscles had atrophy and I called Logan in to help. It was frustrating to feel like an invalid, but he made those feelings go away with his patience and encouragement for me to do things on my own. I slipped into one of my oversized shirts and a robe that belonged to Justus. It was long in the arms but carried his smell and made me feel safe.

  Still blind, I clung to anything with familiarity. For the longest time I held the little wolf that Finn had carved, admiring it all over again with the details in each groove.


  Logan made me walk around the room to strengthen my muscles, and I stumbled persistently in order to regain my independence.

  Living out the rest of my days locked away in my bedroom like a recluse held no appeal. Logan bundled my feet in a pair of socks, and we made a slow journey to the training room. I tripped over the mat and laughed when he snatched the back of my robe and snapped me back like a rubber band. Finding the floor switch for the lift was a challenge, but Logan had me count the steps from the wall.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Better, Ghuardian. I’m a little hungry.”

  “Watch the rug and don’t let her fall,” Justus barked as we entered the dining room.

  I took my seat on the bench, feeling the indentations on the wooden table with my fingertips—something I’d never noticed before. My nostrils were flaring, trying to decipher all the different smells that blended together.

  “What happened to Christian?” I asked with concern.

  “He’s outside.”

  “Invite him in.”

  “He’s not a puppy, Silver. He’s your guard, and his place—”

  “Invite him in. Maybe this is how you treat guards, but we’re going to be civilized people. There are enough alarms here to warn us if a dog takes a crap on the property, so let him inside.” It was the least I could do for a man who might have died trying to protect my life.

  A few minutes later, a second set of footsteps followed Justus into the room and a chair scraped against the floor on the other side of the table.

  Logan lightly touched my hand with two fingers and let go. I guessed he was checking my body temperature, but it was reassuring to know he wasn’t going to abandon me.

  No one said a word. I wasn’t an idiot and knew they were having visual conversations about my condition. It made me squirm in my chair as I pricked my fingers on the prongs of the fork.

  “How long was I sick?”

  “Two days,” Justus murmured.

  I leaned against Logan’s shoulder. “Tell me you didn’t sleep with me like that for two days.”

  He spread the flat of his hand across my collarbone, stroking my throat with the pad of his thumb.

  When I was sick as a kid, my own mother never took care of me as well as Logan did. She’d set a bottle of murky liquid and a couple of pills on my nightstand and let me ride it out by myself. I grew up thinking that’s how it was supposed to be. If I threw up, I had to clean it. “You won’t always have someone there to take care of you,” she’d say. “Learn to fend for yourself.”

  I ran my fingers across the bridge of his knuckles.

  “It’s two in the morning, but we’re going to have a bloody good meal,” Simon announced. “I cooked up the kitchen. Tomato soup, hamburgers and chips, chicken and mash, plenty of fresh veggies, and bacon sandwiches on the table.” Simon was upbeat and had been busy cooking a potpourri of food. “What’ll you have?”

  “Whatever drugs you’re taking.” I snorted. “Um, cooked carrots if you have any and—” Before I could finish, I heard what I assumed were carrots hitting my plate. “The soup smells pretty good.” I reached out, feeling for the plate and silverware.

  “Let me feed you,” Logan insisted.

  “No, I can do it myself.”

  That was pride talking. I stabbed a carrot and missed the target, poking the hot veggie against my cheek. Logan’s hand wrapped around mine.

  Christian shifted in his seat. “Chitah, if she can’t figure out how to put a carrot in her mouth then I’ll shine your shoes with my tongue.”

  “I’m not sure if I want to win this challenge anymore.” I tapped the carrot playfully against my nose several times and Simon howled like a hyena.

  Wet steam dampened my face as I leaned over the hearty aroma of my soup. “Did anyone find Tarek?”

  “I’m not sure we can seek retribution by law,” Logan said in a low voice. “They’re put in place to protect our rights, not that of a Mage. I’ll speak to Leo; he may have some pull.”

  “Your weak laws mean nothing to me,” Justus said, clearing the air.

  I reached out to find Logan’s hand under the table and he pulled it away. In fact, he got up out of his chair in a violent motion.

  “I want a peaceful dinner,” I demanded of everyone. “Don’t instigate an argument with Logan for something he has no control over. Our laws don’t protect their rights, either.”

  Ignoring the sighs and silverware hitting the table, I tested the temperature of the soup with my finger and found it agreeable. The first spoonful wet the tip of my nose and someone quietly chuckled.

  After a few successful rounds, I managed to get the soup thing worked out… mostly hanging my head over the bowl like a dog.

  “Give her a napkin,” Simon groaned. “She looks like she made love to a tomato.”

  I turned my head privately to Justus. “I’m sorry, Ghuardian.”

  “Why should you apologize?”

  “I think we both know.”

  “I should have hidden the keys to my bike.”

  “Did you find where I parked it?”

  “There’s a tracker on it,” he said. “I’ll pick it up later.”

  “Maybe you need to put a tracker on me,” I said with somber smile.

  A piece of silverware tapped on the table from his direction. “Maybe that’s not such a bad idea.”

  “It’s a royally bad idea. You microchip your pet, not your Learner.”

  “Hmmm.”

  Super. Now I really opened up a can of worms. If he planned to microchip my bra collection, then I was going braless.

  “I had no idea Marco was going to show up like that. What happened?”

  Justus replied stoically. “Novis released him when he refused to answer questions.”

  “Why did he come all this way?”

  The gentle breeze from a vent nipped at my cheeks and I shivered.

  “To work out a deal, I presume.” I heard the soft hush of fabric as he shrugged. “There was something else I had to take care of that was of greater importance.” And the weight of his words told me that the something else was me. “Some battles aren’t worth the fight. The more time that passes, the less it matters what he wants. I once respected him, but now I am without a Creator.” A fork hit the plate and I jumped. “Marco is not welcome in my house… or in my life. A Creator should—”

  “I know,” I said, reaching out blindly with my hand in search for his. All I found was a plate. “It’s a rare gift they have, and with it comes responsibility. It seems to be just wasted on the wrong people,” I said, thinking of Samil.

  “You have my word that I will never dishonor you the way Marco has me.”

  By his tone, Justus was through talking about it.

  Simon rambled on about what color to paint his van. He was on the fence about selling the GTO now that he had acquired a Maserati. His apartment manager required him to pay rent for each space he occupied and it rubbed him the wrong way. Simon could afford it, but that man was all about the principle of things. They intentionally kept the topic steered away from Tarek when it was the only important thing on my mind.

  If being a blind woman was my new life, then I had no choice but to face the obstacles that lie ahead. Maybe if I kept a positive outlook it would help Adam return from the land of pain and sorrow. But it didn’t feel right not grieving for my own loss, and it started to consume me. I reached out my hand.

  “What do you want?” Simon asked.

  “Just looking for the chicken.”

  I heard the sharp slap of skin and jumped in my seat—my ears alert.

  “Let her get it,” Christian bit out. “Silver, it’s at two o’clock, and careful to not tip over your—”

  Ah, but it was too late. My glass went over, sending water across the table. There was a flurry of movement while Simon cleaned the mess and a few chairs scooted back. Anger roiled in me, and I was too pissed off to tolerate this coddling anymore.

&n
bsp; “Everyone, just stop it. Stop.”

  “Get her another drink,” Justus ordered.

  “Fuck the drink!” I shrieked. “You have all managed to skirt around the topic of whether or not I’m going to be blind. If you won’t even answer that, then quit fussing over me like I’m an invalid!” I bowed my head to my plate.

  “Look, you’re upset,” Logan soothed.

  “Of course I’m upset. Why wouldn’t I be upset? This isn’t about Nero anymore; this is about you and Tarek. I’m caught in the center of a feud that’s been brewing for a hundred years and has nothing to do with me. Yet I’m the one sitting in the dark.” I kicked my chair back and stood up to leave.

  Logan took hold of my arm.

  “Let go of me.”

  “You’re going to hurt yourself. Sit down.”

  I yanked my arm out of his grasp and fell over the table. Soup splashed on my left arm as my right hand landed in a bowl of vegetables. I swallowed the embarrassment and stayed very still.

  “If I can’t leave this room on my own, then everyone else needs to leave. I want to be alone,” I said, stretching out the last words.

  There was the unmistakable sound of Justus moving his mouth angrily as he stood up. I needed to absorb the gravity of the situation. I also needed to cry it out in private, because facing an eternity of being a blind woman deserved at least a moment of silence.

  “Logan, go home and rest,” I said, still sensing him at the door. “Speak to your brother and see if anything can be done. I’m not mad at you.”

  I sat down, wiped the soup from my arm, and buried my face in my hands. It didn’t matter if they could hear my sobs, but it needed to be unleashed before it turned into anger and bitterness.

  Could I endure centuries of darkness? The hate virus invigorated me with power, but I couldn’t allow it. Anger would only put me on a path that went in circles and never had a change in direction.

  “Aye. You want to be antisocial, is that what it is?”

  “I thought you left.”

  Christian’s shoes tapped on the floor and he took the seat across from me. “If you don’t want anyone feeling sorry for you, then you aren’t allowed to feel sorry for yourself, either.”