Impulse (Mageri Series: Book 3)

by Dannika Dark

  “Oh. Well in that case, he’ll be up there until the next eclipse. He’s a workaholic. Whether it’s HALO or those damn weights, he’s always busy with something.”

  “Does he still make you work out?”

  I shrugged. “Sometimes. Not as much as before, but we still have our sessions.”

  “Well,” he said, grabbing the back of my thigh, “be sure to tell him that the training paid off.”

  I kissed his chest lightly. “I’ll do that. Right before dinner I’ll commend him for getting me in shape for sex.”

  We laughed quietly and soaked in the cool air that drifted over the bed. I enjoyed lying in his arms and realized how much I’d yearned for it—not just to be held by a man like it mattered, but by him. I would have never imagined that my contempt for Logan would grow to something more. As a Mage, I no longer had to worry about things like unsafe sex or pregnancy, but there was still that matter of my heart.

  “Are you hungry?” I asked. “I can fix us a plate and we can eat in bed.”

  “Absolutely not,” he snapped.

  “Something wrong with my cooking?”

  “You fix very delicious meals, but I draw a line. A Chitah male is never served by a female; it’s the other way around.”

  “So I can never cook?” I almost liked that idea, but then again…

  He sighed. “It’s as it should be.”

  “Compromise with me, Mr. Cross. I’m not a Chitah. You like my enchiladas, right? Just imagine how empty your life will be if you could never enjoy them again.”

  I sensed his smile in the darkness. “For you I will bend, but it won’t be easy. I respect that these are not your ways, but you have no idea how upset I was at the dinner party you gave.”

  “What?” My brows knitted at the random comment.

  “The one you had months ago when we first met; I helped you prepare and cook the food. When you walked in and served those males, I was coming out of my skin.”

  I circled a finger around his navel and a few quiet minutes passed.

  “I miss Finn,” I said quietly. “How’s he getting along with Lucian?”

  Logan’s weight shifted and he patted the small of my back. “Little Wolf is making progress. I was quite impressed the night he left me,” he trailed off.

  “Why?”

  “Nothing. Schooling is what he needs; the rest will come with time.”

  “It meant a lot to me that you took him in. Humans don’t take in strangers so easily. Maybe a sofa for a couple of nights, but then he’d be out on his own. If someone like Finn ended up on the streets, I don’t even want to imagine what kind of life he’d have.”

  “There are many qualities about humans that confound me,” he grumbled. “I don’t know much about them, but you’re beginning to make me think that they’re not all bad.”

  “Glad to oblige. It’s only been a year, but it feels like that part of me is still around sometimes. You really impress me, Logan Cross. Immensely.”

  He turned on that deep motor in his chest that was barely audible and I felt it with the flat of my hand. He had no control over the sounds his body made, so knowing my touch or compliment could incite that response made it sexy as hell.

  “When we first met, why did you get mad when I wandered off in the cave?” I asked.

  “Has that bothered you this long?”

  I shrugged. Sometimes little things settled in my mind, took residency, and paid rent. Perhaps I was searching for ways to disprove his claim that I was his kindred spirit.

  He combed my hair back. “You almost fell to your death and it frightened me. My feelings were conflicted at the time. My apologies if I was cross with you.”

  “You’re always cross, Mr. Cross,” I teased.

  “Mmm,” he moaned, sliding farther down. His lips were impossibly softer against my mouth and I didn’t respond, letting him kiss each corner until he had his fill.

  “I love our pillow talk,” I admitted. “Whenever we’re in bed this way, your guard is down.”

  “I thought you were the only one with a guard.”

  I squeezed his arm. “Even now you still intimidate me. Everything about the way you speak and carry yourself—maybe it’s because I know how dangerous you really are.”

  “Never to you,” he quickly replied. “How’s your neck feeling?”

  I touched the marks of Tarek’s bite on the right side of my neck, having almost forgotten.

  “Not so bad.”

  “Worry not,” he assured me. “Tarek’s blood will run cold if it’s the last thing on earth I see to.”

  Logan overwhelmed me with his protectiveness; I wanted to roll myself up in it and bask in that devotion. The emotion was one that I struggled to embrace, but Logan made it easy because he allowed me to stand on my own two feet. I gained a sense of what relationships were like among his kind, and I recognized from the very beginning the allowances he made in order to respect my needs. Allowances even the human men in my life never gave.

  “What’s it like? Being human,” he asked.

  Curiosity played on his words like a bow on a violin. I was intrigued that he wanted to know more about my old life.

  “It’s hard to explain,” I began, shifting to my side and slipping into the crook of his arm. “It’s like you’re living life with an expiration date. You live in denial that you’ll ever get old. I once I carried scars as reminders of events in my life.”

  “Scars?”

  “I had a small mark on my forehead where I hit it on the corner of a table when I was little. The only thing I remember about it was crying and my mom yelling at me. It’s hard to remember the details because I was only two or three. She said I was running from her because I didn’t want to put on a dress.”

  Logan laughed heartily. “That’s my girl.”

  “I was reborn in this new body with only one mark—Samil’s. Until now,” I said regretfully. “Now I’ll be reminded of Tarek.”

  A low growl sounded from Logan.

  “If their lives are so fragile, then why do they seem so alive?”

  I sighed. “The uncertainty of your life gives you a greater appreciation for it. You don’t know from one day to the next if you’ll be healthy or even alive. Most immortals seem blasé about life because of its permanence. They don’t know the feeling of a phone call in the middle of the night that could mean someone you know is dead. One small mishap can become life altering. Then there’s cancer and other things that you can’t prevent. I didn’t have to deal with losing anyone. Maybe that’s why it’s hard for me to get close with people. How Adam survived the death of his entire family, I’ll never comprehend.”

  “I’d like to discuss this with you more in detail sometime,” he stated. “Too morose of a subject when I have you naked in my arms.”

  “Have you given any thought to looking up your sister?”

  By the way his shoulders stiffened, I knew Logan wasn’t ready to discuss this. Sadie was the human infant his family had given up and it was a sensitive topic. Chitahs shared a human gene and were either born human or Chitah. Human babies were always given up. No exceptions.

  Logan’s heart beat just a little bit faster beneath the palm of my hand.

  “I would never want to put her life in danger. Look at what Tarek did to you,” he said angrily. “Why would I risk that with my flesh and blood?”

  “Sometimes the risk is worth the consequence. I’m not going to drop this subject, Logan. I know how you feel about your sister. Your traditions serve to segregate your own family because these children are not immortal. Even if you choose not to raise them, they should at least know who they are and where they come from.”

  “Would it have given you peace of mind growing up to know what you were?”

  A question I’d never considered. “I don’t know, but how do you think I like finding out what I am at this stage in my life? Don’t you want to know what kind of woman she grew up to be? What if she’s alone and needs some
one to help her? She won’t live forever, you know.”

  He couldn’t conceal his conflicted feelings. Logan’s legs wrestled with the sheets and finally kicked them off. I rolled on my back, bending my knees and staring into the darkness.

  “Yes,” he admitted, sitting up and scrubbing his fingers through his hair. “I want to know she’s being taken care of. We protect our females—our sisters—and it kills me to wonder if someone is looking out for her the way we would… the way I would. But our world has no place for a human.”

  “Need I remind you of Sunny and Knox?”

  I cringed when I heard the sternness in his response. “Need I remind you we had to put them in hiding?”

  Touché.

  “Not anymore, and by their choice. They understand the risk. You don’t have to bring her into our world, Logan. I’m not trying to force you to do anything that would put her life in danger. Stand in line behind her at the coffee shop and have a conversation. Check up on her and make sure she’s not struggling with paying rent. You could send the money anonymously.” My eyes stung from the realization that my own family was comprised of a mother who didn’t love me, and a cat. “You’ll regret it,” I said, throwing my arm over my face.

  Logan moved my arm away and kissed the corners of my eyes. “Let’s continue this another time. I want to sleep beside you without tears.”

  Since the moment he walked into my life, Logan offered nothing but comfort. Even in captivity, he fed and kept me warm beside the fire. I healed using the power he offered, and he protected me like a shield against the men that Nero had sent. Logan treated me with such reverence but as an equal. It didn’t seem like too much to ask to honor his request.

  “Why did you bite me?” he suddenly asked in a rough voice.

  “Sorry. I don’t know what came over me. Did I break the skin?”

  “No,” he said absently. “Sometimes you behave in a way that’s very…”

  “What?”

  “Our females bite to incite the male to climax,” he said matter-of-factly. “It’s a primal barometer to let us know when they’re ready.”

  “You see what you want to see,” I muttered, stroking the hard knuckles on his hand. “Do you think you can tolerate not being touched? It’s not a novelty, Logan. It’s something I’ll never be able to control if I want to give myself completely to you.”

  Logan kissed my neck, making his way up to the edge of my jaw. “You touch me more than you know.” He eased back and his voice became humored. “Plus, we can try ropes.”

  Skin smacked when I slapped his chest. “Behave, Mr. Cross.”

  He caressed the rounded curves of my chest with his skilled hand. “Did you want this only because of your blindness—to test me?”

  “I want to know that I can ask for this and it’s mine to take. No bargaining. No explanations. No negotiations.”

  “Little Raven, I’m yours for the taking,” he said against my lips.

  His mouth melted against mine, moving with slow indulgence. It was languid and relishing. I could kiss that man for hours and never tire.

  Logan nuzzled his cheek against mine. “There’s no need for you to be shy about asking for what you want in bed.” I squirmed, trying to escape, and he hooked his arm around my body to keep me still. “I don’t like that you shut down on me. Whatever it was like with the men in your past doesn’t matter,” he said, stroking the flat of my belly. “If you have needs, then I want to know what they are. If you want my mouth on your body, then you only need ask and I will taste every speck of you.”

  I smiled warmly at his words.

  “Do I still make you nervous?” he asked, rolling me over to face him again.

  Butterflies roared, taking pattern in flight. My admission was a heavy perfume in the air, and he stroked my cheek with the pad of his thumb. Logan only made me anxious when he was soft with me. My ambivalence with him was shifting day by day.

  “I like that,” he murmured. “You’re so unlike other females and I never know what you’re going to do from one minute to the next. Even your fire-breathing makes my animal growl with delight.”

  “Are you saying you like my sass?”

  “Mmm,” he said, squeezing my backside. “I also like your ass.”

  I laughed and tilted my head up, opening my eyes. I blinked once. Then twice. Shit! I could see him. The color was a hazy blue, but his light eyes rimmed in black stared past me. I shot up so quickly Logan’s expression hardened.

  “What’s wrong?” he said, rising up. I could see his nostrils flaring, picking up the panic in my scent. His long hair was a tangled mess and his knee rose, blocking the view that I wanted to see the most.

  “Are the lights out?” I asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Logan, I… I can see you.”

  He reached for the nightstand in a panic, nearly knocking over the lamp as he switched it on.

  A blaze of light ignited in my head and a blood-curdling scream poured from my lungs.

  Chapter 37

  Searing pain roared through my skull, reaching corners I didn’t know existed. I shielded my face, unable to stop screaming from the unbearable agony that pulsed in my watering eyes. Logan threw a blanket over my body just moments before the door crashed in and there was a struggle.

  Christian’s voice fell to an octave that would have made a shadow hide. “Do not move, Chitah.”

  Imagining Logan pinned naked to the floor with his fangs bared might have been funny if not for the fact that flaming spears were driving into my skull. I rolled to my stomach, moaning against the pillow.

  “Call the bloody Relic!” Christian shouted. “I have this under control.” Justus’s heavy boots stormed down the hall.

  “I’m only going to ask you once to get off me, Vampire. If you don’t let me check on my female, you have my word that I will personally end your life.”

  A Chitah’s threats were never empty.

  “Let him up,” I yelled. “Logan, don’t threaten him.”

  Christian’s voice vibrated in my ears as loud as a scream, and yet I knew he was speaking under his breath to Logan’s face. “I don’t care if you’re her Siamese twin; you will not touch her until the doctor gets here. That is on my order as her guard. Now put your goddamn trousers on.”

  Tears streamed down my face, soaking into the sheets. The pain was crippling.

  “Where do you hurt?” Christian asked.

  “My eyes,” I cried.

  “Right now? When did it start?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Turn off the lights,” Christian shouted. “All the way into the hall. I want a complete blackout!”

  “She’s on her way,” Justus confirmed. “What happened?”

  “Keep the lights off,” Christian stressed as he sat down on the bed. “Look at me, girl. Move your head away from your arm. Keep your eyes closed and tell me if you feel any pain.”

  I rolled to my back and coolness touched my face as I sensed the absence of light.

  His thumb pressed against my eyelid. “Does that hurt?”

  “No. There’s a dull ache, but they don’t hurt anymore.”

  “Open your eyes.”

  Hell no.

  “Do it, Silver,” Justus urged from across the room.

  My lids pried apart by sheer force—lashes opening like a flower yawning at sunrise. I touched the corners and rubbed away the tears with my fingertips. Slowly the room came into focus. There was so much detail that I could even make out the painted trees along the walls, and the strands of hair on Logan’s head that were lighter than the rest.

  Christian cursed under his breath.

  “I can see,” I whispered.

  “Silver?” Logan called out from the corner of the room.

  “Give me a minute.”

  The room was a blue haze—almost grainy. Christian’s heavy brows sat over his wide eyes. My new sight brought such vivid detail. His angled jaw was square and his nose straigh
t, with a shadow of hair across his jaw and chin. On one cheek was a single, thin line where his smile usually ended up. More like a hard smirk than a smile. Christian’s eyes didn’t seem as hollow as I had imagined them before, but inviting, as if he were drinking in the world through their liquid depths.

  “You can see me, can’t you?”

  “Tell us what’s happening,” Logan said sharply.

  Christian leaned in. “You realize that it’s pitch-black in this room?”

  My breath caught and I sat up, holding the blanket against me. When I shook my head, a black mane of hair spilled across my shoulders. “Did you change me?”

  His mouth turned to the side. “There’s more involved in creating a youngling, but I’ve never given over that much blood to anyone. We’ll wait for the Relic. Feck me, your eyes,” he marveled, pushing up my lid. “They’re fully dilated.”

  I should have been petrified, but my body swelled with relief. My eyesight was back and even if I had to avoid lights for the rest of my life, then I’d be okay with that.

  “Is this how it feels for you? I can see everything. I can even see the mud on Justus’s shoes!” I laughed, and Justus reached down, blindly rubbing at the edges of his soles.

  “We have more tolerance to light than you apparently do.”

  Logan utilized his nose to read the scents in the air. The sound of the bed stirring made him tense up. He was handsome, standing several inches taller than Justus with disheveled post-sex hair in his face. I admired his svelte body in the pair of loose denims that hung unevenly from his hips and covered most of his feet at the ends. Even in the darkness, Logan’s eyes were magnificently intense—it was difficult to look directly at them.

  Christian snapped his head to the right and jumped to his feet. “Stay back, Chitah.”

  “I know you’re doing your job, but he’s not a threat and you know it. I want him beside me,” I ordered.

  The man I’d just made love to strode across the room barefoot until his legs bumped against the bed. The look on his face was stone and his lips pressed into a thin line. Without sight, he still knew where Christian stood. I took Logan’s hand and held it.