Because

by Jack A. Langedijk

  “—No! I gotta go. Sorry, Miss Pourshadi...I told you all about people doing things I don’t need and I damn well don’t need this either!”

  Robert wheeled his chair around and started for the door. Seema stood up behind her desk and called out, “Please, Robert, please just tell me why do you need Monique to know what she would do if something like this happened?”

  Robert stopped cold. His back straightened, he waited for a brief moment and then he was gone. But as he wheeled out the door, like a wounded animal trying to pull its leg from a snare, he painfully panted, “Because I don’t! I don’t. Okay...Okay?”

  23. PRESENT DAY – JENNY’S FLIGHT

  “Can’t she read?” Claire asked Kyle.

  Kyle smiled at Claire across the aisle. “Yes, but the writing is so bad and it looks like my handwriting so I can read it better than she does.”

  “Oh, let’s see...Can I see?”

  Kyle tilted the journal towards the little girl. “Oh, my gosh, that’s like Callum’s.”

  “And who is Callum?” Kyle asked.

  “He’s the annoying boy who sits beside me in class. Always talking and getting me in trouble.”

  “Claire, that’s not a nice thing to say.” Her mother quickly jumped in.

  “That’s okay. I’m sure I was pretty annoying to all the girls when I was your age,” Kyle laughed.

  “I can read this whole book by myself.” Claire held up her book. “Dora climbs Star Mountain,” Claire proudly read out. “...and so what’s your book about?”

  “My dad, Claire, my dad.” Jenny tried to smile, hoping the little girl was finished with her questions. She then put her hand on the journal. “Kyle, can you find any entries starting April 2012?”

  “Was that when it happened?” Kyle asked

  “What happened? What happened?” Claire cheerfully pleaded.

  “I don’t think she wants to talk about it, Claire.” Kyle quickly jumped in, sensing Jenny’s mood.

  “No, it’s okay, Kyle,” Jenny said as she leaned over the armrest and got as close to Claire as she could. “My father used to climb mountains, Claire.”

  “Did he climb Star Mountain?” The little girl pointed at the book on her lap.

  “No, Claire, I don’t think he climbed that one but he did go to the top of some the highest mountains on the earth.”

  Claire’s mother looked at Jenny and listened in.

  “And this red book is filled with all his stories about those mountains.”

  “Everest? Did he ever go to Mount Everest?” Claire’s mother asked in admiration.

  “Two times,” Jenny nodded.

  “Two times! Your father climbed Mount Everest two times?” Claire’s mother sounded as if she knew something about mountain climbing. “Claire,” she put her arms around her daughter, “Claire, that’s the same mountain your Uncle Sean went to last year. Remember the picture of all those triangle flags you liked so much?”

  Claire excitedly turned to Jenny. “Maybe Uncle Sean knows your daddy then?”

  “Oh, I don’t think so, Claire.” Her mother kissed the top of her head. “There are a lot of people up there and besides, your uncle didn’t climb to the top. Remember what he told you?”

  “Oh yeah.” Claire looked sadly at Jenny. “My uncle couldn’t go to the top because he lost all his money up there.” She turned to her mother. “Right, Mom?”

  Claire’s mother chuckled. “Not exactly, Claire. What she means is her uncle, my brother Sean, couldn’t climb to the top because apparently they had some kind of avalanche up there last year. It cost him a small fortune to go up there and because of that avalanche he couldn’t get to the top, so he felt he lost all his money because he couldn’t climb to the top. But thank God he wasn’t climbing that day!”

  Jenny glanced at Kyle, who was still searching for the entry in the journal. Kyle had heard what Claire’s mother said and gave Jenny a supportive smile.

  “And did your father get up there last year?” Claire’s mom asked. Kyle put his hand on Jenny’s shoulder and rubbed it slightly. “Or did he have to turn back like my brother Sean did?”

  “Oh, he...he turned back too,” Jenny replied with a limp smile.

  “Well, thank God he did. Apparently, they say it was the biggest avalanche anyone has ever seen there. I’m not sure how many died or...” Claire’s mother tilted her head in thought. “Well, I’m not sure, but Sean was close enough to see it. And he told us it was one of the most frightening moments of his life. I’m just hoping it scared him enough to not go back there!”

  Jenny was in a bit of daze at hearing about someone who was there that same day her father was. Not knowing how to respond, she just simply nodded and said, “Yeah, let’s hope.”

  “Does your father still climb?”

  Jenny quickly responded, “No, no, he doesn’t.”

  Claire’s mother hugged her daughter. “Well, good. It’s such a worry for all of us back home, isn’t it? Always wondering if they made it safely. You must know the feeling? The day when they leave to finally summit? And you are like millions of miles away waiting for that call—did they make it—did something happen to them? And they always call hours after they say they will call right? And when you’re talking to them on the phone, they act...like it was nothing. They just sound all excited and triumphant, like they knew it would be fine...but you have been, like, holding your breath for twenty-four straight hours or worse, trying to get your heart to start beating again. How did you and your mother ever stand it? Sean isn’t married yet and I’m his only family so we are his main contacts—anyway, I’m always begging him to stop. Thank goodness your father is wise enough to stop.”

  Jenny looked to the floor as she answered. “Yeah, yeah...It’s...um...You know—Thank goodness.”

  “And your mother must be the happiest woman and so, so relieved, I’ll bet. I mean, I get that nervous feeling the moment Sean says anything remotely about a mountain. Immediately, I’m thinking, ‘No, please don’t say you are going to climb it!’”

  Kyle, seeing Jenny was desperately hoping the conversation would stop, jumped in. “Oh, excuse me, I found what we were looking for, Jenny.”

  “Oh, yes, I’m sorry,” Claire’s mother apologized. “Sorry, you two were reading...but thanks for talking. Come on, Claire, let’s read about your Star Mountain, ok?”

  Kyle smiled and waved across the aisle at Claire and her mother. Jenny bravely nodded and then leaned into Kyle’s shoulder.

  “You want me to put this away?” Kyle whispered, holding the journal.

  “No, Kyle,” Jenny sighed. “I need to hear it, more than ever now.” She looked up into Kyle’s eyes. “Did you find any entries in 2012?”

  “Yeah, Jen.” Kyle showed where his thumb was tucked inside the journal.

  “Can you read it to me?” Jenny closed her eyes and sunk into Kyle’s chest.

  Kyle caressed Jenny’s face and kissed the back of her neck. She let out a tiny moan-full sigh. He wasn’t sure if it sounded like the anticipation of an ache that was to come or the sound of her saying she felt safe enough to listen, so he asked again, “Are you sure, Jen?”

  “I need to, Kyle...I really need to.”

  Kyle flipped the journal open and started to read.

  April 20th 2012—we are now in the air on our way to Kathmandu

  Dearest Love,

  This feeling of unbelievable just overwhelms me at this moment...This is what it must feel like when you are witnessing a miracle—for tonight, in this darkly lit plane high above the planet, I look at these three young souls sleeping in front of me and I think it’s incredible. Troy, Nancy and Philip, they are here! How did this happen? Yes, it’s a miracle! So far the flight has been wonderfully uneventful so I have been able to sit here and...well, soak in the reality of what I’m doing with these three.

  I’ve taken so many students on treks...but this is Everest. Wow! It is going to be an interesting journey and they have their work
cut out for them. Creating all those webisodes for almost 200 schools each day...and having so many children’s eyes back at home following their adventures...well, that’s a job most journalists find taxing. But they started today already by interviewing me at the airport...asking me why do I climb?

  AH, that question!!! How many times have you asked me that? So why...why do I climb? What kind of reason drives me to do this? And you know, love, it seems every time I encounter that question, I always seem to find completely new and different answers...Well, maybe I don’t find; it’s more like I trip over...and I told them that I climb because, well, because my whole being just revels in this sense of purpose when I’m climbing. Although, I couldn’t tell them what exactly that purpose is, but I said that I seem to be filled with it. Is that strange? Is it simply that I’m here to inspire them...Is that my purpose?

  I remember once reading about how most people didn’t find it difficult to actually inspire someone; what they found difficult was trying to put that inspiration into action...because if you don’t make it active, well, then that inspiration is just a feeling—a feeling without any purpose...and like most inspired feelings, they eventually just wear off...Then Nancy opens her iPad and looks up the meaning of the word (I never really knew this but one of the definitions of “inspiration” is this: the act of breathing life into something. Doesn’t that sound great?!) So after Nancy read the meaning I asked them...“Okay then, I guess my purpose is to ask you three this: how can one really inspire and breathe life into someone else so they make that inspiration come to life?” Well, then they all started saying I was copping out and that I wasn’t answering the question of why do I climb. But then Troy (Oh, Monique, this kid will forever surprise me), he tells us to all be quiet...and then he said he thinks that the only way we can bring our inspirations into action is to “find motivation for them first.” So then he turned to Philip, told him to turn the camera back on. He turned to me and asked, “Okay, Mr. Sanchez, what motivates your inspiration to climb?”

  Well, my darling, I was stumped! So I stumbled around with some words, but then Philip said, “I think when you find what motivates your inspiration, that’s when you find your purpose! So maybe, Mr. Sanchez, the better question would be: what’s your purpose to climb?”(AND I’m the one supposed to be helping them...ha ha...Today I saw how they really don’t need me anymore!)

  BUT fortunately, I was saved. We were interrupted because we had to board the plane. But that questioning thought is so strong inside me tonight. So here, up above the clouds—with you—I’ll try to write about what I think that purpose is. Okay...where to start?

  First, I have always felt inspired to help people (I’m sure my mother and you have a lot to do with this). So then, what motivates me to do this? What motivates my inspiration to help others? Is it really so simple? I know helping someone gives me a great feeling of self-worth. When I help others, I feel good about myself, I feel proud of being me and then, ultimately, I feel successful. And all that, I guess, gives me my identity—a reason to exist—and I think once anyone feels their reason to exist, well, then they must have found their purpose!

  So maybe that is the reason I climb and have climbed...My purpose has been preparing myself to bring these three up here and pray that having this experience will ultimately inspire and motivate them...and it will hopefully, instill a sense of purpose in them.

  So far, in all my journals I have only written about my climbs up on those mountains that we can see on an atlas. But I have yet to write about all the other mountains I have climbed, like these three...So much to say about these mountains. They have been such long and winding roads. But I think that’s what I should do on this journey: is write about my life’s adventures climbing them. So let’s start with Troy. Ah, Troy...

  Oh, wait, before I start, do you remember when you told me that at first you didn’t like me calling Jen ‘Little Rock’? And I told you that the reason I call her that is because she reminds me—that my daughter, Jenny, is one of the greatest, most amazing mountains in my life that I had to climb? That becoming a father was scarier than any mountain I had ever climbed, and maybe climbing all those other mountains was just preparation. An intense training, to help me climb the mountain of becoming a father. Oh, it has been one of the greatest gifts, but also terrified me in many unknown ways. Being a father gave me incredible purpose—a new identity—a real reason to exist! Oh, darling, I should tell you, you’ve been the greatest climbing partner any father could ever have!

  And now, being a teacher, mentor, a friend to these three—climbing these three separate human mountains—has inspired me, motivated me and also given me such a profound purpose of just being. Because through them, I feel all the things I have ever felt during and after any great climb: accomplishment, pride, compassion, achievement, love...

  So, my love, let me tell you the story of these three mountains sitting in front me...

  Let’s see...Troy, we’ll start with Troy...

  24. TROY

  ...Maybe it was just before I graduated from high school? My father, I had never seen him so...

  “Roberto, come here.” Robert’s father sounded angry as he pointed at the chair beside the kitchen table, pulled it out and then demanded Robert sit.

  “You have to decide today; tomorrow will be too late! In two months, high school is finished...and the deadline for these is Friday. So you need to choose now!”

  “Papa, please, I need to...” His father gestured to the forms that were spread out on the table in front of Robert’s mother. “No, you do not need to do anything until you sign one of these.”

  Robert had rarely seen his father speak with such force. Alfredo Sanchez was a quiet man who owned a music shop where he made and sold all types of string instruments. He also made a little money playing Spanish guitar at Quixote’s, the local Spanish restaurant in town. Robert played three instruments—piano, guitar and bass—and would often join his father at Quixote’s to entertain the customers.

  “Roberto, come sit down.” His mother patted the empty chair beside her. “Sit, Roberto. Come on now, please sit.”

  “I don’t know, Ma, really, I just don’t know.” Robert sulked as he sat beside his mother. “Look, it’s my whole life, okay? You can’t expect me to...well, just decide what I want to do for the rest of my life today.”

  “Come on, Roberto, you were never a good liar! You know that is not the reason you haven’t chosen a university yet,” his father snapped.

  But as he sat down to face his son, his voice became softer, flecked with pride. “Now look! Look at this! Three different universities! THREE great places that are all saying they want you. You, Roberto Sanchez! And they don’t only want to teach you, but all of them are giving you scholarships...money, Roberto! They want to pay you to come and learn.”

  “I know, Papa, I know. It’s just...”

  “Just what, Roberto?” His father sounded impatient again. “What?”

  Robert bowed his head and sighed, “I already told you.”

  “Roberto,” his mother said, raising her hand to calm her husband. “If you don’t go this year, these opportunities might not be there when you get back.”

  “And those mountains are not going anywhere, Roberto. Those mountains will wait for you. You can climb them anytime!” His father tried to be calm, but his voice wavered with emotion.

  “And so will these universities, Papa!” Robert answered.

  “But they will not always be offering money for you to come to them!” Robert’s father slammed his hand down on the forms to accentuate his point.

  “But, Papa, I may never get this chance to join a climbing team like this again either. Don’t you see? No one from this country has ever done it. We could be the first—the first, Papa! The first Canadians to ever climb Everest!”

  “Roberto, Roberto.” His mother laid her hand on his arm. Robert’s mother was used to being the calming sensible voice in the room. She worked in Famil
y Services as a social worker and it was her job to go to family homes experiencing any kind of trouble, like abuse, runaway kids or neglect. Robert had seen his mother in action many times when he was a teenager. He would often accompany her to some of her clients’ homes whenever she felt a little uncomfortable going by herself.

  “Your father and I are really worried, ‘Berto. You only started this climbing thing a couple of years ago and also, you have never climbed that high before.”

  “Ma, I told you, I’ll only be going to base camp...”

  “Roberto, are they paying you to do this?” his father firmly asked.

  Robert shook his head.

  “You are paying to go there?”

  “Well, that depends, Papa. We are trying to raise money.”

  “But Roberto, those schools are paying you. They are paying you to go and learn!”

  “Papa, is it the money you’re worried about? Well, don’t! Don’t worry; I’ll get a job. I’ll make enough to go to Everest and go to school when I get back.”

  “And what if the schools don’t want you when you get back?”

  “Papa, my marks won’t change.”

  “But what if you do?” His father’s voice softened. “What if you change, Roberto? What if you come back and then say you don’t want to go? Your older brothers and sisters, Roberto, they never had this chance. It’s right here—in front of you!. You must grab it now!”

  “Papa, going to Everest is also a chance!”

  “A chance? A chance at what? To risk your life...and for what? What Roberto? So you can say you were one of the first to do it? So what—first, second, third—who’s keeping track?”

  “Alfredo, please,” Robert’s mother tried to calm her husband, “there is no reason to raise your voice.”

  Alfredo turned to his wife. “You tell me then, tell me what kind of future comes to a man who climbs mountains?”

  Robert’s mother looked at him, to see if he had an answer for his father, but Robert just groaned, “You don’t understand...You both, you just don’t understand!”