Because

by Jack A. Langedijk

  “Why would my dad come here?” Jenny asked Amir as he put the key into the lock.

  Amir looked sheepish as he turned back to them. “I am so sorry, this is my fault. He said he wanted to get off the stage for a while. I thought he just wanted to move about. And when I saw him come in this hallway—well, I...I just didn’t think anything of it. There was nowhere for him to go. The doors were locked. I thought maybe he just needed some time alone. I am sorry, I should have told him not to come in here.”

  “It’s okay, Amir. It’s not your fault. Please just open the door,” Monique said.

  The door opened and the three of them walked into the Taj Mahal.

  Despite feeling nervous and apprehensive, both mother and daughter were immediately struck by the warm magical presence of the Taj Mahal and spoke in unison, “This is beautiful!”

  Even though the lights were off, the sun brightly lighted the room. The radiant yellow beams that came through the huge windows bounced everywhere. They reflected off the glass chandeliers, which created hundreds of tiny rainbows that seem to happily dance in every direction around the room. The richness of the red carpet and the beautiful green-hedged gardens outside the windows gave the feeling of walking into a castle.

  The three of them quickly scanned the room. Although the tables and chairs were all set up, they were without tablecloths.

  “Your father is not here.” Amir stated the obvious.

  Jenny noticed a Starbucks coffee cup sitting alone on a table with one chair pulled away.

  “What’s this?” she asked as she walked to the table. “And look, someone was definitely sitting here.”

  “More than likely a cleaner left it behind,” Amir said.

  “No, it’s still warm,” Jenny said, picking up the cup. “Mom, did Dad have a coffee?”

  “No, I don’t think so. Come on, Jenny, he’s not here,” Monique said as she touched her daughter’s arm.

  “Well, someone was.” Jenny was still hopeful as she looked around the beautiful room.

  The three of them left the same way they came. Amir followed behind and locked the door to the Taj Mahal. Jenny asked about the other two rooms. Amir patiently told her they had already checked and her father was not in there...

  The moment they entered back into the Leaning Tower of Pisa, they saw Greg standing with Claire, her parents and a man at front of the stage.

  “Ah, there she is!” Greg pointed at Monique. “Mrs. Sanchez!” Greg called out to her. Monique tried her best to smile, grabbed her daughter’s hand and squeezed it for a little strength as she approached the group.

  “And here’s the face behind today’s magnificent event, Monique Sanchez! And, oh my gosh, Jenny? We haven’t seen you at the office for years. It’s wonderful you came to hear your father speak today!”

  It was Jenny’s turn to squeeze her mother’s hand now as she nodded her head in reply to Greg. Amir caught Monique’s eyes and made a gesture with the key to her, signaling that he was going to return the key and he would be right back.

  “And Monique, our late arrival is happily here. Mario Romano, as you know, is the CEO of Linkup.”

  “Pleased to meet you both,” Mr. Romano said as he extended his hand to Monique first. Monique had to let go of Jenny’s hand to shake his.

  “I’m sorry about the mix up and that you missed your flight this morning, Mr. Romano, but it’s great you’re here now,” Monique said.

  The door swung open and Kyle came running in. “I checked the front, no wheelchair. And I asked all the front office staff if anyone saw him but no one had. I asked everybody and no one noticed anyone in a wheelchair going out the front door.” Kyle stopped for a brief second to catch some air. “So he probably hasn’t left the hotel. But has anyone even checked the washrooms for him?”

  “Oh my God!” Monique hit herself on the forehead. “I didn’t even think of that.”

  “I’m sorry, who are we looking for?” Panic and confusion was in Greg’s voice. It was only ten minutes ago that Monique had told him about how she and her husband never spoke.

  “Oh yes, I’m sorry, we’re just looking for Robert,” Monique explained. “You see, Mr. Romano, my husband left the stage for a moment to ah...go to the washroom...and so we are just trying to locate him.”

  What! Kyle thought. He was still out of breath and gave Jenny a disbelieving look. Have I really been running in such a panic for no reason?

  “Yeah, excuse us,” Jenny said, immediately taking Kyle’s arm and swinging him about face. As they started walking out of the Leaning Tower of Pisa room, she called back to her mother, “We’ll go and find him, Mom.”

  “Can I come too?” Claire called out. Jenny and Kyle stopped and looked back and before they could reply, Monique quickly and firmly said, “No!” She couldn’t shake the horrible image of what they might find. Everyone looked a bit taken back by Monique’s reaction to little Claire, but Jenny quickly stopped and covered for her mother’s hostile reaction.

  “No, Claire, you have to stay here and find us the best seats to watch from, okay?”

  Everyone looked at the little girl until she simply said, “Okay, Jenny.”

  “Well, great!” Greg smiled but then gave Monique a steely look. “We’re all looking forward to hearing that better half of yours, Monique, and we start in ten minutes.”

  Monique saw Greg’s serious look and smiled back. “Oh, don’t worry, Greg. And nice meeting you, Mr. Romano.”

  “All right, please let us three go over the final presentation,” Greg said to Mr. Romano and Claire’s dad. He then looked at Monique with a pleading look. “And don’t forget, ten minutes, Monique.”

  Monique watched the three of them walk up on the stage and go to the back where there was another table filled with handouts and gifts that they were going to give out to everyone at the end of the day. She then surveyed the room once more. Perhaps Robert was sitting at a table eating. But there was no sign of him, only the sound of happy, carefree people eating desserts and sipping their coffee and tea and Elton John singing, “Can you feel the love tonight?”

  Monique had never doubted this day would be good for Robert, but seeing the three presidents together jarred something in her. That meeting when they went over all the possible speakers. The newspapers had just announced the school’s initiative with Robert—Mt. Everest and the students he would be taking. And it was at that meeting that Lou asked her how he was doing with all those “mountain virgins.” It had been that comment that gave Greg the idea that maybe the best speaker would be someone connected to the company. Someone, who was doing something new, something ground breaking. Robert certainly fit the bill. His idea of bringing some at-risk students to Mt. Everest and filming their journey for thousands of kids back home definitely sounded like something original and courageous.

  Oh my God, what have I done? she thought. We have never once spoke about that journey after he got hurt. Never! He has never even mentioned anything about Troy, Nancy or Philip. And now...now I’m asking him to do a presentation on it? My God, no wonders he’s not—

  Amir interrupted her thoughts. “I have asked the security to check the building and see if anyone has seen your husband, Miss Monique. They are looking and will get back to me.” Amir looked up on the stage and saw the three bosses talking. “Oh, I’m sorry, but I have to get back up there. The security chief is Alex Lattimer. You can contact him at the front desk. I’m sorry I let him go in there. Miss Monique, I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay, Amir. Thank you for helping.” Suddenly, she noticed Jenny’s head poking around the door beckoning her to come. “Okay, Amir. I have to go.”

  “Good luck, Miss Monique...and God bless...God bless.” Amir voiced trailed off as he watched Monique walk as fast as she could towards the door. Kyle and Jenny greeted her with anxious looks.

  “Mom,” Jenny’s voice sounded ominous. “Mom, we checked the washrooms. He wasn’t in there, but—” Jenny stopped, almost collapsing
into tears.

  “What? What?” Monique asked worriedly.

  Kyle put his hand on Jenny’s shoulder as he spoke. “It’s okay, Jen. It’s just a locked washroom door.”

  “What...what door is locked? What is it?” Monique started to panic.

  Jenny started frantically, “There’s a handicap washroom down the hall. It’s locked. We kept knocking and knocking on the door but never got an answer. What if—what if Daddy’s in there?”

  “Did you ask someone to check it?” Monique questioned.

  “No, not yet, Mrs. Sanchez. We were just going to get a janitor or someone to open it,” Kyle said.

  “Please, Kyle, go to the front desk and ask someone to check it. Come on, Jenny, show me this washroom.”

  Kyle ran in the opposite direction while Jenny and Monique hurried about two hundred feet down the hall. When they got to the door, Jenny was too frightened to touch the door. She just pointed at the door with the handicap sign. “There—in there.”

  Monique looked hard at the symbol on the door. She stared at it, as if it was the first time she had ever seen it. She had probably seen that symbol a million times but she never really took much notice of it: it was a man in a wheelchair. And then it hit her. She had been so busy trying to change everything in the house for him, yet she had never once asked him how he felt—being the man in the symbol. What does he think when he sees that now? Does he think that’s him? That sign is him now?

  Monique turned the door handle. It didn’t budge. She then knocked firmly on the door three times. Nothing!

  Jenny then came beside her mother, started knocking on the door and calling inside. “Daddy, Daddy. Please, if you’re in there, say something!” She knocked harder and more furiously. “Daddy, please just come out.” Monique grabbed her daughter’s hands to stop her from knocking.

  “No, Mom, stop it! Stop it! I know he’s in there.” Jenny pulled away from her mother and pounded the door. “Dad, come on, open the door! We want to talk to you.”

  Monique pushed herself in front of Jenny and held both of her daughter’s arms back.

  “Baby, stop! Stop it! It’s okay, Jenny. It’s okay. He’s probably not even in there.”

  Jenny threw her mother’s hands off her.

  “Why did you have to do this, Mom? Why? Daddy wasn’t ready. You knew he didn’t want to talk, you knew he didn’t want to talk about that...that mountain anymore.”

  “Jenny, that’s not true...Those mountains were a big part of your father’s life. He loved talking about them. I did this because I thought this might help your—”

  “Help him, Mom? Help him? Why would he want to talk about something he can’t do anymore?”

  “Honey, please.” Monique tried to reach out to Jenny, but her daughter held her arms up preventing her mother from touching her. Monique stopped cold and quietly listened as her daughter opened another door—a door that no one in their family had yet dared to open and speak about because no one seemed to have the courage to speak about what was inside.

  “Why would he want to talk about something that destroyed his life, Mom?”

  “Don’t say that! His life isn’t destroyed, Jen.”

  “How do you think he feels every time he looks at those photos, Mom? And he sees himself with his legs, doing all those things? Imagine it, what he thinks, looking at all those pictures of himself with his legs, Mom? Legs! Would you want to be reminded of what you used to be but aren’t anymore? He must...he must absolutely hate it.”

  Jenny hit the door and shouted, “Just like I hate it! I hate those mountains...I hate you! Every time he’d go to those...those goddamn mountains, he was never with us—Never with us, Mom...Why? Why did Daddy have to go there?”

  Jenny sank to her knees, still feebly hitting the door and crying. “Why would he want to talk about it, Mom? He never wants to talk about anything...anymore. But me and Daddy—me and Daddy, we used to talk about everything...and now—now we...”

  Jenny slid all the way down to the floor with her head leaning against the bathroom door. She turned to her mother. “Daddy never talks to me anymore.”

  Monique knelt down beside her daughter and put her hand on Jenny’s face to brush away her tears.

  “Oh, my darling girl. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Daddy doesn’t talk to me either. But, Jen, it’s...it’s...it’s my fault, baby. I never talked to him. Not once did I ever ask him to see his legs. Nothing—because...well, because...”

  “No, Mom, it’s my fault too. You know I never even told him about Kyle because...because I thought maybe he didn’t want to hear anything new or anything happy. We don’t talk¡—I don’t tell him anything. I feel all I do is...all I do is try not to do anything to upset Daddy.”

  “Me too, baby, me too—”

  Kyle’s excited voice filled the hallway. “Jenny, it’s your dad! Jenny, quick! Mrs. Sanchez, come quick—Hurry!”

  Jenny sprang to her feet. The moment she bent over to help her mother stand up, the red journal fell out of her purse and onto the floor. Jenny snatched it from the floor as the two of them ran towards Kyle. There was only one entry left to read: Robert’s last entry. He wrote it at breakfast time, just hours before he was to be buried under six stories of snow and ice, just two hours before the one moment that would change the course of his life forever.

  38. SIX MONTHS AGO – MT. EVEREST

  May 19th, 2012, 8 am breakfast, last day at base camp before the journey home!!!

  Dearest Love,

  Ahhh, the sun has just peeked over Lola—and like someone just turned on the lights—the darkness has just vanished! It’s pretty cold this morning. The three amigos—as they called themselves—in last night’s webisode—they are truly in full bloom this morning. Phil’s been up for hours getting the live-feed all set up and ready. They are really looking forward to seeing the Khumbu Icefall up close. We’ll probably just go to the first ladder, I think, and then turn back. I love the feeling these kids give me: seeing everything new through their eyes. Yes, it’s going to fun!

  Ang had his old cassette player blaring as we came into the food tent this morning, playing this old song from the eighties...Joe Cocker and someone else, not sure of her name...The three amigos asked him to play it over and over as they tried to learn the words, singing along with it—they thought they might sing it to open today’s webisode this morning. The words are something about “mountains being in the way, so we must take it step by step...” Oh, Nancy just looked over my shoulder, and read what I wrote—she tells me the song’s called “Up Where We Belong.”

  It’s so weird, that it’s that title, because of what I dreamt last night...I’ve often told you about how my dreams up here are usually so vivid and real that they feel as if I’m actually living them. Well, last night...whoa, I had the strangest of dreams...

  I was climbing and I was right near the top. I was hanging on this cliff. I just had to do one last pull up to reach the summit. And it was so dark and so so damn cold. But my hands, which were holding on to the top of the ledge, well, they were becoming warm. It looked as if the sun was coming up and—oh, I was so cold that I just couldn’t wait to pull myself up over that ledge to feel its warmth. But as I tried to force myself up over the ledge, my backpack suddenly got heavier. And then it started to move! Bouncing around on my back—And then it started to get really heavy and it felt as if something inside was trying to yank me down, threatening to pull me off the cliff and throw me off the mountain. The weight of it became so unbearable that I needed to do something before I fell, so I pulled out my knife and was just about to cut it from my shoulders...and that’s when I heard this voice come from the top. It kept asking me questions—asking me...why did I pack so much? And so, I yelled, “I didn’t,” saying that, “the pack, it was almost empty...” Then it asked me, “Don’t you know what you’re carrying?” I said yes, of course—I always do...and then it asked me, “So why don’t you know this time?” I kept yelling, “Yes, I do, I kn
ow exactly what’s in there!” Anyway, we went on arguing, and then I finally screamed out, “Okay, I’ll show you what’s in there!”

  So, I dropped the knife and with my last ounce of strength, I took the backpack off and threw it up on top. And then, as I pulled myself over the ledge... Well, at first, I couldn’t see anything because the sun was so strong in my eyes. But after I rubbed them—then, I saw that I had just pulled myself up onto a subway platform! And you—you were sitting there—sitting on a bench. It looked like that same subway bench we visit every year for our anniversary. But you didn’t look at me. You were just sitting there reading a book out loud. It was that book about how if we want something enough, then the universe will help to bring it to us (remember that book?). And then, you looked at me and asked me to open my backpack to show you what I was carrying.

  So, I unbuttoned the top flap and suddenly, all these little kids come running out—they’re all different colours and sizes. They just kept coming out of the backpack, tons of them. It didn’t stop. They were laughing, singing, doing cartwheels...and then you said that same thing you tell me every year when we visit that subway bench on our anniversary. “That’s why I love you, Roberto...because being with you always makes me feel more alive.” Then we sat there laughing even louder because now—more things are running out of my back pack...not just kids anymore, but animals and even people out of movies and books...our friends, family...it was the weirdest...yet happiest dream I’ve ever had!

  And so today, as I sit here and listen to the three amigos singing, “Up where we belong,” and the sun is coming up, well, my love, I guess I do believe dreams can be lived!

  Wow, what a perfect start to our last day!

  Okay, I better go...So imagine me, then—up where we belong—you and me, sitting beside each other on that bench and me telling you...I love you too!

  39. PRESENT DAY – AT THE HOTEL

  This death we live?

  He looked up and watched Monique, holding her mouth, run down the steps and push her way through the doors to get out of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. And after Lou had asked Amir to turn up the music, Amir helped Robert down off the stage.