Gangsters In Time [Part I]

by Stanimir Mirov

  The three friends chose one horse each, from the few alive ones, and rushed in pursuit. Surviving warriors had a great lead and managed to get into the fort. Galfonino, Leo, and Ernak stopped in anticipation of the upcoming events.

  The Chief began to question the three survivors, “What were those thunderbolts and lightning? Have the gods gone crazy? From fifty chosen riders, only you return?! Talk if you value your life!”

  “Oh Great Chief, we saw the son of Attila, Ernak. With him were two bogatyrs, wearing strange clothes. They caused the death of our brothers. Apparently, they have been sent by the gods to help the Khan. They control the divine lightning!” said the berserk goth.

  After a brief council with the elders, the chief decided to negotiate. He left all his weapons, stripped topless and left the camp riding a gray stallion, to meet the new visitors.

  “Do not kill him! He comes in peace!” whispered Ernak.

  The leader stopped his horse, bowed from the saddle and said, “Oh Great, we pray to the sky, to have mercy! The Council of Elders decided to join you and become your brothers. The greatness of the Great Khan Attila is infinite. Hopefully so is his mercy.”

  Ernak proceeded to the horseman, “Great Chief, my father will be happy to have such strong allies. Tomorrow we can set off to him. We are expected in Pannonia.”

  The chief, evidently amused by choosing a good ally, bowed, “So be it, but now you are my guests!”

  The new allies celebrated all night long. In the center of the camp, a large tent went up for them. Young Asian female captives quenched thirst and all whims of the three masters. They were also offered some Asian male prisoners, but our guys refused.

  At dawn, the Horde took on a march led by Ernak, Leo, and Capone. After three days of heavy travel, they arrived at the wooden palace of Attila, located between the Danube and the Tisza, but were welcomed with sorrowful news. The Great Khan, father of Ernak, died suddenly from poisoning.

  The conquered tribes began to rise, the empire was falling apart before the time to get a secure union arrived. Bloody fighting started everywhere. Emenchur and Ulchundur died. Ernak, Ellac and Dengizich took what remained of their father's armies and led a glorious battle along the rivers of Sava and Vit, so a cry spread everywhere, “There isn’t a more dangerous thing than fighting the Huns, there aren't more dangerous people throughout the world than the Bulgarians.”

  Ernak didn’t separate from his two new friends. Appealing in everything, The Sock and Galfonino revealed the secret of the time machine. They explained to him at length about the world in the future. To pay them back, the Biker taught them the proto-Bulgarian martial art which was no less inferior than the Japanese karate. After the sweet talk of the future, Ernak decided to join the wandering couple, after all, he could return whenever he wanted. It wasn’t hard to learn English during the past time, given that he knew Latin, ancient Greek, and ancient runic Bulgarian. And most of the English language today came from latin and greek. Attila had made sure his youngest son was well educated for a reason.

  So the three friends headed back to the cave. Leo asked the chief to take some gold jewelry "just in case", as their funds were depleted back in their time. So in sweet talk about the future and all the whores in it, soon the entrance of the cave was in front of them. They slowly moved into the machine and Galfonino, as the"hacker" of the group, took control.

  It was not long, and Capone was still looking like a sprayed cockroach.

  “Well, fuck!” the Italian yelled and hit the buttons with his hand.

  Chapter IV

  What Happens In Singapore…

  The counter turned. This time, it wasn’t just another year, but also another place.

  “Huh, this is something new!?” the hacker scratched his head.

  “What?!” Leo asked with the stupidest face.

  “The year is 2011. The place, though, is not Bulgaria, it's Singapore.”

  “And how did you teleport us in our time, but elsewhere?”

  “Well, you see, that is not an exact science,” Galfonino smiled. “Look at it on the bright side. At least I hit skate spot outside the city.”

  “Well, are we gonna get out soon?” Ernak impatiently interrupted.

  After camouflaging the machine with some branches, they headed to town. The gangsters rushed to the nearest bar but remembered they had no money. Leo stopped at a local аntique shop and sold several bracelets for very cheap – three hundred thousand dollars. Their confidence was restored completely. Several times, both Cassis and Ernak had to stop Capone from beating the antiquarian, but the money eventually calmed him down, as he got a full bag of those...

  “To tell you, bro, I don’t want to walk on foot. That black Porsche will look good on me. Don’t you think?!”

  Their pockets decreased by 105 grand, which did not impress them at all. After a short ride and breaking stands (showing off) around town, they finally reached a huge biker gang bar. It was already evening, and the place was swarming with people.

  In a black leather bikini, with boots above the knees and bra number 36c, a blonde beauty relaxed deprecatingly on Ernak’s shoulder.

  “I like how long your braid is sugar, is your comb that big too?”

  “Oooh, Tangra,” the chief moaned.

  “Relax, bro. Give her this bill, and she is yours.”

  The dame pulled him towards the room, apparently amused by the good tip. Galfonino and The Sock followed them grinning. The bar had a second floor with rooms for such needs.

  “Bottle of Tequila and two glasses, bartender!” hissed Leo. “Today, if it’s possible!”

  A powerful shout made the bikers remain silent.

  “Well, wasn’t that the Khan?” asked Galfonino.

  “It must be! Probably is in love explanation...”

  Ernak sprinted out on the square with a"dropped antenna", “Oh, Тangra, she tried to deprive my people of а successor!”

  All the bikers around almost fainted from laughter. Capone hit a tequila in a single gulp and went to his friend to explain to him how the French love works. Shaking his head in understanding, the Chief returned to finish the fight with the blonde lioness. For two hours, people could hear growling, screaming, crushing furniture, and the bikers outside were drinking beer and raising glasses for their new friends who were accepted unanimously at the club.

  A middle-aged man with dark sunglasses and a Versace suit was watching the new bikers. With frantic movements, he dialed some number, “Hello, this is agent Milidzhagoul, I’ve concurred the birds.”

  “The objects are extremely dangerous. I am sending reinforcements right away. Do not lose them! And be especially careful not to miss The Sock. He is the only one who knows the formula.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Do it carefully, or I will make you protect a Turkish bathroom...”

  At this point, our three friends jumped into their Porsche and headed to the coast. Not long after that, they stopped at an isolated park. Biker went to nearby bushes to"milk the cow". Right away, he saw himself against three guns, which belonged to some local bandits.

  “Yo garbage, jump out of your pockets!”

  “Bro, do you know who you are ripping off? If I snap my fingers, your hair will become white forever!”

  The bandits slightly smiled as powerful snap announced the air. Two nuclear submarines emerged from the ocean, and behind them, three naval destroyers blew their sirens. Five helicopters started circling . Dozens of snipers appeared on the surrounding buildings, and cars of the armed forces, the police, the CIA, began parking around the park. Tanks and armored vehicles took position at the other side. Several choppers flew over and dropped paratroopers on the sand. From the right came counter terrorists and SWAT. Dozens of projectors started glowing around, and the red berets of the helicopters were ready to open fire.

  “Drop your weapons and slowly raise your hands!”

  Three мalaysian criminals, shivering from fear, passed their g
uns to the chief.

  Capone and The Sock understood what had just happened. They had already been arrested and traveled to a private, well-guarded prison, owned by the USA. Singapore scum and Biker remained unnoticed in the bushes. In a few seconds, all the troops moved out, and only the chief understood what happened.

  Ernak looked at the three bandits with a smile on his face, “I suppose you don’t want to see what other moves I can do? Now get lost before I shoot somebody for fun!”

  The мalaysians disappeared faster than the military.

  The Khan went out of the park and entered the nearest bar. A redheaded, almost dressed waitress with a carefully trained jiggly ass, pre-rehearsed honey voice and an expensive smile said, “What should it be, cutie?”

  Ernak forgot to look at her, and while catching a fly, he burped and ordered, “Bourbon neat, drugged bitch!”

  The bitch flew away pleased to fulfill the order. The chief drank few glasses before he managed to gather his thoughts. He decided to rent a room over the biker gang club, for starters...

  * * *

  “Lift your butts! Some hotshot wants to talk with you!” the prison guard yelled.

  The Sock turned his head very slowly towards the guard, but his eyes were still looking at the previous point as he said, “Are you blind or something? Don’t you see we're in the middle of a movie?! Didn’t they tell you to take good care of us?”

  “Jump up"kittens"or I will stop the cable!” snarled the guard.

  Feeling the seriousness of the situation, Leo and Capone moved.

  “Hail to the brains,” rising up from his chair with a Cuban cigar in hand, Arnold, their "old acquaintance" made a gesture to the guard to leave.

  Relaxing in the soft chair, The Sock smiled, “I see that our money has served you well! You fed yourself like a tourist at McDonald’s!”

  “Still shrewd, as always,” Arnie started to laugh too. “Let's see if you'll guess why you're here?”

  “I only know that there are only seven channels here and it really started pissing me off... Not to mention that three of them are Turkish! WHAT THE FUCK is with that? Trust me, you don’t wanna watch Rambo on Turkish...”

  “I feel notes of resentment. The good news is it won't be for long. Let me explain. The drugs, which you distributed in Brooklyn, have somehow fallen into the hands of the DEA and some lab rat decided to study it. It turned out that the formula for making the drug has some missing ingredient of an old abandoned project for a chemical weapon.”

  The Sock looked at his partner, “I told you that I was a genius when we met each other...”

  “The thing is,” Arnie continued, “I do care neither about the formula nor the weapon, but I know from experience that if I get you out of this hole, you will reward us accordingly.”

  “You know it!” Galfonino rubbed his hands. “I have only one request before that.”

  “Tell your grief,” interrupted him a subdued figure in the corner.

  “If it isn’t Macony?” The Sock smiled. “I had just begun to wonder where you’ve been. Our request is to find a man named Ernak. I will not explain who he is because you will not believe us either way. But I will give you guidance on how to find him. What is the escape plan?”

  Macony explained briefly, “The thing is, the warden of the prison is American and also an old friend of Arnie’s father. For a few dollars, he will close his eyes and allow us to get you out during the night.”

  Chapter V

  The “Great” Escape

  Ernak was lying almost drunk on the leather sofa in the bikers' bar, while a young Singaporean girl was serving him under the table. Suddenly, two suits slowly came into the bar and started looking around. All of a sudden, their eyes met with Ernak’s. The Khan watched them gently with his head slightly tilted, and some hair could be seen at times over the edge of the table. Arnold, biting hard big Cuban cigar, narrowed his eyes and pointed to the table for Macony to see. Both of them approached and right before they spoke, the biker from the leather sofa raised his right hand as a sign to wait. He squinted and shuddered visibly. It was impossible to see with the naked eye, but his braid nearly rolled up for a second. Then he closed his eyes and leaned back, satisfied with life, the young lady cleaned her mouth, smiled to the suits and left.

  “Can I help you with something, gentlemen?” The Khan asked politely with his eyes still closed.

  “We are looking for a man named Ernak. Do you happen to know him?”

  “And what if I do know him?”

  “You can tell him that The Sock sends us!” Macony began fidgeting.

  “You had to start with that!” The Khan enthused. “Bartender, bring two bottles of the best whiskey you got.”

  Arnie rubbed his hands and joined Ernak together with Macony.

  * * *

  It was after 12 o'clock at night when the electricity suddenly stopped. The cell door opened, and the guard gave a signal to follow him. Once they changed, the security escorted them to freedom through a hidden tunnel. Arnie, Macony, and Ernak were waiting at the entrance. After all the hugs had ended, The Sock took a briefcase from the Khan and approached the guard.

  “Good job, Johnny. Give it your boss, he knows how much your share is.”

  “Merry Christmas,” grinned the guard and left.

  “And now what?” asked Arnold.

  “Don’t worry about us. We have places to hide. But I feel that, sooner or later, our paths will cross again.”

  “I strongly hope,” Arnie replied while he was entering the car.

  Our people got into the other car and drove towards the machine...

  Chapter VI

  Stierlitz

  After only fifteen minutes, they sat silent and wondered where to teleport. Finally, Leo decided to end this farce, “I suggest we leave that to the machine. See how well things developed with The Khan.”

  “I agree,” smiled Ernak.

  “Okay, guys. I will adjust the computer at random,” Galfonino crossed himself and pushed the button.

  The Italian got his head out from the machine and saw a big city in the distance. Tanks were circling around it, and soldiers lined up in rows stood still. All the roads were guarded by sentries. Capone went back, “Um, check the date!”

  “You didn't want to know anything, right?”

  “To tell you, I’ve changed my mind! I have a bad feeling…”

  “The place is Germany, and the date is...” here Leo tapped with his hand on the screen. “April 30, 1944. One year before Hitler supposedly "committed suicide". Except, he doesn’t know it yet.”

  “How's your German?” Galfo asked furtively.

  “Like my French. You do not need to know. But I have a plan. We'll talk with Hitler and take him with us,” Leo grinned.

  The Italian stared at the ceiling and said, “Why God, why me? All I wanted was...”

  A sudden cannon shot interrupted the conversation, followed by thousands of cries, “Heil Hitler!”

  “Apparently, God has heard you!”

  “Hilarious!”

  The three friends went out of the woods and walked to the nearest guard. The post was poorly guarded. Two soldiers with MP40s in hands stood in front, smoking cigarettes. Galfonino and Leo approached them, Ernak went unnoticed in the back and entered into the post.

  “Stop, hands up!” the guard began to marvel at their clothes. “Let me see your passports.”

  Leo and Capone dug into their pockets and showed their US ID cards. The guards approached and slowly took them...

  “What is this?” аsked one with perplexity.

  “We are tourists...” replied Leo.

  Capone looked at him strangely as if to say, “Um, didn’t you say you didn't speak German.”

  Leo just nodded at him.

  “Tourists?” the soldier wondered even more. “Don’t you know that we are at war with America?”

  A powerful kick sent him and his colleague unconscious, one meter away. While both
were changing clothes, Ernak showed, wearing a brand new uniform with shoulder straps of a colonel.

  “Saluting, mother fuckers. It’s showtime for the third time this week,” the chief grinned archly.

  “Look who got lucky,” both of them stared at the uniform. “The fucking luck still keeps missing me.”

  Soon they entered the city. Thousands of civilians were walking on the square, and troops were waiting in lines. Clearly, Hitler was going to hold a speech about the war.

  “This should be the building where the Fuhrer ventures. But how can we enter?” mused Galfo.

  After two seconds, they looked fixedly at Ernak.

  “I assume you know how good my German is.”

  “You just shout"Heil Hitler" and nod haughtily.”

  After 45 minutes of kicking, pushing and saluting, they manage to come to the entrance.

  “Heil Hitler, sir.”

  “Heil Hitler.”

  “What are the reasons you want to enter?”

  Here Leo intervened, “The colonel has an important meeting with the Fuhrer, and on top of that, he is already late. So move and open the door.”

  “And now where?” wondered The Sock.

  “On the right...”

  “Left...”

  “Let's move forward, whatever happens, happens.”

  They reached a staircase leading underground.

  “Uuu, I bet that there is something hidden below. I have never seen a movie in which there was nothing shady in the basement,” rejoiced Galfo.

  “Hush, someone is coming! Let's hide here,” interrupted The Khan.

  “Do not tickle my ass,” scolded Galfonino.

  “I am not tickling you!” hissed Leo.

  “Well, then who?”

  After a few seconds, four shots were heard.