Flawed

by Sara Hubbard

  Niko? Need to talk. I shove the phone in my back pocket and hurry over to May to get the pen she’s still trying to reach for. Then I work like a fiend, clearing tables, refreshing coffee, fetching condiments, restocking the fridges, anything to make things easier on her.

  An hour and a half goes by and I check my phone, wondering if I’ve missed Niko’s reply. It surprises me to find nothing there. I suppose he’s bothered that I didn’t respond to his earlier texts. No matter how much he says he’s changed, I doubt he’s no longer stubborn. So that’s a definite probability. I should have replied to him sooner, but every time I started a message, I’d delete it. I didn’t know what to say.

  I take a handful of ketchup bottles out back and refill them in the storage room from the bulk containers. The cooks are singing a duet when I pass them to go back out front. I stop in my tracks after I push through the doors and find Niko at the counter—in a tie.

  “Hey,” I say as I approach him. “Did you get my message?”

  “That’s why I’m here.”

  “Oh. You didn’t have to come here. I just wanted to ask you something.”

  He loosens the tie and leans in, his elbows on the table. “Ask away.”

  The restaurant is calm. It’s after supper and May is on break while Tasha is waiting on one of the three occupied tables.

  “What’s with the tie?”

  He runs his hands down the length of it. “Like it?” he says with a shy smile.

  “Yeah, it’s a nice color.” Light blue with small flecks of red in it. “You look uncomfortable, though.”

  He sighs and slowly starts to pull at the tie until the knot is undone. Then he folds it up and tosses it on the counter next to his black coffee. “Am I that obvious?”

  I shrug. “A little. You look nice, though.”

  His face is caught between a frown and a grin as he focuses on the coffee that he holds between his hands.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your texts sooner,” I say, feeling a little sheepish.

  “Don’t worry about it. I deserve it.”

  “It’s not that I didn’t want to…” I shrug my shoulders and my hands hang at my sides. Heaviness builds in my chest. “I just didn’t know what to say.”

  He holds up his hands and shakes his head. “Like I said…you don’t owe me anything.”

  “But still…and I feel like a complete asshole now I’ve texted you about something completely separate from us.”

  “Jack?”

  I nod, and the sick feeling Yuri gave me earlier returns.

  “It’ll be fine.”

  “Will it?” I want to tell him about Yuri, but I worry it will cause more problems. I worry Niko might do something stupid if he knows that Yuri grabbed me. As I debate this, it strikes me as ironic that I chastised him about his difficulty with honesty and now I’m having trouble with it myself. It would be a hypocritical for me not to tell him. If he really has changed—like he said—then he shouldn’t go off the wires.

  “I’m off soon,” I tell him. “Can you stick around? Maybe we can talk?”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  I smile at him, my heart breaking just a little with the knowledge that he’s talking about more than just the here and now. It’s like he’s promising never to abandon me again. I want to believe it. When he’s looking down at his cup, I give myself permission to look at that scar of his, wondering how he got it and how much it must have hurt.

  Once, I knew every inch of his body, every tattoo, every scar, every mole and freckle. God, those freckles. I used to kiss every last one that dotted his face. They always managed to make him look boyish. A contradiction for a guy like him. A Kosh.

  I finish my shift and, as promised, Niko remains on his seat by the counter. We leave together, him holding the door open like a gentleman for me to pass through first. Outside, it’s chilly but it’s not freezing. Niko shoves his hands into his jacket pockets and I hug myself for warmth. My car is a few car lengths ahead, parked by a lamppost and under the branches of an overhanging tree. I stroll toward it, with Niko walking in step beside me. I’m not sure where to go to talk, but I see a bench ahead and figure that’s as good a place as any so I suggest it.

  He shakes his head. “No privacy. I have enough eyes on me; I don’t want to be sitting around on Main Street.”

  “My car?”

  He offers a small shrug, and makes a face. It’s not what he wanted, but he’s not speaking up. “Suggestions?”

  “Come back to my place?”

  I slow to a stop and frown as we face each other. Because I’m so uncertain of what I want right now, I worry that going somewhere with him will be a bad idea. I can’t think straight when I’m alone with him. We’ve already had sex and I’m feeling too much. I’m so afraid of wanting more. “Niko…”

  “To talk.” He crosses his heart.

  I smile at him. It’s hard to say no when he’s sweet like this. I’ll just have to be stronger. “Okay.”

  When we reach my car, I open the door but wait before climbing in when he leans over the hood and rests his arms.

  “What?”

  A car speeds by and I can’t hear his response. I ask him again, but this time louder.

  “Let’s take my car.”

  “Is there something wrong with mine?” I say, a little sass in my voice.

  He smirks and shakes his head. “No, ma’am.” He opens his door and climbs inside. The car starts and I turn the heat up and wait for it to warm before pulling away. Traffic is light and the few stoplights we have in this town are all green. We don’t say much until we’re off Main Street and on the highway to his cabin.

  “You going to tell me what’s up?”

  I worry my lip between my teeth. Trust goes both ways. Maybe if I talk to him, he’ll talk to me. “I saw Yuri today and I panicked.”

  “Yuri came to the restaurant?” he asks, turning a fraction in his seat so he’s almost facing me. His eyes are intent on the side of my face as I stare ahead at the road lit up by the headlights.

  “Yeah.”

  “And that’s not normal?”

  I shrug and shake my head. “Not really. I don’t remember the last time he came in, it was so long ago. And it might have been completely innocent, but…he made it a point to read my nametag and say my name and then…”

  “And then?”

  I glance from my peripheral to see the jaw of his stony face widen as he clenches his teeth.

  I can’t expect honesty if I can’t do the same. I say this over and over in my mind. “He grabbed my wrist and it wasn’t an accident or him trying to get my attention—I mean, I guess it was him trying to get my attention, just not in a good way.”

  “He fucking put his hands on you?”

  “Niko, stop. I just…I don’t know why he’d come. He didn’t even eat his food. I’m worried that he’s going to hurt Jack. Maybe me, too.”

  He’s silent a moment. He stares out the window as his fists curl at his sides. His anger shows through in the flush of his cheeks.

  “I don’t need you to make a big deal of it. I just need you to prepare me. What was that about?”

  He runs a hand through his hair and blows out through pursed lips, like he’s trying to calm himself. And though I shouldn’t, I do what I used to do when he got worked up in high school, if he had issues with people or his temper flared. I reach out and touch my fingers to his fist and cover his hand with mine. His fingers relax and spread enough for me to thread mine through his.

  His eyes are on me now. His Adam’s apple bobs.

  “Don’t get mad. He’s not someone you want to go to war with, right?”

  He licks his lips and nods. “I asked him to spare Jack and he said he would. I told him that Jack was the brother of a friend. He and I both knew I’d owe him but I went anyway, even after I told him before I wanted to go straight.”

  In the back of my mind, I guess I knew there would be a tradeoff for his hel
p, but it hurts to know that Niko is now indebted to his uncle because of my brother’s choices. I owe him for this—more than I thought.

  “I never said who the friend was, but my guess is he asked around. He’d see you as my weakness, and since I’m not on board with his businesses right now, my guess is he’s exploring ways to keep me under his thumb in case he needs me.”

  I scratch my temple, completely bewildered. “But he’s family.”

  Niko chuckles darkly. “He’s a predator, Ivy. He didn’t get to the top of the food chain with hard work and dedication. He’s a sociopath. He studies people. He looks for strengths and weaknesses in his friends, family, and enemies, and then he exploits their weaknesses when it suits him. Him stopping by today—if I had to guess—was his way of telling me he knows who you are. It was a prompt. Nothing more.”

  Niko squeezes my hand and, with our hands still locked, he lifts it into his lap.

  A prompt? The question is: for what?

  11

  NIKO: I open the door and hold it for Ivy to pass through. Inside, I lock it tight. All three dead bolts. A little extreme, but you can never be too cautious. Ivy shucks off her jacket and I reach out to take it. This place doesn’t have a closet by the door, but I’ve screwed hooks into the wall and hang it there, along with mine.

  She sighs with her eyes closed as she removes her shoes. Claire used to have that look of pain and relief when she’d come home from the diner and finally get off her feet.

  “Want anything to drink? Eat?”

  “No, I’m fine.”

  “Have a seat.”

  While she plops down on the old sofa, I go into the kitchen. She might not be thirsty, but I could use a drink. I fish a beer out of the fridge and pop the top on the edge of the wood countertop. It pops off and clinks when it hits a spoon I left there earlier.

  I join Ivy on the couch, careful to give her a bit of space. It’s tough though, when I feel a pull to be closer. She wants honesty and I’d love to give it to her, but what would she think of me if I did? Maybe I can start small, build up to something more. If not, I’m going to lose her for good. That’s not a risk I’m willing to take.

  “I’m glad you messaged me,” I say quietly before taking a draw of my beer.

  “Yeah, me too. I feel better about today. You made me feel better. So, thank you.”

  I hitch a shoulder. Compliments never come easy for me, and I don’t know how to take them—so I stay quiet.

  “Although, now I’m worried about what you meant in the car when you said Yuri was prompting you.”

  “You cold? I’ll start a fire.” I spring from my seat, set my beer down and start arranging sticks in the fireplace.

  “Are we going to do this again, Niko?”

  I look back at her and her eyes are pleading. I don’t want her to leave, and I fear she’ll do just that if I don’t start talking. But I can’t talk about that. Anything but that. I lean back on my heels and face her. “No. Let’s just talk about something else. Ask me what you want, but leave that alone, okay?”

  She nods. “Okay.”

  “Really? It’s that easy?” I grin at her, expecting a battle, but she only smiles back.

  “Why were you wearing a tie today?”

  I chuckle. “That’s what you choose to ask me?”

  “Don’t question it, or I’ll ask you something harder.” She folds her legs up and under her ass as she leans onto the arm of the couch. She runs a hand through her wavy hair and rests the side of her face against her palm. Her eyes are excited…over what? Answers to burning questions like my wearing a tie. When I realize I’m grinning like a fool, I turn back to the fire.

  “I was looking for a job.”

  “Oh, right. You said you told your uncle you were going straight and I wanted to ask you about that, but then I didn’t want to interrupt, you know, considering we were talking about your uncle.”

  “Turns out people in this town aren’t interested in hiring ex-cons. I’ve tried leaving town and going to Brightmore or Fullerton, but I don’t know…maybe I’m going to have to go into Sterling where no one will recognize me. I’ll probably have to lie on my applications. But then what do I say about where I’ve worked since high school? I have no references.”

  I light the paper under my kindling and lean down to gently blow on it to help build the flame. It catches one of the sticks and starts to burn.

  “I’m sorry you’re struggling, Niko. Really I am.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Something will come up. I’m sure of it.”

  “I hope you’re right.” I move to my feet and return to the couch. I keep my distance again, only this time I reach for her legs. She stills and I wait for her to relax before pulling her feet into my lap and massaging them. Of all the awful things my dad did over the years, I saw moments of goodness in him when he was with my mother. And I remember him doing this exact thing to her while they watched television late at night. She’d close her eyes and smile and tell him she loved him. She seemed to like it, and I want Ivy to like it too.

  Without missing a beat, her eyes become hazy and she tips her head back to rest on the back of the couch. “You’re trying to make me fall asleep so I don’t ask any more questions.”

  “Maybe. I wouldn’t be upset if I found you here in the morning”

  She sighs. “What happened, Niko? What was going on in your mind that last time I saw you in jail? I loved you so much. I couldn’t breathe when you ended things.” She touches her hand to her chest and frowns, like she can still feel the sting of my rejection.

  I’m reminded of the tears in her eyes and the sound of her cries. I feel her pain, like a knife twisting in my chest.

  “My mother visited me the day before I saw you,” I say quietly.

  Her eyes open a little wider and she holds my stare until it becomes too intense and I have to look away. “Did you know she wrote me off?”

  She shakes her head. “I didn’t. I knew she moved, but I didn’t know that.”

  “She thought I could be good despite my dad, but then after I was convicted she told me I would end up like my father and she couldn’t watch it. I haven’t talked to her since.”

  “Niko…I wish I’d known.”

  “Yeah, well, you couldn’t have done nothing.” I shift in my seat, readjust her feet so they’re in closer to my stomach. I stop massaging them but lay my hands over them as I continue. “I never thought my mother would turn her back on me. And once she did, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. What else did I have to do in there while I sat and waited to see you again? I had myself convinced that if Mom could leave me, you could too. I didn’t want to wait for that day to come.”

  She moves her feet now and inches closer until her breast brushes against the side of my arm. My cock stirs but I won’t give in to that right now, not when we’re in the middle of something more important than sex. I never thought I’d say those words, especially after my dry spell in jail. She wraps an arm around my neck and runs her hands through my hair. I lean into her hand and the fine hair on the back of my neck stands on end. Her lips are soft and full and she licks them now, which makes not pushing her down and climbing on her ever harder.

  “I would never have left you. I wish you could have trusted me like I trusted you.”

  “I know, baby. But she was my fucking mom. If she could walk away, what hope did I have with you?”

  She captures my face between her hands and forces me to look into her big eyes. “Regardless of what happens between us, I’ll be there for you. Understand?”

  “I want you so bad. You don’t even know. But I’m trying not to push you. I want you to want me too.”

  “Wanting you was never the problem.”

  I grip the back of her neck and pull her forward, pressing a deep kiss on her lips. She surprises me by releasing a quiet moan. I dip my tongue inside her mouth, tasting her sweet tongue. She rewards me by sliding her hands over my face and fisting my hair. M
y cock strains in my pants, begging to be released and I reach up for her hand and set it there, covering it with my own. As she starts to unbutton my jeans, I pull my hand away and concentrate on moving my hand up her loose shirt, searching for her soft, full tits. I glaze my hand over her bra and yank down the cups to touch her flesh. She gasps and works harder to unbutton my pants before unzipping me. She slips her hand under my briefs and grips my length, her cool hand sending a surprising shock through my body before igniting the blood in my veins. I tease her nipples with my thumbs while I kiss her lush mouth. And she circles the tip of my cock with her thumb, spreading my precum, to make her touch soft but slick. I want her so bad I might cum right now if I don’t get inside of her.

  I pull her shirt over her head and undo the clasp of her bra. She removes her hand from my cock to slide out of the straps of her bra and I take the opportunity now to hold her arched back while I dip my head to lick her hard nipples. She whispers my name. “Niko.” Her voice is so husky my dick seems to grow even harder.

  I lean forward, pushing her back against the sofa cushions. I climb on top of her, still focusing on her beautiful round globes. I flick her nipples with my tongue and she reaches for my shirt. I pull it off and press against her, her breasts touching my flesh.

  I look into her dreamy eyes and she licks her lips. My dick twitches, still stuck in the cradle of my underwear. I pull them down while she wiggles out of her leggings. I fumble my hands, moving too quickly as my excitement becomes too much to bear. As my cock presses against her warm pussy, she lets out another moan. I dip a finger in her and when I find her soaking, I lower myself between her legs so my face is between her thighs. She writhes under me, her back arching, her breasts swollen and her nipples still hard. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

  I slide my tongue through her lips and they spread for me like a flower. I lick her clit, circling it slowly, listening to her breath hitch as I suckle it between my lips. “Niko, I want you.” Her tone is pleading. I like the sound of her begging me for more. I spear her pussy with my tongue and she gasps. I taste her cum on my tongue and I swallow before reaching for more. Then I use my fingers, moving in and out of her dripping pussy while my tongue lashes her clit. When she starts to scream in ecstasy, I continue punishing her. Then I kiss the tender flesh on the inside of her thighs and trail kisses up her stomach and around her belly button before thrusting my cock deep inside of her.