She considered for a moment. She had watched Jordan with their son. He was a patient and loving father. Could a man who had so much love to give a child be so bad? Honor was sure Jordan and Meagan had not been together. By the way Meagan acted it was plain she was trying to get him back, but so far she had obviously not succeeded. If he really did love her, as he said, would it not be right to live together as husband and wife? She would endure much to see her son happy.
"I do not know Jordan. Will you allow me to think about it for a while?"
"You will consider it, Honor?"
"Yes. I know we cannot go on the way we are at present."
"I will make you happy, little one, just give me the chance to prove it. Maybe the two of us could go away together for a while. Would you like that?"
"I will think about it Jordan," she said, immediately feeling fear at the thought of being alone with him.
He kissed her again, softly. "Think quickly, my love."
"Well, isn't this a domestic little scene," Meagan said, coming up behind them.
Honor flushed brightly and turned away, picking up the roses and walking toward the house. "If you will excuse me, I will put the flowers in water," she said, brushing past her sister.
Jordan glared at Meagan. "What do you want?"
"I want you, as if you did not know."
"Do us both a favor Meagan and do not say another word. If you were not Honor's sister, I would ask you to leave."
She moved closer to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. "You do not want me to leave, Jordan. You can remember how it was between the two of us."
"When I think of you and me, and how we once were, I feel sick inside. It was little more than lust; I know that now."
"Do you think my sister has what it takes to satisfy you, Jordan? My sister is not experienced enough to give you what you need." She moved closer to him and gave him her most seductive look. "I know how to please you. Remember how it felt when we made love?"
Jordan felt a sudden fire within his body. Yes, Meagan knew how to entice a man. His hands began caressing her arm, and against his will, he wanted to feel her beneath him once more. He had been with several women while he had been away fighting in the war, and at the time he had felt no guilt at seeking out a prostitute. He had not considered it being unfaithful to Honor, he had needed an outlet, and the women he had sought had provided it for him. But Meagan was different; she was Honor's sister.
Meagan's laughter startled him, and he realized he had drawn her into his arms. His anger surfaced, and he shoved her away roughly.
"Damn you for the slut you are, Meagan."
"If I am a slut, what does that make you, Jordan?" she taunted him.
"You make me sick, Meagan. Why can you not see that I do not want you? I love Honor."
The smile left Meagan's face. "Perhaps you do love her, Jordan, but you will never really possess her. She would never understand you or me, and if she did, she would despise both of us."
"What are you saying?"
"I am saying that Honor lives by different rules than you and I. She believes in the good in people until she is shown differently, while you and I ride roughshod over people and destroy anyone who gets in the way of what we want."
"That is ridiculous," Jordan said, knowing that Meagan had most probably summed up both of their characters correctly. His heart wanted to deny what his mind knew was true. He had hurt Honor with his blind selfishness, and if he got the chance, he would most probably do it again. But he loved her. Maybe if she would return his love it would be his salvation.
"I will be glad when you are out of my life for good, Meagan. You have caused me nothing but grief since I have known you."
"What about the grief my sister is causing you right now? I heard the argument you had with her about a certain Yankee major, Adam O'Roarke. Perhaps she gave him what she denies you."
"I will not listen to you, Meagan. Honor has told me that nothing occurred between her and that man, and I believe her."
"It might surprise you, but I believe her also. She is burdened with an affliction that you and I are not bothered by. Call it honor, or call it foolishness, you be the judge. I met Adam O'Roarke once. He is quite the most handsome man I have ever seen."
"When did you meet him?" Jordan asked, his eyes narrowing.
"When I first returned from Europe. I went to Landau, not knowing that my aunt was dead and Honor had married you. He was there."
"What was he doing at Landau?"
Meagan shrugged her shoulders. "I wondered myself at the time. He was so handsome," she taunted, "I practically swooned at his feet."
"What did he say to you?" Jordan asked, angry with himself for letting Meagan torment him and make him doubt Honor.
"He told me where I could find Honor. I recall asking him how he knew so much about my family, and he said he knew a great deal about them. Do you not find that odd, Jordan?"
"Get out of my way, Meagan," he said, pushing her aside angrily. Doubts nagged at him as her laughter followed him down the path and into the house.
That night at dinner the tension was so obvious one could feel it in the air. When dessert was served, Jordan shoved his plate aside and walked out of the room, refusing to look at his wife.
He lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Why did he let Meagan goad him into losing his temper? He cursed silently. His wife occupied a bedroom across the hall from him. He would give her tonight to consider being a true wife to him, and if she could not make up her mind by tomorrow he would drag her forcibly to his room. He wanted her more than he had ever wanted any woman, and he would have her, one way or another.
Jordan heard his bedroom door open, and he saw the outline of a feminine body. Honor had come to him, he thought. She walked slowly toward him, and Jordan drew in his breath as she held out her hand to him. He grasped it and pulled her down to' him.
"Honor, Honor," he said softly, as his mouth came down hungrily on hers. He opened his eyes in shocked surprise. "Meagan, what in the hell . . ."
Her laughter bubbled out.
"Honor would not come to you, Jordan, but I have." She slipped her arm around his neck and moved her body against his. "Kiss me, Jordan, you know you want to," she purred.
Her lips found his, and she felt him stiffen, but only for a moment, then he grabbed her and turned her over, pinning her body beneath him.
"Damn you, Meagan," he said as he ripped her gown down the front. It was Honor his body craved, but he had been too long without a woman, and at the moment anyone would service him, and Meagan was so desirable, her soft body stirring old memories.
Meagan moaned and writhed beneath him. Neither of them heard the door open, nor were they aware that Honor stood just inside the door, until they heard her gasp.
Honor felt herself rooted to the spot as she saw Jordan and Meagan in the dim light that came from the hallway. "My God, no, please," she cried as she felt her stomach churn. She clasped her hand over her mouth, fearing she would be sick.
Jordan pushed Meagan away from him roughly. "Honor, no!" he cried, knowing there was nothing he could say to make her understand that he was making love to her sister because it was she that he needed.
Honor forced her legs to move. She backed out of the door. She had to get away. Tears were running down her face, and her heart was shattered. Running out the front door and across the lawn, she stumbled and fell, but scrambling to her feet, she ran faster. It did not matter where she was going, as long as she got far away from the scene she had witnessed in Jordan's bedroom.
* * *
Jordan rose slowly from the bed and pulled on his britches. Not knowing what to do, he turned to Meagan, who was unusually quiet.
"I never meant for Honor to be hurt this way, Jordan. It seems that between the two of us, we have destroyed her."
"I cannot stand the sight of you, Meagan."
She rushed at him and began hitting him with her fists. "You lie! You love me."
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Jordan grabbed her hands and pinned them behind her. "You disgust me."
Meagan began crying softly. "I never really meant to hurt Honor, Jordan, and now that I have I could die of shame. You may never want me now, Jordan, but you will never have Honor."
Jordan tucked his shirt into his britches. "I have to find her. God help me find her," he said as he rushed out of the room. If he found her, what would he say to her, he wondered. Could he say, "I love you, Honor, but I could not wait for you to come to me." If only he had known she would come tonight. Poor, sweet Honor, so truthful and honest; she would never forgive what had happened tonight. She was really lost to him now. He raced down the stairs, feeling sorry for himself and thinking how unfair life was.
* * *
Honor did not know how she got to the apple orchard at Landau. She had sought comfort in her agony, and her feet had brought her here. She leaned against the trunk of an apple tree and sobbed out her misery.
"Adam, where are you?" she cried. "Oh, Adam, I need you."
She felt comforting arms go around her, and she rested her face against a broad chest.
"I am here, Honor," Adam whispered. "I am here, darling."
Honor looked up, startled. At first, she thought in her confused state that she was hallucinating. She thought Adam was here only because she needed him so desperately.
"How did you get here, Adam?" she said between sobs.
"Does it matter, Honor? I am here."
Leaning against his shoulder once more, she cried out her grief. Gathering her into his arms, Adam sat down on the grass and held her as tenderly as if she were a baby. He did not try to stop her from crying, but rocked her in his arms, whispering soothing words of comfort to her.
"My little love, what has happened to cause you such unhappiness? I am here, darling. Nothing can be so bad that we cannot work it out together."
When at last her tears were spent, Adam wiped her face on his handkerchief, then he held her in his arms once more, waiting for her to speak.
Honor looked up into Adam's dark handsome face and saw love and concern written there. His strong arms brought comfort to her, and she wished she could stay with him forever and never face Jordan and Meagan again.
"I am confused, Adam. Why are you here?"
He rested his chin on the top of her head. "Did I not tell you that I would return, Honor?"
"Yes, but I thought I would never see you again."
He caressed her, not lover-like, but much as a father might comfort a frightened child. "Honor, it was I who bought Landau from you. I arrived here from Boston over a week ago. I was in the apple orchard just now because I come here when I want to be alone. I feel close to you here." He leaned back against the trunk of the apple tree and raised her chin so he could see her face in the pale moonlight.
"You called for me, Honor, I heard you," he said softly.
Honor did not deny it, but looked into his beloved face, at last realizing how much he loved her. Fresh tears came to her eyes, and he brushed them away with his fingertip.
"Why are you so upset, darling?" His voice was tender, as was the look in his eyes.
"I cannot tell you," she said, burying her head against his shoulder.
"Let me guess then. Does it have anything to do with your husband and your sister?"
Honor sobbed uncontrollably.
"Hush, darling, hush. Do not cry anymore. You will make yourself ill. We will not talk of it if that is your wish."
"Oh, Adam, it was so awful."
"What was, sweetheart?" he soothed.
"I cannot speak of it."
"All right."
"How could Jordan have done such a thing?"
His arms tightened around her protectively as anger leaped into his blue eyes. "What did he do, Honor?"
"I cannot tell you," she sobbed, "it is unspeakable."
He kissed her cheek and tasted the saltiness of her tears. Anger such as he had never felt before, caused his tall frame to tremble. His heart ached for the pain he knew Honor was going through.
"Adam," she said sitting up straight and avoiding his eyes. "M . . . Meagan was . . . in bed with Jordan. They were . . . I saw . . ."
Once more she hid her face against his shoulder. Adam's heart contracted at the pain he heard in her voice. What kind of monster was this Jordan Daniels? Adam knew the wounds that had been inflicted on Honor tonight would be a long time healing. He wondered what a man could possibly see in the redhead when he had Honor for a wife. Meagan's kind could be found on any street corner for a price. The only difference between Meagan and a woman of the street would be the asking price, he thought.
"Do not think about it, darling," he said soothingly. "I will never let them hurt you again."
Honor closed her eyes. She was so tired, so emotionally drained. In Adam's arms she found comfort, her love for him wiped out all the ugliness; in his arms she was almost able to forget what she had witnessed between Meagan and Jordan.
"Adam," she raised her beautiful face up to him, "I do not like the physical acts between a man and woman. I do not know why a woman would allow a man to touch her in such a way."
Adam frowned. "Honor, it can be a very beautiful thing between two people who love each other."
"I will never allow a man to touch me in that way again, it is painful and I did not like it in the least."
Adam gathered her tightly in his arms. She had been badly hurt, and if she continued to think the physical side of love was ugly, it would leave a lasting scar on her.
His hands were no longer impersonal as they glided down her back, his warm breath stirred her hair at her temple as he scattered tiny kisses over her face.
"Honor, love is beautiful," he whispered in her ear.
Honor closed her eyes to the feel of his hands that were moving down her back in the most sensuous way.
"Darling, it is time you were introduced to love by someone who loves you."
"Adam, what are you doing?" Honor whispered as his lips traveled down her neck to the pulse beat that was drumming in her neck.
"I am loving you with every beat of my heart, with every breath I take. Darling, you need me. You may not realize it, but you need me to prove something to you."
Honor felt Adam's hand inside her robe and she tried to pull away as he pushed her gown off her shoulder.
"No Adam, you must not. You want to hurt me as Jordan did." Tears washed down her face, "I thought I could trust you, but I was wrong." She tried to wiggle out of his arms but he rolled her over to her back and looked down at her.
“I would never do anything you did not want me to. I am not Jordan. Trust me, darling.”
“You are just saying that so it will justify what you want to do to me. You are no different from Jordan.”
Adam could see she was on the verge of becoming hysterical, and he also knew that if he did not proceed carefully he would do more harm than good. She needed to know that love could be beautiful between a man and a woman.
"Honor," he said soothingly, "for so long now I have dreamed of making love to you." His hands slipped her robe from her shoulders as his lips covered hers softly. At first Honor tried to turn her head away, but his hand slid up her shoulder to cup her chin, holding her steady as his kiss deepened. She no longer struggled; against her will her arms moved around his neck, and her lips parted beneath his.
Adam raised his head, not wanting to rush her. He had all night and she must be won slowly. He pushed his own hunger for her beautiful body aside, knowing he must concentrate on her needs.
"Darling, I love you," he whispered, "and I will do nothing that you do not ask me. Allow me to kiss you and hold you in my arms." He smiled slightly. "You will have to beg me to make love to you before I would take you."
Honor looked into his blue eyes. "You will not . . ."
"Not unless you beg me to," he smiled, knowing he was taking unfair advantage of her innocence. He was a master at pleasing women, and he had very l
ittle doubt that he would have Honor begging him to make love to her before the night was over.
Honor looked at him so trustingly he almost felt guilty.
“I will trust you Adam, because when I am in your arms I can forget about Jordan and Meagan.”
Adam lay down beside her and pulled her tightly against him. Honor could feel the hard outline of his body, and she almost shied away from him. Her body betrayed her, however, and sought closer contact with him. “Hold me Adam, hold me very tightly.”
"Every day of my life darling, if you will allow it."
His lips covered hers in a burning kiss that rendered her mindless. She was vaguely aware that he had pushed her gown and robe to her waist and that the top part of her body was bare. His hands moved over her exposed back, and the feel of those masterful hands was causing an ache deep inside of her.
Honor's own hands strayed to the buttons on Adam's shirt, wanting to remove any barrier that stood between them.
She heard Adam gasp as her hands slipped beneath his shirt and moved over the curly hair that covered his chest.
Adam felt his body come to life as it had never done before. Her soft body was driving him to the brink of madness.
He tore his mouth from hers and crushed her tightly to him. "Oh, God, give me strength," he whispered in a deep voice.
"Adam, hold me," she pleaded as he pulled away from her.
He studied her face lovingly, "Am I wrong Honor? Will I do you more harm than good."
"I do not understand. You do not want to hold me?"
"Oh, Honor, I pray I am doing the right thing."
His eyes drifted down to her creamy shoulders, and then to her satiny breasts that were rising and falling with her heavy breathing.
Honor saw the fire in the depth of his blue eyes and, feeling embarrassed, tried to cover herself.
Adam's hand covered hers. "No, Honor," he said in a velvet-smooth voice. She stared into the soft blue eyes and could not look away from those eyes that seemed to warm her to the very core of her feminine body.
Rebel Temptress (Historical Romance) Page 18