Hold Your Breath

by Caroline Green

  There was another rapid-fire burst of Italian. Tara caught the words ‘Leonardo’ and ‘bella’. Tara knew this meant ‘beautiful’ or ‘pretty girl’ and instantly blushed hard.

  ‘Dad, this is Tara; Tara, my dad Gianni.’ Leo’s face was stiff; his voice flat. He looked as though he couldn’t wait to get out of there. Tara hoped he had explained why she was there and kept shooting desperate glances at him.

  Gianni held out his hand, still beaming. Tara took it and they shook.

  ‘Is pleasure to meet you, Tara,’ he said. His rich, warm accent made her imagine sunshine sparkling on blue water.

  ‘You too,’ she said with a shy smile.

  ‘Right, you got everything you need then?’ said Leo briskly. ‘Because I need to shoot off and take Tara home, then get back to the pool.’

  ‘Why you working at a pool when you should be in college, I never know,’ said Gianni with a gloomy expression.

  ‘Not now, Papi.’ Leo’s tone could have cut paper.

  Gianni’s raised his hand, palm up, in surrender. ‘Okay, okay, I shut my mouth. Look.’ He mimed zipping his lips, his bright eyes merry.

  Tara smiled back, infected by his warmth.

  ‘Come on, Tara,’ said Leo with a sigh, ‘let’s get you home.’

  They got back into the car in silence and Leo started the engine. He wasn’t talkative now. In fact, he was glowering as they came out of the yard and moved into the stream of traffic.

  Tara felt compelled to fill the space. She wanted to know what was wrong with Gianni but didn’t dare ask. But then Leo spoke.

  ‘Dad was a roofer,’ he said with no introduction. ‘Well, actually,’ he corrected himself, ‘he was an acrobat back in Palermo when Hope met him.’ He glanced at her and smiled ruefully. ‘No word of a lie. He really was. Never had a single accident. Then he came to this country and the only work he could get was as a roofer. He came off a roof a few years back and broke his back. He can walk a bit now but . . . things are really hard for him. He gets chest infections quite a lot because his upper spine was damaged.’ He gave a heavy sigh. ‘In fact, we were at A and E all Wednesday night.’

  Leo stopped speaking abruptly, biting his own sentence off. His cheeks were flushed and Tara understood somehow that he felt he’d been too open with a stranger. Should she ask about Will? Swallowing, she spoke before she could talk herself out of it.

  ‘What d’you think of Will then?’ she said and hardly dared breathe, as Leo flicked a look at her. But his face was completely impassive and gave nothing away.

  ‘I think he’s a poser and a moron,’ said Leo. ‘Why?’

  Tara had to suppress a shocked laugh inside, despite the circumstances. Then she remembered why she was asking and felt a spasm of guilt.

  ‘He’s had an accident,’ she said, forcing herself to go on. ‘A bad one.’

  ‘God, really?’ said Leo, looking sharply at her. ‘What happened?’

  ‘Car hit him,’ she said, still hardly daring to breathe. ‘He’s in a coma.’

  Leo gave a low whistle. ‘Poor bloke. I don’t like him much, but that’s bad. Wonder if Mel knows yet.’

  Tara thought quickly. Leo seemed genuine, but she didn’t really know him at all. The gruff-but-kind-of-gentle exterior might be a complete front. She thought of an expression of her dad’s then. In for a penny, in for a pound . . .

  She took a deep breath and then let the words come.

  ‘Look, can I ask you something?’

  Leo turned and glanced at her, with a frown. ‘Yeah . . .’

  She had to get this right. She couldn’t let on that she wasn’t really a friend of Melodie’s. Not now. It was too late. Hopefully he would never have to know.

  ‘I know this is really stupid,’ she said in a rush, ‘but me and some of Mel’s mates are a bit worried because she’s not answering any messages since she went away.’

  Leo’s expression revealed nothing at these words. He concentrated as he turned right onto another main road. They weren’t far from where Tara lived now.

  ‘Well, you know what she’s like with stuff like that,’ said Leo.

  Tara wanted to scream at him. No, I don’t! Other than being a bit up herself and nasty, I have no idea what the hell Melodie bloody Stone is like!

  Tara forced a strangled laugh of agreement but pressed on. ‘Thing is, though, some of them have started saying that something’s . . . happened to her.’

  Leo turned and looked at Tara properly now. She still couldn’t read his expression and then he hooted a short laugh. ‘Nothing like a bit of melodrama, is there?’ said Leo. ‘Let me guess. Jada reckons she’s been kidnapped?’

  Tara laughed too, a laugh that was clear and false. She wondered if he could hear her echoing heartbeat reverberating around the car.

  ‘Yeah, typical Jada.’ Tara tried to soften her tone. ‘Uh, bless her.’

  What was she talking about?

  But he didn’t seem to notice her oddness.

  ‘You can tell Jada she’s fine,’ he said, ‘or at least, she was two days ago. Not sure how she’ll react to hearing about Will though.’ The car turned into Tara’s road and she directed him towards her house. As they pulled up at the kerb, Tara was about to say thanks and goodbye, trying to ignore the sensation of something gluing her to her seat, when Leo spoke again.

  ‘Listen to this.’ He reached into his trouser pocket and got out his mobile. He tapped the screen and then a familiar, disembodied voice rang out. Chills crept up the back of Tara’s neck and she clenched her fists so her nails bit into her palms. But the voice didn’t bring on any strange images. Thank God, she thought, listening to the words filling the car.

  ‘Babes, know you’re having a swim at this time but wanted to say I’m safe and sound. And, ya know . . . sorry about all that the other day. Adam’s taking me out for oysters later. You can think of me when you’re having fish fingers with Gianni. Speak soon, love you, byeeee!’

  There was some kind of noise in the background of the call that was slightly familiar, but Tara couldn’t place it. She tried to remember visits to Brighton long ago and what it might have been. But it was quickly gone and unimportant anyway. Melodie was clearly all right. She knew she should be relieved. She should be, but she still felt uneasy.

  Leo grinned at Tara. ‘Think that will reassure the overactive imaginations?’

  Tara grinned back. ‘Yeah, I’ll pass it on.’

  She thought about Will again. Melodie probably hadn’t had the guts to tell him he was dumped. Poor Will. Tara wondered if he had regained consciousness yet. She still wanted to know what Leo and Melodie had been having such a heated argument about when she’d seen them in the underpass but couldn’t think how she could ask.

  ‘You close then?’ It was the best she could do.

  Leo made a face. ‘We have our moments. Fight like cat and dog sometimes. Well, often, I guess. But we look out for each other too. You got any? Sisters, I mean?’

  ‘A brother,’ said Tara. ‘But we’re the same. Cat and dog.’

  There was a pause.

  ‘Okay,’ she said, ‘thanks for the lift.’

  ‘No problem,’ said Leo. ‘Least I can do. Hang on a minute . . .’ He undid his seat belt and stretched over into the back seat to reach for something. His T-shirt rode up to reveal the soft angle of his hip bone, smooth but also sharp under tanned skin. Tara’s insides flip-flopped unhelpfully. She looked away.

  Leo had a roll of tickets in his hand. He pulled off a few and handed them to Tara with his eyes aimed slightly to the left of her head.

  ‘Compensation,’ he said. ‘That is . . .’ he paused, ‘. . . if you haven’t been put off for life.’

  Tara took the tickets with a smile, but she wasn’t looking at Leo either. It would have felt too intense and she wasn’t sure she could take it right now. Her head might actually explode and that would be quite embarrassing, not to mention messy.

  ‘I’ll risk it,’ she said, gathering u
p her swimming bag and shoving the car door. It opened quite easily from the inside. ‘Thanks. Expect I’ll see you then.’

  ‘Yeah, see you.’

  Tara heard the car sputtering away back up the road as she turned her key in the door. Her mouth was curled into a smile that felt wholly out of her control.

  No one was home and she glided through the house depositing her wet things in the wash basket and hanging up her towel. She felt floaty inside, like a helium balloon that could rise up over the rooftops and on towards the mountains.

  Leo was nice. Really nice. Not at all how she’d expected him to be. Selfish Melodie was just moving on from her old life, wasn’t she? Tara had the proof now.

  But then she thought about the fight she’d witnessed by the river. And Will lying in a coma in hospital. She stopped in the middle of the landing and chewed on her thumbnail.

  Really, she didn’t know Leo at all.

  CHAPTER 10

  SALT

  That evening, she found herself endlessly replaying the conversation with Leo over in her head and forensically analysing it for meaning.

  He really didn’t seem like someone who would cold-bloodedly knock someone over. And what reason would he have to do it anyway? Just because he didn’t like Will? If Tara knocked down everyone she didn’t like, it would be a full-time job.

  Anyway, what did it matter? Leo wasn’t interested in her. He felt bad about her foot, that was all. He’d prefer girls with poise and oozing confidence, not tomato-headed freaks like her. And hadn’t she promised herself to stay away from boys for a while? Or even, for ever?

  The way Jay had made her feel still felt like an open wound.

  Was it ever going to scab over?

  She’d taken a while to go out with him, knowing his reputation as a player – someone who used girls up and threw them away when he was finished with them. When he’d first started to notice her, she’d enjoyed the heat of his gaze as she walked by, but didn’t think anything of it. So she had ignored him for a while and worked on her withering put-downs, which he seemed to find incredibly funny. She’d felt it was like when she rubbed Sammie’s head really hard with her knuckles: it was surely just this side of painful, but seemed to provoke a glassy-eyed sort of gratification too. Rough love, you might say.

  After a while Jay began to fall into step with her. He made her laugh. He was genius at voices and could mimic everyone from his own mates to people off the telly. Her defences quickly started to crumble after those stolen kisses at the pool party, when he’d whispered that he could feel himself falling for her. She’d realised she felt the same and a couple of perfect weeks followed, which even now in her memory seemed bathed in a sort of Hollywood golden light. Then he’d started to push her, wanting more than she was prepared to give. One night, at a Sixth Former’s Christmas party, she’d ended up locked in a cupboard with him. He’d been drinking vodka and kissed her too roughly, too insistently. It had shocked her, his unwillingness to listen. They fought. She went home, and that night she debated whether she wanted to stay with someone like that. She wasn’t the sort of girl who behaved like a boy’s possession. If Mum had taught her anything, it was self-respect.

  But when she went into school, she discovered Jay had been spreading ugly rumours about her, which seemed to float like smoke around the school for weeks. She never spoke to him again. When the whole Tyler thing exploded and people at school found out she was the ‘schoolgirl psychic’, she’d caught him whirling a finger to the side of his head and rolling his eyes to signify madness, prompting hysterical laughter from half the school.

  She’d loved Jay and he’d humiliated and hurt her. She couldn’t let that happen again.

  At dinner, Tara was distracted and not very hungry. She pushed her spaghetti around her plate in circles with her fork. Could Leo have run Will over? But why would he? And he seemed so kind, the way he’d tended her foot, the obvious care he took in looking after his dad . . .

  A realisation came to her so suddenly she let out a barely audible gasp.

  Hadn’t Leo told her his dad had taken ill on Wednesday night? That they had been at A and E all night?

  It wasn’t exactly proof of his innocence. But it was good enough for Tara.

  ‘What are you grinning about?’

  Dad’s voice brought Tara back to the present. Her head shot up. All three of her family members were staring at her.

  ‘Hey, are you with us, sweetie?’ said Dad.

  ‘Yeah, course,’ said Tara, dipping her head again. She piled spaghetti on a fork, and half-heartedly swirled it into her mouth.

  ‘Did you hear what Mum was saying then?’

  ‘No, what was it?’

  Mum rolled her eyes but was smiling. ‘Me and Dad are going away for my birthday. Is that okay with you? Dad’s treating me to a mini-break at a hotel in the Yorkshire Dales.’ She peered anxiously at Tara, who hadn’t responded yet. In truth, her mind was still on Leo.

  ‘Will you be all right here, just you and Beck?’

  ‘Yeah, fine,’ said Tara, distractedly. ‘You have fun.’

  They still stared.

  ‘What?’ she said in frustration. ‘I said okay!’

  She knew she should stay away for a couple of days. The willpower this required was so immense, it almost hurt.

  But as it turned out, she didn’t need to go to the pool to see Leo again.

  She’d been walking Sammie after school and was almost home when she saw his car parked across the road. Her heart skipped as Leo climbed out. His expression was hard to read because he was wearing his sunglasses, but as he got closer she saw his mouth was curled into a hesitant smile. He had on a light blue T-shirt today, which made his skin seem more toasty in colour, along with narrow jeans and black Vans. Tara didn’t really notice what boys wore as a rule, but every time she saw Leo her eyes were greedy for details – from the way his watch-face was slightly twisted on his slim wrist, to the tiny scar that bisected his right eyebrow.

  Her palms were sweaty and she scrunched her hands into fists. The usual heat was spreading, uncontrolled, and flooding her face. Every part of her was prickling and uncomfortable. She wondered for a second if it was possible to actually die from embarrassment. Maybe she would be the first.

  But why was he here? What did he want?

  ‘All right?’ said Leo. He took off his sunglasses and she saw his eyes flick nervously towards Sammie, who bounded up and began bombarding him with his brand of doggie love, tail swishing and nose nudging at Leo.

  ‘Sammie, come here,’ said Tara sharply. The dog ignored her and began to lick Leo’s trouser leg. ‘Sammie! ’ She grabbed the dog’s collar and clipped on his lead again. ‘Sorry,’ she said, blushing even more. ‘He’s just saying hello, that’s all.’

  ‘Right,’ said Leo, swallowing visibly. ‘I’m more of a cat person, I guess.’

  Tara smiled. Her heart was thumping in her ribcage. Her cheeks seemed to get even hotter. Why was he here? As though guessing her question, Leo held out his hand, which contained a girl’s purse.

  Tara’s purse.

  ‘This yours?’ he said. ‘I found it in the changing rooms.’

  Tara let out a gasp of surprise. She hadn’t even noticed its absence. The feeling of embarrassment grew more acute then. What did she think he was here for? He was only doing an errand. Nothing else. And the irony wasn’t lost on her that she knew where other people had lost things, but hadn’t even noticed her own belongings were missing. It was all completely skewed.

  ‘Oh,’ she said. She couldn’t bring herself to smile again. Her cheeks felt stiff. It felt like she’d flung her arms around his neck or something and been rejected, even though that was silly. ‘Thanks.’

  Leo cleared his throat.

  ‘Also,’ he said, ‘I was wondering whether you fancied a free swim later.’

  Tara gave him a puzzled smile. ‘I have tickets, remember?’

  ‘Ah, but the pool closed early today,’ said
Leo with a shy, appealing smile. ‘Dobby’s had to go off somewhere. You could have the pool completely to yourself.’ He paused and then cleared his throat, avoiding her eyes for a moment. ‘Well, apart from me being there too.’

  Tara hesitated. ‘Oh, I don’t know . . .’

  Leo took a step back, and shoved his hands into his pockets. ‘Ah, look, I’m not being a perve. It seemed like a nice idea earlier, but I hadn’t thought it through properly.’ His eyes flicked to Sammie again, as though he expected the dog to defend his mistress’s honour and go for him. But the dog had slumped to the path, tired by his walk, tongue lolling like a long pink slice of ham, and heavy breaths shaking his body.

  Incredibly, Leo was actually blushing now. This gave Tara a flash of courage.

  ‘Are you sure it would be okay?’

  He looked up again, his eyes hopeful now. ‘Yeah, definitely. I have the keys.’ He patted the pocket of his jeans and smiled.

  Heart drumming, Tara tried to push her hair casually back from her face, where it was flopping down. But her hand was shaking and her face glowed. She was bad at casual when it came to Leo.

  ‘Okay,’ she said, ‘I would like a swim. I can come over at about, what, five?’

  Leo nodded. ‘Great, I’ll be there.’

  He headed off back to his car.

  Tara turned away towards her house, and suddenly wanted to skip like she was six years old again.

  Getting away proved to be harder than she anticipated. Mum was determined to ‘catch up’, it turned out. She was really going for it with the meal when Tara was hoping to have only a sandwich until after swimming. Instead, there was going to be lasagne and salad and even homemade garlic bread. She’d put a little bowl of flowers on the table too and even put proper side plates out, like they were in a restaurant. Tara groaned internally.

  Mum was vigorously whipping cream in a bowl to go with strawberries. Tara idled nearby, trying to work out what to say. She quickly decided that a lie was the only possible solution.