by Elle Scott
‘How did you know it was a time portal?’ I finally blurt out.
‘My watch,’ he holds his wrist up to me. ‘See?’
I look at his watch and then back to him. ‘The date changed?’
‘Yeah,’ his voice is soft. ‘Like crazy. I remember that I was looking at it to count the five minutes out, but it immediately started going faster. Every minute we were in there it rotated quicker and quicker. I knew straight away we were travelling through time.’
I nod but he still looks troubled.
‘Where have you been?’ I ask.
‘Sleeping,’ he turns and pulls his feet out of the water, ‘my parents died.’
‘What?’ I gasp.
‘I begged Miles to take me back, to reverse the Corridor back to the time we left. He said it wasn't possible, that it wasn't a time machine, but merely a portal that subsides the clock. Whatever that means, well I know what it means—I can't go back, I can't save them,’ the words flow out of him in glistening streams of pain. ‘They were killed a few months after we entered the Corridor. As my little sister hid innocently in the house, our parents were murdered. What for? Miles doesn't know. He kept saying, “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,” like it was his fault somehow.’
I thought that it would be safer for him to not start looking for you, Miles’ words about my own father scream at me now.
I close the gap between us. I press one of my palms firm against his cheek, my other hand encompasses the nape of his neck and I pull him in even closer. I can feel the warmth of his breath on my chest, I kiss his forehead.
‘What about your sister now?’ I whisper concerned.
‘She's in the Corridor. She went in there once she discovered that's where I was, it's projected that she will exit in the next couple of days.’ He breathes the words out with strain. At least that's one good thing.
I'm trying to remain calm; let him see I'm here for him. Tears flow down his cheeks, I let them land on my thumb, catch them from the fall, catch him from the fall. I wish I had the ability to soothe the deepest aches, with a single knowing smile—if only for a split second.
‘I deserve to cry. I deserve this pain. I let this happen.’ He sobs.
I hold Xander in my arms, it reminds me of a moment with my dad, a lifetime ago—seeing him mourn the pain I was in from my mother’s wrong doings.
The grief in Xander’s eyes confirms how insignificant my worries are. At least I can see my dad again.
I stroke his hair and kiss his forehead again, a small and seemingly useless gesture, but at least he knows I'm here for him; that he has someone left who cares for him. He sniffs and pulls away from me, his head lowered. It is almost as if he feels ashamed for letting me see him like this.
‘Xander, I'm here for you, okay?’ I try to bring his attention away from his guilt. ‘It's not your fault, how could it be?’
He winces and refuses to look at me.
‘I'm here for you okay?’
He tucks his feet under his body. ‘I've got to go,’ he snaps. He lifts himself out of my grasp and disrupts my balance, I dart my hands behind me to stop my fall. His feet leave impressions in the grass as he rushes towards the fort. A tracker would say, 'this way, the human went this way after sitting by the river.’ They may even be able to say how: fast and steady, like he was running with purpose. They couldn't ever say why though.
I know that losing someone you love makes you feel like you have lost yourself… like every part of you has crumbled under the pressure. I also know that it's not true, you're all there still—it will just take a little while to put all the pieces together. It takes time because you gain some extra pieces—ones that are full of strength, resistance, and in some cases a coating that only your own death can break.
~~~
I enter the food court and am shocked to find it full of life. From the chimes of knives and forks hitting crockery, to the dull chatter of everyone buzzing about whatever extraordinary or mundane topic amuses them. The smell of gravy and sweet potato hit my nose. I walk back up to the buffet line.
‘Grab a tray love, I'll serve you up a fresh plate!’ Abner beams, his crooked teeth zigzagging along his gums. I drag a tray along the buffet line and am served everything on offer.
‘Did you find Xander?’ Abner chirps. He's exactly the same as he was at the Base, if only slightly more wrinkled and husky. He lifts his ladle and gravy drops fall recklessly into the corn container. I follow the direction he is pointing and see Xander sitting alone on a table by the window.
‘I did, thank you Abner,’ I say.
I weave through the tables and dodge people getting up for second helpings. At an estimate, I'd say there were about forty people in here. Which, compared to the Base, is minuscule but a far cry from how empty it felt not even an hour ago. I recognise most people, some scientists, some other explorers—they are all too busy eating and talking to notice me. I'm not sure what I would say to them anyway.
I make a bee-line for Xander, he's lost in his own world stabbing peas slowly with his fork.
‘Nora!’ Sam’s voice booms beside me. Xander looks up. Jennifer touches my arm and I nearly lose my tray.
‘Nora, how are you?’ she beams.
‘Umm, I'm okay. A little shell shocked but…’ I smile politely and also to myself, somehow, I really am doing okay, I think. I glance at Xander so he knows I'm coming to him.
‘I know. I know.’ Her voice changes to a serious tone, ‘come find us after, we'll have a chat about it all.’
I look at her and Sam and Marcus, they do know don't they. They've been in the exact same position as I have. I'm grateful for the reminder that I'm not the only one who hurts from this. I'm finding it hard to catch a balance between being upset for myself and being upset for Xander. And while he needs me, it's okay for me to feel what I feel about my own situation.
‘Thank you guys, I most definitely will. I just need to see Xander first.’ I say in earnest.
‘Absolutely,’ Marcus says. ‘He should chat with us also, it's pretty shit isn't it. This whole thing. You need to know what we know.’
‘Marcus!’ Sam objects before mouthing, ‘what the hell?’
Jennifer checks around the room before glaring at Marcus, ‘Sshhh… she gets it, we'll have a chat. We know how it feels yeah!?’
I smile and keep moving towards Xander. He pushes his chair back and lifts his half empty plate.
‘Wait! Don't go yet. Finish your dinner with me.’ I urge.
He pauses for a moment before returning his plate to the table.
We sit in silence for a while, it's hard to know what to say. Hopefully my company is enough.
‘I'm sorry about before,’ he says.
‘Don't worry about it… and don't worry about me.’
He manages a small laugh. ‘How can I not Nora?’ He brings his tear-filled eyes to meet mine.
‘I don't know,’ I choke on the lump that's formed in my throat. ‘Just don't, I'll be okay.’
He rushes to stop a tear from falling down his perfect face. ‘Remember the other night?’
‘Which one?’ I think I know.
His smile crinkles up his whole face and makes the tears in his eyes glisten. ‘You know.’
I nod.
He looks down and stabs another pea with his fork. All the while I'm willing him to let me in, if I'm not physically wrapping him up in my arms—he damn well needs to feel safe to grieve.
‘I think we should… um… put the brakes on a bit,’ he's still looking at his food.
‘Xander, look at me.’ I feel like I'm doing a lot of begging lately.
He raises his head; his eyes are full and sullen. A puppy dog would have trouble competing with the look he is giving me.
‘Considering… everything,’ he deliberates his words, ‘I think we need to wait a bit before we delve into some kind of relationship.’
‘It's too late for me Xander.’ Don't you dare push me away, ‘I'm already in this.�
�
He scoffs and looks out the window, ‘You can't be in something if you don't know what it is.’
‘I know exactly what this is Xander!’ The rise and fall of the tide circulates within my body, my chest feels like it might explode from the friction. I try so hard to not make it evident that I'm crumbling right in front of him. I take a deep breath but all I can taste is the sting of rejection. I'm not angry, I'm sad that he feels he has to do this—the memory of that kind of sadness reminds me how acute and unmerciful it is.
‘What is it?’ he asks still looking out the window.
‘This is you, petrified. You're feeling something new inside you that you don't like and you're scared to share it with me. It’s not weak to be vulnerable you know!’
He shakes his head but still doesn't look at me, still doesn't respond.
‘Look at me Xander!’ Is this what it's come to—me forcing people to stay with me, be honest with me?
‘Don't make a scene Nora,’ he says lifeless.
I've never known him to be passive aggressive, it's like he wants me to hate him.
‘It's over,’ this time he looks at me direct—his icy stare freezes my body. ‘We're done!’
‘You don't mean that!’ I gasp.
He grabs his plate with purpose and leaves me. My wide-open heart now alone and cold, I’m cruelly paralysed in my own denial.
SIXTEEN
Nora
I've been sitting in the food hall alone for almost two hours. I've seen people filter away after finishing their meal. Some stay to have dessert and play various card games, some walk back through with racquets and head to the tennis court, some simply wander off to their own quarters. I sit here and feel like the world is still buzzing along, without a place for me in it.
I glance at the big clock on the wall, it says it’s seven forty-two pm. I'm trying to think of scenarios with what Miles has to say to me. I can't possibly begin to imagine a single one though. Instead, I replay the cruel expression Xander forced upon me and wonder if my dad thinks I abandoned him like my mother did.
I fill my lungs with a generous amount of oxygen to warm my insides in preparation for the cold. I stand. I'll hear what Miles has to say first before I decide where my thoughts will take me next. I may wake tomorrow with a whole new life plan ahead of me.
~~~
The glass doors from the foyer open up and I step out into the brisk air. The temperature has dropped since this afternoon, the night air is much more ruthless. The winter wind caresses my face and threatens to break through the protection of my stiff leather jacket. It reminds me of the letters my mother wrote, of how Xander spoke to me earlier—selfish and relentless. I wrap my arms around my chest and begin to make my way to the river. I hear footsteps quicken behind me.
‘Nora!’ A voice calls out. It's not Miles, it's Jennifer.
‘Nora!’ she puffs. ‘What are you doing out here in the cold?’
‘I'm meeting Miles.’
She thinks for a little bit. ‘Talk to me first? Come on.’
She runs around the side of the building and up towards to the top boundary of trees. I have a bit of time and I’m curious, so I follow her. When we reach the trees, she pulls me behind the first row and suspiciously looks around.
‘Outside is the only place that isn't bugged,’ she shivers in a thin, chiffon blouse; her nose has turned pink. ‘Oh my god, it's cold.’
The tree tops above us sway in harmony, happy and unaffected by the crisp breeze. I keep looking up at the dancing branches until I notice something unusual. A sliver of light cuts through a branch, almost like a sheet of glass but the leaves move through it.
‘What's that?’ I ask as I follow the sliver all the way down to the ground. A round metallic blue light emanates in the dirt. It's not the only one, I see more of them, a dozen or so all in line circulating around. I follow the line they make together—behind the Fort and across the river. It follows the contours all the way along, around the back of the Corridor and down the tree line to where it started. A full circle, a translucent blue wall.
‘Our protection apparently, a hybrid between the static and egg orbs adjusted to create some type of magnetic field. To stop anyone coming in… or going out.’
‘Adjusted? Going out?’ I question.
‘Look, I wanted to grab you before Miles talked to you, so you know the truth and not whatever lie he decides to spin to you. He'll tell you all they do here is the same as the Base before, studying and stuff. But it's kind of bull crap, they want you close so you don't go telling anyone what's been happening here.’
‘We already signed a disclaimer that we would never share what we do here.’
Jennifer pauses and looks at me with sympathy. ‘You really don't know a thing, do you?’
‘Look all I know is, that one day I was an explorer for Palladium, documenting our missions and the next day I'm five years into the future. What more is there to know?’
She looks pleased with my request, like she is proud to be the one to give me brand new important knowledge.
‘Everything is obviously not what it seems here, it's not hard to tell is it? That something is up!’
I shake my head in silence, encouraging her to speak.
‘I don't know a lot. I just know we've been working for a corrupt company. They tell us we are working on the orbs for technological advancement, they show us all these awesome new devices—like the key-line and the portal elevator, but they are also working on something secret. Once Marcus and Sam decided to come here when this facility was built three years ago, it was a no-brainer for me to tag along too. We want to be close to everything—to be close to the enemy.’
I'm still not following. The look on my face must be evident. She's talking an awful lot for not saying much at all.
‘While we were being re-introduced into society, Viv found us. She told us they needed as many people on the inside as possible. That there was a plan within the Uprising to stop all the nonsense, and that it would all come to an end soon after you and Xander came out of the Corridor.’
‘What's the Uprising?’
‘A group of peacekeepers,’ she smiles. ‘The Uprising has a leader named David Nichols, he and Professor Ladlow used to work together at Palladium. But when Nichols heard that Ladlow wanted to sell the orbs to the government… the military, instead of develop them for technological advances, Nichols was fired. That's when Ladlow assembled the explorer teams to collect the orbs. He knows about them all, what they do. He knew what they did before you even found them—he didn't even tell us what the Red Orb could do, what the Corridor did. Still he sent us in blind to do the dirty work for him. He actually built the Corridor himself you know? He wanted everyone to enter the Corridor to disappear for a while so he could work out how to dispose of us. After a year and a half, I guess the unpredictability of when and who would resurface—on top of parents beginning to become anxious about us—the order came to destroy all the Corridors.’
Her eyes look past me and glaze over, like she is lost in a world only she could see.
‘So, if the Corridors were supposed to be destroyed, what happened next?’ I ask.
‘Exactly that, they were all destroyed. Except for yours of course, isn’t it ironic that Miles’ team is all completely in tact? All alive. Tell me what that says to you?’
‘It doesn't make sense,’ I shake my head in disbelief.
‘Viv will be back tomorrow. She can tell you in more detail, I just wanted to let you know before Miles spins you any lies.’
Too late for that.
‘Jennifer?’ I feel as though I have to whisper even though the building is at least twenty metres away, ‘thank you.’
She folds her arms around me in a reassuring hug. ‘And how are you, really?’
‘It's tough, a lot to take in,’ I shrug, I'm not sure how to explain how I'm feeling. I'm number than ever, ‘but I’m alright.’
LIE.
‘What will y
ou do now? Will you meet Miles?’ she asks.
‘I don't know. I really don't know,’ I shiver.
‘It's too cold out here. Are you coming?’ she says, as she steps out from the tree line towards the building.
I shake my head as fierce as my body trembles in the cold. I can't risk bumping in to Miles.
She smiles at me with sympathy. I watch her turn around; her reddish hair bouncing on her shoulders as she leaves. I watch her until she becomes a hazy figure walking towards the shadow casting building. Confusion has rushed upon me, it brings with it darkness and a stabbing chill through my bones. Or maybe that’s because the door has opened and someone else steps out. It’s Miles. I can barely make out the expression on his face as he stops with Jennifer for a few seconds. He doesn’t look happy. She moves inside and Miles makes his way to the river.
Viv has never been close to Miles. Those last couple of days before we entered the Corridor she was being nothing but brazen and bitter towards him, maybe she knew something about him back then?
I slide my back down the tree stump and stare at Miles. He waits for me while I watch him and consider not showing up. On one hand, it would be good to hear what he has to say beyond the confines of eavesdropping ears and spying eyes; but on the other hand, I’m still processing what Jennifer has told me—I'm not sure I can take much more today. So now I'll sit here and let my fingers turn purple.
SEVENTEEN
Nora
After thirty or so minutes, Miles begins to make his way back to the Fort. I haven't taken my eyes off him the entire time, replaying memories over in my head, trying to decipher what is real—if anything is real. Around the twenty-minute mark, I had almost decided to run to him, apologise for being late—apologise for my waning trust in him. I was unable to move though, my back sticking to bark like I was a part of the tree.
As soon as he is inside, I jump to my feet and run. My feet are so numb I can only tell they are attached to me from the biting twinges that hit me with every. single. step. The entrance opens for me and a rush of warmth glides over my skin. My breath sporadic and short tries to catch my body up to the change in temperature. I stop for a moment and close my eyes, let the heat wrap itself around my limbs. I wish for a better day than the one I've just had. A day where Xander hasn't dumped me, where Miles hasn't lied to me, where Viv has been here for me, and where I'm sure of every thought I have about all of them. I open my eyes and I recede back into the disappointing reality.