“I can do a lot without a keyboard.” He remained in place, but his voice was rough and low and it felt like a physical touch. She felt his gravelly tone spread through her like a shot of whiskey causing a blush to rise up her neck.
Oh boy. She was in trouble. Big trouble.
Just like that, she turned into a fourteen-year-old girl who read into everything. Her mind filled with all the things he could do without a keyboard, starting with him stepping forward, backing her against the wall and kissing her so hard and so deep that the entire world disappeared.
She shook her head and forced herself to snap out of her fantasy world. All those years ago, she’d thought that he’d been sending her mixed messages, but the truth was he’d just never been into her. And he wasn’t now.
Eliza forced herself to smile as she said the name of the woman who he was interested in. “I met Bailey, last night. She’s amazing.”
* * *
Nate’s eyes shot to hers. “You what?”
He was sure he must’ve heard her wrong even though when she’d spoken he’d been staring at her mouth so hard he should’ve been able to read her lips. But his mind was focused solely on stopping himself from doing something stupid, something he couldn’t take back, again. Like kissing Ellie. He’d forgotten how much he’d missed her laugh. Her laugh was sexy, soft and light as a breeze. When he heard it, it shot straight to a deep primitive place inside of him and all he could think was, mine. He wanted to claim her. To make her his.
She cleared her throat and squared her shoulders and repeated, “I met Bailey. She’s amazing.”
Now he was focused. It turned out he’d heard her correctly. His eyes dropped once again to her mouth and he saw the same forced smile that she’d worn at the front desk yesterday. It was as if Eliza didn’t like her but was trying to be nice.
For some reason he felt like he needed to clarify their relationship. “We’re not together.”
She blinked several times and her plastic smile faded. “Oh, I thought…I mean…Becca said…”—her arms waved as she stumbled over her words—“she said that you were…and then Bailey said you were going to the Masquerade—”
“We’re friends.” He wasn’t sure why he felt so defensive about his relationship with Bailey. If Eliza thought they were in a relationship that would be better for him. Safer. It would serve as a buffer so he was even less tempted to make any bigger mistakes with her than he already had.
“But you’re going to the Masquerade Ball?”
“Yes,” he confirmed.
“But you’ve never dated?”
“We have.” He’d never understood the Facebook relationship status “It’s complicated” until now.
“I’m confused.”
This wasn’t a conversation he’d ever imagined having, which wasn’t a place he found himself in often. He also wasn’t sure why she was asking, what her motivation was. Which was another rarity for him. Most people were as easy to read as a Dr. Seuss book for him. “It’s not serious.”
“Really?” She actually looked even more confused now. “Why not? She’s really amazing. You should lock that down. I mean if I swung that way, I’d put a ring on it.”
Now it was his turn to laugh. No one ever made him laugh like Eliza did. It wasn’t that he didn’t laugh, he did. But no one surprised him when they spoke. Logically, he knew that was because of his higher-than-normal IQ and his ability to predict patterns of behavior based on personality, intelligence and disposition. But he’d never been able to figure Eliza out. She was a mystery to him…and he loved it.
He loved her.
“I’m not kidding!” A smile spread on her face, a real smile, and it almost dropped him to his knees. Lifting her hand she began counting off on her fingers. “She’s gorgeous, funny, smart, kind, charming, cool and a freakin’ pediatric surgeon…” She flipped over both hands and raised them up. “I mean, come on, she’s too good to be true, but she’s true. What more could your heart desire?”
You. My heart’s only desire is you.
Her Bailey campaign continued. “She’s perfect! I mean, what more could you want?”
“She’s great,” he agreed.
She was great, but she wasn’t Ellie.
“No.” Ellie shook her head as her eyes widened. “I’m not asking rhetorically. I’m literally asking what more could you possibly want in a woman?”
You. I want them to be you.
Since he couldn’t say that, he asked, “What happened with you and your husband?”
It’d been driving him crazy since the day before. He had to know. This was as good a time as any to ask.
She narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. “Well played, sir. Well played.”
“Well played?” He had no idea what she was talking about.
“Yep.” She nodded and pointed her finger towards him. “I see what you did there. I was asking personal questions so you turned the tables. Touché.”
“I wasn’t turning the tables.” This wasn’t a game and he didn’t want her to think he was playing one. “I honestly want to know. But you don’t have to tell me, it’s none of my business.”
A flash of surprise registered on her face. “Oh, you were serious. Okay, well it’s pretty cliché.” She let out a forced laugh and her voice trembled. “In fact it’s probably the oldest story in the book. I walked in on him with the dental assistant that I had hired the week before. The nineteen-year-old dental assistant.”
Before she’d even finished her explanation his blood started boiling. In Ranger training he’d learned several ways to kill a man, in seconds, with his bare hands. Never once had he been tempted to do it. Until right now.
Luckily he was schooled at keeping his expression blank. Growing up, his mind was always going a mile a minute. Sometimes he’d get in trouble for scowling at his mother or teachers. It was never directed at them, but he’d quickly learned to never let what he was thinking show on his face.
She didn’t need to see how it was affecting him. She didn’t need to see that he wanted to tear her ex from limb to limb for hurting her. She didn’t need to see anything but her supportive friend.
A forced laugh fell from her lips as uncertainty filled her emerald gaze. “I got replaced by a younger model. It doesn’t get more cliché than that.”
“He’s a fucking idiot,” Nate growled. He’d meant for his tone to be softer. Not so murderous. But that wasn’t possible right now. “He never deserved you. You deserve…”
He hesitated before finishing that sentence. He almost didn’t finish it, but after seeing the insecurity in her eyes, hearing the quiver in her voice, he couldn’t stop himself. Something inside him snapped. “You deserve a man that sees you. Not just how unbelievably sexy, adorably cute and heart-stoppingly beautiful you are every second of every day which you are totally unaware of and that naivety only adds to. Not just how you light up every room that you walk into and make the people around you better just by being in your presence. Not just that you’re witty and smart and you always try to see the best in people.
“You deserve a man that knows that when you’re nervous you rub your thumb along the pads of your fingers, so he’ll know when to put his arm around you and tell you that everything is going to be okay. You deserve a man that knows if you’re sad you need to watch sad movies, not to wallow in your feelings but so you can let out all the tears. You deserve a man that makes sure you don’t forget your keys, or your purse, security codes, or anything else you might need before you walk out of the house because your mind is always preoccupied with how you can be better, how you can help more people.
“Doug was never that man. You don’t need him. You need a man that goes to bed every night and wakes up every morning in awe that you’re by his side. A man that can’t wait to hear the next word that comes out of your mouth, just to hear your voice. You need a man that would never, that could never cheat on you because no other woman in the world even exists to him. A man tha
t can only see you, your smile, your eyes. Only hear your laugh, your sighs, your words.
“That’s the man you need. That’s the man you deserve.”
Ellie’s lips parted as she sucked in a short breath and there was an uncertainty in her stare as she looked up at him with tears brimming in her eyes. He could sense the energy between them shift and he instantly knew that he’d gone too far. Revealed too much. That he’d crossed a line he had no business crossing.
He was about to apologize when he saw something that stopped him. The blush that he’d grown addicted to causing when they were younger spread up her neck. Her chest rose and fell as her breaths came in pants. She licked her lips and dipped her head shyly. Her hair fell like a curtain around her face.
Now his blood was hot, but for an entirely different reason. He didn’t have to be a genius to recognize arousal. He stepped forward and reached out to lift her chin so he could look in her eyes. He needed to see her face. To see what she was feeling. Even if he couldn’t act on it, he needed to know.
Just as his finger brushed her soft skin the lights turned on and he heard footsteps coming their way. He stepped back just as Jarmen rounded the corner and jumped with a start.
“Oh, hi.” Her stare bounced between them. “Sorry, I didn’t know anyone was here. I come in early on Tuesdays to catch up on insurance claims. I just came back to turn off the alarm.”
“Oh that’s actually why Nate was here,” Eliza rushed to explain. “I left the paper that Dr. Lewis wrote the code on at home and Nate saved the day.” She turned back to Nate with puzzlement once again in her green gaze. “Wait, that can’t be why you came. How would you have known about the alarm?”
“I heard you cursing. I was on my way into work.”
“Work?”
“Nate works at Elite Security, it’s just two doors down,” Jarmen filled in the blanks.
“Oh.” Eliza nodded.
His phone buzzed and he didn’t have to check it to know who it was. He was due on a call with Washington. “I need to take this.” He leaned down and scratched Farmer, who’d been standing vigilantly beside Eliza. “Good boy, take care of our girl,” he whispered so only the dog could hear him.
“See you both later.” With a wave he left and as he pulled the phone out of his pocket. He knew that he had to put everything that just happened out of his head and focus on work.
He just had no idea how in the hell he was going to do that.
Chapter 7
Eliza rolled her head from side to side like a fighter entering the ring as she exited the exam room after seeing her second-to-last patient of the day. For the past eight hours she’d done her absolute best to keep a rein on her thoughts and feelings. She hadn’t let herself indulge in daydreaming, obsessing, dissecting or examining the exchange that she’d had with Nate this morning.
All she had to do was get through a filling on Mr. Potter and she could finally go to her office, shut the door and have the nervous breakdown that she felt she deserved. If the emotional roller coaster that she’d been on all day was any indication, when she finally let herself think about and feel everything that Nate had said this morning, there was going to be Alexander Skarsgard level swooning, pig-like squealing, it’s-my-party-so-I’ll-cry-if-I-want-to tears, and maybe a little (a lot) of cursing that would make a sailor proud.
She’d thought getting through yesterday had been difficult after her surprise reunion with Nate had left her more shook up than Elvis. Turns out it was a walk in the park compared to today, which felt more like the Chicago Marathon, but the finish line was in sight.
Pasting on a wide smile, she turned the corner and greeted Mr. Potter, her elementary school piano teacher, who she would never have recognized if she hadn’t already known who he was. What used to be a full head of thick hair was now thinning. His large, onyx eyes were no longer hidden behind thick-framed glasses. And he was at least a hundred pounds lighter than he’d been when he’d spent hours upon hours patiently instructing a girl that had absolutely zero musical ability.
When she’d scanned his chart earlier she’d seen in his medical history that he’d undergone both lap band and Lasik surgery, so she’d prepared herself that he may not look like the Mr. Potter that she’d known and loved, but the transformation was still shocking to witness.
“Hello, there stranger. Welcome home.” His voice sounded the same and his cheery demeanor somehow seemed even cheerier.
“Hello, Mr. Potter.” Her smile felt more natural as she slid into the stool next to him. “Thanks, it’s nice to be back.”
Before she started working on his left second bicuspid, the two caught up and she tried to be present and stay in the moment, but her heart kept trying to drag her away like she was Liam Neeson’s daughter in Taken. She silently demanded the captors of her attention to stop. Don’t think about that now. Stop. It.
Thankfully, once the procedure began her mind focused effortlessly on the task at hand like it had all day when she was actually working. Martha assisted her and the filling took about five minutes. She stood, removed her gloves, said goodbye to Mr. Potter and walked as fast as she could to her office.
Common sense would dictate that she go home before having her mini-meltdown. The problem was that her condo was about a ten-minute walk and honestly, she didn’t think she could hang on that long. Maybe she should feel ridiculous for that, but she didn’t. Not in the slightest.
How in the world was a girl supposed to hear all of the things that she had this morning, from the man that she’d wished was hers since she’d still been in braces, and not completely lose it? Perhaps a better woman than she would’ve been able to logically and unemotionally process the events, but this little teapot was at a boiling point and steam needed to be released. The last thing she wanted was for her emotional outburst to happen in public. No one needed to witness what was about to go down.
So, the office it was. There was a low hum of activity and she thought that since the staff was still here, she’d just have to take Elmer Fudd’s advice and be very, very, quiet. She grinned to herself at the thought and thankfully, Sako was passing her in the hall so she didn’t look like the crazy person she was feeling like. He smiled back completely oblivious to the storm of emotions that were whipping through her.
When she finally made it to her destination, she already had tears in her eyes as she closed the door and leaned against it. Farmer, who had been asleep in his dog bed lifted his head and ambled towards her. She slid down the door and landed with a soft thud on the floor just as Farmer made it to her.
She wrapped her arms around him and leaned into his fur as she closed her eyes and finally let herself feel everything that she’d been pushing down inside of her all day.
There was a hefty dose of happiness in the mix. That speech he’d made was exactly the kind of thing that she’d thought only happened in romance novels and movies. Not in real life and certainly not in her life.
She wished she could remember it all verbatim, but she’d been in such a state of shock she’d only been able to retain a highlight reel. She closed her eyes and let it play in her memory now.
You deserve a man that sees you. Not just how unbelievably sexy, adorably cute, and heart-stoppingly beautiful you are every second of every day which you are totally unaware of and that naivety only adds to.
You deserve a man that knows that when you’re nervous you rub your thumb along the pads of your fingers, so he’ll know when to put his arm around you and tell you that everything is going to be okay.
You need a man that goes to bed every night and wakes up every morning in awe that you’re by his side.
A man that can only see you, your smile, your eyes. Only hear your laugh, your sighs, your words.
In high school Nate used to drop compliment bombs on her all the time, never knowing the damage that he caused. But he’d never said anything like this. This morning was on a different level. Just one of the things he said would’ve made
her day, her week, her month, her year…but all together…his sentiments had made her life.
She cried and laughed as she snuggled Farmer closer to her. The weight of the words sunk into her as tears fell down her cheeks. She ran the memory of him saying those words on a loop. They were beautiful. They were poetic. They were heartbreaking. Hearing them had been like a dream come true and a nightmare all in one. He’d made her feel happier, more loved and more seen than she ever had in her life. And at the same time she felt sadder, more alone and more empty than she ever had, too.
More than just her bad track record with men, she knew that Nate’s speech had just hammered the last nail in the coffin of her dead love life. Who would ever be able to compete with those words? With the sincerity that was behind them?
For ten years she’d felt so guilty about her last night with Neil. Felt so ashamed. So embarrassed.
As the years went on she’d convinced herself that the feelings that she’d had for Nate had been totally one-sided. She’d blamed herself for the fantasy world that she’d built with him as her knight in shining armor, her prince, her soulmate, her one true love. But now…now she knew that hadn’t been the whole story. He was also her King of Mixed Signals.
Her crush may have been unrequited, but he’d certainly fueled the flame that was burning for him. Today was proof of that.
She rubbed Farmer’s head as she asked, “Who says those kinds of things and yet has no intention of following through with being the man that they’re describing. The man I deserve?!”
Farmer’s response came in a sigh that puffed out his jowls as he flopped down and laid his large head in her lap.
Eliza didn’t need any canine assistance to answer her own question. She knew the answer. A cruel person who was playing games does that. But Nate wasn’t cruel. He was one of the kindest, most generous people she knew and she also knew that he would never intentionally play games with her. There was only one reasonable explanation for his behavior. It had to be unintentional. Like some kind of genius-short-circuit in his brain.
All He Desires – Nate & Eliza (Crossroads Book 12) Page 6