Out

by Cara Dee

  “Oh, hell.” Henry’s tone shook the perfect atmosphere, and I followed his gaze toward the house. Past the kitchen, into the foyer. And oh, hell was right.

  Mattie and Ty were home. They were stiff as sticks and carefully dumped their towels and a backpack on the floor.

  “Sunscreen,” I called. “It’s a thing.”

  While they flipped me off, I sent them a thumbs-up.

  “Christ, you two.” Henry became all adorable. “Do you not realize how dangerous it is to be in the sun without protection?” He stalked through the kitchen and into the half-bath in the foyer, quickly emerging with after-sun lotion. “This has aloe in it. I’ll get you some ice packs after dinner. Before we eat, though, you should take some ibuprofen. I’ll go get it.”

  I smiled to myself and took a swig of my wine, then plated the last steaks.

  I was dating a fretty fusser.

  Mattie and Ty stepped out on the terrace with equally miserable expressions and aimed for the seating area. Still in their trunks, the reddening skin of their shoulders, torsos, faces, and even their legs was visible.

  “Been in the water all day?” I guessed. My brother loved swimming in the ocean, and once he got in, it was difficult to get him out. It was the only way I knew they wouldn’t feel the burn until it was too late.

  “Maybe,” Mattie mumbled.

  Ty’s complexion was originally even fairer than Mattie’s, so he’d really unlocked the level of lobster. My brother wasn’t far off either.

  “I sneezed in the driveway and wanted to cry.” Ty touched his burned nose gingerly.

  I pinched my lips together to hide the amusement. Seeing the damage up close did have me worried too. But Christ, they were funny.

  There was a big dose of relief related to Ty, as well. He seemed more at ease.

  Henry returned with sodas and painkillers and a lecture on skin cancer.

  The boys listened grudgingly while slathering themselves in after-sun lotion.

  After a couple trips to the kitchen, I had set the table on the terrace and brought all food. “What have you eaten today?” I asked. They were eyeing the steaks as if they were starved.

  “We bought hot dogs for lunch,” Ty replied. He winced and hissed when lifting his arm to fill his plate.

  “I’ll do it.” Henry couldn’t relax. He remained in the fussing parent mode and served their dinner. “Did you take the pills?”

  They nodded sullenly.

  “Okay. Eat carefully, now.” Henry sat down next to me, his forehead creased with concern. “You should take baths after dinner. I’ll leave oatmeal and baking soda in your bathrooms. Don’t towel off,” he warned. “You don’t want to upset your skin further. Then more lotion. I’ll put it in the fridge while you take your baths.”

  Maybe it was possible to fall in love in a short period of time.

  That was the thing with Henry. Being with him made me see possibilities everywhere. He was a genuinely good person, and I almost felt like I was a better version of myself when I was near him.

  “Oatmeal?” Ty grimaced.

  “It’s gross, but it works,” Mattie muttered. “Ain’t my first sunburn.”

  “For the sake of my sanity, have you considered making it your last?” Henry asked.

  I grinned, and I was pretty sure there was a faint blush underneath Mattie’s burned cheeks. This was good for him too. To have an older male role model around who wasn’t his brother.

  I sighed contentedly, then dug into my food and enjoyed the moment.

  Twenty

  Murphy’s law can suck my dick

  We didn’t have brunch with Martin on Sunday, which felt entirely wrong. He hadn’t answered his phone when we called, so Henry and I left Malibu with two aging teenagers who could barely move.

  In Venice, at a place called Casablanca, Henry introduced me to bottomless mimosas and my first—though, it had to be the best too—calamari steak ever. Henry was driving, so he stuck to one drink.

  I was kinda tipsy by the time we got back in the car.

  Tipsy meant courage, and that was the moment I had the balls to discuss the time Mattie and Ty would spend here while I was back home. It was a topic I’d quickly grown to hate. At the same time, I woke up this morning missing the sound of rain pelting the windows.

  “Can you stop acting like I’m twelve?” Mattie groaned. “I’ll fucking behave, Zach.”

  “Well, good.” I faced forward and tapped my fingers along the armrest. “And don’t take advantage of Henry’s tendency to be whipped.”

  “Hey,” Henry protested. “I’m not whipped.”

  “Of course not, sweetheart.” I brought out my phone to write a list of expectations I had for the boys. They should help out and not get everything handed to them, they could ask Martin if he needed help in the shop, Ty could help Henry with inventory at the bookstore… It would do him good to see the place his uncle had started. Snacking—Mattie could get out of hand with snacks. Henry would have to keep an eye on my brother there, ’cause Mattie’s favorite dinner was Cheetos, and then for dessert, he licked the dust off his fingers.

  At the bottom of the list, I wrote, Make a damn wish and hope you end up in the same place as Henry.

  “You’re moping, honey.” Martin hip-checked me to nudge me away from the counter where he was decorating mini cupcakes. They were for some celebrity’s kid’s birthday. Each little cupcake had vanilla frosting, edible glitter, and a handmade crown of chocolate.

  “Sorry.” I stuck my hands in my pockets and searched for a random topic. “What made you give up law school for this?”

  He waved a hand. “I like to work with my hands, and studying law put me to sleep most of the time. That’s not what you want to talk about, though.”

  “Can’t I come down here to say hi?” I scowled.

  “Of course you can,” he placated. “But it’s not why you came here this time. Now, out with it. Trouble in paradise?”

  “No…” Wasn’t that the issue? There was no trouble at all. Everything was fucking perfect, and I wasn’t happy about leaving soon. But it was time. I’d pretended Los Angeles was my reality for a few weeks now, and I had to get back to Nan and the store.

  After brunch, running some errands, and chilling all Sunday, time had sped up for us. Monday and Tuesday disappeared in the blink of an eye between pool fun, sightseeing, and playing house. Well, technically, it was still Tuesday. I’d headed out for a little while to meet up with Julian, who’d been in the area. We’d bought too-expensive ice cream and more or less ended up talking about our significant others for two hours.

  On the way home, I’d taken another turn and ended up at Martin’s instead. He was going to pull an all-nighter to get everything ready for this princess’s birthday party.

  Who had a party on a Wednesday, anyway?

  “I wanna go home but not alone,” I admitted. It was dark out by now. Henry would probably text soon to check in. “I miss all the things that Los Angeles people shudder at.”

  “Such as?”

  “The rain. The forest, the… Just being home. Less traffic.”

  Martin chuckled softly. “We do not love the traffic, dear. We endure it.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Indeed. Rain is hideous. Have you spoken to Henry about this, though? Do keep in mind he is from your hometown.”

  I scrubbed a hand over my mouth and sat down on the little bench by the window. “I guess I’m greedy. He’s said we’ll see each other again soon, and it’s not enough for me. Ty’s really come around these last couple of days—what if he wants to move here?”

  For the most part, Ty was focusing on Henry, as he should. Mattie was the constant; Ty took breathers with my brother, with whom his dynamic hadn’t changed. Then Ty dove right back into spending time with his uncle to find their middle ground. In short, Ty and I didn’t talk too much. And that was okay. I went from being his buddy’s big brother to his uncle’s boyfriend. It made sense tha
t he didn’t know where he had me yet. I barely knew either.

  “You can’t see yourself living here?” Martin wondered. “You seem to like LA.”

  “I do.” I nodded. Shit, I liked it a fuckload here. “It’s just not home. Something is missing.”

  Martin made a humming sound and planted his hands on the counter. “Perhaps you need some alone time to process everything. You’ve undergone quite the change in very little time. Once you’re on solid ground at home, I think it’ll be easier to see where you end up. For now, you have unfinished business in that little flannel town of yours.”

  Unfinished business… I guess, in a way, he was right. For lack of a better word, I wasn’t out back home. If I kept prolonging my stay, I’d feel like I was hiding. I had to see Nan, get back to work, and see my friends, few as they were.

  Movement between the two counters caught my eye, and I watched as Eagle sauntered into the shop from the back.

  Last night, Henry had mumbled Eagle’s name in his sleep, and I’d struggled not to laugh.

  “He misses the bookstore.” Martin picked up the chubby fur ball and returned him to the back office. “No, you stay here, feline.” He closed the door, then put on a new pair of plastic gloves. “Bring some treats back to the house, Zach. You’ll need the sugar to turn that frown upside down.”

  I mustered a small grin. “I’m gonna miss you.”

  “Oh goodness, no. Don’t you do that to me.” He gave me a hard stare, looking upset all of a sudden. “You’re coming back, for chrissakes. Whether you like it or not, this is your home away from home, and I will see you promptly for brunch in mere weeks. Make it happen, do you understand?”

  “I understand,” I said quickly.

  “Good. Get home to your man now. I’ll stop by with dinner tomorrow.”

  The next day when I placed my duffel on the bed, Henry came up behind me and hugged me to him.

  “I don’t like this. Not one bit.”

  I melted into him and closed my eyes. “This is where you promise me everything we have is real.”

  “So very real, Zachary.” He turned me in his arms and kissed me deeply. “When school starts, I’ll see you then.”

  Oh? That was news to me. I inched back to look him in the eye. “How can you be sure?”

  He touched my cheek. “I have to face my parents at some point. Wherever we end up, we’ll have to pick up Tyler’s belongings at their house too. We’ll fly up no matter what.”

  I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat and nodded jerkily. It was something, at least. I’d see him in a few weeks.

  I searched his eyes as my vision blurred around the edges, and I didn’t say the words I had at the tip of my tongue. It was the wrong moment. I couldn’t know for sure I loved him yet. I wouldn’t know until I didn’t have unfinished business. I had to return to my reality first.

  “My beautiful man.” He dipped down and kissed me once more, a slow, deep, passionate one.

  I shivered and locked my arms around his neck, pressing up against him. “I need you.”

  “I’m all yours, baby.” He cupped my cheek, our foreheads touching. “I never stood a chance.”

  “I didn’t either.” Even as I said it, I knew he wouldn’t believe me. It was starting to sting, though I reminded myself he’d lived more than I had. His view was gonna be different. “Come on.” I tugged him backward and blindly pushed away the duffel. “I want you inside me.”

  He only hesitated for a second before he stalked over to close the door. Then he was back, lowering me to the bed and covering my body with his.

  In order to beat traffic, I wanted to get on the road early. The sun wasn’t up yet when I forced down some scrambled eggs and bacon.

  Henry worked silently in the kitchen, wiping down the counter after being the sweetheart he was. The man had packed me a lunch. Leftovers from the Greek place Martin had brought food from for dinner last night. And snacks and drinks.

  I was kind of annoyed with Martin. He didn’t do goodbyes, so he’d made a swift departure once dinner was over, and he’d been gone with a kiss on my cheek and, “Brunch. Don’t forget.”

  The truck was packed, and I’d filled up on gas yesterday.

  Mattie and Ty trailed down in sweats and sleep-tousled hair a little before seven.

  “Daily texts,” I reminded my brother.

  He nodded and slumped down on a stool next to me. “I remember.”

  “Can I get you some coffee, boys?” Henry offered.

  Mattie replied with a, “God yes, please,” and Ty nodded and yawned.

  “Right, and no taking advantage of Henry,” I added, half irritated. “I don’t wanna call in three days and find out he’s your maid.”

  “Believe it or not, but I can take care of myself.” Henry winked at me, then poured three mugs of coffee, one for himself. “I can balance the doting with structure.”

  Fine. It was a possibility I was overreacting. Whatever.

  “So how long have you guys been married?” Ty asked.

  Mattie bumped his fist, and Henry chuckled.

  I didn’t really react, other than enjoying that Ty was cracking jokes again. Or maybe there was a trickle of pleasure at the marriage part. For as much as I went nuts over my favorite drinks and having a great time in a club, the domestic lifestyle was where I got real comfortable. Being able to sit down and have dinner with my family, dividing chores…that was where I felt most at home.

  “All right, I’m gonna leave you with the two comedians.” I finished my juice and brought my plate to the sink. I linked a finger with Henry’s. “I want frequent reports from you too.”

  He lowered his head and pressed a lingering kiss to my jaw. “No texts. I’ll call so we can get off together.”

  I was on board with that.

  Mattie was ready to drink his coffee and read the paper by the pool like some old man, so I gave him a hug and kissed the side of his head.

  “Drive safe, love you.” He waved lazily on his way out to the terrace and yawned.

  I could tell Ty didn’t know what to do, and fuck that hesitation. I hauled him in for a hug too, which didn’t seem too unwelcome.

  Then Henry followed me out to my truck.

  “It’s not too late to fly, you know.”

  Nah, this was cheaper, and I wanted to get my truck home.

  I leaned against the door on my side and pulled him close. “When I told Martin I was gonna miss him, he got huffy with me.”

  The corners of Henry’s eyes crinkled with his smile. “Well, I will certainly miss you.”

  “I’ll miss you too.” Pulling him in for a kiss, I wrapped my arms around him and soaked up the last of the physical touch I was gonna get for several weeks. “Thank you for everything, Henry. Seriously. What you and Martin have given me…” I had no words for it.

  “You’ve given us more than you realize too,” he murmured. “I want you back in my arms as soon as possible.”

  I nodded and kissed him again.

  “One thing.” He cleared his throat and gathered my hands in his. He kept his gaze there too. “You asked me yesterday to tell you this is real, and it is. Hell—” He shook his head, smiling wistfully. “It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt in my life.” That declaration made my breath stutter. “And because I want you to keep coming back to me, I want you to know I won’t hold it against you if you meet—”

  I quickly untangled my hands from his, ice and hurt tearing through me.

  “Zachary, please listen to me. You haven’t explored much yet, and… I apologize. I only want you to get everything you desire.”

  For a second, I fucking died. I grew distant and cold, and I nudged him aside to open the door. How could he do this? Right now? Motherfucker. I blinked and swallowed, wanting to get on the road before the emotions surged up.

  “I can’t fucking believe you went there.” I got in the truck and slammed the door shut just as he said my name again, this time more urgently. I
couldn’t. Key in the ignition, I started the engine and backed out of the driveway.

  Holy fuck, this hurt. He wanted me so badly he wasn’t gonna hold it against me if I fucked someone else?

  Motherfucker.

  I rolled down the winding path toward the main road, and I slammed my hands on the wheel. Anger flared up and up and up until I was goddamn furious. Fuck him. Fuck him so fucking hard.

  In a split-second decision, I took the wrong turn and headed straight for Martin’s shop.

  I’d fucking told him. I’d told Henry all I wanted was to be his. Why couldn’t he make that happen? No, instead he gave me the green light to fuck around. Way to make me feel like I belonged to him.

  My truck upset the dust as I tore into Martin and Henry’s parking lot, and I was out of the truck before I could turn off the engine. It didn’t matter. I wasn’t staying long.

  Bakers, or artisanal pastry makers, were up way before the sun, and the door to his shop was open.

  “Is that you, Mariella?” he hollered from the back.

  I rounded the counter to join him, and I was happy to see Eagle first thing. Martin’s back office was his packing station. White boxes were stacked in piles everywhere, even on the workbench where I assumed he and his niece did the packing.

  Martin spun on me, clearly surprised. “What’re you doing here, hon?”

  I pointed to Eagle, the fur ball that was conveniently resting in his carrier. At least one thing was working in my favor this morning. I went over to Eagle’s corner and quickly closed the carrier door before he could claw his way out. He hissed at me, and I hunted down his litter box in the nearest bathroom.

  “Should I ask what you’re doing, Zach?” There was a note of worry in Martin’s voice.

  “Henry just hurt me,” I said, carrying out the litter box. “More like stomped on my fucking heart. So I’m gonna hurt him too. Where’s Eagle’s food?”

  Martin was useless. He wanted to discuss what’d gone wrong, and I wanted to get the hell away from here. Without help, I located all the cat shit I needed, and I had it packed in my truck in two trips. I’d saved Eagle for last.