Sleepwalk

by Ros Seddon

  Gingerly she crossed the main road and stood between two stone pillars at the park entrance; her dark shoulder length hair whipping into her eyes and cheeks as she stood in the cross wind. She looked up at the weather beaten lion heads either side of her; guarding the park like sentries; their mouths agape; their teeth bared; their long flowing manes still among the gusty tree tops and her heart began to pound as she moved slowly into the darkness. Surely she wouldn’t have come in here? It took a minute for her eyes to adjust and then she saw her. She had climbed the steps into the bandstand and was balancing awkwardly on the railings; her slight body swaying precariously from side to side. She was going to jump.

  ‘Jesus Christ Ellie do you have a death wish or something?’ Abi shouted at her.

  She ran to the steps but even as she climbed them Ellie was falling and landed with a thud on the grass below her. When she got to her side she found her sound asleep on the grass. Abi shook her awake.

  ‘Where am I? Abi? What’re we doing here?’

  ‘You’ve been on one of your late night walkabouts love. Come on, can you stand up?’

  She helped Ellie to her feet and found that this time, nothing was broken. She had only fallen five or six feet and the only damage seemed to be a graze on her arm; but it could have been worse. They walked back to the high street in silence and Abi hailed a cab. She could never in her wildest dreams have imagined what life would be like with Ellie; but it was late now and there had been enough suspicion and adventure for one night. She would talk to her tomorrow. She was hard work that was for sure but Abi could face all the problems that life threw their way….. If only she knew that Ellie felt the same ....... because deep down she had her doubts.

  Chapter Four

  Life was becoming increasingly more difficult for Margaret Breen. There were times when she felt engulfed in self pity and today was one of those times. Joseph had woken her early in the morning and moved over to her side of the bed seeking her affections, obviously feeling a little amorous. Early awakenings like these were none too common these days so she welcomed his attentions with open arms and afterwards had lain with her head upon his chest, her pulse beating in time with his heartbeat.

  ‘I love you Joe’ she sighed and cuddled into him but he moved her arm aside,

  turned over and sat up at the side of the bed.

  ‘You should go now’ he said as he reached for his shirt and trousers. ‘If my wife catches you here we’ll both be done for’.

  Margaret opened her mouth to speak but the words would not come. Her steady heartbeat had now become a pounding thud in her chest and a feeling of nausea was slowly rising up into her throat as she threw back the duvet and stormed off into the en suite bathroom where she slammed the door closed and didn’t come out for two hours. When, finally the door opened and she emerged Joseph was sitting on the side of the bed waiting for her.

  ‘I did it again didn’t I?’

  Margaret walked around him as if he wasn’t there, went to the other side of the room and began to get dressed.

  ‘I said the wrong thing didn’t I?’

  ‘It wasn’t just what you said Joseph it was how you said it.’

  ‘I don’t understand Marg.’

  ‘You said it like you meant it; like you were actually there.’

  ‘I was only joking’

  ‘No Joseph. You were not joking. You meant it. You were remembering something from before like you were there; and you were there Joseph because it happened. At some stage in your life you were unfaithful to me and to our marriage; and that hurts Joseph. It really hurts.’

  Margaret went downstairs and made breakfast. She did not lose her temper. She placed their dishes gently on the table in her usual controlled manner and continued her daily routine with a calmness and surety that was unnerving to him. He kept quiet for most of that day and did his best to please her hoping that she would forgive him but as morning began to fade into afternoon he’d forgotten what it was he’d said that had upset her so much and then he became frustrated with her.

  ‘Tea is on the kitchen table Joseph if you want it and if you don’t…. well then just don’t eat it. I don’t really care either way. I’m going into the garden to read the paper.’

  ‘Oh for goodness sake stop snapping at me Margaret. What have I done to deserve it?’

  His wife glared at him and made her exit carrying her own tea on a tray.

  ‘Fine! I’ll eat in the kitchen then and talk to myself. At least I’ll be able to talk to someone with a little sense.’

  Margaret set down her tray on the patio table. He had planted the seed of doubt in her mind now and try as she might to forget, the seed slowly grew. She sat down and looked at the newspaper but she wasn’t reading it. She was reminiscing; going back through time in her mind over their long happy marriage. Almost fifty years they had spent together…….. half a lifetime and she couldn’t remember a single night they had ever been apart. How could he have ever been with another woman without her knowing? Unless it was in the early years of their marriage; the years of war torn Britain when he was serving in France and Malta. Had Joseph been unfaithful to her when he was in the forces? And if he had, would that have been such a terrible thing for him to have done? Wasn’t it common knowledge that hundreds of British soldiers had some kind of relationship in their time served abroad? Thousands of miles away from their loved ones; not knowing if they would ever see them again……… Had she overreacted? She picked up her tray then and carried it back into the house but even as she did so his words haunted her; cut her like a knife. If my wife catches you here….. Had this happened at home? When? Where; in this house? Here, in their family home? She would ask him. She would ask him right out about his infidelity. She breezed into the kitchen, then jumped with shock in the doorway, dropping her tray on the floor. Joseph was lying face down, huddled on the floor.

  ‘Joe!’ She ran to his side and tried to help him up but found she couldn’t lift him. ‘What happened? Are you in pain?’

  ‘Damned nuisance Marg. Legs wouldn’t work you see. Feet went in different directions and down I went with a bump; can’t seem to get up. Be alright in a minute or two.’

  Margaret tried, once more to lift him but it was impossible. She simply didn’t have the strength.

  ‘Don’t try to move Joe. I’m going to get some help.’ She rushed from the house, down the drive and into their neighbours’ garden, but Barbara and Keith’s car was not in the drive. She remembered they were away. She went to the next house, and the next but could not raise help anywhere. Panic stricken Margaret returned home and found he was still in the same position but now he was holding his chest. Her fingers trembling, she dialled 999. Twenty minutes later at Exeter hospital he was put onto an ECG machine to monitor his heart. After a couple of hours the Doctor confirmed Joseph had had quite a severe angina attack possibly bought on by the stress of his fall and the frustration of being unable to manoeuvre himself to his feet. He offered to arrange some respite care for a week or so to give Margaret a break by admitting him temporarily into a care home.

  ‘Thank you Doctor, but that won’t be necessary. I will look after Joseph myself.’

  Felicity had been surprised to say the least when David had phoned her on Saturday afternoon.

  ‘Hi Flick. How are you feeling now?’

  ‘Really good thanks. David, I want to thank you for what you did for me. I feel much happier now that you’ve changed the locks.’

  ‘I’d like to talk to you about all that. . . . . about what happened that night. Flick, what are you doing tonight?’

  ‘Tonight? I …… I was thinking of going to Sandy’s. Why?’

  ‘Oh. Ok. I ….. I thought you might like to come over here and have dinner with me but if you’ve arranged something we can always get together some other time.’

  ‘No. I haven’t arranged anything concrete, I mean….. I would love to come over but what about Ollie?’

  ‘He goes to
bed around seven thirty and I thought if you came over at about eight/ eight thirty; would that be too late for you?’

  ‘Not at all. Eight or half past would be fine. Are you sure? I mean, supposing he wakes up?’

  ‘He won’t. Anyway Flick, to be perfectly honest, I’m thinking its high time the two of you met. How would you feel about that?’

  ‘Its fine; if you’re sure. David, do you not think it’s a bit soon? I mean….. I’m dying to meet him, really I am, but I don’t want you to feel you have to invite me around because………. because you think it’s what I want.’ There was a long pause before he spoke again.

  ‘Flick. You don’t need to meet him. Not tonight anyway. He’ll be asleep when you get here and he sleeps well. He rarely wakes up at night. Don’t worry. Hope you like beef stroganoff?’

  ‘Love it. Can’t wait’

  ‘Cool. Well I’ll see you later then. Oh, ours is the last house on the left next to the woods at the bottom of Rose Lane. You can park right outside. It’s a cul de sac so your car will be quite safe there. Not many people come down this far.’

  ‘Ok, well I’ll see you later then. Bye David.’

  ‘I’m really looking forward to seeing you Flick. Bye for now.’

  Felicity had a long soak in the bath; did her hair and make up and spent the next hour choosing something to wear. She tried on several different outfits including her little black dress and discarded each one as too revealing, too short or too dressy. Eventually she settled for a plain brown skirt and a beige top. As she turned into Rose Lane her heart was pounding so hard she almost turned around and went home again. Why did he have this effect on her? Just thinking about him sent her all a flutter. She checked the clock on her dashboard; 8.20pm. The houses here were all detached with long front gardens and driveways. David’s house looked quite big. It had white-washed rendered walls and the garden was very well kept with tidy hedgerows all around the front and side. There was a tall fence between his house and his neighbours’ and his car was parked under a lean to. As she made her way down the garden path the front door opened and there he was in the doorway, a tea towel in one hand and a wooden spoon in the other.

  ‘Flick. It’s really good to see you. I’m so glad you came round. Come in.’

  ‘I brought a bottle of chardonnay. It’s chilled so….. wow, something smells good.’

  He led her through the hallway into the lounge. The room was big and spacious and the décor was very tasteful with a beige carpet, brown leather suite and cushions matching heavy brocade curtains in the big bay window. Felicity had an eye for décor. She paid a lot of attention to detail being in the property business and David’s house would be classed as first rate in a sellers market. He obviously had high standards and must have spent a lot of time and care keeping it up to scratch.

  ‘Nice.’

  He took her jacket and the bottle of wine and gestured to the leather sofa. He had filled two little glass bowls with crisps and nuts and fresh flowers bloomed in a crystal vase above them.

  ‘Help yourself Flick. I’ll put this on ice and check the dinner. You found us ok then?’

  ‘Yes. No problems.’

  ‘Good’. He left the room momentarily then returned with two glasses and the wine in an iced wine basket. Felicity was impressed. She watched him as he filled their glasses and then as he stepped back he tripped and almost fell backwards. She laughed as he leaned down to pick up the offending plastic train that had lodged itself under the foot of the sofa.

  ‘Ooops; must have missed that one! It’s not like me to miss a train.’

  ‘Or allow anyone else to……’

  They smiled then and the ice was broken. They chatted for a while about work and about Oliver and he called her into the dining room; beige with a splash of plum and equally as pleasing to the eye. Then he disappeared into the kitchen and returned a few minutes later carrying a dish of basmati rice with peas and sweet corn and a bowl of thinly sliced beef with mushrooms in a stroganoff sauce which smelt delicious; and tasted divine………

  ‘You’re a really good cook David.’

  ‘I enjoy cooking actually. I’d never bothered before but then, when I became a single parent…… or even before that, when Ellie was sick…. I kind of had to learn; fast.’

  ‘Do you miss her?’

  There was a pause before he spoke.

  ‘I miss adult company; if you could call Ellie an adult. Sometimes I think Ollie has more sense.’ He smiled and there were those little creases in his cheekbones and his eyes flickering in the lamp light like ripples in the deep blue ocean.

  ‘When I met Ellie we were at college. She was working for a degree in teaching and I was studying accountancy. She had high hopes, and so did I. We moved in together and I worked in a bar in the city in the evenings. I had to, to make ends meet. I used to think we were happy, but now when I think back, I realise that wasn’t strictly true. We married quite young I suppose and I spent a lot of my spare time studying. Then when Ollie came along….. I think she felt trapped. Like, that was it; the end of an era; the end of life as she knew it. She gave up her career to look after him. Maybe that wasn’t such a wise move….. I don’t know Flick. But I learned a lot from living with her. Ellie is quite shallow. Yes, she’s a pretty girl, but looks aren’t everything.’

  ‘You’re quite safe with me then.’

  ‘No that’s not what I meant at all. Her beauty is skin deep. Underneath it she’s quite selfish and bitter. She only cares about herself. She thinks she’s special and she’s quite obsessive and paranoid about herself. She sees things; things she believes no one else can see. In the short time I’ve known you I’ve learnt an important lesson. You are truly beautiful Flick…. not just on the outside, but inside. Your beauty stems from within. This isn’t a comparison thing. You have so much love inside and you put others before you and…. look at you; with your big brown eyes and your perfect skin…….. and your soft chestnut hair….’ He stepped toward her and ran his fingers through her hair sending shivers down her spine.

  ‘Ok Sherlock. In a minute my head will be so big it won’t fit out the door. And you already had me with the beef stroganoff; you didn’t need to go to these extremes.’

  He took her hand, pulled her to her feet and she gasped with anticipation as he stood before her and pulled her closer. She lost herself in his gaze; savouring the moment; awaiting his kiss.

  ‘Come with me.’ He led her to the bottom of the stairs and crept up the first two steps and her adrenalin started to rise; thoughts, racing through her mind as she anticipated; love in the making… with David…. the inevitability of it all…….. it had to be perfect.

  ‘I want you to see him’

  David silently pushed Oliver’s bedroom door ajar and a shaft of light from the landing illuminated the room. A night light cast its red glow over the far wall where the animated wallpaper of Thomas the tank engine brought engine faces to life while an abundance of soft toys overflowed from a bright red toy box in the corner of the room and all thoughts of sex and sin were banished from her mind. Oliver was sound asleep. He had a mop of yellow curls swept back over a pale, high forehead and his breathing was slow; steady and peaceful. His dark eyelashes flickered as he dreamed and a smile appeared then faded; then reappeared on his perfectly angelic face as he slept. She watched as David pulled the duvet a little higher, covering his chest; kissed his own fingers and gently touched the child’s cheek, then turned toward her smiling; the proud father. They made their way downstairs very quietly and went into the lounge; the dining room moment, now lost but replaced with something more; with love and purity……. a warm loving feeling of wholeness; reminiscent of her own childhood days. He began to pour her another glass of wine and she lifted her hand.

  ‘Oh no more thanks David. I have to drive.’

  ‘Course…….. yes; sorry. You could stay over if you like. I have a spare room.’

  ‘Thanks but, I ought to be going home quite soon. It�
��s getting late and I don’t like to be out driving late at night.’

  ‘But you’ve not been here long. Can’t you stay a little longer? I want to talk to you Flick.’

  The clock over the fireplace said 9.45pm.

  ‘Maybe a little longer then, but I won’t have another drink thank you.’

  But when David’s phone began to ring any thoughts she had of staying longer were banished from her mind.

  ‘It’s Sandy, your friend.’ He said sheepishly as he stood in the doorway to the hall. ‘Flick, your Dad is in Hospital.’

  Felicity dashed to his phone and took the receiver from him.

  ‘Hi Flick it’s Sandy. Your Mum rang me-she thought you may be with me. I remembered David’s number from the other night so I thought I’d better ring. I hope you don’t mind. Don’t panic but your Dad has had some pains in his chest so they’ve taken him to Exeter Hospital for a check up. Do you want me come pick you up and take you over there?’

  Felicity was in the car and on her way to Exeter before she had chance to explain properly to David but he did offer to get someone over to look after Ollie so he could accompany her. An offer she declined. Her mother was waiting for her at the entrance to casualty and looked relieved to see her. She assured her he was ok and was not in any danger but when Felicity saw him still hooked up to the ECG machine to monitor his heart he looked old and drained and was lying awkwardly in the little narrow bed; his face drawn and his mouth slightly open. They sat for a while by his side. A staff nurse came and checked on him, smiled at them briefly then disappeared as quickly as she had arrived. A short while later the Doctor came in to check him over and said he was ok to leave, but that he should see his GP first thing on Monday morning. Thirty minutes later they were in Felicity’s little Mini on their way home. Felicity decided to stay with them that night. She did not discuss the evening’s events with her mother. Neither did Margaret Breen tell her daughter of the events leading up to Josephs fall. Joseph didn’t talk a lot on the way home and what he did say didn’t make much sense to Felicity. He kept apologising and she kept telling him he had nothing to apologise for but then it became apparent from the awkward silence between her parents that perhaps it was her mother he was apologising to. She decided the best course of action was to take their minds off whatever had caused this bad feeling between them by talking about her cat, her bump on the head and about David. Her plan seemed to work and by the time they arrived home they were discussing things in their usual cheerful manner and some normality seemed to be restored. The worry of it all had come to a head now and they were all completely exhausted. Margaret made their usual hot bedtime drink of Horlicks.