When I Fall

by J. Daniels

  I straighten my spine but keep my hand on the hood. “It’s supposed to rain again tomorrow. If that happens, I’ll be free, if you are.”

  “I’ll be free. I was just planning on running out to the Verizon store in town to get a new phone plan.” She smiles, so fucking big, my heart reacts to it. “Would you come with me? I need to pick out a new phone too and I don’t know what I’m doing with any of that stuff. The only tech thing I’m good at is my Kindle.”

  I give her a nod. “Yeah, all right. I can do that. Is noon okay with you? I can meet you there.”

  “It’s perfect with me.”

  We stare at each other, her smile growing the longer the silence lingers.

  I can’t fucking help it. I breathe out a laugh, letting myself feel not just okay with this, but fucking good about it. My hand falls to my side and I take a few steps back.

  “Tomorrow, sweetheart. You and me.”

  “You and me,” she echoes.

  I turn away, flipping off my two best friends through the window as they enjoy the show.

  Beth

  I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER prayed for weather before last night. Maybe when I was a little girl, and I wanted to wake up to snow on Christmas morning, maybe then I whispered into the dark, hands folded and eyes closed. I can’t remember if God ever listened to me then. Not for something as trivial as a weather request, but I’m sure I would’ve given it a shot anyway if it was something I really wanted. Something I couldn’t make happen on my own. And maybe God appreciates those little wishes, the soft voices in the night that aren’t calling out for the impossible. Maybe that’s why he gave me rain this morning. Amongst all the heavy hearts and tired minds around the world, pleading for miracles before bed, I chose to quietly ask for a day to get to know Reed. A day that apparently needed bad weather to happen. It seems silly, and insignificant, and maybe this has nothing to do with God. I know what causes rain, and I probably just got lucky. But today, as I listen to the soft tapping against my bedroom window, I’m going to choose to believe something greater was behind this.

  I take a long look at myself in the bathroom mirror as I secure the hair tie onto the end of my braid that falls over one shoulder.

  My cheeks are flushed with excitement, or from the warm shower I took a half hour ago. Or maybe my nerves are on full display, because I definitely am nervous. I have no idea what to expect from this meet up with Reed. Spending time together to get to know each other should seem pretty straight-forward. I’m expecting a lot of questions, a thorough back-and-forth to cover all our bases. But I honestly have no idea what version of Reed I’m going to be getting today. I’ve witnessed several sides of him already in the two times we’ve been together, ranging from charming flirt to unapproachable asshole. Yesterday I seemed to get a mix of both, so yeah, I’m nervous.

  I want the guy who came up to me at McGill’s, not the one who walked away.

  Hattie is sitting at the kitchen table, sipping iced tea and flipping through a magazine when I walk into the room. She looks up and gives me a warm smile as her hand lowers the glass down in front of her.

  “Well, don’t you look pretty,” she admires as I fetch my car keys from the small dish on the island.

  I look down briefly at the outfit I settled on today, a cream sundress that clings to my body until it hits my waist. There it fans out a bit and falls to mid-thigh. Not too revealing, but definitely an outfit I’ve gotten attention in before. I’ve paired it with the only shoes I own, my boots, and they keep it casual, which is how I like to be. This is about as dressy as I get. I’ve never worn a pair of heels, and I’m not planning on it either.

  I’ll get married in these boots. Just watch me.

  “Doing anything fun today?”

  I turn around and walk up to the table, keys in hand. “I’m meeting up with Reed. We’re going to hang out and he’s going to help me pick out a new cell phone.” I grab a few grapes out of the bowl in front of Hattie and pop one in my mouth. “I might be gone for most of the day.”

  Hattie leans back in her chair, waiting until I look at her to speak. “You’re meeting up with Reed?” Her face visibly tenses when I nod. “Beth, darlin,’ I’m not sure hanging out with Reed Tennyson is the best thing for you. He’s a sweetheart, don’t get me wrong, but he’s not really . . .” she pauses, her eyebrows pinching together before her gaze drops to the table. I can tell she’s struggling with her next words, and I know it has to do with my past.

  What else could it be?

  “Aunt Hattie, I’m fine,” I tell her, prompting her to look up with eyes filled with worry. “I love that you’re looking out for me. I do, but, I’m really, really good. I promise.” I smile, hoping to get a mirrored reaction. Her lips pull up slightly. “Thank you for caring about me. You don’t even really know me yet. You don’t have to care, but the fact that I have family who does means so much.”

  She flattens a hand to her chest. “Oh, darlin.’ I’m sorry. It’s not my place to butt in. Just . . .” she waves her hand dismissively. “Just ignore me. I’m being overprotective.”

  “That’s okay.” I pop another grape in my mouth, chewing behind my smile. “Did you and Uncle Danny ever want to have kids?”

  She closes her eyes briefly, then nods as she looks up at me. “Yes, we did. Lots and lots of kids. We tried for a few years, but it wasn’t in the cards for us. We’re okay with it now, but it is wonderful having you here.” She reaches out for me and squeezes my hand. “I think your Uncle Danny sees you as the daughter he never had. Talk about overprotective.” She lets a quiet laugh slip past her lips, then feigns seriousness with a straight face. “Don’t tell him where you’re going today.”

  “Got it,” I reply, reaching for a few more grapes. I step away from the table, only to remember something just before I head out of the kitchen. “Do I have a curfew?” I ask in the doorway, watching Hattie lift her glass to her mouth.

  “You’re twenty-two years old, darlin.’ I don’t think you should have a curfew.” She tips the glass to take a drink, but freezes, lowering it back down a few inches. Her back straightens in her chair, and caution tightens her frown. “I just ask that if you aren’t planning on coming home for the night, you give us a head’s up, okay? I don’t need your Uncle Danny pacing outside with his shotgun.”

  I pinch my lips together, trying not to smile. “Okay.”

  Hattie rolls her eyes. “You think I’m joking,” she says under her breath before finally taking a drink of her tea.

  I can’t imagine what that would look like, and I don’t have the desire to find out.

  Hattie smiles at me, and I wave, quietly slipping out the front door in case Danny is still around.

  ON THE WAY TO THE Verizon store, I stop at a red light just outside the downtown part of Ruxton where all the small businesses and family owned establishments are located. A beautiful church sits just off the main road, its doors open to allow access to the line of people slowly inching forward out of the rain. A white sign is propped against one of the doors. HOLY CROSS SOUP KITCHEN is written in bold lettering across it, with other words written below that I can’t make out from this distance. I take another look at the people lined up, and see something in common amongst the crowd. Something very familiar to me. The car behind me beeps, and I glance up at the green light before moving through the intersection.

  I park out front of the Verizon store, pulling into a spot next to the highest lifted truck I’ve ever seen. The tires, coated in thick mud, are eye level with the window of my Cavalier.

  Eye level.

  I’d need a ladder or one hell of a boost to get up in that thing.

  As I direct my attention to the floor to ceiling front window of the store, I scan for Reed’s face through the light crowd of people, thinking maybe he’ll be watching out for me. I don’t see him, and I panic that maybe the light drizzle we’ve had all day wasn’t enough for him to be free for me. Maybe he needed a monsoon, or something worthy of an a
rk.

  Don’t get down. There’s still a chance he’ll be here.

  I palm the phone I’m about to replace and open up a new text.

  Me: I just wanted to let you know I’ll be mailing this back to you today. Thank you for letting me use it.

  Turn it off. Turn it off and don’t give him the chance.

  The phone vibrates against my hand. So quick. Too quick.

  Rocco: Keep it. You’ll need it when you move back in.

  “No, I won’t,” I whisper to the silence of my car.

  I won’t need it. I won’t move back in. My finger moves to the button that shuts Rocco out of my life. It vibrates.

  Rocco: No one but me.

  Too fucking quick.

  I should break this, send it back to him in pieces with a note attached. Fuck you. I’m never coming back. Guilt would riddle me, and I don’t want that. I don’t want anything connecting me to that man. Not even remorse.

  The phone is sealed in the envelope lying on my passenger seat. Working. Intact. And still powered on. He can charge the shit himself.

  After locking up my car, I dart inside and avoid most of the rain, catching a few drops on my forearm that’s shielding my eyes. I spot Reed at the back of the store as my hand collects the wetness off my skin.

  He’s talking to a young woman wearing an employee polo shirt and an overplayed smile. My shoulders push back as I watch the two of them, but mainly him.

  He’s leaning against the counter, keeping his body angled and all of his attention on the woman behind it. His profile lifts into a smile, and she reaches out and places a hand on his arm. Touching. Slowly moving her hand closer to his wrist. I stop breathing when Reed leans in and whispers something to her. I’m sure it has nothing to do with a phone plan, and I’m also positive her salary isn’t based on flirting. I decide two things in that moment as I watch the two of them.

  One, I’m not going to let this bother me. I’ve never felt jealousy before, and if that’s what I’m feeling right now, if that’s what’s causing my stomach to tighten into an unforgiving knot, I don’t want to feel it.

  And two, if anyone in this store is getting commission off my sale, it’s definitely not going to be her.

  “Hi, welcome to Verizon. How can I help you today?”

  I turn my head, meeting the friendly smile of another employee. A woman, but much older, and apparently, not Reed’s type. I risk a glance back in his direction, and he either heard the woman address me, or he’s finally noticing me on his own.

  He straightens, pushing away from the counter without another word to the woman behind it. His eyes run down the length of me, stop at my feet, where I watch something pass over his face. Lips parted, he blinks several times before he finally lifts his head. Slowly.

  My mouth goes dry as I feel him look at me. I don’t know how that’s possible. He isn’t touching any part of my body, but if I were to close my eyes right now, I’d swear his hands were moving over me instead of his gaze.

  “Hey.” His voice cuts through the air as his long strides bring him to me quickly. “Did you just get here?”

  I nod through a hard swallow as I will my body to react a little less obviously to him. “A few seconds ago.” I glance over his shoulder at the woman he left behind the counter, who looks like she’s waiting for Reed to walk back over. “If you need to finish your conversation, it’s fine. I can get started without you.”

  “I’m good.” He smiles, reaching up to brush some of his blonde hair off his forehead.

  He’s wearing a light blue T-shirt that makes his eyes appear more vibrant, khaki shorts, and sneakers. Reed seems like the type of guy who doesn’t get dressed up for anything, and I’m oddly grateful for that. I can’t imagine how hot my skin would feel if he were standing in front of me in something other than casual wear.

  He looks at the woman next to me, the one I’ve completely forgotten about. “She needs a new phone, and a new plan. Can you help her with that?”

  The woman motions with us to follow her. “Of course. Did you have an idea what type of phone you wanted?”

  “Cheap,” I reply, tearing my eyes from Reed and forcing myself to look at the woman. “Like, the cheapest you have.”

  She stops in front of a display case. “A lot of our phones, even the newest iPhone, you can get for free when you sign up for a two year contract. It really just depends on what you’re looking for.”

  I let my eyes roam over the choices in front of me as the woman moves to stand behind the case. Reed steps closer until his arm is pressed against mine.

  “Do you know what you want?” he asks, his breath hot against my temple.

  Do I know what I want? Has there ever been a more loaded question?

  “Not really.” I look up into his eyes. “What do you suggest?”

  “If you can get the new iPhone for free, I’d say go with the iPhone. I have one. I like it.”

  “Okay.” I turn to the woman, my mind made up. “I’ll take the new iPhone.”

  She glances between the two of us, smiling. “Wow. I’ve been here for thirteen years, and I don’t think anyone has ever bought a phone from me without at least holding it first.”

  I shrug my response, trap my bottom lip between my teeth, and steal a glance at Reed. Our eyes meet instantly, as if he hasn’t been looking elsewhere, shifting all over my face with a gentle curiosity.

  “What color?”

  I look back at the woman, then lower my eyes to the display case. Black or white are my only options, and it really doesn’t matter.

  “Surprise me,” I tell her.

  She nods and opens up the glass case, grabs one of the boxes, and sets it on top. Paperwork is laid out in front of me. “Fill this out, and if you want to pick out a case for your phone or any other accessories, they are along the wall behind you.”

  I grab the pen and look up at Reed. “Can you go pick me out a case?”

  “What?”

  “A case. Can you grab me one? I don’t care what it looks like.”

  He stares at me in silence, then reaches up and runs a hand along his jaw, raking across the stubble. “Yeah, sure,” he says as he walks over to the wall behind us.

  I finish the two pages of paperwork before Reed narrows his choice down to one. I’m expecting him to walk over, grab the first case he sets his eyes on, and be done with it. But that’s not what happens.

  He goes from three cases in his hand, to five, stacking them against his chest as he walks back and forth along the wall. He’s putting a lot of thought into this, and that keeps my feet firmly planted where they are.

  What guy, who barely knows someone, not only agrees to pick out a phone case for them, but also spends this much time doing it?

  He finally settles on one, and the woman rings me up and gives me everything I need for my new phone. I have a little over a month before I should expect to see the first bill, which gives me time to find a job.

  As we step outside, I stay under the awning, giving me the shelter from the rain to examine my phone. It’s hardly drizzling now, but I don’t know what the rules are for iPhones and water. I power it up and turn it over in my hand.

  Black, with a floral design. Almost identical to the pattern on my boots.

  “I’m hungry. Are you hungry?”

  I look up at Reed, keeping my emotional reaction to the case he picked out for me hidden. Clutching my phone against my chest, I smile at the question I will never say no to.

  “Starving.”

  He produces a set of keys from his pocket and motions with his head toward the lifted truck “Come on. Ride with me. I’ll bring you back here after we eat.” He opens the passenger door, leaning back to look at me when I haven’t followed. “What’s up?”

  “That’s your truck?”

  “Yeah.”

  “It’s huge!”

  He smiles roguishly. “You have no idea how many times a day I’m told that.”

  I let out a dry, sarca
stic laugh as I tuck my phone and the small Verizon bag against my body.

  I could react a completely different way to that. I could ask him how many times a day, or tell him until he provides evidence of that question being factually relevant, I won’t believe him. But I keep the comments that will surely flush my skin siren red to myself.

  After sticking the bag in my car, Reed steps back and allows me room to squeeze between him and the passenger seat. I look up, way up into the truck.

  “Uh . . . is there like a ladder or some sort of a lift to get me up there?”

  His steps closer until his body is flush against mine. Two hands take hold of my waist. “Put your foot on that bar and grab the handle. I’ll do the rest.”

  His breath is warm, blowing into my hair, and his grip tightens the longer I stand still.

  I will my hand to lift, my foot to brace my weight on the bar, but nothing happens. I’m frozen, powerless against the daze his contact puts me under. His thumbs dig into my back, and the pressure shoots up my spine, exploding into a thousand goose bumps at the base of my skull.

  “Sweetheart, I’m starting to get wet,” he warns against my ear.

  You ain’t kidding.

  “Sorry.” I grip the handle with my free hand, my other clutching my phone, and place my right foot on the bar. I glance over my shoulder and nod when I’m ready.

  Reed smirks, as if to tell me he doesn’t care if I’m ready or not, and lifts me off the ground, taking all my weight with ease and releasing me the second I settle onto the seat.

  I should’ve flailed, squirmed in his arms a little. Anything to prolong that moment.

  Really need to plan things out better, Beth.

  “Thanks.” I smile down at him as I reach back for my seatbelt, only to find my hand grasping something unlike anything I’ve ever attempted to strap on. “What the . . .” I turn around in my seat, eyes widening at the bright red harness I’m supposed to be fastening.