When I Fall

by J. Daniels

  “That’s okay with me. I actually had a question about the bar.”

  Stepping further into the small room, I run my finger over a picture frame hanging on the wall. Hattie is much younger, smiling at the camera, dressed in her wedding gown. Danny is smiling down at her, his tie undone.

  Reed’s tie undone.

  Oh no. Don’t think about ties being undone. Stick with your question.

  Clearing my throat, I look over at Hattie, and my movement draws her attention off the photos again. I put my hand on my hip. “Is there any chance the bar could use a waitress who’s willing to work long hours? I really need to get a job.”

  When I was batting around ideas for employment, one of the first options I thought of was working at McGill’s. The food is great, I love the atmosphere, and it would allow me to spend more time with my family. There is one minor problem.

  “I’ve never waitressed before, but I’m a fast learner,” I add, hoping I didn’t just eliminate my chances. But I don’t want her thinking I’m going to walk in there and know how to work a register.

  She thinks it over for a few seconds, laughing softly when I fold my hands in front of me and whisper the word “please,” over and over.

  Leaning back in her chair, she sets the shoebox on the desk and stands. Her hands circle my wrists. She smiles. Then I smile, really big, which causes her to pull me into a hug.

  “I think we can work something out,” she says, leaning back after our short embrace. “Week nights would probably be better for you to waitress. The weekend is really more of a bar style setting, and I think you’ll get a lot more tips when it isn’t that type of a crowd. People only come in to drink on the weekends. They come in to eat during the week.”

  “They should come in to eat all the time. The food is great.” Major bonus about working at McGill’s. Free bar food. I beam at my aunt. “I’m so excited! When can I start?”

  She releases my arms and moves back to her desk chair, smiling at my excitement. “How about tomorrow? It’ll give me time to smooth this over with your Uncle Danny.”

  My heart sinks as I stare at her. “He won’t want me working there?” I ask, stepping closer.

  Hattie quickly shakes her head, dismissing my concern. “No, it’s not that he wouldn’t want you working there, darlin.’ Danny just knows what kind of men come around the bar sometimes. He’s protective of you is all. If he sees some sleazeball getting too close to his favorite niece, he’ll take them out back and beat them with something. He’ll just worry about you. I know him.”

  I love how quickly I’ve fallen into this family. How naturally it happened, as if I was always here.

  I jingle my keys. “I’m going over to my friend’s house for lunch. Let me know what he says, okay?”

  “Oh, I’m sure he’ll let you know what he says. Especially if the answer is yes. Get ready for a lecture, darlin.’”

  I wave to Hattie, hearing her sweet laugh fade out behind me as I head out the front door.

  “HI, COME IN. TESSA IS on her way.” Mia steps back and ushers me inside her home with a waving hand. “Did you find the house okay?” she asks, closing the door behind me.

  “I did. You don’t live that far from me.”

  “Really? Where do you live?”

  “Laurel Woods,” I answer, following her down the hallway and toward the delicious smells coming from what I assume to be the kitchen.

  We pass the living room, which has toys and baby items scattered about. There’s a small pack-n-play in the corner next to the window, and a detailed Lego castle that’s proudly displayed on the coffee table. If someone were to be sitting on the couch, that castle would completely obstruct their view of the TV.

  I really, really love that it’s there.

  The hallway breaks into the kitchen, and I watch as Mia rounds the table and gestures for me to have a seat.

  “What would you like to drink? I have tea, soda, water.” She opens the fridge, looking over her shoulder in my direction with raised eyebrows.

  I pull out one of the kitchen chairs and take a seat, setting my keys in front of me. “Tea would be great. Thank you.”

  Mia pours us both a glass and carries them over to the table. She hands me mine. “I’m so glad you could make it. I was worried you would be tied up already when we texted you.”

  My eyes widen. Oh, no. No.No.No.No. Don’t think about him. Don’t think about . . .

  “You okay, sweetheart?”

  I look up at my hands. Bound, tied to a support beam that’s been left exposed in the ceiling. My fingers wrap around the soft fibers of the rope. It doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t even feel foreign, which it should. I’ve never been tied to something before. It feels strangely . . . comforting. Like this rope is holding me together, keeping me safe. Or maybe that’s Reed. Maybe he’s the reason for my harmony.

  A hand on my cheek draws my attention back down.

  “Beth,” Reed whispers against my mouth, biting my lip when I whimper at that single word.

  My name. God, it’s unfair how sexy he can make it sound.

  He threads his fingers through my hair, dropping his forehead to mine. “Tell me you’re okay with this. Tell me it’s too much. Just say something. I’m about to lose my mind on you.”

  I stare into his eyes, the palest blue I’ve ever seen. Like the sky after a snowfall.

  I’m about to lose my mind on you.

  “Beth?”

  I nearly drop my glass. Both hands steady it as I focus my gaze across the table. Mia keeps herself from smiling with tight lips, while I filter through images of Reed’s dick for the question Mia asked me before I zoned out.

  Tied up. Right. Got it.

  I take a quick drink before I answer, hoping to douse the fire I’ve just ignited beneath my skin. I don’t feel the slightest relief.

  “No, I was free. Very free. Never tied up. I don’t even know what that’s like.” My words come out in a blur. A very unconvincing blur.

  Shit, one word and I’m transported back to Saturday night. My skin feels like it’s ready to singe off at any second. My heart is racing, threatening to send me into shock. God help me if she says anything about asses . . .

  Mia rests her chin on her hand. Her face is expressionless. “Mm. Okay.”

  The front door opens, the noise quickly followed by an animated, “I’m here!”

  Mia snaps her head to the right at the same moment her hand loudly flattens on the table. “Shh! If you wake up Chase, I’m going to punch you in the throat.”

  Tessa walks into the kitchen, hands full of grocery bags. She pauses in the doorway and frowns at Mia. “Sorry, boo. I forgot.” She raises the bags, smiling as she walks to the counter. “I brought goodies.”

  Mia gets up and joins her, and I wonder if I should be doing anything besides sitting here, daydreaming about Reed’s kink. I scoot my chair out as I stand, but slowly lower myself back in it when Mia motions for me to sit.

  “We got it, sweetie. Just relax.”

  Tessa leans back to look at me, taking the back of her hand and brushing the red hair out of her face. Her smile slowly stretches across her mouth. “Hey, Clapton. You ready for girl time?”

  I stare back at her, and the longer I go without answering, the more knowing her smile becomes. She suddenly looks like the Cheshire cat, grinning at Alice who has no idea what the fuck she’s getting into.

  What exactly happens during girl time?

  I know we’re eating lunch. I imagine we’re going to be talking, getting to know each other better, building a friendship and all. I’m prepared for the mom discussion. I’m also willing to talk about the rough couple of months after she died. Mia and Tessa will probably talk about their husbands or boyfriends. Their families will most likely be brought up. That all seems pretty standard. So, what am I missing? Why the look?

  Leaning back in my chair, I finally give Tessa a quick nod and then let my gaze wander to the window I’m sitting near. “You sure
I can’t help with anything? I really don’t mind.”

  “We got it.” Mia carries two plates over to the table. She sets one down in front of me, taking the other one for herself and claiming her seat with it. “If you don’t like the shrimp salad, you can blame my mother-in-law. It’s her recipe.”

  I look down at the plate, and saliva fills my mouth. Everything on it looks amazing. The shrimp salad, the bag of chips on the side. Even the pickle. Maybe it’s going two days without really eating anything substantial, but I really don’t think I’m going to have trouble with this plate.

  I give Mia a smile as I pick up my roll. “I’m sure it’s delicious. I’m so hungry though, it could taste like garbage and I’d probably still eat it.”

  “Oh, well, I guess that clears me to cook for us next time,” Tessa jokes, joining us and sitting in the chair next to Mia. “I only know how to make garbage.”

  The three of us share a laugh, and then fall into a comfortable silence as we eat. I take a bite of my sandwich, then another, chewing as I look around the quaint kitchen.

  There’s drawings covering the refrigerator, ones of dragons and airplanes, and a few of stick-figure people standing in front of a house. It’s adorable. I imagine every room having something kid related in it. A toy, or a page ripped out of a coloring book, displayed proudly somewhere.

  “Are you married, Tessa?” I ask after noticing the framed wedding photo on the wall next to the window.

  Mia pauses with her sandwich close to her mouth. Her eyes slowly roll to her right, where Tessa is gently hitting her head on the table next to her plate.

  “Sore subject?” I ask, regretting my urgent desire to start-up conversation.

  Tessa lifts her head, laughing, and bumps her shoulder playfully against Mia’s, who resumes eating after situating herself in her chair.

  Tessa looks over at me. “No, it’s not. I just like being all dramatic about it. I’m hoping it’ll kick Luke’s ass into gear and make him ask me.”

  “I can’t believe he hasn’t already,” Mia says, disbelief tightening her jaw.

  Tessa tilts her head, glaring. “I know, right? It’s been almost six months since he told me he was going to. And I keep thinking he’s going to do it, and he doesn’t, and then I end up looking like an idiot.” She shakes her head with pursed lips, and then glances between the two of us. “The other day he dragged me to Home Depot with him and bent down to tie his shoe right in front of me. I started screaming. I thought, this is it! He’s doing it! Everyone was staring at me. Some were clapping. Then I look down and see he’s just fixing his laces.”

  “What did he say?” I ask, leaning forward.

  Tessa tries hard to fight her smile, but it breaks through, lifting the corner of her mouth. “He looked up, gave me that cocky smirk he’s always wearing, and said ‘babe,’ like come on. In Home Depot?” Her hand flattens on her chest. “I would have been ecstatic to be proposed to in the lumber aisle.”

  I laugh quietly, as does Mia who dabs her napkin against her mouth.

  “I think he’s planning something big, and that’s why he hasn’t asked you,” she says, setting her napkin next to her plate. “Something crazy romantic.”

  Tessa picks up her sandwich. “Whatever. I don’t need anything big, or romantic. It’s Luke. I’d say yes to him if he decided to pop the question while he was on the toilet.”

  “Well, that’s romantic for sure,” I chuckle. “Babe, will you hand me the toilet paper, and your hand in marriage?”

  Tessa and Mia both burst out laughing.

  “I like you, Clapton.” Tessa points at me, lifting her head off Mia’s shoulder. “You’re funny.”

  I look down at my plate as something warm blooms in my chest.

  How is it that everyone in this town holds the capability of making me feel like I’ve known them my entire life? No awkwardness. No forced conversations. I don’t have a lifetime of memories with these girls, but I feel like I easily could.

  A throat clearing draws my attention up and immediately to Tessa, who is leaning on her hand and staring at me. I shift my gaze to Mia, who is also staring, her arms crossed over her chest as she sits back in her chair.

  How long have they been doing that?

  “Is there something on my face?” I ask.

  Tessa cranes her neck to look at Mia. Mia looks from Tessa, to me. They both smile at the same time, and it hits me.

  Girl talk equals boy talk.

  Oh, God no.

  I sit back in my chair, my shoulders drop, and I glance apprehensively between the two of them, waiting for the first question to be thrown at me. Maybe they won’t ask me about the party.

  “So, what happened the other night at the party?”

  Son of a . . .

  My hands tangle together in my lap as I look up at Mia, her eyes expectantly waiting for my response. I’m not a horrible liar. I could attempt to lie my way through this. Save any shred of dignity I have left.

  “Mm? Party?” I lift my shoulders. “Nothing. Typical party stuff.”

  Tessa points a finger at me. “Typical party stuff, my ass. This is girl talk. What is said at this table, stays at this table. And we’re not getting shit from Reed, so you’re going to tell us everything that happened.”

  My stomach knots up. “You spoke to Reed?” I ask, watching both of them slowly nod. I suddenly wish I still had an empty stomach. Throwing up all over this kitchen might eliminate my chances of getting another invite to hang out.

  Mia sighs, shifting her arms across her body. “He’s avoiding me now. The jerk won’t answer any of my texts.” She looks at Tessa. “When was the last time you spoke to him?”

  “Yesterday.” She pops a chip into her mouth. “I called him from my mom’s cell. I knew he’d answer it ‘cause he wouldn’t recognize the number. The bastard hung up on me when I started talking.” Tessa brushes her hands off over the plate and pushes it away. “This is what we know,” she says, narrowing in on me as she braces her elbows on the table.

  Air becomes lodged in my throat as I reflexively hold my breath.

  She gives me a soft smile. Relax, Clapton. It’s not that bad.

  My lips pull down. It is though.

  “We know that Molly is marrying the fuckwad she cheated on Reed with. We also know, which this next little nugget of information seriously pissed me the hell off, that Reed proposed to that bitchasaurus before she left for college, and that the party was at the same spot he pulled that stunt at.” Tessa’s eyes narrow. “Seriously? I can not believe he kept that shit from me. We’ve been best friends since ninth grade.”

  “He was probably embarrassed,” Mia says, somberly. “I know I’d be embarrassed if someone rejected me like that.”

  “He loved her,” I add, looking between the two sets of eyes trained on me. I sink a little lower in my chair. “He told me he was stupid for doing it, but I think it really hurt him when she turned him down.”

  Tessa shakes her head, disagreeing. “Molly is the world’s biggest cunt hair. Reed would’ve been miserable with her. Hell, half the time they were together he was miserable. She did him a huge favor by turning him down.”

  Mia cringes. “Cunt hair? You say the sickest stuff sometimes.”

  “I waited until you were done eating.”

  The two of them share a laugh, then Tessa turns back to me. “Anyway, that’s all he gave us. I don’t need to be a mind reader to know something happened between you two.”

  I try to focus on anything besides the two eager faces staring at me, but my eyes are all over the place. My lap. The window. The sandwich I want to keep eating, if only to prevent my words from being understood. I’m uneasy, and I’m not hiding it well. My face is burning up, I’m chewing a hole in my bottom lip. I probably look psychotic right now.

  “Beth.”

  I look across the table at Mia, lifting my eyes off the glass vase centerpiece.

  “Whatever you’re about to say, stays between us. We woul
d never say anything to Reed or anybody else. Okay?”

  I take in a deep breath, exhaling it slowly. My eyes fall closed as I drop my head. “We had sex all night and Reed doesn’t remember any of it.”

  Silence. Dead silence, as if both of them have ceased breathing.

  I peek up and see two sets of eyes, waiting for further explanation. Groaning, I plant my elbows on the table and let my face fall into my hands.

  Just get it over with. Like a band-aid. Rip this shit right off.

  “Reed freaked out a little at the party when he saw Molly’s fiancé. It’s like everything came to a head and he couldn’t handle it anymore. I pulled him into the farmhouse and things . . . happened. Just like touching and stuff. He wanted to drink after that so we went to the bar. I knew he was feeling the alcohol, but I didn’t think he was completely wasted. When I drove him home, he asked me to stay, and I did. I asked him if he was drunk, he said no.” I look at them between my fingers.

  “And . . .” Tessa urges.

  I pinch my eyes closed. “I’ve never had sex like that. He was everywhere, all over me, touching me, saying the dirtiest stuff while he held me down. He tied me up and fucked me for what felt like hours. We did it in every room, every position . . .” I swallow hard. “Everywhere. He was so turned on and I was so turned on, and it was like we were racing each other to see who could come the most. I think we tied, maybe, I don’t know. Honestly, I lost count. It was filthy and perfect and I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t know what I was expecting the next morning, but him not remembering what we did wasn’t it. It was so, so embarrassing. I got out of there while he was puking in the bathroom and I haven’t talked to him since.”

  My breath against my face becomes too much, too thick, too suffocating. I lower my hands to allow the cool air to hit me.

  Mia’s eyes are brimming with questions, her mouth hanging open in shock. I look at Tessa, and immediately wish I hadn’t.

  She’s grinning like I’ve just told her I shoved Molly in front of a freight train.

  “I knew Reed was a freak!” she squeals, slapping the table. “Damn. I feel like I need a cigarette after hearing that. He tied you up? Like with rope?”