by Sue Welfare
‘So did you and Jack get married again?’
Rose shook her head. ‘No – once bitten twice shy. Don’t get me wrong there’s never been anyone else and I love Jack more than – well, I don’t need to tell you, but I felt so trapped before, it felt claustrophobic. He asked me on and off over the years.’ She paused. ‘Maybe one day, but not now. I’m happy as we are.’
Janet lifted her glass and clinked it against Rose’s. ‘Our secret.’
Rose raised her eyebrows. But probably not for long, she thought as she took a sip of wine.
*
‘So where do you think the girls have got to?’ Sam asked Suzie, as they made their way around to the front of the marquee.
Suzie looked up at him. ‘I had been hoping that you would be able to tell me.’ Suzie’s voice caught in her throat. ‘For a while there it felt like I’d lost my whole family.’
Sam took hold of her hand. ‘Well, you haven’t. Come on, they’ve got to be around here somewhere. Have you tried ringing the house?’
‘There isn’t anywhere I haven’t tried. I’ve rung, I’ve texted – nothing.’ Although I suppose if they are at home it doesn’t mean they’d answer the phone. Maybe they’re watching TV or up in their rooms. I was just about to walk back there when I found you.’
‘Okay, we’ll take one last look around here and then I suggest we head home to check. Chances are Hannah thinks she is in trouble,’ said Sam, walking back towards the cottage. ‘The last time I saw her she was running out of the back gate with that girl she’s been hanging about with, the one with the blue hair, and a couple of bottles of booze.’
Suzie stared at him. ‘Sadie?’
Sam nodded. ‘That’s the one.’
‘Was Megan with them?’
‘No, just Hannah, Sadie and some boy.’
‘And you didn’t go after them?’ said Suzie in amazement.
Sam shook his head miserably. ‘No, I’m not proud of this but I was too drunk. And I deserve that look. I’d just threatened to punch Matt out – I was in no state to go anywhere. Matt and a waitress went. By that stage he was a lot quicker than me. I don’t know whether he managed to catch them up. Look, I’m sorry, Suzie,’ Sam said, looking horribly contrite, ‘but I wasn’t in any fit state to go anywhere. My mind was on other things. And I can’t remember the last time Hannah spoke to me without us ending up having an argument. I assumed she’d just come back as soon as we were out of sight. You know what she’s been like the last few months.’
Suzie nodded. ‘Hannah, and how we handle her, is something else that we really need to talk about, Sam.’
‘I know, so let’s take one more look around the marquee and the garden, and then we’ll go home and see if the two of them are there.’ He paused. ‘Don’t worry. I’m sure they’ll be all right. Hannah is a big girl – and Megan is sensible.’
Suzie nodded. ‘It’s not Megan I’m worried about,’ she said.
They did one more circuit. As they made their way around the marquee, Suzie saw the young woman who had spoken to her earlier deep in conversation with a couple of other people. Suzie made an effort not to catch her eye or draw attention to herself: she wanted to find her girls, not be drawn into helping someone else.
‘Suzie? Suzie, over here.’ Still trying hard to be invisible, Suzie winced as Fleur called to her and waved madly from the far side of the tent. Fleur shouldered her way between the revellers. It took Suzie a moment or two to realise that Fleur was hand in hand with a tall, good-looking, tanned man, who looked to be around the same age as her aunt. Probably someone from the good old days, thought Suzie, to judge from the expression of sheer delight on Fleur’s face.
‘Suzie, Sam, there you are, I wondered where you’d got to. I’d like you to meet Frank. Frank’s my neighbour or at least he was. We’re going to get married!’ she squealed, wriggling her left hand excitedly under Suzie’s nose. ‘I’ve got a ring and everything.’
Alongside her Frank was grinning from ear to ear, looking for all the world like the dog who had got the doughnut.
*
At Suzie and Sam’s house Hannah was fighting her way into the kitchen where Sam had shut the dogs earlier.
‘Get back, get back, go!’ said Hannah firmly to the posse of wet noses and wagging tails that greeted them as she pushed open the kitchen door. The two family dogs, a big blonde mongrel and a small hairy crossbreed terrier called Pip and Squeak, were delighted that she, Megan and Simon had decided to come home, taking their arrival as a personal triumph.
The family cats, Sid and Harry, tried very hard to look hard done by and miffed, but in the end couldn’t resist and trotted over in a show of synchronised neediness, purring and mewing for attention.
Hannah looked around the cosy familiar interior of the family kitchen. It felt as if she had been away for months rather than a few hours. Home now, she finally let out a long breath as the back door closed and the tension eased out of her shoulders.
Simon meanwhile had crouched down to stroke everyone who came within reach.
‘Wow, they are just so cool,’ he said, with a big cheesy grin as Pip started licking his ears and Squeak leapt into his lap, while the cats tried very hard to wind themselves into a perfect clove hitch around his ankles.
Hannah and Megan’s eyes met and they both burst out laughing. The relief of stepping in through the kitchen door and being greeted by the dogs and cats was so great and so special that Hannah could hardly hold back the tears and for a moment she felt almost overwhelmed by the simple joy of just being home with people she knew and cared for – even Simon came under that umbrella at that moment.
‘I’m really hungry,’ said Megan, making a show of normality. ‘Anyone else fancy pizza?’
Simon nodded. ‘Sounds good to me. I’m starving. Do you want a hand to sort it out?’
‘I’m just going to go upstairs and have a quick shower,’ said Hannah. ‘If you want to watch TV or something, Simon, I won’t be long.’
‘It’s okay, I’ll switch it on for you if you like,’ said Megan briskly. ‘Only Dad’s really picky about who plays with his toys. Unless of course you want to play a boardgame or something. Are you any good at Monopoly? Or we’ve got Scrabble if you like. I’m allowed to use the dictionary because I’m littler than everyone else,’ said Megan, looking anything but. ‘You fancy a game?’
‘You going to be all right?’ Simon asked Hannah as Megan selected a pizza from the freezer.
Hannah nodded. ‘I’m fine. I just need to go and get cleaned up.’ She didn’t plan to tell him that she felt dirty and spoilt and more than anything else she wanted to wash Dexter’s pawprints and the smell of Sadie’s house out of her hair and off her body.
‘Pizza in twenty minutes,’ said Megan conversationally. ‘You want a hot chocolate or a can of Coke or something with it? Or we could have chocolate spread sandwiches.’
Hannah laughed as her little sister fussed around the kitchen. ‘Mother hen.’
Megan shrugged. ‘Please yourself, you don’t have to have one if you don’t want.’
‘I’d really like a hot chocolate,’ said Hannah. ‘With marshmallows.’
Simon nodded. ‘Me too. Come on, I’ll give you a hand.’ And gently moving the dogs to one side, he bobbed down to switch on the oven for Megan.
Hannah could hear them talking from the landing, chatting about whether they all should go back to the party once they’d eaten or maybe stay in and play Monopoly. Megan was telling Simon how good she was at it and how he’d have a job to beat her. She could hear him laughing. Hannah smiled with a heady mixture of relief and pure joy.
In the bathroom she slipped out of her clothes and dropped every last thing into the laundry basket before stepping into the hot shower, letting the water course down over her head and shoulders, relishing the sensation of the hot water on her hair and her skin, waiting a long time before she finally picked up the shampoo and soap. It felt so very good to be home, to be safe and
warm. By the time she stepped out and wrapped herself up in her bathrobe, she felt shiny and new and ready to start over.
*
Back at the party, way across the garden, Max, her taxi-driver-cum-knight in shining armour handed Liz a glass of fizzy water and then sat down alongside her on the garden bench.
‘It’s a great party. You said that you arranged it?’ he said, sipping his mug of tea.
Liz nodded. ‘That’s right, for my mum and dad. It was for their fortieth wedding anniversary . . . or so we thought,’ she said wryly.
He smiled, not picking up on the last part of the sentence. ‘That’s great. So you’re close to them, your mum and dad?’
Liz nodded. ‘Yes – I love them very much. We have our ups and downs like most families, but yes, we’re close.’
‘And you’ve got brothers and sisters?’
‘Just the one sister. It’s a family tradition. My mum’s got one sister, called Fleur, and I’ve got a sister, her name’s Suzie, and she’s got two girls too. Our family tree is pruned into a neat, regular pattern. In every generation, going back as far as the eye can see, every branch has had two daughters on it, one is bright and clever and goes on to do marvellous things, while the other bright and clever one stays home and brings up the next generation.’
Max laughed. ‘So from that I’m assuming you’re the bright and clever one that’s gone on to do marvellous things? What do you do exactly?’
Liz stared at him, trying to work out if he was being serious. ‘Do you watch TV?’ she said, when it became obvious he was.
‘No, I’m afraid not. I haven’t got one – I’m more of a Radio 4 man.’
‘Really?’ she said incredulously.
‘Uh-huh, cross my heart,’ he said. ‘What about newspapers?’
‘Sometimes. The Independent occasionally – oh, and I read books.’
‘Okay . . . well, I’m on a TV show . . .’
He looked surprised. ‘Really? Wow, that is amazing. I’m impressed. So what do you do on it?’
‘I’m one of the comperes – you know, hosting it. I used to be a real live journalist before that, but then this came up . . .’ The words dried up. Liz wanted him to think well of her, and not be caught up in the whole TV fluff and glamour thing. To her relief he didn’t seem in the least bit fazed.
‘And what about your husband, is he here with you tonight?’ he said, glancing around as if there was some chance they might spot him.
Liz shook her head. ‘No, no husband, no boyfriend, no significant other. As long as you discount a designer wardrobe and a pathological addiction to shoes.’
He frowned. ‘I’m even more amazed by that, but then again I’d hope that any man worth his salt wouldn’t have let you wander around in the dark barefoot and miles from anywhere.’
Liz laughed. ‘Hardly miles, but, no, there’s no one. I think I’ve more of less given up on the whole idea of romance or maybe it’s given up on me. I’m not great with relationships.’
He grinned. ‘Why? Oh come on. A fabulous-looking woman like you should be beating the beefcake off with a stick.’
Liz took a sip of water. ‘You’d like to think so, wouldn’t you, but actually I think people – men – are freaked out by successful bossy women.’
‘You’re bossy?’
‘Oh God yes,’ she said. ‘Can’t you tell? Bossy, stroppy, hard work and a total control freak.’
He nodded. ‘You know why you do it, don’t you? You know, behave that way?’
She looked at him.
‘Because you’re afraid of being let down, afraid that if you let your guard down and let anyone in – let go by one iota and let that control slip – that you’ll let the chaos in, that you’ll get hurt and you’ll lose control, lose yourself. You think that the only person who really knows how to look after you, when it comes right down to it, is you.’
Liz stared at him in amazement. ‘And you know that because ?’
‘Because I’ve seen it before. I had a great job, great salary, fabulous car and then one day I looked at it and wondered exactly what it was I’d really got. I had a show flat not a home, I was never there to enjoy it because the fantastic job I was so proud of kept me away from it all hours that God sends, and if you weren’t there someone would try to shaft you – half the guys over thirty had ulcers or high blood pressure and anyone under thirty was clawing their way up the greasy pole to try and get a big slice of what you had – preferably your job, your office, your desk. Some people thrive on that sort of lifestyle but I was going into work one morning and suddenly realised that I didn’t want to be there. I was lonely and lost – angry.’
‘And so what? You dropped out and bought a cab?’
It was his turn to laugh. ‘Something like that. Actually I took my money, rented out my flat, bought a cottage and a smallholding—’
‘You should talk to my sister,’ said Liz, with a little edge to her voice.
‘But I don’t want to talk to your sister, Liz. I want to talk to you,’ Max said. And something about the way he said it made her believe him.
‘So this rural idyll . . .’ she continued. ‘Uh-huh.’
‘How come you’re driving a taxi if life in the country is so wonderful?’
‘Because I want to. I’ve always liked driving so I do a couple of nights a week. Makes sure I don’t become too insular. And it gets me out, gives me some shape to my week. Works for me – and now I love what I do.’
‘And all this joy and contentment, does it include a good woman and a dog?’ Liz asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.
Max nodded. ‘Funnily enough, yes.’
Liz sighed; she might have known. He had to be too good to be true. ‘And so where is she tonight, your perfect woman, presumably at home warming your slippers by the Aga?’
Max rolled the mug around slowly between his long fingers and shook his head. ‘Sadly not, well, not any more. We had ten great years together and then four years ago she was diagnosed with cancer. She died two years ago. Her name was Julie.’
Liz felt her heart lurch. ‘Oh God, I’m so sorry . . . I didn’t mean to—’
Max held up his hand to stop the apology. ‘You didn’t do anything. I loved her very much. She was the most amazing woman and I wouldn’t have missed the time we had together for all the world.’ He laughed. ‘She was really bossy too – stroppy, hard work . . .’
Liz looked at him, eyes prickling with unshed tears. ‘God, I’m sorry. It must have been awful,’ she said and then winced. ‘To lose her, I mean, not her being bossy.’
‘Worst thing I’ve ever had to deal with, but you know what? She taught me that you can’t control anything – chaos comes whether you’re ready or not. Love, death, you think you can hold it back but actually you can’t, and if you’re not careful you can miss an awful lot by trying to protect yourself too hard. You end up beating off the good things along with the bad.’ He pointed to her glass. ‘Now do you fancy another designer water or would you like a glass of champagne? Celebrate being a bossy, stroppy woman?’
*
‘And then he asked me to marry him,’ said Fleur, her expression ecstatic. ‘Isn’t that just amazing? I mean, who would have believed it? Flying all this way to come and see me.’ Alongside her, Frank, who was holding her hand, beamed. It must have been the fourth or fifth time Fleur had told Suzie.
‘That’s wonderful,’ said Suzie, hugging her aunt, while part of her attention was on the crowd behind them, trying to pick out Hannah or Megan’s faces among the others. ‘I’m really pleased for you.’
‘Have you set the date yet?’ asked Sam conversationally.
Fleur laughed. ‘Some time soon before he comes to his senses would be my call.’
Frank smiled down at Fleur. ‘She’s right but for the wrong reasons. Obviously we all need to talk about when. We’d like everyone to fly over if possible.’
‘We couldn’t be more pleased for you, Fleur, but we really ought to
go and find the girls,’ said Suzie, gently tugging on Sam’s arm. ‘You haven’t seen them, have you?’
Fleur shook her head. ‘I’m afraid not – we were just going to go and find Rose and Jack and tell them the good news. If we see them we’ll tell them you’re looking for them.’ And with that she and Frank were gone.
*
Back at Suzie and Sam’s house, Hannah had slipped on a pair of jeans and a cami top and, with her hair still wet, headed downstairs into the sitting room where Megan and Simon were busy sorting out the Scrabble.
‘You’re going to play, aren’t you, Han?’ said Megan as she set a plate of pizza slices down alongside the Scrabble board.
Hannah nodded and wordlessly sat down on the sofa next to Simon. The dogs were asleep on the floor, the cats on the back of the chair. Someone had put a saucer over the top of her mug of hot chocolate so that it wouldn’t get cold. When she peeled it off, the marshmallows had melted into a sweet sticky layer over the top. Nothing could beat this.
They were two or three rounds into the game when the dogs sat up and then leapt to their feet barking as the back door opened. Her mum and dad were inside the sitting room before any of them had the chance to move.
‘So this is where you’ve got to!’ said Suzie, staring at the coffee table with the wreckage of their impromptu supper on it. ‘Why didn’t you answer the house phone or your mobile? We’ve been looking all over for you.’
‘We didn’t hear it,’ Megan began. ‘We haven’t been back long.’
‘Your mother’s been worried sick,’ said Sam. ‘Why didn’t you tell us that you were going home?’
Hannah stood up. ‘I’m really sorry,’ she said. ‘This is all my fault. I was bored.’
Suzie stared at her. ‘So you stole a bottle of booze and ran off?’
Hannah dropped her head; putting things right was the only thing she cared about, even if it did mean she was in big trouble. This trouble was so much easier than the trouble she could see ahead for Sadie.
‘That wasn’t me, Mum, honestly. It was Sadie and I know it was stupid but I didn’t take it and I only ran away because she did. And I’m really, really sorry – about everything.’ She didn’t mean to cry but there was a little quiver in her voice. ‘It was such a brainless thing to do, and you’re right about Sadie, she is horrible – and cruel,’ Hannah said, feeling the tears building up inside. ‘I do know that, but I just didn’t want to admit it. I thought that she was really cool and that it would be good to be her friend . . .’