Getting Skinny

by Monique Domovitch

  “Sorry I gave you a scare. I tried to find a parking spot on the street, but at this time it’s reserved for permit holders. Then I remembered that there are always spots in the alley.”

  Jackie came running in, and I locked up behind her.

  “Please excuse my outfit.” I gestured to my pink chenille robe. “How’s Simon doing? Is he feeling any better?” I inquired, following Janice to the kitchen.

  She grimaced. “He’s not doing well at all.”

  “I’m so sorry.” I put the Champagne into the refrigerator and reached into the cupboard for teacups. “You’ll have tea, won’t you?”

  “Absolutely.” She hesitated. “So, where are those pills?”

  “They’re upstairs. Should I get them now?”

  “No rush. Let’s have tea first. I’ve been looking forward to these cookies all the way over.”

  “We’ll just have to remedy that right now.” I turned on the stove for the kettle and carried plates to the table. Janice opened the box.

  “Yum, double chocolate chunk,” I said, putting one on my plate.

  “You’ll love them. I can’t believe how everything just fell into place today. A witness comes forward, and you find the pills.”

  “If it wasn’t for what Mrs. Grant told me, I might never have connected the dots.”

  Janice nodded. “What I don’t understand is why that neighbor didn’t come forward sooner.”

  “She’s just an old woman. And she didn’t actually see anything. She’s nearly blind, but her hearing is perfect. She heard the argument between Harry and Rob.”

  The kettle whistled and I turned to shut off the stove. I was dropping the teabags into the teapot when I caught Janice’s reflection in the glass cupboard door. It was like looking at a stranger—a tight-jawed, stone-cold stranger. I was startled. It happened so fast, I wondered if I’d imagined it. I came out of my trance to Janice asking me something.

  “Where does that neighbor live exactly?”

  “Next door,” I said, setting the cups and saucers on the table. “How do you take your tea, Janice?” As soon as I asked, I remembered that the last time she’d been here she’d wanted cream. I was about to tell her that all I had was milk when she replied, “Black, please.”

  “But—” I stopped myself as I remembered something else. The last time Janice had visited was the day I’d had that allergic reaction. Janice had been rummaging through my fridge, looking for the cream she apparently doesn’t use. Don’t get paranoid. Still. Could Janice have put something in my food?

  But how could she have known about my allergy? Hold on—the evening Janice and Simon had dinner at Skinny’s, she’d mentioned the restaurant Seafood Palace. That’s when I told her I was deathly allergic to oysters. Oh, no. But why? Keep a straight face. Pretend like nothing happened. My heart was pounding like an off-balance washing machine.

  Janice indicated the cookie on my plate. “Taste it. They’re delicious.”

  “Thank you, I will.” I sat and sipped my tea.

  “You’re not touching your cookie,” she said with a touch of impatience. “It’s good. Try it. They’re from Newtown Bakery.” She took a bite of hers.

  “I, er, I thought I’d get that bottle of pills first. They’re in the upstairs bathroom.” Without waiting for her reply, I hurried down the hall toward the staircase at the foot of the front door. I had to make it outside.

  “I’ll come up with you,” Janice said.

  My blood cooled as I felt her right behind me, her murderous breath on my neck. “You don’t have to do that,” I said, nervously.

  “Oh, but I do,” she said, and something in her voice made me glance back.

  “Janice,” I began and froze as I found myself staring at the knife in her hand. “What the hell! I don’t understand…”

  “Don’t give me that innocent look. You might not know the whole story, but you know too much.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  She shook her head. “I saw the way you looked at me in the kitchen.” Tears welled in her eyes. If she was crying, surely she wouldn’t… “How did I give myself away?”

  “Really, I swear. I still don’t…” I stuttered, backing up slowly. If I could just make it to the door, maybe I could—

  “Where do you think you’re going?” She grabbed my forearm and twisted me around. Now she was behind me, holding my arm and pressing the knife to my throat. “Come away from there,” she ordered coldly. I froze. “Now, where are those pills?”

  I was tempted tell her about Kim being an undercover cop and say that she had taken them, but I knew she wouldn’t believe me. “Upstairs,” I replied, my voice tight with fear. “Wait. I’m your friend.”

  “Stop it. I didn’t want to have to do this. It’s nobody’s fault but your own. I tried to tell you to stay out of it, but nooo. You had to keep sticking your nose into it. Now move.” I felt the sharp point of the blade cutting into my skin. She guided me toward the staircase and spun me around again. “Come on. Up we go.”

  I took one backward step.

  “I didn’t want to kill anyone,” she continued, tears streaming down her face. “I only wanted to save Simon’s life. He has cancer.”

  One look at the devastation in her face, and everything began to make sense. Little things that had seemed inconsequential took on new meaning. “The evening of the party, you were upset when I mentioned that Simon looked better. Why?” She forced me up another step. “Did you think I knew about his cancer?”

  She gave me a sardonic smile. “They gave him six months to live. Can you imagine? And when I tried to get him on the blind study, he was turned down. I persuaded Rob to let me have the drugs off the record. Nobody had to know. Simon immediately felt better. Then, out of the blue, your boyfriend developed a conscience. He refused to give me more. He brandished that medication, telling me it was meant to save the life of a child. A child he didn’t even know, while his own friend—my Simon—was dying.” Janice pulled herself out of her sobs. “You understand, don’t you? I couldn’t let my Simon die.”

  “I understand. Really, I do.” I was desperate to calm her. The knife was still at my throat. “I would have done the same thing. I won’t tell a soul. I promise.”

  She laughed, but it came out strangled. “Of course you won’t. You’re going to give me those pills, and then you’re going to eat that cookie.”

  I was halfway up the stairs, backing up as slowly as I could. Janice was climbing alongside me. I moved slowly, trying to delay the inevitable. There had to be some way. Keep her talking. “But why Mona? I don’t understand why you had to kill her.”

  “Mona was nothing but trouble. She had sharp eyes. She’d seen Rob hand me a package at the hospital and thought it was drugs. I wanted her out of the way at the party because Rob had promised to give me a package of medicine that night. But he didn’t, the bastard, so I followed him to your place.”

  I was almost at the top of the stairs now. Time was running out. I tried to distract her with more questions while searching for a way out. “What’s in the cookie? Poison?”

  She shook her head, no longer anguished, but determined. “No, not poison. Just a little bit of oyster juice, just enough to send you into shock. That way, your death will be an accident, a tragic one of course, but still an accident. A third murder would not be a good thing.” She saw the fear in my eyes and continued. “Or would you prefer the knife?” She chuckled. “That might be a more appropriate death for a chef.”

  I was on the last step, and as I climbed up to the landing, I knew I was out of time. I was about to die.

  Suddenly, I noticed a movement at my feet, nothing more than a quick blur, really. Jackie.

  Janice was a step lower and facing me, her back to the staircase. Jackie must have distracted her, too,
because she glanced down, and my instincts kicked in. I punched her. The blow wasn’t hard, but it was enough. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion.

  She looked up at me, shock in her eyes, as she teetered backwards. She hovered there, her arms flapping wildly as she tried to regain her balance. But it was too late. She tumbled backward, and her body slammed against the stairs with a dull thud. She rolled down the stairs until she lay motionless at the bottom.

  I stood paralyzed at the top, my heart in my throat. “Janice?” I called looking down at her. She didn’t move. Next to me, Jackie whimpered, and I picked her up.

  I stayed in that spot for a long time, not knowing what to do. She could jump back up any second and try to finish what she’d started. At last I crept down the stairs slowly. She didn’t move. At the bottom, I hesitated before striding over her inert body. I was about to run out when I noticed the knife in her abdomen. At that moment, Janice’s eyes fluttered open. She was alive.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, weakly. “I—I…”

  “Don’t try to move. I’ll call an ambulance,” I told her.

  And for the third time in my life, I called 911 to report a stabbing.

  happiness is a hot man

  I was having my dinner party at last. The date and cast of characters had changed. And luckily, so had the reason for the gathering.

  Kim was here—her identity as a cop still our secret—and so was Gordon Page. Call me romantic, but I hoped something would develop between the two of them. Earlier, I’d noticed them exchange glances that sure looked like chemistry to me. Maybe, just maybe.

  Toni was here also, with Steven. She’d admitted it at last. She and her ex were back together and she was now flashing an even bigger diamond ring on her left hand.

  “Does that mean you’re getting remarried?” I asked her.

  “Wash your mouth out with soap,” she snapped. “This is just a…a friendship ring.”

  “Some friendship. All I have to say is I’ve never seen you look happier.”

  Toni laughed. “You’d be happy, too, with a rock this size.”

  We were in the kitchen where I was arranging skinny fettuccine alfredo on my favorite Blue Willow plates. “You should be doing this, Toni. You’re the master of artful presentations.”

  “You don’t need me. You’re doing great,” she replied, sipping her wine.

  “Does that mean you’ve forgiven Steven for his affair?” I asked, grating some fresh Reggiano on the steaming pasta.

  “I guess it was a midlife crisis. But if it ever happens again, it will be an end-of-life crisis. He said it was hard enough losing me once, and that he’d never survive losing me again.”

  “Oh, that’s so sweet.”

  “Ha. I told him to wipe the bullshit from around his lips. If he ever cheats on me again, he won’t survive it.” She made a neck-slashing gesture.

  “Don’t even joke about murder,” I whispered, shuddering. “We’ve had a few too many around here lately.”

  “Amen,” she replied, watching me arrange snow peas next to the pasta.

  “I’m just glad I can put all of that behind me. You should have seen Crawford’s face when he realized I was innocent. He left here scratching his head.”

  “Giving his balls a break, no doubt,” Toni said.

  I laughed. “The important thing is,” I continued, arranging plump, pink garlic-sautéed shrimp in a starburst pattern on the mounds of fettuccine, “the police believed me.”

  Toni threw her hands up. “Of course they believed you. How could they not? You handed them their evidence—the pills, the spiked cookie and a full explanation of the motive.”

  “And Janice’s confession didn’t hurt,” I added. “You know who I feel sorry for? Simon. The poor guy had no idea what his wife was up to. Janice had never told him he was receiving stolen medication. Imagine finding out your spouse is a murderer.”

  “Poor man,” Toni said, solemnly.

  I wiped my hands on a bar towel. “When the police questioned her, Janice admitted she put a sleeping pill in Simon’s drink the evening of the party. He was asleep when she snuck out to murder Rob. As far as he knew, she never left their bed that night.”

  “How’s he doing, now?” Toni twisted open a jar of caviar.

  “Not well. His cancer is back. I don’t think he’ll live to see Janice tried.”

  She nodded. “That might be a blessing in disguise. It would break his heart. Those two were so in love.”

  “But she killed two people and was going for a third. Lucky for me Jackie came to the rescue.” I spooned a small dollop of caviar in the center of each starburst, stood back and studied the effect.

  “How’s Janice doing?” she asked.

  “She’s still in hospital. She was lucky the ambulance got here as fast as it did. When she gets released, it will be to police custody.”

  Toni shook her head. “Not much to look forward to. You know what’s hard to believe is that Harry Johnson had nothing to do with any of it. I was convinced he was guilty.”

  “He was guilty, just not in the way we thought. When I told the police Mrs. Grant’s story, he was arrested almost immediately. It turns out he had his own drug ring. Do you realize how this all began? From the moment I overheard Rob say the word ring, I built up this fantasy about him proposing.” I shook my head. “I was such an idiot.”

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Toni said. “Most women would have reacted the same way.”

  I shrugged and held out a plate. “So what do you think?”

  “Amazing,” she gushed.

  “I’ll help you bring those in.” She picked up two of the plates.

  “Yes, it’s about time we joined our guests.” I followed her into the dining room, carrying in two more plates.

  Mitchell hopped out of his chair and pulled one out for me. Did I mention Mitchell was here? Judging by the way he was looking at me, I was pretty sure he liked me. Truth be told, I liked him, too.

  I rushed back to the kitchen for the remaining plates and returned to take my seat and bask in the compliments. Everyone oohed and aahed about the food until I was blushing with pleasure.

  Between the main course and the dessert, I realized I’d forgotten to check on Jackie and the puppies. I snuck up the stairs, leaving my guests to their wine and conversation.

  In the corner of my bedroom, Jackie lay on her cushion with all three pups nursing contentedly. She glanced up at me. “Hi, little girl, how are the babies?”

  From the hallway, I recognized the sound of Toni’s heels click-clicking over.

  “I had to come and check on my new little boy.” She tiptoed closer and looked down at the three-week-old dogs.

  “They are cute, aren’t they?” I asked, patting the half-pound male. He was so small he could fit in the palm of my hand. “Are you sure you want to adopt him, Toni? You can’t take him home and then decide he’s too much trouble.”

  “I know.” She picked up the squirming puppy and rested him on her shoulder. “Don’t worry. I look forward to the pitter-patter of tiny paws. You know what they say, ‘Happiness is a warm puppy.’”

  “I thought happiness was a hot man.”

  She laughed. “That, a successful business, good friends and a great bottle of chardonnay.”

  “Now that I can agree with.”

  * * * * *

  RECIPES

  Skinny Fettuccini Alfredo with Shrimp,

  Caviar and Smoked Salmon

  4 servings

  443 calories per serving

  INGREDIENTS

  1 package of dry fettuccine (8 oz)

  2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

  1 clove garlic

  1 tsp fresh herbs

  (I’m par
tial to tarragon in this recipe but if you

  don’t like the flavor, I recommend dill or basil.)

  2 tbsp white flour

  1 cup low-sodium chicken broth

  ½ cup low-fat milk

  ¼ tsp ground nutmeg

  ¾ cup Grana Padano Riserva cheese,

  reserving a few tablespoons for garnishing.

  9 large shrimp, peeled and cooked

  1 tbsp Beluga caviar

  (in a pinch you can use the inexpensive version)

  4 oz smoked salmon, sliced into thin strips

  Directions

  In an uncovered pot of salted boiling water, cook the pasta until al dente (slightly firm). Drain.

  In a separate saucepan, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the garlic and herbs, and cook until the garlic is lightly golden, about 2 minutes.

  Lower the heat to medium-low and whisk in the flour until smooth, no more than a minute or it will form a stiff paste. Add milk, broth, pepper and nutmeg and whisk until smooth and the sauce comes to a low boil.

  Pour the sauce over the cooked pasta. Toss and stir in all the cheese, except for the few tablespoons reserved for the garnish.

  Plate the pasta and sprinkle with the reserved cheese. Place a few strips of smoked salmon in a star pattern on the top of each of the fettuccine mounds, sprinkle 1½ tsp of caviar in the center of each star pattern, and place shrimps alongside the pasta.

  Serve and enjoy.

  * * *

  Crustless Spinach Quiche

  Serves 6

  310 calories per serving

  INGREDIENTS

  1 tbsp vegetable oil

  1 onion, chopped

  2 cups fresh spinach,

  stems removed

  5 eggs, beaten

  3 cups shredded sharp

  Monterey Jack or aged Cheddar

  ¼ tsp salt

  1/8 tsp ground black pepper

  Directions

  Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit (175 degrees Celcius).

  Lightly grease a 9-inch pie pan.