Finding Jade

by Mary Jennifer Payne

  And that’s when I realize he wants to kiss me. His thought plays in my mind as clearly as a television show.

  I move forward and quickly kiss him. His lips are warm and soft and then —

  It’s just like what happened when I touched Lola’s doll; I begin to see things. Except this time a tsunami of horrific images comes crashing into my mind, all jumbled up and confused. There are awful, terrible visions of human beings being tortured, raped, and burned. Screams fill my head. I see battles and people dying and bodies thrown in heaps like garbage. Men on horses ride into burning villages, hacking at the people with machetes, grabbing children….

  I pull away from Raphael — or he pushes me. I can’t really tell which because my my body is numb, paralyzed. My head feels like it’s been pounded against a brick wall, over and over. Everything is spinning. I look up into the tree, and for a moment, I swear the branches are moving toward me like predatory snakes.

  Then Raphael is holding me. I think he’s actually holding me up because I can’t feel my legs. A few lights flicker on in our apartment building. Someone pokes his head out of one of the lower windows.

  “Keep it down out there, will you? Some of us are trying to sleep, ya bunch of hooligans!”

  Raphael steers me deeper into the shadow of the tree.

  “You just screamed,” he whispers. “Hopefully your mom and Jade don’t wake up and notice you’re gone.”

  I stare at him, not fully trusting myself to speak. He pulls me close, and I feel the warmth of his chest against mine.

  “What are you?” I finally ask. My voice is hoarse.

  Raphael doesn’t say anything. I wonder if he’s even heard me. There are dogs barking in the yard behind my apartment building.

  “What are you?” I repeat, turning my face away from his chest to look him in the eye. He suddenly seems incredibly sad.

  “This should never have happened, Jazz,” he says.

  “Why?” I ask.

  “Because I’m an angel.”

  Chapter 26

  My eyes won’t stay open no matter what I do. Pinching myself really hard on the fleshy part of my upper arm doesn’t help. Neither does holding my breath until I’m about to pass out. Finally, I give in and fall asleep for a few brief moments, until my head jerks back up as though I am a puppet on a string.

  Mom notices my sudden movement and turns to look over her shoulder at me. She’s in the front seat of the car beside Lola.

  “You look so tired,” she says with a frown. “Did you not sleep well last night?”

  Understatement of the year, I think. I nod. “Bad dreams.”

  “Then let yourself nap a bit,” she says with a smile. “Though you’ll have plenty of time to do that in cottage country. Peace and quiet for my two girls.”

  I grimace. She has no idea the danger we’re in. Napping is not an option.

  Last night, after Raphael left, I snuck back into the apartment, still feeling shocked and weak from the nightmarish images I’d seen, and his confession about being an angel. Though the thinking part of my brain said he was completely nuts, after all I’d been through to get Jade back, my heart didn’t doubt him for a second when he told me about being an angel. He also warned me to not fully trust Lola. It was hard to hear, but the reality I thought was my life for the last fourteen years is clearly no longer true. The only thing I know for certain these days is that my mind needs to be open and alert to the danger around me.

  I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep until I’d looked up Ibeji dolls, so I grabbed my tablet, curled up on the sofa with a blanket and began to search.

  Loads of sites came up. I clicked on the first link and began reading:

  The Ibeji doll is of great significance to the Yoruba people of Nigeria. The dolls represent the cult of twin worship. The rate of twin births in the Yoruba is extremely high; approximately forty-five out of every one thousand births are twins.

  Until the eighteenth century, twins were thought to be a curse and were often murdered at birth. However, opinion changed and twins began to be regarded as a sign of great luck and fortune.

  It is believed that twins share a soul, and therefore, when one twin dies, a doll needs to be carved to house the surviving twin’s partial soul. This is thought to keep the balance of the soul intact and to keep the living twin from venturing into the Underworld to retrieve her other half. It is believed that great misfortune will befall a family if the doll is neglected or mistreated.

  I sat and stared at the screen for several moments, trying to make sense of what I’d read. The most troubling part was that Ibeji dolls were created to keep the living twin from venturing into the Underworld to reunite with her other half. Except I’d ventured into the Place-in-Between and found Jade because of Lola’s Ibeji doll. I searched a bit more, but could find no information on the consequences of a surviving twin actually retrieving her other half from the Underworld.

  I glance over at Jade now; she’s sound asleep beside me, her seatbelt rising and falling with each shallow breath. The sunlight hits the paper-thin skin of her eyelids, making the delicate blue veins there visible. There are still dark circles under her eyes, despite the massive amount of sleep she’s been getting. In fact, she only stayed awake this morning long enough to push around a pile of scrambled eggs and take a couple of bites of buttered toast.

  “You girls certainly love your sleep,” Lola says as she puts on an upbeat Brazilian tune. The sound of rhythmic drumming fills the car.

  “I don’t think Jade loves sleeping,” I say flatly. “All you need to do is look at her to see she’s actually really sick.”

  Lola shakes her head. “Don’t worry your beautiful heart about her,” she says. “After all Jade’s been through, she’s bound to be in some shock.”

  “How do you know what she’s been through?” I ask. My voice is sharper than intended. “Mom and I don’t even know what really happened to Jade since she was gone. And I’m not worried in my heart; I’m worried in my soul.”

  This time I’m not imagining it; Lola’s grip on the steering wheel tightens.

  “Jasmine, what has gotten into you?” Mom asks. From the tone in her voice, it’s clear she’s not pleased with me.

  “Nothing,” I say. “Sorry, Lola. I guess I’m bitchy because I didn’t sleep much last night.”

  “Language,” Mom warns. She turns in her seat again and gives me a stern look.

  “Apology accepted,” Lola says. “This is a very emotional time for everyone. Especially Jade. That’s why I’m so glad Sandra was generous enough to let us stay in her country home. Wait until you see it. It’s impossible not to relax there.”

  “I’m sure it will be great,” I say with forced enthusiasm. “Is your friend going to be there?”

  “Sandra will be in and out. It’s hard for her to get much time at home these days. She’s very much in demand.”

  I found out this morning that Lola’s friend, and our host, is the famous environmental scientist, Sandra Smith. You’d have to live under a rock to not know who she is; the fact that she’s Canadian is pretty cool. She’s really involved in trying to find ways to reverse climate change. She was mentored by Dr. David Suzuki before he died. Lola says Sandra’s working her way up in politics because there’s been a big public push for her to run for prime minister in a few years. It would be great to finally have a female leading our country, and it would be even cooler if I could say I stayed at her house.

  I wonder why Lola never told us they were such good friends. It’s just one more thing she’s kept secret.

  We turn up another road; this one is unpaved and heavily lined with trees. I think we’re somewhere near Muskoka, but I’m not sure.

  “Anyway, this should be a nice break from that awful school you’ve had to go to,” Lola says.

  “It’s actually not that bad,” I say. �
�I guess I got used to the weirdness.”

  This morning I got a message from Ms. Samson. She said they were aware I was leaving and to keep in touch, especially if anything strange started to happen, or if I sensed any danger. Obviously she and Raphael have been talking.

  “She’s met some really nice friends there, including a cute boy,” Mom says, turning around and giving me a big smile and a wink. She looks so young again, so healthy.

  Raphael’s responsible for that, I think to myself.

  Last night, after I looked up the information about the Ibeji doll, I searched for angels named Raphael. Mom was pretty religious until Jade’s disappearance, and she took us to church every Sunday when we were growing up, so I know some people believe angels exist. After Jade disappeared, Mom never mentioned church or God or anything like that again. I understood why, even though I was only a kid, because the day Jade disappeared was the day I also stopped believing in God or guardian angels or anything like that. At first I thought the demons I saw in the days and weeks following Jade’s disappearance were around because I’d turned my back on God. Then Mom took me to a therapist who made me believe all of it was in my head, and that the visions I was having, and the monsters I was seeing, were just part of my post-traumatic stress.

  Now I know the truth.

  Raphael is, according to what I read last night, the angel of healing, which explains a lot: Mom getting better, Mr. Jackson’s dog, and Lily being brought back from the brink of death.

  An angel. That would also explain him being practically everywhere I am, including the Place-in-Between. I guess it’s also why he knows so much about me, about Seers, about everything.

  And I think it’s also the reason I’m not supposed to be able to read his thoughts, and why he was so upset when I did.

  “Jasmine? Lola’s asked you a question,” Mom says.

  I snap back to what’s going on in the car. “Oh,” I say. “Sorry. I guess I was kind of daydreaming.”

  Lola nods and laughs. It’s that deep, belly laugh I used to love so much. Now I can’t help but question its genuineness.

  “I was asking who this boy is, and if it’s a romantic thing.”

  Something tells me not to answer, that it’s best if Lola knows as little as possible.

  “It’s nothing,” I say, casually. “Actually, we had a huge blowout yesterday, so I’d really rather not talk about it if you don’t mind.”

  I swear Lola’s examining me via the rear-view mirror.

  “Completely understandable,” she says, though I know she’s lying because what she’s thinking is something totally different. She’s believes he’s somehow involved in Jade’s return, though she’s not sure how. He’s too young to be a Protector, so she’s left feeling a bit confused, which I find myself taking some pleasure in.

  We pull into a laneway, and a house comes into view. Finally we’re here. The conversation ends as we unpack the car.

  The house is gorgeous and completely environmentally friendly. It’s like we’re staying in someone’s designer science project. Sandra Smith comes out and greets us. She’s yoga-bunny thin with a thick mane of red hair. Though it’s clear she’s getting ready to leave on another trip, she takes the time to show us around, explaining the unique features of the house.

  I’m impressed but continue to keep on my toes. I can’t let my guard down. Raphael warned me about becoming relaxed.

  “The house is completely solar and wind powered,” Sandra explains, flashing me a toothy smile. Everything about her, other than the flaming hair, is white: her skin, her teeth — even her eyes are the lightest blue I’ve ever seen. I wonder if she’s albino. “You’ll find the automated blinds close and open according to the position of the sun at different times of the day. Also, all of our water is supplied by a rainwater harvesting system.”

  I watch Jade nod slowly in response. Her eyes are closing even as we stand in the centre of the living room with our suitcases in hand.

  “Someone looks like she could use an afternoon nap,” Sandra says, nodding toward Jade.

  “I’ll show her to her room,” Lola says, grabbing Jade’s suitcase. There’s no protest from my sister.

  Sandra watches them disappear up the stairs.

  “I forgot to mention that my assistant, Derek, will be able to help you with anything you need,” Sandra says, refocusing her attention on Mom and me. “Just let Lola know, and he’ll be here within a few hours.” She runs a hand through her hair, and I notice this cool ring she has on. It’s bulky and silver and has the Star of David on it. I’m guessing she’s Jewish.

  “I don’t know how we can ever thank you enough,” Mom says. Her voice wavers, and when I look over, her eyes are shiny with tears.

  “It’s nothing you need to thank me for,” Sandra replies. She walks over and puts an arm around Mom. “I’m more than happy to help out Lola. We’re very indebted to each other.”

  She glances at me. “Do you have a video phone with you, Jasmine?”

  What a weird question. Of course I do. I nod.

  “Well, we have a universal, solar-powered charger just inside the kitchen. Feel free to use it tonight.”

  “Thanks,” I say. I’m eager to go, now. I don’t like having Jade out of my sight this long, and just remembered I’m supposed to send a text to Ms. Samson to let her know where we are.

  Sandra’s own phone beeps just as we hear a car pull up. I glance out the window. A Jeep with dark-tinted windows pulls up to the house.

  “Derek’s timing is always spot on,” Sandra says with a laugh. “I’m sorry to have to dash off like this, but I’m needed back in Ottawa. We’re trying to pass legislation to close our borders as quickly as possible.”

  “But won’t that mean hundreds of thousands of people, if not millions, will end up dying in the crisis zones?” I ask.

  Sandra stops and looks me directly in the eye. “We don’t have the resources to sustain any further growth in our population, Jasmine. And some of the people we’ve already let in seem to think it’s perfectly acceptable to bomb our public transportation systems as a means of expressing their anger at what’s happening back in their homelands. Do you think that’s okay?”

  “Well, no,” I say, a little taken aback. “I was on the subway during the bombing, so I totally don’t think it’s okay, but it also doesn’t seem right to just let innocent people die.”

  Sandra nods. “I understand. But tough times call for tough decisions. We’ve done this to ourselves. Humans … the most destructive species ever. We’ve ruined our biosphere — the Earth — and overpopulated ourselves. What we really need is another flood, like in Noah’s time, to induce a sharp population decline. That would take care of everything quite nicely.”

  There’s nothing I can say back. This woman is nuts. Staying here is beginning to feel like a very bad idea. Raphael’s warning about me being careful while we’re away from the city plays in my mind. I look over at Mom.

  A sharp horn blast fills the air. Sandra heads toward the door.

  “Derek’s getting impatient,” she says, picking up her suitcase. “I know this is hard to fully comprehend, Jasmine. If people had listened years ago, especially our leaders, we wouldn’t be in this mess. But we are. And, if we want any of the human population to survive, we’re going to have to make some hard choices.”

  The horn sounds again, and Sandra hurries out the door, giving Mom and me a brief wave as she leaves.

  As soon as the door closes, Mom walks over and sits down on the sofa.

  “This is such luxury,” she says, looking around the room. I follow her gaze as she marvels at the large, stone fireplace that only uses peat for fuel. There are several Group of Seven paintings on the walls. We had to study them in art class. I think they just look like a bunch of colourful rocks and squiggly trees.

  “I’m going to see how
Jade is and drop my bag off upstairs,” I say. Though it’s great to see Mom so relaxed, I can’t feel the same way.

  The upstairs hallway is a sea of sunlight thanks to the mainly glass ceiling. I’m not really certain which room I’m supposed to be staying in, but I am going to make sure Jade and I are together. The second door to my right is slightly ajar, so I walk over and push it open.

  Lola’s back is to me. She’s leaning over the bed, unpacking her suitcase. The room is large and airy. I watch for a moment as she lays a pile of neatly folded T-shirts on the turquoise duvet cover of her bed.

  A few seconds later I reach out and knock on the door.

  Lola straightens her back and turns around. She smiles widely at me, and, for a moment, I want everything to be back the way it was before when I believed she loved us as much as her own family.

  “Jasmine, why are you knocking at my door? Don’t you know you don’t need permission to come into my room?”

  I shrug. “Just being polite,” I say.

  “Such a good girl. Don’t you want to get yourself settled? You and Jade are next door. I’ve put her to sleep in there. Wasn’t even able to unpack, she was so tired. Poor thing.”

  “I’ll unpack her stuff,” I say through gritted teeth. “I guess I’ll see you downstairs in a bit.”

  Lola smiles. “We need to take a walk on the grounds. I’ll show you the beehives and the gardens. You’ll be amazed.”

  After all I’ve seen and been through lately, it will take a lot more than a few bees and some vegetables to amaze me, but I nod with forced enthusiasm anyway.

  I turn to leave, and that’s when I see her pull out the Ibeji doll and set it on her nightstand. My heart begins to thump rapidly as she takes out a soft cloth and gently wipes the doll, as though it’s a newborn baby that’s just been bathed.