Believe

by Natalie Gayle

  I started to make my way back to my little weatherboard workers cottage when I heard the postman approach on his funny little postie motorbike and stop at my letter box to stuff in a fist full of mail. Rather than make another trip, I did a detour and collected my mail after giving him a nod.

  As I walked back to the house I leafed through the mail. Bill, bill, junk mail, then finally at the bottom of the small stack there was a pale peach envelope without a stamp. I tentatively turned the envelope over. My heart had climbed and taken up residence in my mouth. What did Marcel want? Had he found us?

  Slowly I pulled the heavy card from inside, not knowing quite what to expect. It certainly wasn’t a card with a picture of a stunning sunrise over water on the front. Curiosity now swirled and mixed with concern. After summoning the courage, I opened the card.

  Initially, I didn’t recognise the writing. It had a strong heavy quality to it and was surprisingly neat. Then I noticed the name at the bottom and the heart in my mouth turned to butterflies in my stomach.

  Arianne,

  I hope you and Isaac weren’t too shaken up after yesterday. It wasn’t until you drove off that I noticed your wallet. I’m sorry I missed it when I returned the other things to your handbag.

  When I called around later, there was no one home and I didn’t want to leave it in the letterbox.

  Please give me a call so we can meet and I can return it to you.

  Have a great day. :)

  Dane

  0432 655 315

  P.S: I figured you could use a little sunshine in your life!

  My hands were shaking and my stomach was doing crazy things. Oh My God. What an incredibly classy and sweet thing to do! And that last line…It struck me like a knife to the heart. It was so true. We’d just been starting to feel as if we were coming out the other side and now Marcel was back and I would be walking a tight rope again, wondering what he was up to and what he wanted.

  I managed to get myself inside and sat back down at the kitchen table, which doubled as my office when it needed to be. I liked to be out here in the living area of the house where I could keep an eye on Isaac. Although once he had his head in his iPad, I wouldn’t see him until I had to remind him to give it a rest. More often than not multiple times.

  At least I wouldn’t have to cancel my credit cards. That was the thought that kept chasing forward in my mind. That in itself was a huge plus. I still needed to call him though and for some reason that made me feel nervous and excited all at once.

  I picked up my phone and dialled the number. If I didn’t take action I would procrastinate for hours and I really needed to get my electricity bill paid today or I wouldn’t get the early payment discount. That was sixty bucks better off in my account than the electricity company’s.

  “Hel-low.” I’d only met him yesterday, but I was sure I’d recognise that voice anywhere. It was deep and confident but had some interesting nuances. Just a simple hello sounded like so much more. The first syllable climbed then the second dropped back down low.

  “Oh hi. It’s Arianne Le Flegg here. I got your card just before. Thank you so much for taking the trouble.” The words were racing out of my mouth before I finally paused. Then there was a silence and I began to wonder if he’d dropped out or something.

  “Hey…sorry I missed you.” This came out low and sounded so sexy. Little tingles ran down my spine and I gave a little shiver.

  Violent Arianne. Violent. I had to remind myself.

  “Oh that’s okay.” Get on with it my brain began yelling at me. “Um when would it be convenient to catch up? I kind of need something out of my wallet.”

  “Look I’ve got a couple of things I need to clean up here, then I’ll be heading back over to the Mall to post some stuff. I can either meet you there or somewhere after.”

  My mind whizzed. I didn’t really want to go back to the shopping mall but I was going to need to sometime soon. It was my local shopping centre. It was a fear I was going to need to get over.

  “Umm the Mall will be fine. What time and where?”

  “What time is it now?” His voice sounded faint, more as if he’d said it to himself. I glanced at my watch.

  “It’s just gone ten fifteen.”

  There was another pause and I wondered if he’d heard me. “Ahh sorry, just figuring things through. So how about 1pm and I’ll buy you a sandwich and you can tell me why your ex was hassling you?”

  What! Why would he want to know?

  “Um, that’s not necessary.”

  “No its not, but you looked like you could use a friend yesterday and unless something drastic has happened overnight, I’m guessing the same applies today.” Was it a good guess, obvious or was he astute? Those questions ran through my head.

  I must have been silent for too long. “Well I’m going to be having lunch at Mike’s at 1pm. I’ll have your wallet with me. You’re welcome to join me or whatever.” There was an impatience in his voice now.

  “Okay, I’ll be there.”

  “See you then, Ari.” The phone disconnected.

  Ari. It’s what my parents called me when I was little. I’d almost forgotten. For so many years I’d been Arianne or Annie. It dredged up warm and familiar feelings—feelings I’d buried deep for a very long time.

  “Mum, I’m hungry.” There was nothing surer than your child calling to pour cold water on your daydreaming. It was probably just as well. I needed to get Isaac something to eat and organised for the afternoon session of school.

  “Okay kiddo. I’ll get you a yoghurt and some fruit. You’ll have lunch at school before you do your afternoon classes.”

  There was no response. His head was buried back in the iPad.

  Dane

  All morning I’d wondered about Arianne as I went about packing orders and putting credit card transactions through. Just over a year ago I’d moved my internet based martial arts supply business, into the back rooms of the service station I’d inherited from my grandad when he’d passed.

  The servo wasn’t exactly bustling with business, but somehow I’d been steadily managing to increase the sales every month. It felt a bit like good luck more than good management. Being an independent servo was tough going in today’s market place with the supermarket giants gobbling up everything they could.

  The servo was a hell of a headache at times but it came with a few perks. First of those was the land it sat on was almost an acre on a busy main road. That alone was worth a pretty penny, if I ever decided to cash it in. Second of all, there was a decent sized apartment over the workshop that grandad had refurbished about five years ago. This is where I lived now. That saved me on rent, and finally, I was my own boss.

  Some days that was a good thing and other days it sucked. It did mean I had the luxury of deciding my own hours, like today.

  Our call this morning had been stilted and I was positive that if Arianne hadn’t needed to collect her wallet, there was no way I’d be seeing her again. All night I’d been wondering about why she’d pulled away and hurried off yesterday. Hopefully, I wouldn’t have to wonder too much longer because, she was walking in now and looking around.

  I half stood in the booth at Mike’s I’d grabbed a few minutes ago. It was on the wall furthest from the busy counter. Arianne noticed me standing straight away and was on the move towards me. Rather than take a seat again, I remained standing. My mother would have my hide if I didn’t stand when a lady entered the room.

  When she approached I suddenly felt at a loss. Should I offer my hand to shake or have a go at giving her one of those loose hugs with a kiss on the cheek? Some guys seemed to pull those off so easily. Me…mmm not so sure.

  Arianne took the decision out of my control. Before she’d even pulled to a stop in front of the booth her hand shot forward stiffly, in what I thought was a show of manners, rather than a desire to actually have contact with me.

  “Hello Dane.” Her voice sounded more like a purr to my ears than actual wor
ds. Today she was wearing a long loose skirt that seemed to swirl around her legs as she moved. She’d paired it with a tight fitted long sleeved jumper in a colour I think my sisters would refer to as mint green. It looked soft and immediately I was tempted to run my hand over it to find out if it felt as soft as it looked. It didn’t hurt that the lady wearing it was far from unattractive.

  I reached out my hand and just as I recalled from yesterday, it was soft, feminine and seemed to send little zings of electricity right through my palm.

  Even though she’d approached confidently and stuck her hand out, she looked a little unsure of what she should do next.

  “Take a seat. I haven’t ordered yet.”

  She glanced at me and I pushed a smile, I hoped was encouraging, at her and nodded to the other side of the booth.

  “Sorry to put you to all this trouble.”

  “It wasn’t any trouble.” And I meant it. It wasn’t. If anything, I was really thankful to whatever it was that controlled coincidence and fate and all that stuff, that I’d been there yesterday and aware enough to recognise what was going on. The thought of that guy hurting her or the boy immediately had my temper rising.

  I watched her nod at my words as if trying to believe them. “Well regardless, it sure did help me out of a spot yesterday.”

  This time I nodded. I wanted to ask Ari about that guy. It really wasn’t any of my business but I wanted to know. Something told me that wasn’t the topic to lead with if I wanted her to spend a little more time with me.

  She was skittish and would need to feel comfortable before she felt confident enough to confide. Yesterday I’d had the feeling, I wanted to get to know her better. Today, it was even stronger now.

  Realising that, kind of floored me.

  Until now, I’d been the sort of guy that had cruised through life. Nothing really stuck or mattered. This felt foreign and it threw me a little off balance. I wanted to know more about her. Normally my interest stretched to whether a woman interested me enough to pursue into my bed. Arianne was different.

  Oh yeah, there was no doubting I would like to have her in my bed based on her looks, but I was actually interested in her story and that surprised me a little. Normally I wouldn’t have given a toss. Well, at least I didn’t think so.

  I don’t know if it was my realisation about the yearning in my gut the other day or what? But I felt like things were about to change in my life.

  “As I said yesterday. I’m just pleased I was able to help out.” There was an awkward silence for a couple of seconds.

  I reached for the menus the same time Arianne started to speak. “Um I shouldn’t take up anymore of your time…” She made a move to slide out and without thinking my arm shot forward and my hand locked around her wrist. Her eyes went as wide as saucers and her plumped and glossed lips formed a surprised O. It wasn’t a firm hold but my move had been quick and probably seemed aggressive.

  My eyes locked with hers and I saw panic and fear and a whole lot of something else. Immediately I loosened my grip, until I held her wrist in the lightest of holds. Without thinking I stroked my thumb over her soft skin, to offer her reassurance.

  “I didn’t mean to startle you, Ari. Please don’t be frightened of me. I would never hurt you.” I watched her study my eyes as I said the words. She was looking for something from me. I didn’t know what it was, but I must have passed whatever test she’d set me because she settled back into the booth and I released my grip to take her fingers in my hand.

  “Have lunch with me.” She studied me for a few seconds, before she nodded tentatively and took the menu I offered her. I gave her hand one final rub with my thumb before I uttered a “Thank you” and released it.

  We both used the pretence of searching the menus for something to eat as a reprieve to regroup. “I think I’m going to go a burger.” The grease and hearty side of fries sounded good today. Comfort food. “Have you eaten here before?”

  She looked up from behind the menu. “No. Eating out isn’t always easy with Isaac.”

  “Well I’ve never had a bad meal here so I think you’re pretty safe to pick whatever you fancy.”

  Ari gave me a tentative smile. “Well in that case, I’ll have the omelette.”

  A few moments later the waitress came over and took our orders. Before that awkward silence had a chance to settle again, I took the initiative. “Isaac in school?”

  She nodded. “Yes, I just dropped him off before I came here actually. He only goes a half day on Wednesdays.”

  My mind tried to get around this. “He doesn’t go to school full-time?” It had been after school hours yesterday. I’d just assumed…

  “No, because of his Asperger’s he has some trouble fitting in at school. He goes for a full day on Monday and Friday and half days Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. This seems to be working best for the moment.”

  That got me wondering and I must have looked curious because Arianne went on.

  “Yes, he does a special program that the education department is trialling to better manage kids with Asperger’s and Autism through a private school. They don’t cope so well with full days at school straight up. This is a way of easing them into it so to speak.”

  I’d had a bit to do with special needs kids. I’d seen firsthand a little of what it took to be a parent to a child like Isaac.

  “That has to be challenging for you.” I couldn’t help what was going through my head so I just decided to ask. “Do you have any help or is it just you and Isaac?”

  She raised her eyebrows a little shrewdly and her mouth pulled up one side. “It’s just me and Isaac. I have a woman that watches him for me, when I need her to. But it’s not always easy to find willing or capable sitters when you have a child with Asperger’s. It does make finding a “normal” job challenging.” She’d emphasised the word “normal” with little air quotes she made with her fingers.

  “I can understand that. So what do you do for work then?” She didn’t strike me as the type that would sit on government welfare. There was too much pride and fire in her for that.

  “I’m actually a high school Maths teacher, but I can’t get full-time work at the moment because it’s just not feasible with Isaac only being at school part-time. So at the moment I’m on the supply roster for the Logan region. If there’s someone sick or away they call me. If I can do it, then I do.”

  It wasn’t hard for me to see her as a Maths teacher. There was just something that said attention to detail and logic when you looked at her and I didn’t mean that in a derogatory way. Arianne looked sensible.

  She looked like someone you could rely on and I guessed that having a child with Asperger’s, would have necessitated her being far more resilient and dependable. Particularly as a single parent.

  “That can’t be easy.”

  “It’s not.” Her eyes dropped from mine and she started fiddling with the cutlery that was wrapped in a serviette on the table. “We can’t live on what I make as a relief teacher so I have to take on other work.” The way she said it made me wonder what the other work was. Her tone gave me the impression it was something she wasn’t particularly proud of and something less than honest or admirable.

  “Necessity dictates that we all do things from time to time that we’re not so proud of but have to do to solve a problem or make ends meet.” I was trying to make her feel better. I wasn’t sure what she did and I was hellishly curious, but I wasn’t about to ask. I didn’t want her to feel embarrassed any further or that this was an inquisition. Although there sure was a lot I wanted to know about her.

  “That’s kind of you to say that and true. I wouldn’t do what I do except for the fact that I have to put food on the table, a roof over our heads and pay for Isaac’s additional therapy.” Her eyes seemed to lose a little focus and I knew whatever it was that she did, really troubled her.

  I hated myself for jumping to conclusions but my mind just went there. She was attractive enough to fill e
ither role that sprang to mind. I could see how her classic beauty would bring in the dollars as either a stripper or a high priced escort. Please let it not be either of those; this woman had pride but her love for her son was greater. I’d known that immediately yesterday when I’d seen them together.

  “Things will get better,” I said optimistically.

  She nodded. “They will. If Isaac keeps responding to the course the way he’s been going maybe he can go full-time next year. It’s only about six months away. Then I can go full time teaching again.”

  The waitress chose that moment to deliver our food. I’d taken a big bite of my juicy burger when she asked. “So what about you? What do you do?”

  I chewed at double speed to clear my mouth before answering, “I have an online supply business and I own an independent service station.”

  She sat back and looked a little stunned. “Wow. A higher achiever.”

  Now it was my turned to be a little stunned. “What do you mean?” This time it was me that had to wait for Arianne to finish chewing.

  “Just that. You’ve achieved a hell of a lot. You can’t be more than mid-twenties surely?”

  “Twenty-six, almost twenty-seven and I inherited the service station.” It felt wrong to claim the service station as something that I’d built. I hadn’t. Sure, I had it back on the right path and turning a modest profit but I hadn’t had to risk anything or do anything other than be Johnny on the spot when the time came around. I did my damnedest to protect and nurture the business the best I could, I just couldn’t take credit for creating it.

  “Who did you inherit it from?” She asked curiously.

  “My mother’s father—my grandfather. He died at the beginning of last year.”

  “Well I’m sorry you lost your grandfather, you must have been very close.”