Believe

by Natalie Gayle

  Arianne half chuckled and cringed. “I’m not sure I want you to realise just what a fool I was.”

  There was no way Arianne was a fool. She may have made a bad choice but then who of us haven’t when it comes to relationships? Just the price she’s paying is much higher than most.

  * * *

  Reed pulled up beside me as I got out of a little compact SUV that I’d grabbed from dad’s outfit this morning. He’d been a mate, or more like a big brother, for years. His dad, Ron, had been Xander’s and my Sensei when we first started out. Reed had also been Xan’s trainer for all his major fights.

  “Hey man! Where’s your truck?” Reed asked, coming up beside me. We shook hands briefly and he slapped me on the back before he fell in beside me, on our way across the parking lot to the cafe.

  “I left it with a friend who needed it.”

  Reed nodded. “That’s you, Mr Helpful.”

  “Gee, thanks. You make it sound like such an appealing character trait,” I joked back.

  “Na man. Don’t take it like that. That’s not how I meant it. Just that you’re always helping people out.”

  Yeah that was me—Saint Dane.

  I noticed Xan immediately when we walked in and he stood. We did the handshake thing and sat down.

  “Good to see you, man,” Reed said to Xan.

  “You too, Reed,” Xan said as we all settled into our places in the booth.

  We did a quick perusal of the menus and ordered before we got down to chatting.

  “So what’s been happening, Xan?” Reed asked. I was close with Reed but Xander was closer. I guess that came with having been through the training for the fights together.

  Xan replied with an “Oh, same old, same old.”

  What a crock of crap that was!

  Xan had a woman in his life.

  Hell, she’d been at Onigashima yesterday and the day before. Plus he was acting very differently about Eden than I’d ever seen him act about any other woman.

  I kind of tuned out thinking about that, as the waitress brought us some coffees. Xander and Reed chewed the fat about classes and getting some sort of local tournament league happening. Interesting enough normally, but my mind kept wandering back to my own woman problem.

  “So what about you, Dane? Have you decided to get serious yet?”

  That question from Reed made my ears prick up, suddenly I felt as if I was on the spot. Normally I would have joked it off. I didn’t fight at the level Reed was talking about. No surprises there.

  “I’m toying with the idea.” The words slipped out before my brain engaged.

  A fraction of a second later I saw Xan nearly choke on his coffee before he frowned and growled out, “Since when?”

  “For a little while now.”

  Again the words were coming out of my mouth as if I was possessed. It was as if my inner most thoughts and feelings were suddenly in control of my mouth. My brain didn’t seem to have control at all.

  “I might just have something for you in about three months, if you’re interested. A promoter out of the US is venturing out here and is putting a card together. It’s a big deal. Title fights and lots of coin. I could certainly get you one of the undercard bouts without any trouble.”

  Three months—could I do it?

  Did I really want to do it?

  I knew what the training would entail. It would be a whole new level of brutal. Could I put myself through that? But wasn’t that exactly the point?

  To see if I could.

  The waitress placed my big brekkie in front of me. Three fried eggs, two sausages, bacon, a lamb chop, hash browns, toast and baked beans. The food in front of me would mostly be off the menu if I agreed to a fight.

  I loved my food. That was one of the sacrifices of a full on fight campaign. It would be egg whites, protein powder and plain rolled oats for me. There was a lot to think about, but for once in my life, I actually felt inclined to take up the challenge.

  “When do you need to know?” I looked over at Reed as I buttered some toast. He might be in his early forties but he was still one hell of a unit! The guy was seriously fit and looked it. I’d rumbled around on the mats over the years enough with him to know that was the case.

  “Ideally Monday, Wednesday at the latest.” I nodded my understanding. That meant I essentially had the weekend to decide. I’d also need to figure out who was going to train me. It had to be either Xander or Reed. You didn’t go into a professional fight without a trainer.

  I barely took in any of the conversation about other fighters for the card.

  My mind was firmly focused on what my decision would or should be.

  Was there a right or wrong answer here?

  Probably not—it was my decision and I had to make it but then I also had to live up to it. That’s the bit I was struggling with.

  “So how’s your family, Dane?” Reed’s question finally cut through the fog of the possible fight that was clouding my brain at the moment.

  I just went onto autopilot and gave almost a pre-canned answer. It wasn’t as if it mattered. Nothing much ever happened in our family. Just more of the same usual stuff. “Yeah, all good. Mum’s still the same, constantly fussing over everyone and dad…Well, he pretends he hates it, but we all know better. Macey’s just about to graduate with her nursing degree and Maddie is supposed to be studying hard in year twelve, but she seems to be more interested in any dickhead that shows her the slightest interest.”

  Maddie was driving them mad and me to a lesser extent. The kid was boy crazy. I guess that went hand in hand with being seventeen and driven by hormones. Problem was, she was also gorgeous and every guy in a fifty kilometre radius seemed to know it. It seemed as if she had more admirers than she’d had hot dinners.

  “That’s good to hear. How’s your dad, Xan?” Reed asked Xan and I was pleased the focus had left me for a bit. I could go back to kicking this fight idea around in my mind.

  “Yeah, he’s okay. Down in Sydney visiting with my aunt at the moment. He’ll be back in a week or two, I think.”

  My attention kind of drifted off again. We talked casually about football, motor racing and a few other things. It was weird how the one thing we didn’t talk about was MMA fighting or results. That was the thing we were all into. It was almost because there was offers on the table the subject had become taboo.

  Xander started to look a little fidgety and keen to head for the door, that’s when Reed sat up a little straighter and I knew whatever he was about to say was the real reason we were having this little breakfast catch up.

  Not that it was so unusual, we’d certainly done it before. It was still out of the ordinary enough, to make me wonder why Reed had wanted to catch up like this and not at Onigashima or somewhere else.

  “That promoter I mentioned, the one who’s putting on the card here? Well, he’s got an even bigger shindig going down in Vegas a couple of weeks before…They’d like you to be the contender in the feature fight.”

  I watched Xander stiffen and go as still as a statue. Xander didn’t fight in the cage anymore—not after he accidentally killed The Cobra.

  Just as I expected, Xander came back with a, “I don’t fight in the cage anymore.”

  Unlike before, where Reed had never pushed, something about the way this was all going down, told me that Reed was going to be a lot more insistent. He wanted Xan to at least give it the appropriate consideration.

  “It’s big money this time, Xander, and I know you can take him. In fact, you’ve taken him before.”

  That made me wonder who it was. I knew every opponent Xander had ever fought. Actually, I reckon I could have called every fight word for word. I’d been part of his ring crew for every one of them. Not just that, I’d also been his training partner as well.

  “Who is it?” Xander asked Reed.

  “Luke “Lights Out” O’Donnell and you can’t tell me you haven’t been keeping track of what he’s been doing.”

&
nbsp; “Yeah, I know what he’s been doing, but I can’t say I’ve paid a lot of attention.”

  I almost laughed aloud. Maybe I knew Xander better than he knew himself or he was prepared to admit. There was no way he didn’t know what was going on in the fight scene. Hell, he was training a few fighters himself.

  “Well, he’s still raw over the fact, you took him out for that Pan-Pacific Title a few years back. He wants another shot at you. Only this is a much bigger stage,” Reed explained. There was quiet contemplation written all over Xander’s face.

  Today was different.

  Maybe for both of us.

  Normally Xander would have shut Reed down before the conversation even got to here. He must be thinking about it for it to have even got this far. Maybe he was at that point in his life where he was questioning things, too. We were best friends and could talk about anything, but this sort of stuff was not what guys talked about.

  “What are we fighting for?”

  “The chance to have the number one spot that you walked away from.” There was no two ways about it. That top spot had been Xander’s—nobody was even in the same ball park with him when he’d been fighting before.

  To watch Xander fight was something else. He controlled a fight that well. He seemed to know exactly what his opponent was going to do and how he was going to counter it way before it even happened.

  “How much are we talking?” I was surprised Xander even asked. Fighting was never about the money for him.

  “One million for an appearance. Five for the win—promoters are almost shooting their loads at the thought of getting you two back in the cage.” I blinked.

  Had I heard Reed right? That was a huge purse and then I realised that this fight was much bigger than any other Xander had ever been involved in.

  If he took it, then I’d be front and centre with him as well. He’d need me to train with him and to be with him in the ring—it was a given.

  If Xan was fighting I was beside him.

  I could see the wheels turning in his head, thinking through the angles and I could only imagine how he felt. To get back in the cage, after what had happened, would take some seriously big hairy balls, but if anyone could come back from this sort of thing it was Xan. My best mate was made of tough stuff.

  “When’s the fight?”

  “This is the kicker. Eight weeks yesterday!”

  That was incredibly tight. He’d done preps that short a couple of times before but it was really tight. If he took the fight, we’d get started on Monday. It was one of those details that didn’t need to be discussed. We all just knew.

  Xander whistled. “Eight weeks. That’s fucking tight.”

  “It is. But it was a scheduling and venue thing,” Reed explained.

  Then I watched a lot of eyeballing, posturing and unspoken dialogue between the two of them. The way they were looking at each other, they could’ve easily been mistaken for two opponents rather than guys who had a world of respect for each other.

  It was funny how these sorts of decisions went down. I actually felt a little awkward sitting there watching. There were so many undercurrents.

  Finally, after a few minutes of talking where, in fact, the body language said more than their actual words, Xander asked the question that had been hanging in the air. The one that they’d both been dancing around.

  “You up for training me?” Xander sounded almost sheepish to me. This was killing him. I could only imagine the pain he was in at the moment.

  I had no idea how he lived with what he did, day to day. Knowing you accidentally killed someone, even if it was in sport had to be one of the biggest and hardest burdens a person could ever carry.

  “Wouldn’t have it any other way man! If you’re in the cage, I’m in your corner.” There was no hesitation in Reed’s voice and the relief on Xander’s face was obvious. He managed a “thanks man” before making movements as if to go.

  “You got somewhere you need to be?” Reed seemed to be surprised that he was so keen to leave after a conversation that intense.

  Personally, I thought a little distance would have been better and certainly my preference if I’d been in Xander’s shoes.

  “Yeah, I’ve got to go pick up my girl.” I watched Reed’s eyes narrow and I couldn’t help grinning.

  This was going to be interesting. First, Xan had just admitted he had a girl whom I was sure was Eden. Secondly, Reed hated distractions during fight preps, particularly women. Oh, this was going to be interesting to watch.

  “Since when?” Reed grumbled.

  “It’s recent.”

  “She going to be a problem?” There was an edge to Reed’s voice. Oh yeah, these two were going to clash on this one big time.

  “It’s Eden and it doesn’t matter if she is. She’s my concern, not yours.” Well that shocked me a little. I’d never seen Xan come right out and go up against Reed. Things had obviously changed in Xander’s head, and Reed looked a little taken aback by it all.

  “I need you to be one hundred percent focused on your training if we do this.”

  “Save the speech, Reed. I haven’t decided yet.” He stood and threw some cash on the table before calling over his shoulder on the way to the door. “You can give me the lecture if I decide I’m still a glutton for punishment.”

  That left Reed and me. Suddenly I felt as if the spotlight had been moved and it was now shining on me.

  “Well you know him better than just about anyone. Is he going to take the fight?”

  Wasn’t that the question of the day?

  However, from my perspective, I was far less concerned about whether Xander was going to take the fight and much more worried about what my answer was or should be.

  “I honestly can’t say Reed. He’s never spoken to me about getting back in the ring. When you’ve asked it’s always been a no. Hell no, in fact. But today was the closest I’ve seen him come to caving… yeah, I think he’s really considering it.”

  Reed nodded and took a couple of big sips from the third cup of coffee that the waitress had delivered to him. I figured he was feeling the stress as well.

  Finally, he focused his attention back on me. “So what’s the go with you, mate? You really serious about stepping up or is this just talk?”

  It was more than talk. “Yeah I’m seriously thinking about it.”

  “Why do you want to do it?”

  It was the most important question of the lot and also the hardest to answer.

  “I don’t really know…”

  He cut me off before I could finish what I wanted to say.

  “Well don’t bother even thinking about it anymore,” Reed snapped back at me.

  His attitude pissed me off royally. “What I’m trying to say is I don’t really know how to put it into words. It’s a feeling I’ve got that’s kind of chewing on my belly.” Reed’s expression had turned from pissed to cautiously curious if I was to label it.

  “Go on…”

  “Lately I’ve been wondering if I’m good enough. Have I got what it takes? It wakes me up at night sometimes. Other times it rattles around in my head keeping me awake,” I admitted.

  “You’ve never wanted go through the pain and the commitment before, why now?”

  That one had me thinking a bit.

  “I’m almost twenty-seven. It’s now or never. I guess I don’t want to have any regrets in twenty years. I’m wondering now and I’ve still got the opportunity. How will I be then with no opportunity? I don’t want to be full of bullshit thinking. ‘Oh it could have been me’.” This way, it will either be one way or another.”

  “Don’t doubt that you’re good enough. You’ve got the skills. Your strikes are your real strength. The preps are all about being prepared to accept the pain and the suffering. If you can do that, then the actual fight will be the easiest bit.”

  I nodded. He wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know. None of this was new to me.

  “What do y
ou weigh at the moment?”

  “About 100 kilos.”

  He nodded. “I know you’re in shape and carrying a lot of muscle. You’re the type that’s naturally strong but still maintains speed, which is a definite advantage. If this is going to happen, probably easiest that we put you in the light heavyweight division. That’ll mean you’re only going to have to drop down to 93. Not a huge amount. That way there won’t be too much pressure on you to strip crazy amounts of weight. I know you’ve done this before to a degree but this is the big leagues. You can’t mess up this stuff.”

  I nodded my agreement and understanding. I knew all this, of course—I also felt I was kind of back in kindergarten and I can’t say the feeling was good.

  But what options did I have?

  I couldn’t very well start talking back to the guy that would likely train me if I went ahead with it. I needed Reed on side. In fact, it was essential.

  “Okay that sounds reasonable.” I didn’t mind the idea of only having to drop a few kilos at all. The next weight division was down at 83 kg’s. That would have been seriously hard work.

  “Look Dane, only you can decide. And just like I said to Xander you have to be one hundred percent committed.”

  I nodded. Yep message received loud and clear, several times even.

  “So how would training work?”

  Reed looked to be deep in thought for a second. “I’m guessing you want me to train you?”

  I nodded once and he returned it and continued. “Well it would be easiest if Xan decided to get back with the program. Let’s assume that’s the case. You train with him, just like you always do for one of his fights only this time you’ll be training a lot harder.”

  This was what I expected Reed to do. In theory it made really good sense but I had one glaring issue with the whole theory. I didn’t want Xander’s focus to be diverted from what he was doing worrying about me and I knew he would.

  “If I agree, then we need to keep this really low key. I want Xander focused on his shit and not mine. He’ll get really worried about it. If he’s fighting he needs to keep his head firmly in his business, not mine.”