Believe

by Natalie Gayle

  The wheel stopped one section from the one I’d bet on and I let out an exaggerated groan of “Oh no. That’s it, this silly wheel hates me!” I gave a big pout. “Surely black jack will be kinder to me?” I said to no one in particular.

  I winked at the middle-aged guy that was standing across the table from me. He looked like a miner on his week off. He grinned back and I sashayed off, calling past the bar again before I headed to the tables. Flirting with random strangers was something I hated doing but this was the persona I was rocking today…Dane would kill me.

  You’re working Arianne, I told myself or rather tried to convince myself.

  The second table in had a vacant chair and seemed a bit rowdy. I was playing frivolous and tipsy. I slinked in and gave a smile to the thirty-something business man on my left and I did the same to the dolled-up housewife to my right.

  “I hope you’ve warmed up this table. I’m in the mood to do the house.” I shrugged my shoulders and shivered suggestively. A couple of young guys immediately moved around to stand behind me.

  It was a twenty-five dollar table. I threw five one hundred dollar bills on the table in front of the dealer and he pushed back a stack of chips. I placed a couple of chips in front of me to indicate I wanted him to deal me in and I was away…

  I took a tiny sip of my drink and waited for the cards to be dealt.

  An ace and a six.

  I threw another chip in and tapped the table for another card. A jack of spades grinned up at me. The safe play was to sit but I wasn’t about safe just yet, even though every nerve in my body was tingling. I knew I was being watched, closely. The dealer had a six and an eight. I called for another card. The businessman beside me decided to sit on nineteen. The woman on the other side had already bust.

  The dealer flipped the card and I knew it would be a bust before it landed. That’s exactly what I wanted. The queen of hearts grinned up at me—how fitting.

  I made a big show of groaning. The group around me were all loud and boisterous in celebrating and commiserating hands.

  The next two hands I bet larger and lost again purposely.

  The one after that I appeared to bet modestly and I sneaked out a win.

  Black jack was a game of luck and counting but you had to bet smart. One of the absolute tells for surveillance was when players went in big on hands they were counting on winning.

  My mind was flashing through combinations and possibilities. I was working hard to keep my betting patterns looking erratic. Frequently I’d glance behind me at the crowd and try to garner support.

  After two hours, I was up three and a half grand. I didn’t dare accelerate my betting. I could feel them watching. When you’d done this as much as I had you developed a sixth sense for knowing…

  The Pit Boss, a tallish Asian man, was starting to take more interest in my table. He was doing it discretely, none the less, he was looking. More than a few times I’d caught the dealer looking at me and then the dealer made the mistake of looking skyward to the cameras.

  Shit, shit! I knew then I was in major trouble. I played out the hand I was dealt and purposely threw it. Getting out of here now was my priority but I had to do it in a way that wouldn’t arouse anymore suspicion.

  I placed my chips for the next hand and turned back to the better looking of the two young guys that were still standing behind me. He’d been working on getting my attention for ages, he just hadn’t mustered the courage.

  “I’m just about done here handsome…how about we go get a drink and you can try out that pickup line that you’re running through your head. You never know it just might work!” I gave him a flirty smile and a wink.

  I felt dirty. I hated myself and I hated this life.

  Throughout the last hand I made it appear as if my focus was now firmly on the guy behind me. When the hand was done and I’d lost, I casually picked up my chips and turned to him.

  “Darlene.”

  He looked a little shocked, but recovered quickly.

  “Roger.”

  I held out my hand and I steeled myself against the cringe I was feeling. Play the part, Arianne. There is no way I’d cheat on Dane and the fact I was flirting with another man sickened me.

  We headed to the bar. His hand was at the small of my back, I spotted the ladies room. Perfect.

  “Roger, would you mind getting me a vodka, please? I just need to use…you know.” I shrugged my shoulder at the bathroom and smiled coyly.

  “Sure, doll.”

  I slinked into the bathroom and washed my hands. Ooooo…

  The reason I’d chosen this bathroom was there were two entrances. A couple of minutes later I was out of the bathroom, through the foyer and out onto George Street. I walked along and lost myself in the afternoon office crowd leaving work. As I walked I texted Arnie to pick me up.

  Not more than a couple of minutes later he drove past and stopped briefly for me to slide into the back seat.

  My body slumped against the cool leather upholstery of the large BMW sedan. Now the adrenalin crash would come.

  The shaking started and I felt exhausted.

  That had been too close.

  “All okay?” Arnie asked cautiously.

  “No. I almost got busted.”

  “Did they make you?”

  “Yes, I’m almost certain.”

  “Fuck.”

  I nodded grimly. My days were numbered in the gambling game. At least in this town.

  That left me with two problems—how was I going to pay my bills and what was I going to do about Leo?

  Why did my life have to be so complicated?

  Dane

  The first thing I noticed when Arianne walked in was that she looked exhausted. One of us had to go and pick up Isaac from Loretta’s in a little while—guess I was going to be the one. She looked like she needed to go to sleep, not go out or do anything else.

  The second thing I noticed was the sexy little top she’d been wearing. What the? Don’t get me wrong it was sexy as hell in a bohemian kind of way. Well, at least that’s what I think they call it.

  She’d pulled a suede jacket over it but the deep V or the way the wispy material caressed her curves, didn’t escape me. And those pants…my dick was getting hard just looking at them. The only thing that didn’t seem right was her hair. It was kind of messy. Ari never had stray pieces flying around. New style maybe?

  Where the fuck had my woman been dressed like that? She was a fantasy come true for me and if that was the case, then the rest of the male population would be on to her as well.

  Her eyes met mine and she walked over to the sofa and plopped down. There was a dejected air about her. Normally she’d come and greet me. Something big was up.

  I went to the fridge and poured a glass of the white wine she liked and took it to her.

  “Want to tell me what happened?”

  “Not really.” She looked up at me. “You’re not going to like it.”

  I sucked in a breath and held it. That sounded ominous.

  “Have I got to kick some guy’s arse, because Ari the way you’re dressed…Geez.”

  “Partly correct,” she said sheepishly.

  “Just tell me. The fact that you’re actually telling me about it makes me feel a little better.” She could have chosen to be secretive, something bad had happened and I knew it was to do with the gambling. If it was Marcel, I’d know about it already. “I don’t want you thinking you can’t tell me stuff, regardless what it is.”

  She nodded. “I almost got busted today.”

  “Fuck! What happened?”

  “I was card counting, and they got suspicious. I knew from the moment I walked in it was all wrong. I should have walked straight out. It just all felt wrong.”

  “You can do that shit? I thought that card counting stuff only happened in the movies.”

  Arianne looked me directly in the eye. “You’re looking at one of the best card counters in the business. I can’t tell you
how many times I’ve fleeced a casino.”

  I sat back on the sofa and scrubbed my hand down my face. My girlfriend was a card shark. Fuck! I didn’t know whether to be impressed or horrified.

  She sat quietly a little longer and let me get my head around that. Then I realised there had to be more.

  “And…?”

  “Sometimes when I work I have to assume a role, sell a personality. Today I wore hipster glasses and I wore a redhead wig.” Well that explained why her hair was messed up. “The security guard asked for I.D. I, well bullshitted, my way through there, without showing ID. But that meant I had to keep up the role I’d assumed.”

  This was the bit that I probably didn’t want to know.

  “I was this ditzy, flirty thing. Very air headed. Totally not me.”

  “Okay,” I said cautiously.

  “As part of the cover I flirted with a few guys at the table and a couple of guys behind me.” I couldn’t help the frown that was now creasing my brow even though I wanted to. Ari raced on, “to get out of there when I was made, I kind of came onto a guy.”

  She came onto a guy! Red dropped down behind my eyes.

  “Did you kiss him?”

  “God no! He was yuck.” Her face looked horrified at the suggestion.

  “Did anything else happen?”

  “He put his hand on the small of my back as we walked away. I took a detour through the ladies room and ducked out the other entrance and caught my ride.”

  Relief flooded through me. I didn’t like the idea of any dude touching her but me. And I was pissed that she was there in the first place risking herself—in the scheme of things though, that was pretty tame. Arianne obviously had a problem with it otherwise she wouldn’t be telling me this.

  “Say something Dane…” she pleaded. Anguish was written all over her beautiful face.

  “What do you want me to say? I hate the fact that you were out there looking like that by yourself. I hate the fact that you had to flirt with some dude to get out of there. Poor bastard is probably still sitting there in hope. It has to stop, Ari. Look what it’s doing to you. You’re sitting here feeling like shit over all this, plus nearly getting busted says everything. You can’t keep doing this…” I wanted to forbid her from doing it because it scared the shit out of me more than facing any opponent. I knew I was walking a tightrope that could easily snap and fling back in my face.

  “I just need to get through the rest of the year and then maybe Isaac will be fine to go full-time.”

  “What if he’s not?”

  “Then, I’ll just have to keep doing it.” There was stubbornness in her tone and I knew she’d do anything for that kid. That I had to admire.

  “You’re no good to either of us if you’re locked up in some gaol cell.” She stiffened.

  “That won’t happen.”

  “Really! You won’t get busted?” I was trying not to get too loud but it was a serious challenge.

  “I haven’t so far.”

  “Ever heard about gamblers pushing their luck too far?”

  She gave me a withering look. “Don’t even think about giving me a lecture on the ins and outs of gambling, Dane. I grew up in it.”

  “That’s what will happen. You’ll get desperate and make a mistake. For goodness sake, you said yourself that you shouldn’t have gone in there today, but you did.”

  “It’s not like I want to do it. I have to do it.” There was a waver in her voice and I knew tears weren’t too far.

  “Arianne, let me help you. I saw the invoices the other night.”

  She muttered, “I can’t believe I left them out.”

  “You’ve come home and basically confessed to me what went down today, but you have a problem talking to me about a few bills that I can help you with. Explain that please. I don’t get it?”

  “You’ve answered your own question. I don’t want your help. My bills are my problem, Dane. I can’t and don’t expect you to take care of me and Isaac.”

  I shook my head. I could see we were going to have to have this conversation a few times before it really sank in.

  “Answer a question for me. Do you love me?”

  “Yes.” There was no hesitation.

  “And you know I love you right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then let me help you.”

  “I’m not taking your money Dane.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s too soon.”

  “How do you figure that?”

  “We’ve only known each other three months.”

  “So what is an acceptable timeframe?”

  She looked flustered and threw her hands in the air. “I don’t know, just not yet. I need to know I can support us.”

  “You’ve been doing it for the last two years at least. Doesn’t that prove anything?”

  “You don’t get it. I felt so powerless. I need to feel like I can do it on my own. I need to know I can do it on my own.” Her voice had dropped to a pained whisper that tore at the very guts of me.

  I was as frustrated as hell, but I’d fought enough battles to know that this one wasn’t going to be won by me belting her over the head with it.

  Then it hit me!

  Right in that moment, it really dawned on me.

  Was what Ari was going through any different to me? She felt the need to prove she could look after herself and her son on her own.

  In a lot of ways, it was actually the same as what I was going through. Ari didn’t need to prove herself to me. She needed to prove to herself she could do it on her own.

  Just as I needed to prove to me, that I could actually be good enough. That I could do more than cruise through life and kind of fluke things.

  For the first time ever, I could honestly say I was giving everything in my life one hundred percent. My fighting, my businesses and my relationship with Ari. I wasn’t leaving anything on the table this time. Could I ask her to do less?

  “I just can’t, Dane.”

  “I get it, Ari. I’m not really any different.”

  Her head shot up and she looked at me in surprise.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You look at me and seem to see this guy that’s really together and killing it. At least, that’s how you make me feel. It’s not true.” And now it was my turn to be terrified. What would she think once she knew the truth?

  “One day not long before I meet you, I was out running and I realised that my whole life felt hollow. Never once could I actually say, I’d put everything on the line or really gone to the mat for anything. I’d always played it safe, cruised—given everything only eighty percent. It was enough to get me satisfactory or above average. It wasn’t enough to get me stellar. Other people may have thought I gave it everything…I know different. I decided then I didn’t want to keep running with that, because the only person I was cheating was myself.”

  She looked stunned.

  “Wow…you really feel like this?”

  I thought about that for a few long seconds. “Felt—past tense. I realised before, listening to you and thinking about what you were talking about, that I can honestly say I’m now giving one hundred percent to every aspect of my life. My businesses, my fighting and my relationship with you. This way I know I can never have any regrets. If I give it everything and come up short, then that’s just the way it is. I can sleep easy knowing I gave my all. Not that I didn’t try one hundred percent.”

  It was Arianne’s turn to look thoughtful.

  “Is that why you suddenly decided to go pro with the fighting?”

  “Exactly. I’m almost twenty-seven, still young enough. Prime of my life, all that type of stuff. If I don’t give it a crack now, the opportunity to do it will pass me by. I decided I’d rather know if I was good enough or not than not have been committed enough to get in the cage. That would be a bigger failure to me.”

  She nodded slowly. “I can understand that. What happens after this fight, Dan
e?”

  “I honestly haven’t thought past this one. My father has always told me to focus on this job and the next one will take care of itself…There’s so much that has to happen before this fight, I’m not going to think about what comes next until after.” This was something I never thought I’d tell anyone. It felt really good to actually share it with Arianne.

  Arianne was quiet for a few moments, “I don’t want us to hold you back, nor do I want a glitzy life. I lived fake for too long.”

  “I know, Ari. Life has a habit of bringing us to exactly the right place if we let it. I’m going to go with my gut and my heart. If fighting’s meant to be, it will be. I’ll give it everything I have and then as you’d say, I’ll see how the cards fall.”

  “Dane, one thing I know better than most is that Lady Luck is a fickle bitch.”

  “I don’t know, she seems to have been smiling on me lately. She put you and Isaac in my path. I’m very thankful for that.” I reached over and tugged her to me and she closed the distance and settled beside me. It didn’t get much better than having Arianne plastered down the side of my body.

  “I guess it all depends on how you see it. I don’t see it as particularly lucky that I have to go through grief with Marcel again. However, I do whole heartedly agree with you on us meeting. That she got right.”

  “She did. I guess we just need to believe it’ll all sort itself out.”

  “That’s what I had to do when I was with Marcel. Focus on the belief, I could get away. That life could be better. Even with all the Marcel drama, and the gambling hanging over my head, I feel good about us.” She snuggled her face into my neck.

  “I do too.”

  I only hoped it would last. I wasn’t quite brave enough to fully believe just yet, regardless of what I said.

  Chapter 20

  Arianne

  “What time do we need to drop Isaac over at your mum’s place?” I called from the sliding door in the family room that opened out onto a paved area in the backyard. Dane was out there working with Isaac on some punches and kicks.