At the Heart of It

by Tawna Fenske

  “You think she’d want to debrief?” Kate lifted an eyebrow. “Seems a little presumptuous. I’m guessing she’d be as eager as you were to put today behind her.”

  Jonah didn’t answer. Instead, he picked up his phone off the counter and switched it on. As soon as it powered up, he held it out to her. Kate looked down at the screen, which was lit up with the opening lines of three different text messages.

  Jonah, I’m concerned with how . . .

  We really need to . . .

  I think we should have a conversation about . . .

  Jonah drew the phone back. “Just a hunch, but I think she wants to talk about how today went.”

  Kate swallowed and nodded. “Probably a good guess.”

  She thought about asking why he didn’t just have the conversation and get it over with, but the exhaustion on his face made her think twice about that. Could she really blame the guy for not wanting to follow up a day spent with his ex-wife with an evening spent talking to her on the phone?

  “Jonah, I want to apologize,” Kate began. “I didn’t expect today’s session to be quite so—”

  “You know, you really should try a good beer,” he said, “before you write off the whole beverage based on exposure to an inferior product.”

  “I, uh—”

  “Hang on,” he said. “I have a really good pumpkin ale from Elysian Brewing. They’re based in Seattle.”

  Kate started to protest, but it was clear this was something that mattered to Jonah. Maybe it had something to do with the beer ban he’d mentioned, and a need to force his way out from under Viv’s thumb.

  Or maybe her earlier suspicion was right and he just wanted to distract her. Either way, he had a point. She probably hadn’t given beer a fair shake.

  “Sure,” she said. “If you think the cat will allow it.”

  Marilyn looked up. “Owl.”

  Her expression was one of silent judgment, but she stayed rooted on the back of the sofa.

  “You distract the feline police,” he said. “I’ll make a break for it.”

  He turned and hustled toward the kitchen, and it took Kate a few seconds to realize she was staring at his ass. He wore jeans that looked worn and soft as flannel, and a blue T-shirt that said Semper Fi across the back.

  The cat gave a low growl and Kate looked down to see the animal regarding her with a knowing eyebrow lift.

  “Sorry,” Kate whispered. “I didn’t mean to look.”

  “Owl.”

  “Oh, come on. Like you haven’t admired the view?”

  “Are you talking to the cat?” Jonah called from the kitchen.

  “We’re just discussing the finer points of filmmaking.”

  “That seems fitting. Maybe she’s a reincarnated movie critic.”

  Kate glanced at the cat, whose expression did suggest an abundance of freely spoken opinion.

  “You can’t judge a girl by her looks,” Kate said.

  “It’s not just her looks,” Jonah called. “It’s the attitude. I’m telling you, it’s like living with a perpetually disgruntled boss who’s critiquing my job performance.”

  “Maybe you need to step up your game.”

  “Maybe so.” He sauntered back into the living room, carrying two pint glasses filled to the brim with a pumpkin-colored liquid. He handed one to Kate and nodded toward the couch. “Come on. If you’re going to make me talk about how today went, let’s at least sit down someplace comfortable.”

  Kate followed him around the sofa, a little surprised by his willingness to return to the subject he clearly didn’t want to discuss. But maybe the beer made the difference. She had to admit, holding the pint glass in her hand made her feel casual and relaxed.

  Jonah seated himself on the sofa, and Kate hesitated. It would probably be more professional for her to sit on the loveseat, but would that seem weird? Jonah patted the seat beside him.

  “You planning to sit, or are you going to stand there lecture style and tell me all the things I did wrong today?”

  “You?” Kate dropped onto the sofa, the distance thing forgotten for now. “You didn’t do anything wrong. What are you talking about?”

  He shrugged and took a sip of his orangey-looking beer. The flicker from the fireplace reflected on his glasses and brought out the amber in his eyes. Kate felt herself getting dizzy and started to blame the beer before remembering she hadn’t tasted it yet.

  “I know today was awkward, but trust me, that it wasn’t your fault,” Kate said.

  “I’m not sure everyone shares your opinion.”

  Kate shook her head and rested her glass on the knee of her jeans. “If anything, it’s my fault. Clearly the whole situation was more contentious than I expected it to be. That’s why I came here. I wanted to apologize for that.”

  “It was exactly as contentious as I expected it to be,” Jonah said. “No need to apologize.”

  He didn’t seem angry or bitter about that, but still. Kate felt bad. “Obviously we knew it was going to be awkward to have two ex-spouses working together, but I don’t think I realized what a toll it might take on you.”

  “On me in particular, or are you having this conversation with Viv as well?”

  Kate gripped her glass tighter. It hadn’t occurred to her to have this conversation with Viv. Only with Jonah. She tried not to read too much into that.

  “I’m concerned about both of you,” Kate said, deliberately avoiding the question.

  “But more about me.”

  She wasn’t sure if it was a question or a statement, but clearly he wasn’t going to let the subject lie. “Viv has been on board with this TV program from the start—the planning, the pre-production, the discussions of what it would and wouldn’t feel like. You sort of got thrust into it at the last minute.”

  Jonah grinned. “Here’s where Average Joe would make an inane comment about last-minute thrusting being a great way to save a relationship.”

  “Right.” Kate felt a sharp stab of guilt. “I guess that’s what I mean. I worry that I pushed you into something you didn’t have time to think through. That maybe you agreed to this without considering the challenges of being pushed back into the Average Joe persona when you’ve been trying to break out of that.”

  Jonah shifted his glass from one hand to the other, but didn’t take a sip. He studied her with an intensity that made her want to look away, but she didn’t.

  “You’re not responsible for my decision, Kate.”

  She bit her lip. “I can be pretty persuasive.”

  A ghost of a smile tilted up one corner of his mouth. “I don’t doubt that.”

  “I just—look, I’ve been thinking about the other night in your bookstore. About what happened.”

  “What happened?”

  His smile was full-on, and she could tell he was teasing her. But if she’d learned nothing else from all these damn self-help books, it was the importance of saying what was on her mind. Not skirting the difficult conversations.

  “I kissed you,” she said.

  “And I kissed back.”

  “Right. But what if I only kissed you because I was trying to manipulate you into doing the show?”

  He looked amused by that notion, which Kate probably should have taken as an insult. She waited for him to respond, but instead he lifted his glass and took a slow sip of his beer. She watched his throat move as he swallowed, and for some reason her mouth began to water. Glancing down at her own beer, she wondered if she should try it. Instead, she set it on the coffee table.

  Jonah lowered his glass next to hers and looked at her, eyes glinting with amusement. “You think I was so dazzled by your skillful use of tongue that I signed on the dotted line before my hard-on had gone down?”

  “Jesus.” His words took her breath away. It was probably the shock value, not the thought of Jonah aroused. Not the thrill of thinking it might have been her who aroused him.

  “You’re good, don’t get me wrong,” Jonah said,
reading her thoughts. “But I have a little more self-control than that. The best thing I took away from my divorce is the ability to decide for myself what I want.”

  He lifted the beer in a mock toast, then took a sip. Kate glanced at Marilyn, who was still parked on the back of the sofa. The cat’s expression was one of disapproval, but the fact that she was here in the first place underscored Jonah’s words. The man could make his own decisions, so maybe Kate hadn’t pressured him into the show.

  She looked back at Jonah, letting her gaze drop to his mouth. She shivered as her brain filled with memories of what it felt like to kiss him. What it felt like to have his hands in her hair, his body molded against hers. With a shaky breath, she lifted her gaze to meet his. “It doesn’t bother you to think I might have been trying to manipulate you?”

  “By kissing me?”

  She nodded. “Kissing you and rubbing myself against you and—” The words made her dizzy, so she decided to stop there.

  “Were you trying to manipulate me?” He sounded more charmed than annoyed.

  She hesitated, then glanced down at the beer. “I don’t think so, but I can’t say for sure. How self-aware is anyone, really, about why they do certain things?”

  “Anyone ever tell you that you overthink things?”

  “All. The. Time.” She meant for her tone to convey the gravity of the situation, but caught herself starting to smile. Okay, so this was a little absurd. She took a breath and met his eyes again. “I just don’t want you to blame me. If things go wrong, I mean.”

  “Kate.”

  “Yes?”

  “I solemnly swear not to blame you—or your delectable lips—when things go wrong.”

  Her breath caught on delectable.

  Her brain caught on his choice of when over if.

  The rest of her body was humming like she’d swallowed a shot of whiskey. She glanced at the beer glass on the coffee table and wondered if she’d absorbed some through her fingertips.

  “Okay,” she said, though she couldn’t recall if she was agreeing to something or acknowledging what he’d said. What had he said again? The living room felt hot, and she wasn’t sure if it was the fireplace or another heat source.

  “Tell you what,” Jonah said. “How about we balance things out?”

  Kate swung her gaze back to his. “How do you mean?”

  “Well, since you seem so concerned about your own culpability and your intentions in kissing me, it only seems fair that I should kiss you now.” He smiled. “Just to set things right.”

  Heat flooded her face. She tried to swallow but discovered she couldn’t. “I—I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

  She knew it wasn’t a good idea. So why was she leaning closer?

  She had every intention of standing up then. Putting some distance between her body and Jonah’s, maybe even leaving. It was late, and she’d said what she’d come to say. She really should go.

  But somehow she found herself leaning in, pressing her palms to his chest, breathing in the woodsy scent of him as she tilted her head back and pressed her lips to—

  “Nope.” Jonah drew back, and Kate started to yank her hands off his chest. But Jonah was quick, catching her wrists to pin her palms in place.

  “Not like that.” He grinned. “What part of ‘I should kiss you’ didn’t make sense?”

  Kate swallowed. “The part where we both agreed we shouldn’t kiss at all.”

  “Right, that part.” Jonah smiled again. “And that’s totally legit. Right after this kiss.”

  Then his lips were on hers. Any thought of leaving vanished the instant his hand slid around her waist to settle in the small of her back. He pulled her against him, kissing hard and deep as Kate responded in kind.

  She knew in theory it shouldn’t matter who kissed first when both parties were willing, but Jonah was right. There was something different about this. Maybe it was the way he angled his mouth against hers, the way he tasted like pumpkin spice.

  Maybe it was his hand in her hair, the way he pulled her so tight against him that her body ached to slide onto his lap.

  Maybe it was the thrill of knowing they shouldn’t be doing this.

  Or maybe it was something else entirely, the knowledge that they seemed incapable of keeping their hands off each other no matter how often they agreed it would be best.

  Jonah broke the kiss first, but he didn’t let go of her. With his fingers still in her hair, he held her gaze with his. “Okay then.”

  Kate took a shaky breath. “So we’re done with that.”

  Jonah nodded. “I think we proved our point.”

  “Which was?” Kate’s voice was high and tight, and she barely recognized it as her own.

  “I forget.” Jonah let go of her then and reached for his beer. He picked it up and took a drink, then looked at her.

  “So we got that out of our systems then.”

  Kate stared at him, her body still buzzing where he’d touched her. She looked at her own glass, then picked it up. It was still cold, and had a soft froth of white across the top. She took a big gulp, then sputtered.

  “Easy there, cowgirl!” Jonah grabbed the glass out of her hand while Kate coughed and gasped.

  When her eyes stopped watering, she looked at him. “That was—not good.”

  “You’re supposed to sip craft beer,” he said. “Not gulp like it’s water. Try again.”

  He put the glass back in her hand, and Kate thought about resisting. But she tasted hints of graham cracker and nutmeg and allspice, and wasn’t sure if that was the beer or the kiss. Either way, she wanted more.

  She wrapped her fingers around the glass and lifted it to her mouth. This time, she took a moment to breathe it in.

  “It smells really good,” she admitted. “Like pie and cream soda.”

  “Olfactory senses are really important when it comes to tasting beer,” he said. “Well, tasting anything, really, but we’re talking about beer here.”

  Kate sniffed again. It really was nice. “I don’t think I’ve ever sniffed any drink that wasn’t wine.”

  “Then you’ve been missing out. There’s a lot of sensory response that takes place in the zone where smell and taste meet.”

  Kate laughed and sniffed again. “Wow. And to think I assumed you just chugged it at a tailgate party.”

  “Perish the thought.”

  She tilted the glass and took a tentative sip. Not bad. Not bad at all. She swallowed and sipped again.

  “Take your time,” Jonah said. “Experiment with different ways of moving it over your tongue and swallowing.”

  Kate grinned. “I can’t believe you’re instructing me like I’ve never consumed liquid before.”

  “Not this kind of liquid,” he said. “Different parts of the tongue taste different things—salty, sweet, sour, bitter, umami. You could spend hours experiencing the flavors in totally different ways.”

  Kate took one more sip and set the glass down. She’d barely made a dent in the contents of it, but she felt an odd sense of accomplishment. “That wasn’t bad at all. It was actually kind of nice.”

  Jonah smiled at her. “That’s what I like about you.” He said it like he was just realizing something important.

  “What do you mean?”

  “On the surface you seem like someone who’d be set in her ways,” he said. “Who wouldn’t want to try new things. But you’re actually one of the most experimental people I’ve met.”

  There was a warmth in Kate’s belly that might have been the beer, but she didn’t think so. “That might be one of the nicest things anyone’s ever said to me.”

  It was true. So much better than if he’d told her she had beautiful eyes or nice hair. What was it about being seen by someone—really seen—that felt like such a gift?

  She picked up her glass again and took another swallow. Something about it reminded her of when her father used to pick her up from school and take her out for a butterscotch malt. The f
aint nuttiness, the cool sweetness on the back of her tongue.

  She closed her eyes and took another sip, breathing in notes of creamy caramel and maybe cinnamon buns. Balancing the glass on her knee, she swallowed and felt the bubbles tickle her throat on the way down.

  Her eyes were still closed when his lips brushed hers again.

  This time, the kiss was soft. She didn’t open her eyes. Just slid her free hand into his hair and kissed him back, savoring the taste of cloves and cinnamon and something forbidden.

  When she opened her eyes, his amber-green ones were locked with hers. He hadn’t drawn back yet, but there was a finality in his expression.

  “I had to do that,” he murmured. “Just one last time.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “But that’s really it,” he said. “We have to stop now.”

  Kate nodded and took another sip of beer. “Okay,” she said, and lifted her glass again.

  Jonah half expected Kate to leave right after the second kiss. He wouldn’t blame her. What the hell was he thinking, planting one on her like that when they’d already agreed that was a horrible idea?

  Maybe she was sticking around for the beer.

  That seemed unlikely, since she wasn’t exactly chugging it. But she did sip it slowly as she answered all of his questions about the television show. The ones he hadn’t thought to ask before.

  “It’s called an airable pilot,” Kate explained, shifting a little on the sofa. “All the color correction and sound mixing will be up to broadcast standards. That way, if the network says go, we’re ready to roll.”

  “So they’d put it on the air just like that?”

  “More or less. Amy’s making sure all our ducks are in a row as far as releases and legal clearances. We’ve got a good head start already on the paperwork side of things.”

  “So what happens after they air it?”

  “We cross our fingers for a series order from the network.” Kate shifted again, bumping his knee with hers. Jonah didn’t think it was on purpose, but part of him wished it was. “We’re hoping for fourteen episodes to start.”

  “Fourteen?” He stroked a hand down Marilyn’s back, glancing over to see the cat looked as surprised as he felt. “I can’t believe you have that many victims lined up.”