Roses & Thorns: Women

by Bry Ann

  “Yes.”

  “That applies everywhere now, all the time. I’d never hurt you. Not ever again. I’ve learned things I needed to learn. Lace, this whole place is safe for you. You can say or do whatever you want. There’s no more pretending.”

  “Then,” she pauses, looking me up and down one more time, “yes. Please, help me. I can’t… I'm not...”

  Her eyes water, her shoulders slump and I notice her hands shaking against the large black comforter she’s standing beside.

  I cock my head to the side. “You’re scared.”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  I swallow and shuffle my feet. “I understand why, but you have my word. I'm not lying.”

  “Sure, okay.”

  She doesn’t believe me. At all. Which is understandable. Every word I’ve ever told her, every promise I’ve made, has been a lie.

  “Will you sit on the bed for me?”

  Slowly she makes her way up there. I see her face scrunch up in pain. I run over and help her the rest of the way. She mumbles a thank you and pulls her hand away.

  “Sir?” There’s a knock on my door. “Your food is ready.”

  I open the door, thank the maid and lock everything back up. Click. Click. Click. Lacey looks at the food wide-eyed.

  “There’s a lot.”

  “You don’t have to eat it all.”

  I pull the tray to the side. “We’ll eat after we get you cleaned up.”

  “Oh, alright.”

  I grab the first aid kit and set it on the comforter to her left. She bites her lower lip. I grab her hand, trying to be gentle.

  “Lace?”

  She nods with watery eyes.

  “Where else?”

  “What?”

  “Where else have you been cutting yourself?”

  “Just my arm.”

  I huff. “Right.”

  I slowly roll her sleeves up and make careful work of getting her cleaned up and bandaged.

  “I think one of those will need stitches, Lacey.”

  Fat. Gross. Whore. Trash.

  All words she carved into her skin, same fading, some fresh. I want to punch something, but the only person who deserves it is me.

  She shrugs. “Either way.”

  “Okay, you know what, I change my mind. Let’s eat now… before it gets cold.”

  “Alright, Adam.”

  I pull the tray back over to the bed. With every bite Lacey takes she watches me like she’s waiting for an attack.

  “I promise I'm not gonna hurt you, Lacey.” I stroke her face. “Let your guard down. Even for five minutes.”

  “I can’t.”

  Chapter 7:

  Rose:

  The force in which Nix slams the door vibrates throughout the car.

  “He took Lacey! He took her! We have to get her back! Nix! Nix!” I scream and break down in tears.

  “Why would she do that? We weren’t supposed to leave the car. She was supposed to shoot him straight away. What if he hurts her?”

  “Rose. Rose,” Nix says gently. He can say what he wants, but I see how tight his jaw is. I see his hands in fists by his side. He’s upset too.

  “What?” I snap. “She’s my friend. She’s hurting, and…”

  “She did it to save you. Don’t you see that? We wouldn’t have made it out of there sis. We wouldn’t have. I'm confident. I know I'm fucking good, but… we had no hope. She gave us that. She gave us a chance.”

  “But Lacey always…”

  “And, I don’t think he’ll hurt her. Not purposely anyway.”

  I sniffle and tug at my tank top.

  “She’s my friend, and now I'm all alone. I lose everyone.”

  “You’re not alone. I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere.”

  “Didn’t all that scare you off? Don’t you have any sense? You should run. Look, look, who is after us? I don’t even know… “

  “Not a chance Rose. Hear me. Not a fucking chance. I don’t run just because I get a little shaken. It’s what decent human beings do. They stick it out through the hard times.”

  “You’re either stupid or getting paid a lot of money to do this.”

  He chuckles. “I’d like to say neither.”

  I glance at the back seat where Lacey sat. Because she’s a genius, lying on her empty seat is the wad of cash she stole from Sven’s boss. For us. I have to try and swallow the pain. It hurts so bad. I feel so guilty, and I have no clue what she’s going through right now. Boss could be taking care of her, healing her, or torturing her, and I have no clue which one it is.

  One thing I know for sure is Lacey would not want me falling apart over this. So I won’t. For her.

  “I'm sorry Rose. I didn’t want to leave her. She’s a good girl, and…”

  Nix chokes. My eyes go wide.

  “You okay?”

  He clears his throat. “Yeah. Fine. Just… well, my girl has PTSD too. Lacey reminded me of her a bit. Seeing her taken away, just…” he wipes a hand over his face as he lets out a whoosh of breath, “hurt. I meant what I said. I plan to get her back. I need to get you safe and situated first though. You are my priority.”

  “Why?”

  That guard I recognize from earlier comes up again over his eyes again.

  “Just are. Puzzle pieces. Remember?”

  “Yeah,” I grumble.

  “Sorry. If I could tell you, trust me, I would like nothing more.”

  I pause. He seems so genuine about that. I'm scared I’ll put him in danger by asking more. So I don’t. Especially because it involves my father in some way, and I'm really not sure I'm ready for the reality of what he’s capable of to hit me. Not with Sven so fresh in my mind. The scalding hot wounds he left on my heart are still so raw. Sven’s eyes on me outside the car earlier brought to life things only he could make me feel. And… he let me go. He didn’t kill Nix, and take me. He let me go. He cares about me. And he wasn’t wrong. I ran because I care about him. Way too much. But I can’t be with him.

  A tear slips out. I quickly wipe it.

  “Tell me about your girl,” I say, picking at my nails. “I want to know about her.”

  “Sage?” His face is sad, but light. I can’t explain it. Nix is such a goof most of the time. Sage makes every emotion known to man flicker in his eyes. “She’s an angel. My light in all this fucking darkness.”

  “Darkness?”

  He looks at me. A sad smile on his lips. “There’s so much you don’t know. I'm glad for that.”

  “What don’t I know?”

  He shakes his head. “Better you don’t.”

  I try and hide my annoyance. I cross my arms over my chest and lean back.

  “Hard to talk to you when you won’t tell me anything!”

  “Alright sis,” he grins, “You wanna talk? Let’s talk. Tell me about your Mafia man back there.”

  My eyes go wide. “Wh… What?”

  “I know nothing about your story. I was just told to come protect you, and that the Mafia was involved. Seeing you and that asshole together, well, I'm intrigued.”

  “There’s nothing to be intrigued by!”

  He smirks. “Alright. So what’s the story?”

  “Um. You want to know it all?”

  His smirk dies. “Yes. Tell me about yourself. From the beginning. Not just this part. Not just the bad.”

  My heart beats fast in my chest. He looks like he really wants to know. Why would he care about this? I'm scared to get my hopes up.

  “How…” I look down at my feet, “How criminal are you?”

  A look I’ve never seen on anyone else’s face crosses his. Total understanding.

  “I'm a bad man. Criminal enough to hate myself every day, not criminal enough where you can’t trust me or I’d ever put you in danger.”

  “You hate yourself?”

  “Every damn day sis.”

  “But… doesn’t that ma
ke you not really bad? I mean… if you feel guilt.”

  He squeezes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Can we not to talk about this?”

  He barely gets the words out. There’s so much pain there. I put my hand on his shoulder.

  “I'm sorry Nix.”

  “You’re good sis. Just… yeah, it’s a thing I don’t really like to discuss, you know?”

  “Yes.” No.

  If you’re a true criminal, how are you this upset about what you’ve done? And why are you committing the crimes in the first place if you hate doing it? Every criminal I know doesn’t care. And trust me, I know too many.

  “So,” he says, perking up to typical Nix. “Tell me, sis. What have you been doing with your life and how did you end up in a twisted love/hate relationship with the Mafia underboss.”

  What? Shit. “I… I'm not.”

  He smirks. “Whatever you want to tell yourself. Now tell me it all. Don’t think anything will be too boring for me, because I assure you it won’t be. I want to get to know you.” But… why?

  “Well,” he adds, scrunching his face, “No intimate details, please. I don’t want to be sick. No offense, but I don’t think you’d be offended if you had all the pieces to the puzzle. You’re pretty and all that, just… ew. Don’t go getting insecure…”

  I laugh. “Trust me Nix. I get it.”

  For some reason the idea of talking intimate shit with Nix makes me want to vomit. I have no clue why. He’s good looking and funny and open, but… it’d be weird. I feel different with him. A different type of closeness.

  “Um, so I guess you know my dad so you know he’s… um…”

  “The epitimy of evil. Yep. Sure do.”

  Wow, blunt. I squeeze my eyes tight, blocking out the hurt.

  “It wasn’t always like that,” I eventually say. “I mean, maybe he was. I wouldn’t know. He was amazing with me. He loved me. We had stupid, adorable nicknames that really meant a lot to me. I mattered to him. All I’ve ever wanted was to matter to someone. To not be totally replaceable. He made me feel that way. He gave me confidence. When he was taken away I... it shattered my world. I mean he was it. I didn’t know my mom. I was never great at making friends. I was completely blind sighted. I mean I had no idea. He was so kind to me, so loving. I still… it’s just. Yeah. So after that was a year or so of hell. All hurting, confusion, and loneliness. It was in this year that I decided I wanted to try and make up for all the hurt my father put out in the world. I took some basic college psych classes, got my Associates and started working at this treatment center out in rural Illinois. I…” My heart starts to burn. I haven’t thought about this is so long. I shoved it back so I could cope with everything else going on, but I miss my job so much. I miss my girls. It was so such large part of me for so long.

  “Anyway, um, I found a home there. With the patients, with my girls. It was the most full I’d felt in a long time. I had… have some issues. Stress makes me super full…”

  “I’ve noticed.”

  I glare at him.

  “Anyway, I used to smoke and drink too, that didn’t stop the hurt, but for a while, I felt a little better. I had Kristy and, most importantly, my girls. I loved every girl that walked through those doors. I dedicated my life to work. I loved watching them go from lifeless and hopeless to shining and full of light. I love, love it. Then everything changed. We opened a men’s unit. It was a big growing opportunity for us and we were all excited. Sven was admitted there. Oh, the… uh, underboss. That’s his name. I was head tech. It was a huge honor for me. I’d worked so hard to earn that title. They trusted me with it. Sven working there made them all a little worried because a select few knew my background with my father, but I thought I had it under control. I thought I’d be fine. I wasn’t. Sven took an interest in me. I knew it too. Something felt off. I was anxious, drinking more, eating less. I was a wreck. People noticed, but very few did anything. I thought maybe I was being paranoid, you know, after what happened with my dad. I doubted myself and my instinct. At one point I even had to talk to the resident psychiatrist. He said it was normal to feel the way I did, that I was actually perfectly safe. Again, I wasn’t. I really fucking wasn’t!”

  I smash my fist on the dashboard, sending a jolt up my frail arm.

  “Fuck. No one listened to me!”

  “Rose, I'm here. I'm listening, okay? I hear you. It’s really fucked up they knew his background and didn’t take your word for it solely based on your past. I'm sorry.”

  “Thank you.” I wipe my cheeks.

  “Anyway, he got discharged way too early. I tried to fight it, but again… no one would listen. Barely any time had passed before Sven brought the damn place. Right out from under us. He threatened my friend’s jobs if I quit, so I didn’t. I stayed. Fuck them, I should have left, but I thought they really cared about me. Like as a person. Turns out I was just a co-worker to them. Long story short. I started dating this nice guy, Kevin, Kev. Sven fired him. I was at a club with my friend trying to deal with everything when Sven took me. I was taken back to their not so little Mafia house. I expected to be hurt or raped or something but… he never did. He fed me. Helped me get healthy. I….”

  “You felt like you mattered,” Nix finishes matter of factly.

  Ashamed, I nod.

  “Okay, makes sense. Continue.”

  “One day I snuck out of his room. I saw Lacey when I was first brought in. She was a prisoner and so sad. She reminded me of my girls, so I went looking for her. I found her. Nix, I can’t even begin to imagine all this girl has been through. The Boss found me, and Lacey took the blame.” I hear Nix sigh so I look over. He shakes his head. I relate to how he’s feeling right now. I only wish I was brave enough to stand up for her for once.

  “He handed me over to Sven, which was a relief. His boss terrifies me. Sven and I got close. Too close. I knew I had to leave, so I started forming this plan. Then Lacey got…”

  I choke. I can barely think about that.

  “It’s alright. Quick version. I’ll catch it.”

  I nod and let out a breath through my teeth. “Lacey got handed over to a rival family. I don’t know what happened there, but it was really, really bad. Lacey’s really struggled since then, and it broke me when I found out. I told her about the plan. She was in and said she could get us out. The plan was in place after that. Then Sven decided he wanted to be the Boss. He took Lacey. He never hurt her, thank God, but the Boss was furious. See, he’d been working to heal Lacey or get her better since she got back. Sven came back for me, but the Boss had me already. Shit went down and I ended up getting shot in the foot. No matter what we felt we knew we had to leave after that. Their jobs would always come first. It was still hard saying goodbye to Sven though,” I mumble.

  Nix is silent for a long time, trying to take it all in. Finally, he speaks again.

  “Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry, by the way. I’d wanted better for you.”

  I laugh. “You don’t even know me.”

  “Alright, sis.” He smirks and turns left onto the nearest road.

  “What about you? You know about me. It’s your turn now.”

  “No thanks. Pass.”

  “You can’t pass! I just spilled my heart out to you.”

  He looks at me and smiles. “I can do whatever I want. I'm the adult here.”

  “Fuck you, I'm an adult too.”

  “Adult, meaning the responsible one. You know, the one keeping you of harm's way.”

  “You’re the strong one, not the adult. I resent that.”

  “Whatever helps you sleep.”

  “You’re really annoying.”

  He laughs and shakes his head. I drift off to sleep soon after that. I don’t know how long I'm asleep for, but we are still driving when I wake. I stretch and wipe my eyes, before letting my head fall back onto the console.

  “You still driving?”

  “Nope, we’re dead.”

  “How a
re you still awake?”

  He shrugs. “Gotta be.”

  “I'm a whoose.”

  He laughs. “No you’re not. I'm glad you slept.”

  “I'm worried about Lacey.”

  “I know sis. She’s okay. She’s a survivor. And, like I said, I don’t think the Boss man is gonna hurt her anymore. Really don’t. There was too much love in his eyes.”

  I shoot up. “Love! You all are nuts. He can’t love! He hurt her.”

  “Oh Rose. Love has more layers than you realize. It can hold anyone captive. Including the Mafia Boss. Mark my words, he loves her.”

  “You’re wrong.”

  “Don’t think I am.”

  “I know you are.”

  “Then you don’t know love when you see it.”

  That stings oddly bad. “Yes I do.”

  “Sorry sis. You’ve never been in love.”

  “Oh, and you have?!”

  “Yes. Unequivocally so.”

  My eyes go wide. “Oh,” I mumble. “Sage?”

  “Yes, Sage.”

  “How did you know?”

  He looks at me. “Just did.”

  “That’s not an answer.”

  “It’s what I got.”

  “I don’t like it. Give me a better one.”

  He laughs. “Fine. Want a better one? I knew I loved her when I realized I would rather rip my own heart out then see her in pain anymore. When her pain became mine. When I met her some of the loneliness went away.”

  Holy. Shit. “That may just be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.”

  He shifts in his seat. I can tell he feels uncomfortable, there’s another emotion there too, but I can’t place it.

  “I won’t bring up Sage anymore. Okay? Even though I have a ton of questions like why aren’t you with her now?”

  “Nice try. Thanks for not bringing her up anymore.” He winks. I silently groan.

  “Yeah.”

  Four hours later we pull up to a rickety old house, outside of a town named Berea.

  “Where are we?”

  “A place to sleep for a bit while I think.”

  “How long can we sleep here?”

  “As long as we want. We’re safe for now.”

  “For now?”

  Nix throws the car in park and shifts in his seat to face me. “How likely is it that this Sven fellow will stay gone forever and never come looking for you again?”