Falling for Love

by Addison M. Conley

  “Oh my God. Jordan! What happened?”

  At least it was Robby. She would have hated for one of the younger employees to see her in such wretched disarray.

  “I’m fine. My blood sugar dropped. I need a snack.”

  “I’ll call an ambulance.”

  “No! I’ll be fine Robby.”

  She shook herself from Robby’s grasp, and rose on wobbly legs, then fumbled around in her backpack.

  “SweeTARTS. I’ll pop some of these and be fine.”

  “Let me help you inside. You can rest and wash up.”

  “No! I’ve been through this before.”

  “You look like shit, there’s an enormous pool of vomit besides what’s on your clothes, and you think candy is going to snap you back?”

  “It’s like a glucose tab. It helps stabilize me.” Jordan mustered all her strength to control her voice. “Look, you can get me some crackers and water. That helps as well, but I’m not going back in the kitchen. I’ll sit in my SUV.”

  “I’ll do it under one condition. You let me call Emmy to pick you up. You’re in no condition to drive!”

  He didn’t wait for her reply as he pulled out his cell.

  ****

  Jordan reclined in the passenger seat. Her eyes were closed, and she shivered despite having a blanket wrapped around her.

  Emmy drove carefully. It was pitch black and sharp ditches lined each side of the narrow, winding country road. She was overwhelmed with concern, which was now mixed with rising anger. First, Jordan had stubbornly refused to be taken to a medical facility and would not tell her or Robby what was going on. Now, she was giving her the silent treatment. Dammit, Emmy thought. Who is this dark stranger?

  “Jordan, you’ve got to talk.” The words sounded harsher than Emmy intended, but when Jordan’s only reply was rustling in her seat, Emmy lost it. “God dammit, don’t do this to me! You’re scaring me. Talk to me!”

  “I don’t know. There’s so much. Just don’t know where to begin,” Jordan stammered.

  Emmy didn’t know what to make of the dazed woman at her side. She had to do something. Seeing an entrance to a farm field, she slammed on the brakes and pulled over. The car jerked to a stop, narrowly missing fence posts. In desperation, she released their safety belts and firmly grabbed Jordan’s face with both hands. She pulled her in close. “You’ve made such progress. Don’t shut down on me now!” Tears formed and threatened to fall. She pleaded, “Please talk to me.”

  In her hands, Jordan felt like a stiff, lifeless form. Without warning, she wrapped her arms around Emmy and buried her face in the crook of her neck and began to sob. Emmy’s heart broke seeing her in utter despair.

  Long minutes passed, and Jordan choked out some words at last. “Em, I’m so sorry.” She shook, and Emmy didn’t know what was coming next. Had someone done something to her? Was she sick? She feared the worst.

  “Something terrible happened in high school,” Jordan mumbled. “My…my girlfriend. It was an accident.” Her voice quavered.

  Emmy whispered, “I want to help. Trust me. Calm down and open up to me. Breathe.”

  Through sobs, Jordan sputtered out words that were scarcely coherent. “I never told anyone the real story, but there was one person who knew the truth. He disappeared after the accident. Tonight, he came to blackmail me by playing on my guilt.”

  Emmy had never seen Jordan this vulnerable and broken. “Breathe, sweetheart.”

  “I’m sorry, Em. It was an accident. I was going to tell you tonight.”

  For a tragedy that occurred twenty-plus years ago to have such an impact on Jordan, it could be no typical accident.

  Jordan’s next words startled Emmy. “Don’t leave me, Em.”

  “I’m not going anywhere. Just don’t push me out.”

  “I promise to tell you everything at home.”

  Emmy kissed the clean side of Jordan’s face and rocked her. “Okay. Let’s get you home, showered, and into bed. Right now, you’re not looking too attractive with puke caked on the side of your face. And you stink. Cleaning you up will be better for both our stomachs.”

  Jordan gave her a weak smile and slumped back into the seat.

  Emmy would wait for the full story, but her mind was spinning fast. What was the accident? What happened to her girlfriend? Did Jordan somehow cause the accident? They had shared so much love over the past couple of months, and she had to put her faith in Jordan. Reaching over, she gave her forearm a squeeze and held her hand.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  The hot water cascaded over her body and loosened the knots in her muscles. After dressing in her favorite PJs, Jordan lay in the crook of Emmy’s arm and nuzzled her neck. She was welcomed with more kisses, and Emmy’s hand caressed her shoulder and arm.

  “Please, open up to me, Jordan. Tell me about the accident,” her eyes pleaded and her voice cracked. “When you wouldn’t talk to me earlier, I was hurt and concerned.”

  Wrapped in Emmy’s arms, Jordan felt loved and safe. Her fears began to recede. True love required trust and honesty. No more secrets, Jordan told herself. You promised. You can do this. Tell her. Tell her everything.

  “Life is like a house. Always unfinished, always changing, and never perfect. I know the best balance is to live in the present and not get stuck in the past. Yet sometimes, I’m tearing down the walls at the same time I’m building new ones. I spin in a circle, inside. When I’m like that, it’s hard to break out.”

  “You have to give yourself some credit.” Emmy reached out and interlaced her fingers with Jordan’s. She rubbed and kissed the palm of her hand.

  A tear trickled down Jordan’s face. “I fell in love in high school. Her name was Karen.” Jordan stopped. More tears streamed down her face.

  “Take your time.” Emmy kissed the top of her head and stroked her cheek.

  Jordan sat up and drew her knees to her chest. She sniffled and wiped away the tears before describing the worst day of her life.

  “It was a gorgeous day in May for a picnic along the Potomac. We skipped school to celebrate our one-year anniversary. The area was too dangerous to swim because of the strong undercurrents and sharp drop-offs near the shore. Karen had brought a bottle of wine, which we drank over several hours. We were buzzed, not drunk, and had never—” She sniffled and wiped away the tears. “We had never been intimate in the outdoors. Always private, behind closed doors. But the alcohol made us brave. We must have gone to that exact same spot over a dozen times in the past and were never interrupted.” She spoke through clenched teeth. “And wouldn’t you know Karen’s ex-boyfriend shows up.”

  Emmy cradled Jordan against her chest and stroked her hair. “Let it out, sweetie. It’s okay to cry. I’ve got you.”

  “I was in my underwear. Karen had just removed her shirt and was unhooking her bra. Tommy came out of nowhere. I remember his exact words: ‘You fucking little sick dykes!’ He shoved Karen away and kicked me several times before assaulting Karen. I was going to help, but his minion showed up and stopped me. If I hadn’t hit my head, I could have taken Darrell’s skinny ass. The jerk-off was only popular because he supplied weed to the upper crust including Tommy’s football team. The pain in my ribs and stomach weren’t the problem. One of the kicks snapped my head back on a rock.” The tears flowed down Jordan’s cheeks. “Darrell continued to taunt me. The fighting grew louder. Then I heard Karen cry out as she slipped. I managed to get up and take a few steps before stumbling and falling down at the shore, but they were gone. Darrell was running away, and then there was silence. I blacked out, probably more from shock than anything. By the time consciousness returned, hours had passed and my head was throbbing. I don’t know how I made it to the car.”

  Jordan’s body heaved with heavy sobs, and she lay limp in Emmy’s arms. Now, they were both crying.

  “Oh, sweetie,” Emmy said, kissing the top of Jordan’s head again. “I can’t imagine how difficult this has been for you.” She rocked h
er for several minutes.

  “My mom had a long meeting after work and didn’t think anything about me being in bed when she came home. I told her I had been feeling ill all day. As for my distraught behavior, she assumed I had heard the news about Karen and Tommy’s drowning on the radio. I never told her the truth. Never. She made me go to a shrink for the summer because I barely finished school. Everyone suspected that Tommy and Karen had gotten back together and it was all a horrible accident brought on by teenage drinking and horseplay. No one knew about our relationship, and candy-ass Darrell left town. No one heard from him for years, and I never saw the bastard again until the other night.”

  “Forget that creep. He sounds like a megalomaniac,” Emmy snapped. “Believe in yourself.”

  “I’m so tired, Em. I had been surviving for years, mentally beating myself up. Spain was an escape as much as it was an adventure. When my relationship started falling apart, I finally sought help. It wasn’t easy, especially after my experience with the condescending asshole therapist after high school. He may have sounded professional to my mom, but he was a misogynist behind closed doors. I never felt comfortable with him. The therapist in Madrid was the exact opposite. She helped me.”

  “Good. I’m happy you trusted again.” Emmy rubbed her hand. “You’re strong.”

  “At first, I had my doubts even though my gay friend recommended her. The therapist was straight, and her office was an extension of the apartment she shared with her teenage daughter. For weeks, she tried to make me feel comfortable and coax out information. I was petrified when I eventually told her about my sexuality and Karen’s death. Instantly, she showed compassion and understanding. From that day forward, I began to heal. Never completely but at least I began to love myself. Months before I left Spain, she gave me a copy of Simmons’s book. We discussed it in a few sessions but it took me a couple of years to absorb the words. Of course, I also had the other problem by then which I confessed to you on the hike.”

  “The hook-ups?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Jordan, that’s part of your past, and we’ve all made mistakes. Right now, you’ve got me in your corner, and your family has accepted you.” Emmy shrugged. “Well, almost all of your family.”

  “Remember the day in the coffeehouse and the quote from the book?”

  “Something about letting go.”

  “Yes. I knew that I had to let go and forgive myself to achieve peace and freedom but despite good intentions, I kept teetering back and forth between faking it and coming clean. When I got to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore, I felt myself slowly letting go and like Simmons said, ‘Fall with grace, to grace.’ Meeting you was the incentive. Although I feared facing Darrell, he was the impetus that pushed me over the edge. I can’t turn back. I don’t want to turn back. I have to move forward.”

  Emmy gently lifted her face and looked into her eyes. “Push this Darrell creep out of your mind. He can go to hell, and anyone who doesn’t appreciate you for who you are can follow right behind him. So what if he outs you to the town. It won’t be easy but I’m right here. Your mum and Carter are behind you.”

  “You’re right. I am not going to let him have any more power over me, and I’m not going to pay him. It was such a shock, and the asshole picked my birthday of all days. More important, I promise no more secrets, but this weight on my heart won’t release until I completely tell my story to those affected.”

  “You should speak with your mother.”

  “Yes, but I have to do more.” Tears formed again. “I have to talk to Karen’s parents.”

  “Jordan, that won’t bring her back, and it’s going to open up old wounds.”

  “I have an obligation. I want them to know we loved one another. They need to understand that I would have saved her if I could.”

  “And what if their reaction is negative or angry?”

  “No matter the consequences—good or bad—this is something I have to face. They deserve to hear the truth and not some twisted version through Darrell or town gossip.”

  “When?”

  “They moved away shortly after the accident. Somehow, I’ll find them. I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t try.”

  “And what about Darrell? He’s not going away easily. What will you do?”

  “I don’t have a choice. I need to trust the sheriff. The sooner, the better.”

  ****

  With Emmy by her side, she went to Sheriff Johnson’s office the next day. Waiting for his answer was agonizing. Now they were back Saturday morning. What a way to start the weekend.

  “Good morning, ladies.” Sheriff Johnson sat back in the big oak chair eyeing Jordan. “I’ve researched the case and consulted the judge. He agrees with me. You’re one of the victims. There would be no grounds to charge you with any crime.” He leaned his elbows on the desk and peered at the old paper file then looked over the top of his bifocals and smiled. “Well, there was the underage drinking, but it’s a little late to charge you with that.”

  His joke did nothing. Jordan kept her mouth shut because she didn’t trust her stomach from emptying its contents. Not that she’d eaten much over the past three days.

  “Jordan. Look at me.” His dark green eyes conveyed concern. “I can’t guarantee I can keep Darrell from hollerin’ up and down the valley, but I will stop him from extortion. The question is, do you want to press formal charges?”

  Jordan wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “I don’t know. It might make him spill his guts sooner. What’s your opinion?”

  “Hard to say. You might wait on formal charges if you continue to have problems. I do think we ought to slap a restraining order on him.” Jordan nodded. “I’ll have my clerk help you fill out the forms after we’re done here. But I intend to pay the boy a visit.” The sheriff picked up another file and tossed it across the desk. “Darrell was livin’ way down in McDowell County and has a long record. A DUI, a couple of breaking and entering, possession of marijuana, and a charge of raping a minor. He got out of the latter. The girl was months away from eighteen, and she and the parents eventually dropped the charges.” He leaned back. “Point being, I don’t need the son of a bitch causing trouble here. While I’ll serve the restraining order, I fully intend to run his ass out of town as quickly as possible.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “It’s none of my business but what about your family?”

  The question was like a dagger through her throat. She eventually choked out the words. “My birthday turned out better than expected. Some of the family’s still in a little shock. Nothing I can’t handle.”

  “Does your mama know about Darrell?”

  Jordan gripped Emmy’s hand. “No, sir. I was hoping you’d be able to help, and I could give her some good news instead of worrying her.”

  “Well, I’ll corner Darrell as fast as possible. He’s bad news and messin’ with you honestly pisses me off. I’ll shut him up the best I can.”

  Jordan smiled at that one. “Thank you, sir.”

  “Hang in there. I’ll be in touch. And good luck with your mama.”

  Jordan was thankful she didn’t lose it and break down. They walked to the car in silence. When Emmy put the key in the ignition, Jordan reached over to stop her.

  “Em. I’d rather face judgment from the town and get it over with.” Jordan cupped Emmy’s face and saw tears. “I know this is hard on you. I’m sorry. You don’t deserve to be dragged through all this drama and bullshit. The thing I’m scared of the most right now is losing you. Please, stay with me.”

  After wiping her eyes, Emmy tucked a strand of Jordan’s hair behind her ear and softly rubbed Jordan’s face with the back of her hand. “It hasn’t been easy, but I think you’re stuck with me. Sure, I’ve had moments where I’ve been pissed with you”—Emmy pulled her into a tight embrace—“but somewhere along the line, I fell madly in love with you.”

  They lingered in each other’s arms for several moments.
Jordan pushed back slightly and caressed Emmy’s face then gave her a long, searing kiss. They were parked in the main lot for the sheriff’s department and the courthouse near the donut shop. Jordan didn’t care if anyone saw. She deepened the kiss then rested her forehead against Emmy’s. They were so close she could feel the fluttering of her eyelashes.

  “I love you, Em.”

  Speaking those three words brought her peace, but as they drove away, she prayed her love would be enough for Emmy. Farther down the road, Emmy turned on the radio and Jordan couldn’t believe her ears. “Learn to Love Yourself” was playing, and once again, the line about love leading home resonated in her heart and mind. It had to be a good omen. How she got so lucky was a mystery but she was determined to conquer her fears, live truthfully, and make this relationship last. She leaned over and kissed Emmy’s cheek.

  Chapter Twenty-six

  Jordan peered out the large picture window. In the dawn of day, a thick fog painted the sky gray and fuzzy, wrapping its tentacles around the forest on the windward slope as the clouds swept over the ridge. Jordan loved the woods and never found the fog menacing like most people. Instead, she took comfort as it enshrouded the house in a tight sheath. Soon, the sun shone brightly lifting the fog, but the wind, moisture, and freezing temperatures worked magic creating rime ice. The brilliant white tiny crystals formed along every branch and twig. The beauty and solitude of nature gave her time to think and regroup her inner strength and focus.

  Five days had slipped by since she’d told Emmy the heart-wrenching story about Karen. Efforts to reach Karen’s parents ended in sorrow. Both were deceased. Guilt still lingered and twisted inside Jordan. Today, she was heading to her mom’s house. Her mother had called upset, requesting they speak, and frankly, Jordan was ready to get it all out. She didn’t know how her mom would react, but she couldn’t control that. Just like other things, she needed to let go.