by Sharon Ihle
Rayna lay in the center of her bed, the mattress occupying the same spot where it had landed when he tossed it to the floor earlier. Although the evening was cool, she wore only a thin cotton nightgown, her sheet and blankets kicked aside. Her glorious hair, loose, kissed by moonlight, spread across her shoulders and over her pillow, a velvet drape trimmed in black mother of pearl. A quick glance out the porthole told Gant there were only around three hours left before dawn. Determined not to waste one more second of those one hundred and eighty minutes, he slipped out of his clothing and lay down beside her.
”Ummm,” she murmured, curling up against Gant’s chilled body. “Hello, at last. I tried to wait up for you, but I fell asleep almost the instant I laid down. I can’t believe how tired I’ve been lately. Where have you been all night?”
As soon as he heard her voice, Gant knew that he’d made a mistake in coming here. He should have gone to his own cabin, left in the morning as planned, never to hold her, touch her, or hear her sweet voice again. It would have been easier that way, for her, too.
“I’ve been working with J.R.,” he finally said, at a loss for words.
Rayna heard something in Gant’s voice, a thing that chilled her beneath the skin. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing worth talking about,” he lied. “I’m a little tired myself. It’s been a long night.”
He gathered Rayna into his arms then, needing all of her warmth, all of her love to help get him past this sudden feeling of futility and desolation. Thinking of the word love, a flash of insight washed through him, a feeling akin to panic. It occurred to Gant that Rayna might have been right about Gypsy curses and their powers. What had he brought down on them if not the wrath of the devil?
“Hold me, Princess,” he whispered against her hair. “Just hold me a while.”
The warnings in Rayna’s highly developed sense of perception went off at Gant’s words, particularly in the almost desperate way he’d said them. She snuggled against him, alarmed by the tension in his muscles, the sense of his deep and terrible pain. What had happened to him after the show? She had no doubt that his family’s sudden appearance had much to do with is state of mind, but what was the one underlying cause? How could she help him through this night?
Gant shivered against her, and Rayna reached for a blanket to cover his shoulders. Pulling his head down to her breast, she softly asked, “Please tell me what’s wrong. I can tell that something is. I feel it.”
Again came the lie along with a fair amount of regret. “It’s nothing, really. I just want to hold you and love you.”
Rayna kissed Gant’s forehead, more alarmed by those words than she’d have been if he’d spoken of his hatred for his family. There was something there, something that frightened her even as it brought her love to the surface. Determined to find out what it was in some way other than words, Rayna snuggled lower on the mattress and brought her head level with Gant’s. Then she pressed her lips to his, seeking his passion, the truth.
When the kiss ended, Rayna fell back on the mattress and welcomed Gant’s head to her bosom. His kiss hadn’t lied, even though she knew now that he had. Something was more than wrong here. She’d tasted fear in that kiss, even a little anger, but worst of all, goodbye.
What in the world could have happened to him?
*
As dawn slithered into Rayna’s cabin, painting her dark hair with ribbons of sunlight, Gant silently got dressed. He tiptoed over to the door, and then turned back for one last look at the woman he loved. Even though her mouth was pinched and her brow furrowed with worry, she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. And she still slept.
“Goodbye,” he whispered under his breath. “I’ll always love you.”
Then he quietly let himself out of the door and headed for the Bailey cabin.
Twenty
Mollie sat quietly in her chair gently rocking William, and paid careful attention to each word of Gant’s explanation. When he finished at last, she planted her feet on the floor, halting the rocker’s motion.
“I am not happy about the idea of losing you,” she said to her partner, “not to mention upset over all the bad that’s happened to your family. I still don’t see why you’ve got to sacrifice yourself.”
Gant paced back and forth in front of her chair. “I wish there were another way, but there isn’t a thing I can do but break them out of jail. As you can guess, after that I’ll be on the run again. A wanted man.”
Deep in thought, she launched the rocker again. “No one knows you’re a Gantry, do they? Why not wear a disguise like J.R. did? Then you can both come back to the circus.”
“Believe me, I’ve considered that.” Gant shook his head. “That deputy really looked me over last night. He’ll remember me well enough when they gather up a posse. Later someone, probably the sheriff, will remember that there were five Gantry brothers a few years back. Sooner or later the law will figure that I’m running with the Gang again. It’s just a matter of time before I’m back on a wanted poster again.”
Mollie sighed in frustration, and then pushed herself out of the chair. “Wait here a minute.”
She ducked out of the room carrying her sleeping baby. When she returned a few minutes later, she was carrying a small packet instead of the child.
Offering the bundle to Gant, she said, “It’s not much, but it’s all we’ve got right now.” Gant took the packet, weighed it, and then guessed, “Money?”
Mollie nodded. “Not much.”
“No.” He tried to hand it back. “You’ll be needing this and more on down river for supplies.”
Mollie ducked out of his reach. “We have last night’s receipts down in the safe, and another week or so to build up our reserves right here in Natchez. Besides, this doesn’t even make a dent toward buying out your half of the partnership.”
“Thanks, Mollie, but no.” Gant said, deeply touched by the gesture. “Our agreement was that I stay on for at least a full season. If everything works out here, I’ll wire you at your winter base in Houston and we’ll work out some kind of payment for what’s due me then.”
Again he tried to return the packet, and again, Mollie brushed it away. “How are you planning to get a couple of horses for you and Lou?” she asked. “Are you thinking of stealing them and adding horse-thieving to your new list of credentials?”
Worn down in so many ways he couldn’t count them, Gant reluctantly shoved the bundle into his pants pockets and then stormed over by the porthole and stared out at the river. “That wasn’t fair,” he muttered.
“None of this is fair,” Mollie snapped, talking to his back. “It’s not fair for any of us. How did Rayna take your leaving this way?”
He hadn’t figured on this part of the conversation and didn’t want to have it now. He continued staring out at the muddy waters.
“Well?” she persisted. “Rayna must be at least twice as angry as I am right now.”
Gant drew in a long breath and let it out as a hiss. Then he faced her again and quietly said, “Rayna doesn’t know, and she isn’t going to know until it’s too late to do anything about it. I’m going to hold you to that.”
“Oh, Gant, you’re breaking my heart. How can you up and walk out on that girl? I got eyes in my head. She loves you and you love her.”
“That’s exactly why I can’t tell her, Mollie.”
She stubbornly folded her arms across her bosom and shook her head. “If you were Gus, I’d take my biggest frying pan to your thick head.”
Gant hadn’t envisioned the conversation taking such an intimate turn, and now that it had, he didn’t like it one bit. Trying to leave on speaking terms with the woman who’d done so much to help turn his life around, while at the same time keeping his deepest feelings to himself, Gant offered a watered down version of the truth.
“I’m not quite as heartless as I sound,” he began. “Rayna and I knew from the start that we wouldn’t be together long. Neither one of us is
exactly the marrying kind. We just didn’t think it would end this soon.”
“That doesn’t explain why you haven’t told her you’re leaving.”
Gant sighed in frustration. “Fine, then. The problem is that I just don’t know how to tell her goodbye. I’m a coward. Are you satisfied now?”
“As a matter of fact, I am.” Mollie beamed. “If that’s all that’s stopping you from going to Rayna, I can help you figure a way to tell her.”
“I don’t want to learn how, not now. I don’t have time.” Gant could see that Mollie was about to come up with another objection, so he cut her off before she could begin. “I can’t say goodbye to her. Leave it at that if you value anything at all about our friendship.”
Mollie shot him a pointed look, an expression that usually preceded one of her lectures, but surprising him, she didn’t say a word. Instead, she followed that silent oration with a short nod.
“Thanks,” Gant said, enormously relieved. “There’s one other thing I’d like to ask of you, something extra special if you don’t mind.”
“I already said that I’d look after J.R. Don’t worry about him. He’s going to be just fine once he’s completely out from under that family of yours.”
“I know that, and don’t think I don’t appreciate your taking him back after what happened in town.” Thinking a little further on down the road, Gant added, “If it even looks like his rejoining the circus is going to bring you any kind of trouble, I’ll make sure he understands that he’s got to pack up and leave. You have my word on that.”
Mollie clucked her tongue. “J.R. shouldn’t be a problem especially if he’s still dressed the way you say he is. No one will connect him with the Great Gantini and his fierce lions. What else is on your mind?”
Gant wheeled around, facing the river again, and gripped the sill with both hands. “I want you to promise me a couple of things.”
Mollie stole up behind him, almost able to see the weight of his great burdens sagging down his broad shoulders. Her voice tinged with sadness, she said, “Sure Gant. Anything you want.”
“It’s Rayna.” Wishing with all his might that the breeze that had swept her name from his lips had the power to blast the pain from his heart, he whispered, “Promise me that you’ll keep an eye on her. Help her learn to be happy again.”
Mollie sighed. “That’s a tall order Gant, but I promise to do the best I can.”
He nodded slowly, solemnly. “And one other thing?”
Although she had a feeling this request wouldn’t be so easy, Mollie said, “Go on.”
“Promise you won’t tell Rayna where I went or why until I’ve had a chance to put a few hundred miles between us. Give me two or three days at the least.”
“Oh, Gant, how am I going to do that?” Mollie circled around to his side, scanning his rigid profile. “I’ll do about anything I can to help, but I don’t see how I can keep this from her.”
“Promise. On our friendship, please promise me.”
Mollie thought of Gus, of the sacrifices they’d both made for each other and because of each other. Knowing how very difficult this one vow would be to keep, she also knew that she could do no less than grant him as much peace of mind as possible before he went off on his terrible mission.
Mollie lightly touched his shoulder. “I promise.”
Gant turned then, smiling for the first time in hours, and kissed her forehead. “Thanks, Mollie. For everything. I’ll be leaving now. Ask J.R. to take care of my things. I’ll send for them when Lou and I get settled in California.”
As Gant strode to the door and turned the knob, Mollie called out to him, tears glistening in her eyes. “You take care of yourself, you hear me, mister?”
Because he heard the waver in Mollie’s voice and knew what he would see if he turned back to her, because he couldn’t be sure at this point what his own reaction would be, Gant merely gave her a short nod in return. Then he ambled across the threshold and slammed the door behind him.
*
Back in her cabin, Rayna woke up with a start. She glanced at the empty pillow beside her, and then over near the door where Gant had dropped his clothing earlier. Knowing in advance what she would find in both cases, she saw that the clothes were gone and so was Gant. Not just from this room. And not just from the ship. Gone from her life.
A sob crawled up her throat and languished there, neither rising to the surface nor sliding back down to its source—her broken heart. She’d known this would happen last night. Even their lovemaking had been bittersweet, a message that had nothing to do with passion or even love, but heartbreak. She’d known then and yet she’d been afraid to voice her concerns. Well, you coward, she thought, now you have your answer. He’s gone. It was over and she didn’t even know why.
Rayna burst into tears, something that seemed to be more the norm for her these days than the rare occurrence it had been in the past. When had she turned into such a hysterical female and why? No wonder Gant had walked out. Reminded again of that reality, Rayna found herself flooded by another round of tears.
Her temper exploding at this sudden sense of helplessness, she grabbed her pillow, heaved it up against the door, and then jumped to her feet. Damned if she was just going to let Gant waltz out of her life. Damned if she wouldn’t at least track him down and demand a few answers. If anyone on this ship knew why Gant had left or where he was going, it would be Mollie.
Fired with determination, Rayna quickly washed the tears from her eyes, brushed out her hair and twisted it into one long braid, and then threw on her clothes. Full of purpose, she marched out of her cabin and went in search of her employer.
*
Mollie had just finished serving her children breakfast in the arena when she saw Rayna barrel her way through the doors. She headed in Mollie’s direction with a very decisive gait.
“Uh, oh,” she muttered to Gus, who was seated across the table from the children. “Here comes trouble.”
Gus glanced up just as Rayna descended on them.
“Good morning,” she said briskly. “May I see you in private for a moment, Mollie?”
“Oh, uh, I was just feeding the little ones. Maybe sometime later in the day?”
Rayna glanced around the table and saw that all the children were well into their meals. Mollie was trying to avoid her and didn’t she just know why.
Unwilling to take no for an answer, Rayna said, “I would not have interfered with your family meal if it weren’t terribly important that I speak to you now.”
Mollie saw that Rayna’s eyes were cool, their clarity and emerald color a match to the deepest mountain pond. In stark contrast, she could almost smell the smoke from the fire that sizzled beneath that cool exterior. The woman wasn’t about to be turned away.
Turning to her husband, Mollie said, “I guess you can finish up with the kid’s meal. Rayna and I are going to go to the office for a little talk. Shouldn’t take long.”
Gus waved her away. “Take all the time you need. These young en’s aren’t going anywhere.”
Muttering to herself, inwardly cursing Gant for the awkward position he’d put her in, Mollie pushed away from the table and led Rayna to the private office behind the dressing area.
Pulling the only chair out from under the desk, she gestured towards it. “Have a seat, girl.”
Rayna remained standing. “Where is he?”
Mollie raised her eyebrows. “He?”
“Gant. He’s gone and I’m quite sure that you know where he went.”
Again Mollie gestured to the chair. “Please sit down. You’re making me nervous.”
Rayna glanced around the tiny office, spotted a well-worn footstool, marched over to it and plopped down. “Now will you tell me where he is?”
Her mouth twisted into a nervous grin, Mollie laughed. “Oh, you know Gant,” she said, tiptoeing around the truth. “He could be just about anywhere.”
Rayna narrowed her eyes, concentrating on the w
oman and her thoughts. Relaxing a little, she smiled and said, “Do you know what it means to be a seer?”
Puzzled by the sudden change in subject, Mollie sank down on the chair she’d offered to Rayna. “I suppose it means something about telling fortunes.”
Rayna nodded. “Yes, but that part is only for the show. I am quite capable at times of actually seeing into the future and reading minds, of sensing things beyond the understanding of most folks.”
“No, kidding?” Duly impressed, Mollie forgot about the problem with Gant and asked, “Have you always been able to do those things?”